The chair was looking like a corpse. And the floor like a puddle of molten metal in which it slowly drowned in. Chichi closed her eyes shortly, just to find out that they didn´t want to stay shut. It was that time of the month again. Full moon. Sleepless for three days. And always that unwelcoming cold light from outside that made her shiver just by looking at it. She read somewhere that the phases of the moon somehow changed the flow of her blood like the tides and that´s what affects her sleeping. She didn´t quite buy that, but… she was awake nonetheless.
The mattress moved when Goku started shifting next to her. He had his own full moon thing, something about Saiyans and his missing tail, she didn´t really know or care but it made him cranky and annoying. It fitted her mood perfectly.
Chichi let out a soft sigh. It was already a year, a year that she had him back, still not used to it after seven years alone, still not… quite forgiving him.
She looked at her hand, completely bathed in moonlight, bright and surreal, like a ghost hand. No matter how she closed the blinds, the damn light always found its way in.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Goku heard her sighing, softly, as if she didn´t want to disturb him. She never slept when it was full moon, at least that hadn´t changed. He turned around, looking at her back, the slow rise and fall of her shoulder. Her long hair was open and a mess on her pillow. He had always loved it, how silky it was, how it felt when he let his fingers run through it… it wasn´t like this anymore, not as silky, not even as black. He didn´t like the grey streaks in her hair, it was creepy. He hadn´t expected this. He hadn’t… thought, obviously. When he decided to stay dead. He hadn´t thought what it would mean. He hadn´t realized that it could not turn out as great as he had told himself in the few seconds he made that decision and in the years afterwards when he tried to reassure himself how great his idea had actually been.
She would die someday. And until then he would already be dead and waiting and she would come to him, still Chichi, the one he left behind, his pretty young wife, always a bit angry but still cheerful, and she would´ve had some 50 years of living with his son and then welcome him in the afterlife. Cheerful.
It hadn´t worked out like that, though. Not at all. It had been only seven years until he saw her again and he regretted every minute, every second of it. That was not the women he had left. She wasn´t as angry anymore, and not as cheerful, everything about her was different. Even her face… when he had left she had had a smooth face with pretty little dots on some places, dots he memorized like a treasure card. It was all his and he knew it best. And now… she had lines all over her face, and her mouth looked like it didn´t smile anymore, like it couldn´t.
He didn’t dislike it. But he hated, he hated that he missed the transformation. Last time she was his little pretty wife and now she was this grown up woman he didn´t know. He couldn´t get used to it since he hadn´t been there when it all had happened. Sometimes he wondered if he had changed as much as she did. Goku lifted his arm, about to touch her hair, but flinched away in the last second. He would´ve never forgiven himself if some old woman had visited him in the afterlife, changed from a life alone without him, changed from mourning all the time and he couldn´t relate to it since he hadn´t been there when it had happened. There was not enough of eternity to make up for it. It was already hard enough.
His arm slowly moved back on the blanket, still staring at her shimmering hair, strangely illuminated by the awful moonlight.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Chichi felt him turning. She bit her lip, not in the mood to talk to him, not right now, but… she wanted… Chichi rolled over, laying her head on his arm, her hand on his chest, right on the big scar over his heart. Next to the one that killed him.
“How do you do that?” She whispered, involuntarily.
Goku didn´t answer, not sure what she meant, just breathing a bit faster, then slower again.
She had died. One year ago, she had been dead. Knowing there was an afterlife didn´t make it any better in the end, as she had hoped. It didn´t. And if it wasn´t the moonlight keeping her awake, it was thinking about it. About the fear it struck in her heart just thinking about it happening again. Goku had done it two times now and Chichi couldn´t help herself wondering how.
She grabbed his chest, that moment she thought about it, it was all back and she started to shiver uncontrollably.
Goku grabbed her, holding her tight, probably not knowing what was wrong with her.
“How… how did you…”
She felt like crying.
“What? What did I do?”
“You died. You died and you came back and you are normal! How did you do that? Was I… was I so bad in life that I had to be punished? And you weren´t?”
She looked up at him, in his black eyes. “I wanted to forget, too. Not… not hoping to… to live as long as possible. And you are totally… unaffected! Why?”
Chichi felt some tears in her eyes nonetheless. He kept quiet. For too long.
“Tell me!”
Goku pressed his mouth on her hair, she was still shivering.
“What did you see, Chichi?”
She was startled by the question, but then he obviously hadn´t see the same thing as her.
She tried to speak several times before she could bring herself to let a single noise leave her mouth.
“I felt like I was stuck in an endless fall. I… Buu had transformed me somehow and I lost consciousness, but I couldn´t wake up again, I was there and not there and…” She breathed heavily, trying to focus without making it all worse again. “I don´t know how long it took. It felt so long… I was so afraid and I hoped to see you, or Gohan, anyone, anyone I knew.”
“Did you?” Goku stroked over her hair, softly. She felt his breath against her skin and it calmed her down.
“Yes. Everyone was there. They all looked haunted but I think I was the only one, the only one experiencing this. They didn´t say a word. And you, too. You were fine, right? It was just me?”
