Chapter 22
About half an hour after leaving the house, Yagami and Anders found themselves standing before the Masked Glass. Soft piano music rang from the inside, the notes gentle yet poignant with emotion. It was different to how she usually heard it, now catching nuances within the tune that conveyed a variety of heavy emotions to her. She tightened her grip on Anders’ hand slightly, who returned the gesture with a smile.
“Come on, Kou.” he whispered to her, beginning to head inside, “We have nothing to fear. There are people here who need to hear from us and we have come for that reason.”
“Yeah.” she muttered, taking a few deep breaths and pre-empting him into entering the establishment. The moment she passed the curtain, an all-too familiar face appeared beside her.
“Welcome, Ms. Yagami. How may I…?”
Maria paused as she inspected the hand that linked with hers, waiting until Anders appeared through the curtain to bow once more.
“Ah, Anders. Good to see you again. I see some things have changed in recent days. How are you?”
To Yagami’s great surprise, he let go of her hand to scribble in his notebook:
- Just fine, thank you. Yagami dragged me here because she won’t let me leave without meeting up with Futaba.
“I see. Well then, Ms. Yagami, your friends are sitting at the far table. If you would follow me.”
Maria turned and began to head down the room, Yagami taking Anders’ hand again and following, though not before shooting him a demanding look that he waved off with a wink. Confused but nevertheless sensing he could be trusted, she let go of her questions and continued walking down until they reached the other end, the corner of which was decorated with a semi-circle of sofa seats, a round table in the middle. There, sitting side-by-side, were none other than Futaba and Rin, seated so they faced the wall. As the two of them reached the table, both occupants looked up towards them. Rin’s expression betrayed the endless crying she had done, deep gouges where tears had travelled apparent. Futaba looked less depressed than angry, her glare solely directed at Anders. He didn’t respond, allowing Yagami to seat herself first across from them. Both women’s eyes were glued to their hands being together, Rin’s eyes growing darker while Futaba’s gained a somewhat shocked glint to them. Once they had all been seated, Maria raised her voice once more while letting a pen dance around her fingers:
“Now then, what would you all like? I haven’t had this many customers in a long time and the first two haven’t ordered anything yet. Any suggestions?”
Before Yagami could refuse, Anders suddenly tensed up. Glancing over in concern, she noticed though how it hadn’t been due to fear, but eagerness. He stared Maria directly into her prismarine eyes and said:
“One ‘Well’, please. For us all to share.”
Ever since entering the Masked Glass for the first time, Yagami had wondered whether it was possible to make Maria surprised so she’d appear less like an unshakable statue. To this day, nothing had done it, not even her begging a few weeks ago. Yet as Maria let her pen fall to the ground, the face she made showed there was a whole other person underneath the calm, composed bartender she roleplayed as. From her raised eyebrows to the slightly parted lips, to the taut lines in her face and the full view of her pupils, there was nothing hiding the fact that she had just been given a serious shock. Anders merely grinned as he saw it, commenting further:
“What’s wrong, Maria? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”
His last few words had been expressed with a teasing tone, waking Maria from her shock and quickly reverting back to her usual indiscernible self.
“Of course. One ‘Well’ for four, coming up.”
She picked up the pen and marched off to the bar, her posture straight but her gait somewhat wobbly. As she slowly came out of earshot, Anders burst into laughter.
“Oh God, that was amazing! Did you see her face? I’ve been staring into those eyes for years and never had I seen her react like that before. That was priceless!”
“So you truly can speak.”
Anders fell silent as Rin’s voice carried over the table, hollow and foreign. It was a tone devoid of energy, merely held up by one’s last remaining speck of confidence. All the excitement that had been in the air vanished in a split second, replaced by a sombre curtain that hung heavy on everyone’s shoulders. Futaba rested a hand on Rin’s shoulder, her own eyes murky with concern.
“Boss. I wasn’t imagining it when you were on the phone. Since when?”
Anders’ expression turned dead serious.
“Since almost three hours ago. Kou was the one who helped me break out of my shell.”
“Yagi did?” Futaba eyed Yagami, who gave a solemn nod.
“Yes, she did. Without Kou, I’d have never dared to move on. It still feels weird to be using your own throat like this, but I’ve gotten more used to it.”
“Then, can you tell me why you did all this? Why quit your job that Yagi fought so hard to get you?”
He grimaced, yet remained steady with his tone:
“It was simple fear. I was afraid of the things I had won over the last month and didn’t want to lose them like last time. So I decided to run away. But I realise the foolishness of my actions now. I spoke with Sayuri and the others.”
“You did?” Futaba’s voice betrayed her astonishment.
“Yeah. I made my peace with them. I won’t let what happened to them drag me down any further. Again, I can only thank Kou…”
“Don’t call her that.”
Anders shut up promptly as Rin’s voice echoed over the table, having gained a hint of anger to it.
“Don’t you dare...don’t you dare use her first name...You don’t have the right…”
“The right?” Anders inquired, “Is the use of someone’s first name an honor only permitted by close friends? Why am I not allowed to use her first name, Rin Toyama?”
“Quiet, you liar. You have no right to interfere. Everything was fine until you came into the picture.”
