Escape from your siblings (Part 2) “Lincoln Loud where are thou?“
Oogie: (sings) “What is new Maniak?“
Maniak: “I will not sing this song with you.“
Oogie: “But you like Scooby-Doo.“
Maniak: “Yes, but not the band who is singing the intro for “What’s new Scooby-Doo“. “
Oogie: “In that case let us sing the intro of the 2003 T.M.N.T. Series.“
Maniak: “What has this to do with this story?“
Oogie: “Nothing but it is a nice song.“
Maniak: “This is getting us nowhere. We thank ultrablud2 for his continuing good work.“
Oogie: “And for the people who want to know about Mexico: Very nice place, nothing to complain.“
Maniak: “But the prices for lemons were an affront!“
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Chapter 10:
Escape from your siblings (Part 2)
“Lincoln Loud where are thou?“
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Lincoln jumped out of the shadows and threw Luna some cinder into her eyes before she could really process that Lincoln just appeared from the chimney.
“My eyes!” Luna shouted in shock and rubbed them. “You blinded me with cinder!”
Lincoln started to run, slid under Lori’s legs on his knees, jumped over Lola, dodged a tackle by Lynn and ran away from them.
“Spread out and get him!” Lori ordered in her most militaristic tone, sounding even more like a nasty drill sergeant than in the past. “Don’t let him escape! Luna, give us some chase music!”
Luna, who had wiped the cinder out of her eyes, got her guitar ready. “You got it sis.” She started to play a song she thought would suit this situation best.
Another day is going by
I'm thinking about you all the time
But you're out there
And I'm here waiting
He ran into the kitchen, trying to hide in the cupboard under the sink.
“Got you!” exclaimed Lynn who had somehow managed to get there before Lincoln, donning a pair of boxing gloves now.
“I will knock you out with my unending love!” she announced and threw her right hand at Lincoln’s head. He dodged it and stuffed a bucket on the tomboyish sportster’s head before escaping from the cupboard.
“I will not kick this bucket, but your ass!” Lynn shouted angry with a voice muffled by metal. “I will kick yours with love!”
And I wrote this letter in my head
Cuz so many things were left unsaid
But now you're gone
And I can't think straight
Lincoln got back into the dining room where he was confronted by Leni who was armed with a fishing net in her hands. As she spotted him she smiled happily and swung the net in Lincoln’s direction to capture him.
“Be nice and come into the net, Lincoln Lungfish,” Leni requested friendly. “I have a nice large aquarium for you.”
“I can’t, I am a free flounder!”
He ducked under the net and sidestepped Leni’s next swing. To get rid of her, Lincoln jumped on her head.
“Got you!”
As Leni swung again, Lincoln was gone and the net was over half of her body.
“Sorry, Leni Lungfish, you got inter the net!”
Before shoving the rest of that net down to her feet and softly nudging Leni to the ground, Lincoln criticized himself for the bad pun Luan would have made in such a situation.
This could be the one last chance
To make you understand
It was insane. He had fought with his sisters and fled from them before, but this time was scarier than all times before.
I'd do anything
Just to hold you in my arms
To try to make you laugh
Cuz somehow I can't put you in the past
I'd do anything
Just to fall asleep with you
Will you remember me?
Cuz I know
I won't forget you
The twins were hanging from the ceiling over the large bed of their parents with plungers, preparing a trap for Lincoln. Lola looked like always but Lana was wearing an ascot because Leni had told her once that all great trap makers wore ascots. She didn’t want to argue with Leni and she liked the ascot she had given her anyway.
“Will this trap work?” asked Lola. “Do we even know if he will come in here?”
“I doubt he will suspect a trap here,” explained Lana. “Good thing that I started this trap some days ago.”
“Why did you put a trap over the bed of mom and dad?”
“In case a wild animal breaks into our house and sleeps on their bed while they are away,” explained Lana her slightly younger sister.
“Only you could have an idea like this.”