She felt his jaw tighten. She had to have been an awful person to deserve that, she was sure. There was no other explanation!
“You weren´t in your body, Chichi. It won´t happen again, dying doesn´t hurt.” He moved away from her head. “But it´s scary. The second you know you´re gone and try to cling so desperately onto life feels… like eternity. I was a candy for a few minutes. I´m glad I didn´t die like it.”
Chichi grinned, strained and nervous, but she couldn´t help it. It was ridiculous. “Was it that bad every time?”
He smiled at her, softly. His eyes looked grey in the pale light. “No. I knew what would happen and I was instantly in line. It´s not that bad.”
She still shivered, her body unable to stop. Goku pulled her closer, against his chest. It was warm. It was alive. “Do you promise me that?”
“Yes.”
Maybe that was good enough.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Goku had hoped it wouldn´t be so bad for her. He knew Gohan and Goten hadn´t been affected by it at all, told him they just woke up with a halo and everyone around them looking worried. But Chichi… she had always been so sensitive. He would´ve wanted to spare her. But he hadn´t been there to… help her. He hadn´t been there. He pressed her against him a bit more, wanting to feel that she was fine, that she was alive, wanting to make sure she knew that he wouldn´t leave her again. That he would always protect her. That she didn´t have to be afraid.
Chichi started wriggling in his arms, her shivering started to cease. “Did you expect me to stay alone until I die and join you?”
Yes, of course I did! That´s what I would´ve done! He smiled at her head, glad that she changed the subject. Maybe she was feeling better already. “No, of course not. How could I expect that after I left you with a long life ahead of you.” I really couldn´t but I really did. She smiled against his chest.
“I was thinking about it. I was so alone.”
The thought of it makes me sick! “I´m sorry I left you. I wouldn´t have minded.”
“I almost got together with Vegeta, you know?”
WHAT? “What?” He got up, to look at Chichi properly. “Vegeta? How? What? Isn´t he with Bulma? But Bulma…” His eyes moved frantically. Bulma had always been weird. Chichi had told him that once two people marry they are not allowed to be interested in other people. He didn´t know though if Bulma was even married to Vegeta… His jaw muscles tensed. I´m going to murder him!
“Didn´t you just say you wouldn´t have minded if I got into another relationship?” Chichi looked at him suspiciously.
“Of course, I was just surprised. Vegeta, geez, I mean, he has Bulma, right?” He laughed a bit. Definitely killing him. Yes. Chichi gave him another glance, as if she wasn´t quite sure Goku was telling the truth. Good that she didn´t know half of it.
“They didn´t get along at first. Bulma lamented about it with Yamcha and he was so fed up, he told me.”
“You are friends with Yamcha?” This was getting weirder and weirder. He should never leave again.
“Gokuuu, seriously, Gohan is friends with everyone and he came over now and then. Am I supposed to ignore it? Anyway, Vegeta stayed on Earth after you died, like, all talk and no action.” She huffed. That was good. Or maybe not, she didn´t always talk fondly of him either. “It was because of Trunks.”
“Really?” It was not his place to talk but Vegeta hadn´t struck him as an invested father…
“Yes, absolutely. I don´t think he had much experience with children before, being in space and all, and Trunks was so cute as a baby! Well, as much as I know Bulma wasn´t all that happy with having to take care of a baby and was glad she could get rid of some of the duties. I mean, she loves Trunks, but you remember how exhausting Gohan was when he was little? I loathed for every second I could spend by myself.”
He wasn´t that bad. He was a little darling. Trunks definitely didn´t compare to him!
“I don´t think so, honestly. She took him with her when the androids arrived. She could´ve just left him at home!”
Chichi looked at him quietly, until his eyes grew bigger when he realized.
“Oh.”
“Oh. Right. Taking an infant to a battlefield, very thoughtful. I can´t blame her, though. Not too much, anyway. I sometimes wished I didn´t have kids, too.”
That’s all Vegetas fault! Now she hates our kids! “But I always thought we were a great family!”
She slapped him lightly with her hand still lying on his chest. “Come on, sometimes I´m simply fed up with all of you.” She paused for a second. A long second. “I still love you.” She smiled brightly and it made everything better in an instant. If she would only stop talking about Vegeta…
“He came over, you know? Shortly after you died. He had Trunks with him. I kicked him out the first couple of times, thought he wanted to kill me or Gohan or pick a fight or be an asshole or I don´t know. I mean, I hadn´t even seen him before, only on TV and well, what you told me.”
Goku tried to remember everything he had ever said about Vegeta. Good fighter. Should stay on Earth so he had an opponent. Not so bad as if he would be a threat. Had it been his fault in the end? He bit his lip.
“You were right, he´s ok. And no one comes with a baby strapped to their chest and wants to harm you!” She laughed, slapping his arm again. Little did she know… “He got me one of those things as well and I was so glad. I strapped Goten in it, and believe me it was necessary. That boy hadn´t managed to sit still since he came out of me!” She laughed again. Goku tried not to let it show on his face what he actually felt. Regret. Remorse. He hadn´t been there when his little boy had been a handful. He hadn´t taken care of him so that Chichi could get a rest. I don´t want to listen to this any longer! I don´t want to feel guilty any more…
“At least he did something useful for once.”