“Everything was fine, was it? I don’t see there having been anything between you and Kou that should have warranted me being careful around you two.”
“Don’t lie!” she snapped, her voice gaining more and more strength, “You knew exactly what was going on the moment you met us the first time! I know how good you are at reading people and there is no way you didn’t realise what my feelings were.”
Anders didn’t raise his voice, remaining perfectly calm while his body posture stayed relaxed.
“You are correct. I knew that you held romantic feelings for Kou. It was obvious from the way you acted.”
His words stung Yagami, who never realised the intent herself. It took a broken heart to make her recognise the unrequited love that had stood before her for over a decade.
“So why did you interfere? Why did you involve yourself? You had no right to…”
“Toyama, you misunderstand something. This was ‘never’ a matter of permission or not. You and Kou are childhood friends and very close, that is true. You held a crush on her, that is true. But those facts don’t give you any more power than the next person. If it hadn’t been me, it could just as well have been someone else. The only reason nobody ever tried something similar with Kou before was because you drove them off with your overprotective attitude.”
“Overprotective? I was just making sure Kou didn’t get taken away by strangers who approach girls in mystical bars and tell them lies about being mute.”
She glared at Anders with the intensity of a storm, yet he remained steadfast. Yagami grew increasingly uncomfortable, Futaba echoing her reaction. Before the conversation could escalate however, Maria appeared again.
“Pardon me. I have brought your ‘Well’.”
She placed a large ceramic saucer in the middle of the table, decorated with symbols beyond anyone’s understanding. A multicolored row of bottles followed after, placed into hollowed out spaces along the edge of the saucer. Maria set down four small cups, before lowering a ladle on the table. Anders gave an appreciative hum.
“Thank you, Maria. Would you be so kind as to take us through the process of the ‘Well’?”
Her inscrutable eyes rested on Anders for a few seconds, before bowing again:
“Very well. The ‘Well’ is a variant of the ‘Journey’ where multiple people can partake in the emotions present at the table. You may take any of the bottles that have been labeled for you and pour some into the middle while giving your reasons or statement. Once you have finished, the rest may partake in the mixture and thereby understand the feelings of the one who has spoken. It is a slow, but guaranteed method to make your intentions and feelings known. Now if you would excuse me, I must clear the counter.”
She turned and left speedily, making Yagami wonder if she just didn’t want to overhear the argument which was sure to follow. Once they were alone again, Anders smiled and grabbed the ladle.
“There we are. I suggest that anybody with the wish to speak makes use of this. Kou and I have already done this a number of times, but these bottles here truly help others recognise the feelings that tear at you from the inside. You may also not use it, but then it will likely devolve into a grand argument with no foreseeable ending. To begin, how about we ask ourselves a simple question?”
Cocking her head to the side, Futaba asked:
“And what would that be, Boss?”
“Stop calling me Boss already. Anyway, how about asking ourselves what we think of the idea that Toyama should have a monopoly on somebody purely because they have been closer than anybody else in their lives?”
Yagami gave a light groan.
“You said you wanted to talk this out and that’s what you start off with? You’re trying to add fuel to the fire, not put it out.”
He glanced at her with a coy smile.
“Kou, I’m planning on burning this fire until there’s no more fuel left to burn. Anyway, should I start?”
Nobody raised their voice, half of them due to not understanding how this worked and the other because of concern.
“Then, I shall begin. To start off, I don’t feel comfortable about it.”
He grabbed a bottle Yagami recognised as ‘Awkwardness’, pouring a shot into the saucer.
“I prefer to believe that it is one’s own right to choose who to be around with and who to wish to be together with.”
He opened a magenta bottle labeled ‘Confidence’ and added a shot.
“Of course, I can understand Toyama’s feelings. She doesn’t want to lose the person closest to her since a young age. Even if not as a partner, Toyama still cherishes the relationship she has with Kou.”
The bottle of ‘Sympathy’ was used, along with ‘Compassion’.
“Thus, she would try to protect Kou from anyone that would try to get too close with her, as it would mean her own importance to Kou would diminish. At least, that is her belief.”
Rin cringed a bit at that, Anders meanwhile adding a hint of lavender ‘Insecurity’.
“I will not say I don’t sympathise with your feelings, Toyama. I know them all too well.”
A sip of ‘Understanding’.
“But it is why I am against what you are doing. I have already gone through an experience like this once before. Thus, I know what will happen to you should you continue to look at the situation like now. That is why I wish for you to consider the points we make, for it is with your sake in mind. That is all.”
He ended it by adding ‘Awareness’ to the mixture, before taking the ladle and swirling the collage of colours in the saucer. He then took the cups and emptied the saucer into them, before handing them out to everyone. Yagami grasped her cup with more curiosity than worry, sensing the opposite being the case for the other two. She decided to take the lead therefore, taking the first gulp. Immediately her mouth was awash with flavors of every distinction, combinations and peculiarities overwhelming her palate and filling her with the emotions Anders had displayed. She saw similar reactions with Rin and Futaba, both of whom were genuinely shocked by what they were experiencing. One couldn’t blame them. Futaba barely managed to squeeze out a few words after finishing her cup:
“I...what is this…”
“It is merely my emotions poured into one, Futaba.” Anders answered, “You taste each drink, and that translates to the emotion one feels about the question on the table. It is an intriguing way of performing a conversation, is it not?”