Together we broke all the rules
Dreaming of dropping out of school
The door was thrown open and Lincoln came in.
“Now watch, the trap is ready,” Lana said. “When he steps onto the bed-”
Lincoln jumped onto the bed and nothing happened.
The two stared in amazement while Lincoln looked around for any signs of danger.
“Why didn’t he trigger the trap?” Lana whispered. “It is foolproof!”
“Not foolproof enough for your brain!”
The two twins climbed into the upper-half of the trap and looked at the different invisible cords of the construction as Lori came rushing into the room.
And leave this place
To never come back
“Stop Lincoln!”
Lincoln jumped from the bed as Lori was jumping on it. Lori was heavier as Lincoln. A fact she had no problem with, but the trap on the bed had. Lana had made the trigger not sensitive enough for Lincoln’s weight, but it was enough for Lori.
She triggered the trap and the bedsheet’s four corners were quickly pulled up by the invisible cords. The sudden movement of the cords brought also an imbalance to the twins and they got yanked from their plunger’s cords and onto Lori.
Seconds later, all three hang from the ceiling, the blanket wrapped to a bag around them and closed by invisible cords. Muffled angry sounds and fighting noises were heard and the blanket bag also bulged and moved a lot as if it was filled with angry animals.
“If one creates a bedsheet trap for you, they may hang in it itself with their twin sister and older sister later,” Lincoln quoted something he had just invented and said for the first time.
So now maybe after all these years
If you miss me have no fear
I'll be here
I'll be waiting
On the stair he encountered Luna. She was too distracted by performing this love song, he easily skipped her.
This could be the one last chance to make you understand
And I just can't let you leave me once again
On the second floor he saw Luan, in her normal clothing again, spotting him and walking towards his direction.
“Hey Lincoln, I-” she started but suddenly she had Lincoln’s fist in her face, punching her to the ground. “What the...? Hey, wai- AH!”
Next she had Lincoln’s foot in her belly and got down onto her knees, holding it.
“Away pervert, away!”
I'd do anything
Just to hold you in my arms
To try to make you laugh
Cuz somehow I can't put you in the past
I'd do anything
Just to fall asleep with you
Will you remember me?
Cuz I know
I won't forget you
He ran into Lucy’s and Lynn’s room where Lynn was waiting with her ball machine.
“Multi-Ball!” she shouted and fired at Lincoln with several baseballs. He dodged quickly and jumped out of the room.
I close my eyes
And all I see is you
I close my eyes
I try to sleep
I can't forget you
Nanana
And I'd do anything for you
Nanana
The bedsheet-bag came up the stairs and jumped into Lincoln’s direction. Three voices screamed “Lincoln!” He could only flee as the bedsheet-bag continued to hunt him down by jumping after him.
I'd do anything
Just to hold you in my arms
To try to make you laugh
Cuz somehow I can't put you in the past
I'd do anything
Just to fall asleep with you
Will you remember me?
Cuz I know
I won't forget you
Leni appeared also, armed with a vacuum this time. “I will suck you up,” she announced. “Like the most adorable little lint!”
“You can’t suck me up with that!” Lincoln shouted in surprised confusion.
“Oh yeah?”
Leni turned the vacuum on and directed it in Lincoln’s direction but nothing happened.
“Is this thing broken?” Leni looked into the suction. “What- AH!”
Suddenly her head was in the suction.
“Sucker!” Lincoln expressed not thinking this would have happened but now he was in trouble. The rest of the sisters had reached the second floor too.
I'd do anything
To fall asleep with you
I'd do anything
There's nothing I won't do
I'd do anything
To fall asleep with you
I'd do anything
Cuz I know
I won't forget you
They hunted Lincoln through all the rooms on the second floor. One room in, out another. They even hunted each other. Through the rooms and the air ducts. Leni ran a few times against the walls and tripped over a few things before she got her head out of the suction. Lori, Lana and Lola jumped on and over a few of their sisters and Lincoln before they finally got out of the bag. It looked almost surreal as 8 sisters hunted down their brother, sometimes they lost him, sometimes he suddenly hunted them and other times the sisters hunted each other.
