Love isn't dead anymore
The day I met you was the day I actually didn't really recognize you. I looked at you the way I was supposed to. Distant, respectful, always following your orders. I even had problems remembering your name at the beginning. At that time I was still struggling, not knowing what to do, what was the right way for me. I hit my head against the wall so many times. My heart was still bleeding. Bleeding the crap out of me that just messed me up so much and left me in a miserable condition.
But one day I just opened my eyes and started looking around. It was the day when I realized how interesting you actually can be, wondering why I wasn't able to see that to begin with. I was just too dumbed, too blinded. And still you were many levels above me. That was what I saw back then. But there are things that are just invisible for the human eye. Things that you only can see with your heart. But how are you supposed to see with a broken heart?
I wanted to know you better, hoping to be able to see things clearly again. And yet again I was not sure what you thought about me. I was confused by the way you looked at me, the way you hugged me goodbye. What was I supposed to think about this? Interpretating too much wouldn't make any sense, would it? I tried hard not to. For me it just made no sense. I left the city anyways although I decided to come back again.
I thought about you every now and then since I was gone. For some reason I wanted to meet you again. For some reason I just thought about you when I was thinking of coming back. And still you seemed so distant to me. But it was okay. I didn't want any more either. And then I met you again. The day after I was back. I was not expecting you at that place, but deep inside my heart I was hoping to see you there when I arrived. Trying to ignore that fact, I was just glad to see you again and I could see that you were too.
Starting it over, my mind was free from all the things that used to make me suffer, that caused me nothing but pain. I just wanted to forget the past and look into the future, watching me as I changed the past few months. And I did change. Even more than I was expecting. I could see everything clearly now. Even the fact that I really liked you a lot. More than I was supposed to. And I liked you even more the more I met you, the more we did together. Although it pushed me into a hopeless situation, I was happy with just this. Just seeing you made me happy. I never wanted more. And still...I came one step closer to you...and one more...and one more...
Why wasn't I able to stop? Maybe because I could see what nobody else could see? And I knew there was even more to see that I haven't seen yet. What I've seen so far was simply wonderful. It's true, it's honest, it's perfect. I know, you also suffered a lot, your love has been dead for a while, too. But even if it means to go through hell in order to stay with you, I would do it without any hesitation. Because I know now that my love isn't dead anymore and that you're worth it. And I think there are things that I understand now. Things that I didn't unterstand before. Maybe you will understand one day, too? Whatever will be, I wanna stay with you unless you tell me to leave. There's no reason for me to ever leave you.
Thank you for making me see things clearly now.
I love you