“I...I still don’t get how this could be.”
“You’re sitting in the Masked Glass, Futaba. The bar where people go to sort out their problems and feelings, only to return to society feeling refreshed and ready to tackle life once more. What is there to be surprised about? Toyama, how about you? What do you think?”
Rin stared solemnly at the cup, Yagami understanding why. Parts of the drink had been exceedingly strong in comparison to others, likely resonating with the intensity of the emotion Anders held within himself. In particular had been a sour taste that exceeded any lemon, correlating with the ‘Understanding’ bottle Anders had poured in. Yagami understood the reason for it, after having heard the whole story from him. Rin, to some extent, also seemed to grasp it, speaking in a more neutral tone:
“I suppose you aren’t lying then. That sourness...you must have lost someone very important to you.”
“More than that, Toyama.” Anders replied with a low, yet friendly tone, “I believed for years to have lost everything there was of value in life. I only kept myself upright due to guilt and shame. Now however, I have made a choice to move on and leave the past behind me. It is not that I wish to come and disturb that which you have nurtured for years, but that life merely acts in ways nobody can predict. I had been a fan of Yagami Kou’s work for years and never expected to ever come across her. The fact that I did within this very bar was a miracle on its own. And it’s a meeting I never would have not wanted. I wish to show you something as well, if you’re alright with it. It concerns the ‘proof’ you wanted from me.”
Rin glanced up in surprise, her disheveled appearance somewhat improved from before. Anders rummaged in his jacket pocket and drew out the papers he had taken from his house, revealed to have been photographs. He angled the first one so that everyone could see it, none of them able to stifle a gasp.
There, situated at the living room table Yagami had seen an hour prior, sat a very familiar group of people. Anders sat on one side, Sayuri opposite to him while Yumina occupied the seat next to her. Yumina, against Yagami’s expectations, looked almost completely average. A simple black haircut, shoulder length and hanging loosely down, accentuated a wide face with freckles that told of a life spent in the sun. Her nose bent upwards a bit at the tip, while her teeth showed a small gap in the front. In total, she didn’t come across as particularly pretty. Yet, the gaze Sayuri gave her in the picture conveyed more than needed to be known. Erik and Takamura were also seated at the table, in the middle of some heated argument which involved a lot of gesturing. Anders, meanwhile, sat at the table with a contemplative expression, his fork firmly upright on his plate and being balanced by his finger. There was no outright sadness in his eyes, merely a forlorn look that indicated he was lost in thought. Seeing the picture in its entirety, Yagami recognised that it must have been taken around the time that Anders was close to revealing the divide which had begun already.
As she tore her eyes from the picture, she noticed Futaba gazing at it with a mixture of unhappiness and melancholy. She looked like somebody who had been told a tragic news story and hoped for it not to be the case, only to find out it had been the truth all along. A wave of sympathy washed over Yagami as she realised that Futaba had been actively involved with the events of the two families for as long as she had been in the job. The reveal must be a lot more conflicting for her.
Rin’s gaze meanwhile, hid any emotion apart from intrigue. She intently eyed every person in the photo, before asking:
“Who are these people? Your family?”
Anders chuckled to himself.
“Yes, indeed. A big, happy family. My mother took the picture so she isn’t visible here. But what you see was the family that I had before an accident six years ago tore half of these people from this realm.”
Rin’s eyes widened slightly.
“You don’t mean…?”
“Dead, Toyama. I was in a car crash with my mother and the two women you see here. The black-haired woman was called Yumina while the other one was...Sayuri, my wife.”
Blank shock enveloped Rin’s features as the truth struck her, Yagami again unable to hide a cringe as she thought back to the reveal she herself had earlier today. The most striking difference this time however was Anders’ composed expression, as if recalling a simple memory.
“I was the only survivor, and for that I hated myself. I believed there was no point in me living. Yet, I barely scraped by with believing that my death would only sadden Sayuri more. What I neglected to tell you is that Yumina, who also passed away, was halfway through taking Sayuri from me.”
“She what?” Rin exclaimed loudly, evidently having a hard time believing his words.
“It’s true. Yumina was nothing more at first than a vagrant soul who decided to join the same workplace as me and Sayuri. Yet, within only a few months, she became a fixed member of our family, growing closer with Sayuri every day to a point where I almost couldn’t catch up. This was after our second year of marriage. And I was aware of it.”
“Aware of...then why didn’t you do anything about it?”
“I never said I didn’t do anything. I tried, and it ended up with three people losing their lives. Granted, it can’t be said that only bad things happens to those who try, but for me it was an absolute truth. I thought that my happiness was not something to be desired, thus I focused my efforts on helping others. Futaba here is one of many that I’ve helped, though I’m honestly torn whether that was due to kindness or me being merely too much of a coward to face my own demons.”
He moved to say more, before being interrupted by Futaba slamming her cup on the table. All eyes turned to her, who glared at Anders with enough ferocity to silence a storm.
“Boss, just shut up for a second. I’ve got a question to answer here.”