They finally collided into a big pile up in the middle of the second floor.
“Turn down that music Luna!” Lori screamed, fed up with this wacky chase. “It is driving me nuts.”
“Hey!” Luan shouted somewhere within the wreckage that was the siblings intertwined. “Has anyone seen Lucy?”
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Lincoln knew that even with his sisters being busy detangling themselves, he did not have much of the luxury of taking a break to calm down. Not only would they probably manage to free themselves soon enough, but if what he heard through the vent shaft was any indication, the one girl he had to look out for the most was not involved in the hallway crash. And with him being currently stuck in said vent shaft, he needed to at least navigate himself to the rooms downstairs before…
“Hey Lincoln.”
He didn’t turn around, nor did he jump up and hit his head on the metal. Instead he suddenly found himself able to crawl through the vent shaft with an ease and speed, normally only reserved for your average rodent.
Not that it helped him much, as Lucy somehow managed to always turn up just around the next corner.
Either she appeared in front of him…
“Hey Lincoln.”
…Behind him…
“Hey Lincoln.”
…Outside of the next grit he was going for…
“Hey Lincoln.”
…Or, when he thought he had finally found a room to come out of, right in front of the door.
“Hey Linc- you did not need to shut the door.”
“Dear Lord,” Lincoln panted heavily, back in the vent shaft once again. “Where the heck did she learn instant teleportation?”
“I am just very swift, brother of mine.”
After a couple more minutes of that, Lincoln’s great escape came to an abrupt end when he crashed through one of the grits into the next room under him. His eyes widened in shock as he realized, he was in Lynn and Lucy’s room now.
Welcome to my lair, said the spider to the fly, he thought fearfully. He looked around, expecting Lucy to show up any second, as he felt something poke his back.
Lincoln was aware enough to clap his hand over the mouth, before the others could hear his scream. A scream that died out rather quickly when he realized, that there was no sound coming. He turned around.
“Oh thank god,” he sighed in relief as he saw, that it was not Lucy that poked him. “It’s just that weird statue Lucy got herself.” He looked at the rather small of a statue of a winged human being, whose face was covered by its own hands. “Wait. Wasn’t that angel always in the other corner of the room?”
“Actually, it is a cherub,” Lucy stated from behind, making Lincoln jump up the air and squeak.
“Did you hear that?” a voice from the hallway asked.
“Lucy, is that you?”
Before his sister had a chance to answer, Lincoln hastily put his hand over her mouth and dragged her under her bed with himself. Which was a rather fortunate move, as seconds later; Lana opened the door and glanced in the room. “Lucy? You in there?”
The Goth in question tried to say something, but Lincoln held her firm in his grip.
“Hey Lana, come downstairs,” Lola could be heard. “Luan accidentally walked into one of your Lincoln traps!”
“Dang it!” Lincoln heard his tomboy sister exhale before closing the door.
He had avoided his sisters once more. But now, he still had to deal with a struggling Goth.
“Lucy, stop…”
But the little girl did not listen. Instead she did everything she could to turn around, so that they were now face to face with each other.
Lincoln didn’t quite know what to do. He had fought with his siblings before, but so far, Lucy was always more or less an exception from the rule. The idea of hitting her unconscious for his own sake passed his mind, but frankly, it disgusted him.
From outside, the elder siblings could be heard.
“Linki?”
“Dude, come out wherever you are!”
The little girl under him tried to free her mouth, but Lincoln held her firm.
With no other option he could think of, he did what he could best: Appeal to his sibling’s common sense.
“Lucy, please!” he begged. “I understand that you just want to help the others, but…”
He bit his lips, trying to find the right words. “They are not themselves right now. You are not yourself.”
