I should've slapped her...
It was 1996, which means I was 14 and in year 9.
New schoolyear. My usual class was divided in pupils learning Latin and pupils learning French. I stayed with the French bunch, the Latins left, and a couple of new pupils were added to my class. Among them a girl who hadn't made it to year nine. Which means she was 15.
It didn't take long for said girl to decide that I wasn't into boys or at least not enough, in her eyes. I, on the other hand, had a crush on the boy everyone in my year had a crush on and I guess it was an open secret. Perhaps the mistake was not having a celebrity crush. I don't know.
Back to said girl. Not too long into the new schoolyear, during a break with most classmates present, she shouted at me, that since I wasn't into boys I'd have to be a lesbian.
Back to me. I must've looked like I was sleepwalking. I really didn't know what to make of this exclamation.
I had many thoughts running through my head.
Two years earlier I had taken part in a self-defense course, led by an openly lesbian woman. There was nothing bad I could say about her. She was friendly, open-minded, sympathetic and overall a nice woman.
I was on a mailinglist for a band and some members had come out, so, yes, I knew lesbian and gay folks and I liked them. Their contributions were always insightful, interesting and friendly. While the first member to come out gave me a sleepless night, everything was alright. And the sleepless night was owed to me thinking about what I should do or how I should react. After sometime I decided that the best thing would probably be treating them just like before their comming out. After that I caught some sleep and the next morning everything was back to normal.
I was wondering whether one could "predict" someone's sexual orientation or if that would rather be something to be decided posthumously. Additionally, I was certain that my sexual orientation was "open" as I had not yet had sex with anyone.
And would being a lesbian mean the end of the world? Probably not. It would still be spinning, regardles of who I was.
So I came to the conclusion that, if I were a lesbian, I'd be in good company.
I was being naive, like so many times. I think it took some time until I realised that she meant to slur me. When I was a teenager I used to take things rather literally.
Back to today, nearly 30 years later.
Using lesbian as a slur... still not a thing that would cross my mind. And just another example that what other people say is more telling about them than about you.
Sad thing is, I believe that some, mostly male, classmates took this as a reason to bully me.
I didn't answer anything, just stood there in disbelieve.
I often wondered if things had taken a diffent turn if I had replied something witty or the like. But as time went by I came to the conclusion, that words were nothing that would'Ve made a difference and the best answer would have been to slap her across the face.
Sure, that would've had other implications like her running to a teacher, but, so what... Not doing anything was wrong, too...
What would've been right, anyway?
oben: anta (informeller, rauher)