Anders gave an astonished look, before something flashed behind his eyes and he grinned.
“Sure. Go ahead. Saucer’s waiting to be used.”
“Good. Now then, my question is ‘What do the people that Boss has helped think of his previous statement?’.”
“Wha..?” he began, only to be stopped by a furious uproar coming from Futaba’s hand:
“Like hell that’s the case!”
The words had come from enough voices to form a small army, Yagami and Anders stunned by the noise as Futaba raised her hand to reveal her phone, opened to a group call with at least a dozen people included. Yagami briefly wondered how she was even doing it when she sneaked a glance at the counter, catching Maria staring at them with unbridled interest while drying a shot glass.
“Of course she would.” she mumbled, Anders still speechless as an elderly voice rang out amongst the others. Yagami barely linked it to the woman behind the Kerzo reception desk:
“Anders, you can’t be serious! After my husband passed away, I was without a chance for a job because of my knees and without any children to support me! You found me and offered me the reception desk all so I could retain the memory of my husband and live on for his sake. What else is there but kindness in such an action?”
“And what about me?” a familiar voice came on, Yagami recognising it as Mizore’s, “I was ready to give up my dream in order to save my family when you stepped in. You not only guaranteed me a chance Anders, but even helped my family survive until my father could get hired! You did that after I spilled a bowl of boiling beef stew on you! How is that nothing but kindness?”
“Mr. Tansuke!” Makimura’s voice suddenly rose from the phone, “I owe you my life! Had you not approached me after I resigned, I’d have killed myself just to be with my mother! You taught me to enjoy life in her stead and to not falter in times of difficulty! It’s time you took the same advice, don’t you think?”
Anders was unable to move or even speak, frozen in place as more and more people piled their stories on his shoulders, each one as touching and genuine as the one before it. His shoulders slowly began to tremble as the list of people went on and on, surely having passed a dozen by now but still not ending. Yagami caught tears beginning to pile up in his eyes, holding his hand in her own as she pressed herself against him in support. As the final voice fell silent, Futaba cleared her throat in a declarative manner:
“And don’t forget me! Me, the everlasting third wheel in every meeting, every group discussion, the acclaimed ‘Princess of the department’! Nobody back home ever took me seriously, pushing paperwork and sweet praises on me just because they knew I couldn’t voice my opinion against them! I had a dream of one day leading my own team and designing the things I wanted, but that nearly slipped my grasp! I didn’t want that! I couldn’t stand it! And then you swoop in from nowhere, piling mission after mission on my shoulders not because you wanted to use me, but because you wanted to train me! Thanks to you, I finally made it all the way here, with my own voice and my own actions! Without you, I could never have held my promise to Yagi and Rin and look! I achieved it! All because of you and your unforgiving kindness!”
Anders’ tears now began to run freely, staining his collar as he tried to restrain them in vain. Futaba herself began to tear up as she took a deep breath, her voice shaky but still filled with energy:
“All this time, you’ve helped us out time and time again, never asking for a single thing in return but merely wanting us to be happy with our lives! All the while, we knew you carried so much weight on your shoulders. Yet, you wouldn’t let us come close or help you! You fought and strived for our sakes, but always ignored what was best for you. Well this time, there’s no escape! You got the job with Eagle Jump that you wanted! You got to meet the Yagami Kou you always admired! You have the world at your fingertips again! Do not waste your chance to find your own happiness for once, you big idiot!”
Futaba reached out and grabbed the largest bottle of the selection, marked as ‘Gratitude’. It took a moment for Yagami to recognise it being the same color as Anders’ and her eyes.
“I, Futaba, Uchimaki, Manager of Kerzo Marketing, friend of Yagami Kou and Rin Toyama, hereby declare that the only emotion we all feel for you is gratitude and a wish for you to be happy!”
She ripped off the head of the bottle and poured the entirety into the saucer, the rich fluid flying as it swam along the edges of the container but always remained inside despite the force. Once it was emptied, Futaba placed both her hands on the table and bowed down fast enough to crash her head against the surface.
“Boss… no, Anders Tansuke, thank you, from the bottom of our hearts!”
The phone resounded with a multitude of hits, likely coming from everyone who repeated the gesture on the other end. Yagami was amazed beyond words at Futaba’s display, who stubbornly remained in her position while Anders gazed at her with an indescribable expression. Then, as silence slowly overtook them, Anders gingerly raised his hands and grabbed the saucer, the action enough to bring Futaba to raise her head.
“Boss?”
He raised a finger to halt her, pulling the phone towards himself so it was right below him. He then placed the saucer on his lips and began to drink, taking loud gulps so that everyone could hear it. He didn’t give pause, drinking every single drop of the fluid until nothing remained. He slowly lowered the saucer onto the table, before giving a sigh that surely bore the presence of more people than just the man who had exhaled.
“So,” he began, sounding fully satisfied, “this is what it feels like to be filled with gratitude. Funny how it can be both symbolic and literal. Everyone, I have one final thing to say to you all.”