Lucy looked at her brother in concern, wondering what he meant by that.
“I am sorry for not saying anything sooner, but you guys are- Something has changed you.”
What is he talking about? Lucy thought, feeling rather confused.
“It has made you all go crazy for me. And especially Lori and Luna.”
More noise could be heard from outside.
“He is not in his room.”
“And also not under my bed. Though I found that really cute top under it.”
“Hey, that is mine!”
“I am scared, Lucy,” he explained. “I think Lori and Luna are going to do something with me we will all regret if they find me.”
“Come on, bro! I am not going to bite you. That is, if you are not into it.”
“I am just going to give you some really good dating advice,” Lori could be heard. “With hands on practical experience!”
Lincoln gulped, turning his glance to Lucy again.
“I am begging you, as your brother, as your sibling… Help me.”
“She is good at that,” confirmed Leni her older sister’s claims. “I saw her doing it with Bobby once.”
Silence filled the entire house before Leni continued: “They drank from the same milkshake, it looked very romantic.”
She wanted to tell him that he was silly. That Lori and Luna would never do something to hurt their brother. That they just wanted to give him a good time he deserved so much.
But something in the pleading look of his eyes resonated with her. Reminded her of the warning her supernatural friends gave her the night before and made her question if perhaps she wasn’t the one who had it all wrong and if she really understood what Lori and Luna had planned for Lincoln.
While she was still thinking about the possibilities, Lori entered the room.
“Lincoln?”
The white haired boy had a hard time suppressing the urge to just run out of the room again, as he heard his oldest sister enter the room and looking all over the place for him.
“Are you there, my little Thumper? Please come out. We didn’t want to scare you!”
“We just wanted to like give ourselves to you in mind, soul and especially body!” Leni declared, entering the room also.
“Gal, keep it down,” Lincoln heard Luna protest. “We don’t want the others to know. Yet.”
“That we want to cuddle him a lot?”
Lori suppressed the urge to put her palm onto her own face.
The rustling of some clothes being thrown out of a wardrobe could be heard.
“Why not? I mean, shouldn’t they know we are going to be his girlfriends?”
“I doubt they would have a problem with us being his girls,” Luna stated, looking under Lynn’s bed. “But I think they shouldn’t know yet that we want to do it like they do on the discovery channel.”
Leni, who for some reason thought that Lincoln may perhaps hide in a drawer, looked up. “You want to talk with Linki about aliens and how they affected our history?”
While Lori just hit her head against the next wall and Luna had a hard time to explain Leni what she meant by her last comment, Lucy, who was still a bit too young to understand what they meant in general, looked in her brother’s eyes and saw how the colors escaped his face at his sisters’ words.
Oh god!, the boy thought. They really want to…
Too distracted by his own emotional turmoil, he didn’t realize when Lucy slipped out of his grip and pushed him against the wall. Before he had any chance to do something, the little girl crawled from under the bed in a manner that would have made most Japanese horror icons proud and startled her older sisters.
“Lucy, what were you doing down there?”
Mentally, Lincoln had already made peace with himself, when he heard Lucy answer.
“I was looking for our brother…”
He wondered if Lori would at least be gentle.
“… But he isn’t here.”
He blinked. What?
“Dang it!” Lori shouted.
“Isn’t your Lincoln Sense tingling?” Leni asked.
The little girl tilted her head in Leni’s direction. “It doesn’t work like that,” she answered her elder in a deadpan tone.
“Whatever,” Lori sighed and grabbed Leni and Luna. “Let’s look in the basement.”
“Again?” the two asked.
“You have a better place to look?”
And then they were out.
Slowly Lincoln moved out from under the bed. Lucy was still in the room, her back turned to him.
He didn’t really know what to say. Lucy just saved his behind from the others. Did that mean she was back to normal?
“You are a ray of sunshine in the darkness that is my life, Lincoln.”
Nope, didn’t sound like it.