Nobody said a word, remaining dead silent as Anders cleared his throat and held the phone to his mouth:
“I, Anders Tansuke, hereby relinquish all doubts I might have had from my past. I have heard your words and I can only say that I couldn’t be more blessed to have gotten to know you all. I thank you with every fiber of my being for the support you have provided for all this time. Thank you all for not having forgotten me. I am determined to continue my job at Eagle Jump, and to pursue a new life with new opportunities. I look forward to seeing what your lives will bring in future. That will be all!”
A unified sound of approval came from everyone in the call, Futaba taking the phone afterwards to thank them and end the call. As she put the phone down she looked tired, far more tired than Yagami had ever seen her be. She gave a deep sigh and leaned backwards, closing her eyes and not moving. As her breathing slowed down, Rin shot her a concerned look, checking her pulse before breathing a sigh of relief.
“Thank goodness, she just fell asleep. She must have used up all her courage and energy doing that.”
“She is an amazing woman, that’s for sure.” Anders commented, having dried his own tears and watching Futaba with a great deal of pride in his eyes,” I knew I had struck gold when she came through that first day with me.”
“Yes, she truly is.” Rin murmured, her eyes somewhat distant as she took off her coat and covered Futaba with it, “I can hardly recognise her as the soft-spoken girl who me and Kou met in high school all those years ago.”
It could have been her imagination, but Yagami thought she saw a light blush on Rin’s cheeks as she said those words. Her suspicions were pushed aside though as Anders addressed her:
“Kou, you truly have a great junior. I think I can leave her without worry in running Kerzo from now on. Who knows, maybe she’ll climb even higher one day.”
“Nah,” she immediately answered, “Fuba always knew what she wanted. If she wanted an ice cream, she got an ice cream. If she wanted a part-time job, she would get a part-time job. She might have been quiet, but her stubbornness was always top-quality.”
“I see. In any case, I think we’ve gotten a bit off-track, haven’t we Toyama?”
Rin slowly turned to face Anders, her expression a window into the major conflict in her mind. She fumbled with her fingers, before beginning to talk in a much more polite tone than before:
“It seems you have a lot more to show than you originally let on, Anders. And here I thought you were simply a back-stabbing businessman with the intent to steal my best friend from me.”
Anders gave a chuckle, Rin oddly enough sharing in with it while Yagami remained quiet, unsure what to do with the dark undertone their voices carried.
“Believe me, Toyama,” he began, “the last thing I wish is to steal something from anyone. I do believe though that my part in this has been settled. I was never the one you wished to speak to, right?”
He concluded his sentence by patting Yagami on the back, making her aware of what he wanted from her. She swallowed audibly as Rin’s exhausted expression focused on her. She hated seeing Rin like this, torn, frightened, angry. It was everything she feared herself would happen between them and that had become reality. Yet, Anders’ gentle touch on her shoulder gave her the strength to express herself:
“Rin, when I first ran after you at the cemetery, I wanted to apologise.”
“For what, Kou?”
For a moment, Rin looked genuinely confused. It made the next few sentences all the harder for Yagami:
“For not having kept my promise. I told you I would give you an answer and I failed in it. Instead you saw me in the cemetery and received the news in the worst possible way.”
Rin’s gaze lowered itself a bit, downcast being the only way to describe her at this moment in time.
“So it’s true then? You and Anders…”
Yagami nodded while being unable to hide her blush.
“We’re… together now. But that’s not what I wanted to talk about with you. I want to be as clear here as I possibly can.”
“Well?” Rin’s tone was already signalling defeat, something which Yagami couldn’t allow herself to last.
“Rin, do you remember what I told you after you confessed to me this morning?”
“How could I not? It’s been replaying in my mind to the point where I want to shoot myself.”
The dark humor did not strike well, Anders visibly cringing at it. Yet Yagami soldiered on, refusing to lose what progress she had.
“I told you then that I would give you an answer. I plan on sticking through with it.”
“So what are you waiting for? I’ve already lost you, it can’t hurt to hear it from your mouth.”
Having to swallow a sudden surge of anger, Yagami continued while keeping her head bowed.
“Rin, I’m sorry. I can’t accept your feelings. I already found someone.”
“Clearly.”
The sour tone Rin was using was slowly grating on Yagami’s nerves, yet she fought the urge to snap back.
“But I also promised you that, no matter what my answer would be, that I wanted to keep our friendship. You’re too important for me to simply let you go.”
“Important?” Rin’s voice had turned snarky, “So I’m too important for you? Where was that importance when I find you happily frolicking with ‘him’ at the graveyard? What part about that smile I saw on your face showed how ‘important’ I was to you? Well?”
“Rin, please. Don’t use that tone with me. I never wanted to hurt you. I wanted to give you a clear answer. Things just...escalated out of control.”
“Oh, so now things were ‘out of control’ for you? I suppose it’s always alright as long as the great Yagami Kou can sit down and tell people whatever she wants just so that people feel better until the next day? As long as you get to talk, it’s always alright, is it?”
“That’s not fair, Rin. Please, let me explain myself.”
“Why bother? The results of whatever you were up to are sitting before me. Anders got the girlfriend he always wanted and he’s got all the support he ever wanted. You get a handsome boyfriend with the ability to do seemingly anything and who cares ‘so’ much about you. But what do ‘I’ get, Yagami? What do I end up with from all this?”
Out of all the hurtful things Rin had said up to this point, the one that stung the most was her use of ‘Yagami’ instead of ‘Kou’. Yagami sensed tears beginning to form in the depths of her tear ducts, fighting them back as she pleaded:
“You can’t think like that, Rin. It’s true, I ended up getting together with Anders before you. And yes, I do love him, something I can’t do for you. But I never wanted to lose the closest person to me. We helped each other out so much over the years, why do you suddenly feel the need to run away from me?”
Rin’s skin color had gained a couple shades of red. She slowly stood up and glared at Yagami with a stare that cut daggers into her heart.
“Why? Maybe because the person I thought I could always be with all this time suddenly decides to abandon me without a second thought? Right after I open myself up and profess everything to her? All my feelings, all my thoughts, I bared it all for you. And you just go and grab yourself a boyfriend less than two hours after all that? Just what…”
Her hands gripped the table hard enough to make the wood creak, the whites of her knuckles protruding clearly.
“Just what part about that doesn’t sound hurtful to you? You shattered my heart after all this time that I waited!”
“I never wanted to do it like this!” Yagami yelled back, standing up herself, “I wanted to give you an answer, I swear! I just…”
“You just what? Decided ‘oh, I feel like I could use a partner in life? Hmm, maybe I should go for the hot, considerate ex-convict who I just got assigned next to me so we can flirt whenever we want’?”
Yagami gave a shocked gasp from herself.
“Rin, how could you?”
“Tell me I’m wrong, Yagami! Tell me what part of everything you’ve done since meeting Anders wasn’t about trying to get closer to him, to get to know him better? I’ve seen you when you talk about him, that faraway look in your eyes like you’re imagining some great hero. I know, because that’s how I looked at you for all this time! Those eyes had been staring you in your face for over a decade and you never so much as bothered to look closer! Instead, you wander off on a month-long manhunt for some guy you met in a bar! How am I important in any way to you compared to that?”
Every word, every syllable. They tore into Yagami, draining her of confidence and resolution. She wanted to cry, she wanted to scream. Yet barely any sound came out of her throat as she gazed back into Rin’s furious eyes, the fire behind them both filled with anger but also pain. Yagami wished to break through the anger, to grab what pain Rin held and remove it, yet she couldn’t muster the courage to speak up. She felt her arms tremble with fear as she understood just how close she was to fully losing her closest friend, the person who had supported her through so much of her life.
Then, like an electric shock, she sensed something brush her hand, looking down to see one of the pictures Anders had brought with him. She sent him a questioning look, but all he returned was a smile containing all the comfort in the world. Taking strength from it, she briefly inspected the picture and knew that it was something she could use to make Rin understand.
“Rin. One more time. Will you listen to me one more time?”
Her expression didn’t change for the most part, though it reduced a shade in intensity. She sat back down and crossed her arms, glowering with fury.
“Make it quick. I’m not keen on wasting time in outlandish places like this.”
“Thank you.” Yagami responded with genuine, heartfelt gratitude. Rin’s face showed the slightest hint of cracking, though it soon reverted back to its previous impermeable self.
“I’ve said time and time again how I want to make it clear to you how important you are to me. When I first entered Eagle Jump and got caught up in all the bullying, I felt like I had no place to belong. The stares, the insults, they piled up on my back like iron weights, refusing to let go. I constantly felt like burying my head into the ground, if only to relieve myself of all the pressure and pain I suffered. But then, you came to my rescue.”
Yagami couldn’t help but smile warmly as she recalled the memories.
“You stood up to every single one of the employees and bit back with venom in your voice. You disciplined them for their childishness, you told them off for acting immaturely. You showed more strength those days than I ever could have hoped to show. I was only a stupid kid who could draw well. But you, you had everything you needed to make it in the world. Strong-worded, proud, independent. You were my idol back then and without you, I would never have made it in the company.”
Larger cracks began to appear in Rin’s facade, before solidifying again. She curtly muttered:
“Get to the point.”
Yagami took a deep breath, before turning the picture around so Rin could see it.
“Here. Look closely.”
Rin’s eyes briefly flickered over to the picture, before instantly being glued to it. Yagami could understand why, for the scene it painted was in no way pleasing.
The photo displayed Anders in what appeared to be a hospital bed, being seated upright while alone in the room. The picture must have been taken from the door, based on the angle, and from a considerable height. Anders’ arms laid outstretched on the bed sheets, covered in thick casts that made them appear thrice as wide than usual while his hands were invisible underneath all the wrapping. His head was covered in bandages, obscuring most of his hair and face. Yet, it couldn’t distract from the horrifying visage that Anders displayed in the picture. If his expressions earlier today had been haunting, this one was downright terrifying. It not only lacked emotion, but seemed to lack any resemblance to being human. Deep lines drew dark shadows across his ash grey face, his eyes sunken in and without any light in them. Had it not been for the posture, one could have mistaken him for being dead. It had hurt to see this side of him, but Yagami understood why Anders wanted her to show it to Rin. Said person was having difficulty tearing herself from the picture, only able to listen as Yagami began to speak:
“You know what this picture is about, we don’t need to get into the background. But look closely at the face Anders is making here. That face...that exact face is what I want to stop from happening with you.”