“I am not sure what is going on. But if you say something is not right, I am going to trust you, big brother.”
She turned around. “I want to protect you.”
“Lucy, I-”
He didn’t get a chance to finish his sentence, as she hugged him.
“I am going to distract them. Don’t waste time and run,” she whispered in his ear before letting go of him. He watched her leave the room, a soft and slightly uncharacteristic smile on her lips, as she looked back before shutting the door.
Seconds later he heard her shout “Girls, I think he is in Lisa’s room” down the stairs. This was immediately followed by the noise of 14 feet and multiple voices declaring their love and concern for Lincoln, as well as the breaking of a door.
Lincoln listened as eight sisters cried out his name at first in excitement, then in confusion, only for a ninth voice to join the cacophony.
“What in the name of Watson and Crick is going on here?!”
Followed by the crying of a baby…
“WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH”
…The remorseful pleads of eight girls for the baby to calm down…
“Mistress Lily, is everything alright?”
…And the concerned question of an almost seven feet tall robot, which went under in a sea of new screams.
“What the heck is that?”
“Cool. Is that a Cylon?”
“I assure you Mistress Lana, I am not-”
“Get away from my baby sister!”
WHACK!
“Die, Terminator scum!”
“Lynn, stop hitting on your nephew!”
“Her what now?”
Realizing that the only better opportunity for him to run would be now, if all of the sudden the roof exploded (which wouldn’t be the first time), Lincoln opened the door and slid down the stairs, before anyone saw him. Using the momentum, he grabbed after his bag, opened the door in a swift move and ran out.
Free. Free at last, he thought in joy, as he felt the touch of sunlight on his face. The birds seemed to sing and he felt invincible. He wished for this moment to never end, as it was so beautiful.
“Lincoln?”
A wish he did not get fulfilled. Looking sideways, he saw Luan hanging upside down from one of the front tree’s branches, her left foot stuck in a rope.
“Could you please help me down?” the jokster asked in a hurt voice. “Lana just left me hanging.”
“Forget it,” Lincoln snarled in return. “I am out.”
“But Lincoln-”
“If anyone of you is looking for me, I am at Clyde’s,” the boy declared. “Don’t even think of coming over, or I am going to disown you as my family.”
That made Luan hold in and look in shock at her little brother.
“Whatever is wrong with you guys, I hope you have calmed down by tomorrow!”
With that said he just went down the street.
“Lincoln, come back. Please. I am not feeling well,” she pleaded and looked after him as he ran towards the horizon. But he ignored her. And based on the noises in the house, Luan concluded that it would take quite some time till someone found her.
Mel Brooks once said that tragedy is when you cut your finger, while comedy is the result of you falling down a sewer opening and breaking your neck. Luan, over the course of this day, got her ass severely kicked by her brother twice, had been ignored by her other siblings, wasted some really good whipped cream for nothing and was now left hanging in the air like a sex joke at a feminist convention.
In theory that would mean, that she had hit comedy gold. But why did she then think that this situation was not funny at all?
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Maniak: “Who came up with that crap?“
Oogie: “We?“
Maniak: “Anyway: This is almost the end of the “Incest Begins-Arc“… Seriously?“
Oogie: “Sorry, this is the best I came up so far.“
Maniak: ”Let’s just call it “Weekend at Lincoln’s” instead or “The Loudest Change-Arc“.
Oogie: “We let the Readers Decide which Arc-title they prefer.”
Maniak: Why not. Also, I can’t believe we used a Simple Plan song as reference.
Oogie: Oh come on. It’s a good song.
Maniak: It is… passable. But considering the band in general... I swear, if we ever put “How could this happen to me” in this story, I am going to stab you with a fork.
Oogie: Nah. That song will be used when we do our own “No such Luck” fix-fanfiction.
SILENCE
Maniak: Oogie…
Oogie: Yes?
Maniak: (pulls out a fork) RUN!