“Me?” Rin’s mumbled in confusion, “Why would I look like this?”
“That’s not the face of a person who suffered a car accident, Rin. That’s not the face of a person who lost his family. That right there is the face of a person who believed that everything in life that he cherished was stolen from him, without his consent or regard. The same thing you’ve been spouting about for the last ten minutes. You keep talking about how betrayed you feel, how hurt you are for me not recognising your feelings. Well there’s more to life than your own perspective, Rin!”
Now it was Rin’s turn to look shocked, though Yagami didn’t give her room to speak:
“You can complain and whine all you want about the way things are, but some things just can’t be changed so that you’re happy about it. It might be painful, it might even break you. But you need to be able to stand up and accept other people’s decisions! I chose to be together with Anders! That was my decision to make, not yours! Anders decided to accept the relationship Yumina and Sayuri were having, not because he liked it but because he respected the decision of both women! There are many things in life that we want, yet we can’t reach them all. You wanted to be together with me, I get it! But that can’t happen now. And if you go on thinking like you’re doing right now, you’ll only end up like Anders in this picture. Lost, frightened, refusing to accept any happiness for yourself just to avoid getting hurt again. There’s no life in that, Anders here proved it! Do you really want to cut me from your life, just because you didn’t get your way?”
At this point, Rin’s mask was close to slipping altogether. Yagami knew she only had to push a bit more to reach her, putting all her hopes in her conclusion:
“I don’t want things to be the way they were before, Rin, I couldn’t do that to ourselves. I want us to continue to be friends, despite what’s happened. Not because I think of you as only a friend, not because it’s more convenient for me that way. But because I love you for who you are! And I can’t stand seeing the face of my closest friend when she is so hurt! Especially due to my own decision!”
It was instantaneous. The moment Rin’s facade broke completely was the moment Yagami’s last strand of restraint snapped. Both women fell into tears, their sobs echoing through the bar without being held up. Yagami sank back into her seat while fighting the endless streams running down her face, Rin’s sobs her only indication that she was in the same situation. A warm embrace took hold of Yagami’s body, her looking up to find Anders watching her with approval in his eyes. He made space for her to exit, nodding with his head towards Rin. She took the hint and knelt next to Rin, who was still occupied with stopping her own tears. Yagami gingerly reached out and touched Rin’s shoulder, making her jump in surprise and stare deep into Yagami’s eyes.
“Rin.” she said with whatever courage she had left, “Please. Can you forgive me? Can you forgive me for having hurt you so much?”
Wide-eyed with shock, Rin’s gaze continued for what felt like an eternity, the tears still falling in the meantime. Eventually, Rin’s mouth curved upwards into a smile, before turning into a chuckle that left Yagami speechless.
“Even now.” Rin began, wiping her soaked sleeve against her eyes, “Even now, you continue to care about me. After everything, you’re still there.”
“Rin, of course I am. I…”
But Yagami fell silent as Rin raised a hand.
“I can’t forgive you Kou. Not as the woman who loved you all this time. I just can’t.”
Doom settled in Yagami’s heart as she broke eye contact, gazing down at the floor in defeat. She therefore never expected it when Rin lifted her head with a hand, only to embrace her in a hug that felt all too familiar.
“But as your best friend, I think I can try. I won’t let you off easy for breaking my heart like that, but I can accept your apology at least.”
Yagami’s eyes became as large as saucers, before she gripped Rin in the tightest hug she had ever given in her life. She felt fresh tears spring to life as she continued sobbing into Rin’s shoulder, mumbling into her shirt:
“Thank you, Rin. Thank you, thank you.”
Rin gently stroked Yagami’s hair, the motion nostalgic as the latter recalled how Rin had comforted her all those years ago when she had broken down due to the bullying.
“Oh come now, what would you do without me? Who had to get you out of bed every morning just to appear at work on time? Don’t forget all those times I had to get you up in the office. Seriously, what kind of person just sleeps in their underwear like that on purpose?”
“Hey now,” Yagami retorted while easing herself from Rin and staring directly into her eyes, “you’re one to talk. You tried the same thing last week and showed no problem with it.”
“That was a one-time thing.”
A bright blush decorated Rin’s cheeks as she tried to defend herself.
“What did you expect me to do, having just kissed you out of nowhere? Just pretend like it never happened and go home?”
“Fair point.” Yagami answered with a laugh, Rin joining her in it as they supported each other. Once they had calmed down a bit, Yagami took her sleeve and began to wipe off the wet patches on Rin’s face.
“Oh God Rin, you look like a complete mess.”
“You’re one to talk, Kou.”
“Quiet you!”
Another shared giggle between them, before Yagami embraced Rin again and whispered in her ear:
“Thank you, Rin. For not giving up on me.”
Rin’s body shook slightly, before she returned the gesture.
“I won’t be able to accept it so easily yet, Kou. But I promise you I will try to overcome this as best I can.”
“I know you will. You have an inspiring junior to watch over you after all.”
“What?” was all Rin could say before Futaba’s voice rang out:
“So I guess that’s my cue to wake up, huh?”
Anders was the first to speak up as the two women broke apart to see Futaba fully awake, giving a sly glance at Rin in the meantime:
“You were awake the whole time, don’t deny it. You just wanted to fish for compliments.”
“Hey now Boss, nothing wrong with demanding a little bit here and there.”
“I never said it was unfounded. Just that you’re a scheming little rascal.”
“Coming from you, that’s rich.”
The two of them glared each other down like rivals, before they both smirked at each other.
“Anyway Rin, looks like you two did manage to fix your issues, huh?”
“Fuba…” Rin began, quickly trying to clean herself up in the meantime, “Yeah, you could say that.”
“Good, because I was ready to bash your heads in if you were going to try and beat around the bush. I can’t be having my seniors squabble like schoolgirls, it puts out a bad example.”
Yagami wanted to retort, only to be superseded by Anders’ cocky tone:
“Face it, you were about to cry the whole time as well. I saw the tears all the way from over...Ouch!”
He swore as he rubbed his leg under the table, the only indication having been a dull thud. Futaba huffed, crossing her arms while a pink hue decorated her face. Rin giggled as she pulled Futaba into a hug, the latter of whom gave a squeak of surprise.
“Fuba, thank you.” Rin’s muffled voice echoed from Futaba’s shoulder.
“W-what for?”
“For being there for me. Had you not arrived beforehand, I would never have tried to reason with Kou again. I was so angry that nothing mattered anymore. You broke that spell and for that, I’m so grateful to you. You are truly an adult. Far more than me.”
A crimson colour began to creep into Futaba’s expression as she fumbled for words.
“I-I didn’t do that much! I just couldn’t leave you like that, so I came as soon as I could. You’re praising me too much.”
Her blush only increased as both Yagami and Anders giggled, glaring at both of them.
“What?”
“Nothing.” Anders answered in a sing-song manner, Yagami meanwhile seating herself next to him again. He glanced down and gave her a grin.
“So, mission accomplished?”
Her answer was a tired sigh while leaning her body against his.
“Like you wouldn’t believe it. I need a drink though after that.”
Out of nowhere, a melodious voice rang across the table:
“I think I can help with that.”
Everyone at the table turned to see Maria with a platter in her hands, the platter holding five crystal glasses with identical ‘Journeys’ mixed in with them. Anders was the first to speak up:
“Had enough of eavesdropping, Maria?”
She gave him a look that should have been neutral, though Yagami swore she saw a pout in it.
“I have no idea what you are referring to, Anders. I merely wish to give you all a drink to celebrate your successful reunion. What you have accomplished here is most unusual between humans. Many often cannot look beyond their own interests and thus remain ‘locked behind bars’ when it comes to rescuing old friendships. The fact that you have all succeeded is a worthy thing to celebrate. Excuse me.”
She placed the glasses on the table while removing the cups and saucer, before clasping her hands and announcing with a strangely amused tone:
“Now then, it is time for you all to make an ‘Attempt’.”
“Attempt?” Yagami inquired, while noticing Rin and Futaba trying to fix their appearances.
“Yes. Here before you are the emotions that all of you currently hold within you after recent events. The question, however, is whether you can figure out which one belongs to whom. I have placed them down in a random order and even I don’t know which one is which. So this will be a test to see whether you can grasp the feelings of one another.”
All eyes began to settle on the glasses in anticipation, Yagami unable to subdue her swallowing, when Anders commented with a humored undertone:
“You’re also joining that round? Isn’t that dangerous, what with your constant masking?”
“That is very rude Anders.” Maria remarked while pushing back a strand of hair from her forehead, “I merely wish to cement the relationship you four have been able to rescue. You all deserve nothing less than praise.”
“I see.” was his answer as he picked up the first glass, “Then, everyone, please take one and see for yourselves who you get. Try not to grimace too much, it ruins one’s natural beauty.”
Rin and Futaba both looked completely bewildered by the comment, while something clicked in Yagami’s mind. She grabbed one of the glasses and readied herself when the smell struck her. It didn’t cause her to keel over in nostalgia, but it was unmistakable what had been put in it. She couldn’t help but stare at Maria in shock.
“No way. You put ‘that’ in?”
“Whatever could you mean, Ms. Yagami? It is merely a ‘Journey’.”
Maria shrugged off her questioning glance while grabbing a glass as well, the other two following suit. Once they were all ready, Anders raised his own and declared:
“I propose a toast. To the people at this table who have fought hard to remain at each other’s side through all this.”
Nobody disagreed, raising their glasses in unison and taking the first swig. The moment the drink touched Yagami’s lips, she nearly yelled in surprise. The drink was far stronger than she was used to, causing her eyes to water slightly. Soon after, she was bombarded with waves of emotion, some familiar from previous drinks while others were completely new to her. Her body underwent shivers as one sensation moved to the next, requiring her to put the glass down to prevent it slipping from her grasp. Gritting her teeth, she raised the glass once more and downed the rest in one go.
She immediately regretted it, as the sip from before was but a fraction of what she just swallowed. She nearly collapsed on the table as she tried to remain upright, her mind suddenly awash with sensations beyond description or understanding. The world grew dark for her, no sounds coming into her ears while even touch began to fail her. She began to panic before an irresistible urge drew her into complete silence.