“He did! It was great finally having someone I could talk to! About my sons, you know, someone who got it. I could see it, him and me.”
“But it didn´t happen. Why not?” Everyone in the universe but NOT HIM! Okay, NO ONE in the universe, ESPECIALLY not him! He made a mental note to be extra mean the next time they trained. For justice.
“He does like Bulma. Trunks got older and he never moved out from Bulma´s place and well. I wasn´t expecting it, anyway. I chose you. I always will.”
You wouldn´t believe how much I love you right now. “I never doubted you. Never.” They kissed, long and slow. Goku had the feeling he had to mark his terrain again. And, well, it was nice.
“But you didn´t sleep with him?”
Chichi´s face was a little flushed, so unlike her. The frown that formed instantly was absolutely like her.
“Goku. Shut up.”
They kissed a while longer.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
She had slept with him. Once. And it had been the worst decision in her life and she never wanted to think about it ever again. EVER.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
“Achoo!”
Bulma looked at Vegeta, her special glare, the one that tried to peel off his skin. He felt it itching instantly.
“What?”
“You sneezed!”
Vegeta frowned, trying to figure out how that was a bad thing now. “And?”
“It hurt. Can´t you be a bit more careful, like I´m not made of whatever you damn apes are made of!”
He looked down and instantly let go of her arms. There was dark bruising around her wrists. She moved her arms up, rubbing gently against them. Didn´t look broken.
“Are you getting a cold?” She laughed and he wondered what was so funny about that. “Oh come on now, I haven´t gotten all night. I just wanted to be nice since you never sleep when it´s full moon.”
He groaned, contemplating if he should just get up and finish alone. There were times he wondered why he was still with her. But then she grinned, the one that made her teeth look too bright and started moving her hips in slow circles until he couldn´t help and started grinding against her again. Tenderly. She didn´t appreciate it much.
Later, he stared at the ceiling while Bulma was snoring peacefully next to him, halfway sprawled over him. He felt Kakarott´s ki flaring far away, getting rid of the excess energy as well. The full moon had been awful ever since he lost his tail. He wondered if Kakarott´s wife was just as nice as Bulma had tried to be. Closing his eyes, he regretted thinking about it immediately. That one fuck, that one misguided attraction had been the most awkward, horrible and embarrassing thing ever.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
“I don´t know how this has happened.”
Chichi looked at Vegeta with big eyes, almost undressed. She still wore some shorts, so much more fabric than what Bulma was always wearing…
“Even for you Earthlings it should be somewhat natural. Or did you change your mind?”
“No, I don´t think so. No.” She looked around, the whole room, not at Vegeta, sitting naked in front of her. “No. It has… been a while. Doesn´t matter.”
They somehow managed to overcome their fear of being caught by her son, a scenario that Vegeta didn´t want to imagine. He could feel Gohan´s ki, even if it was distracting to focus on it. They even managed to overcome their fear of their infants killing something, each other or the house. He could feel their ki, too. And everything had been more or less well and more or less pleasurable, until Chichi started crying in the middle of it.
“… Why?”
Chichi sobbed a bit harder. “It´s just water, ignore it.”
He hesitated long enough for her to kick him hard enough that he actually felt a slight tingle. It was easy for her to say, but she didn´t have to see her miserable, tear streaked and snotty face. And worst of all she was thinking about Kakarott, he was sure of it. Ugh.
“I feel some weird ki, I should check on Trunks.” Good. Good plan. He really wanted to get away. But Chichi grabbed his arms, her face furious. All the snot made it even worse.
“NO! Finish this! Immediately! I didn´t have sex for three years, and you are not allowed to leave before we´re done!”
He thanked the heavens she stopped crying for a short while. It was still terrible, but could´ve been so nice. It´s not as if he hadn´t thought about it during some lonely moments… Chichi had been like he had imagined it, solid muscles under all the damn clothes, barely any softness… instead he had to think of some past lovers just to stay hard.
They both lay on their back, later, next to each other. She was still panting but not crying.
“You know, Vegeta… were you thinking about Bulma?”
He turned his head a bit, looking at her.
“Are you serious? You were whining over Kakarott right now!”
“… I wasn´t. I was. Okay, I was! But you are SO short! That… that was so different!”
He was actually at a loss for words.
“I… I WHAT? And you have smaller tits than Bulma!”
Chichi turned her head around, looking shocked.
“Excuse me? I didn´t know it bothered you my tits were not big enough! Didn´t have the impression that you minded! Guess what, your dick is so much smaller than Gokus!”
Vegeta decided not to answer that. Maybe because his pride was hurt. Definitely because his pride was hurt. And she started crying again.
“Goku had a much bigger dick than you and I will never feel it again!”
He looked uneasy. If there was one thing he wanted to discuss less than Kakarott´s dick it was his wife missing him.
“And I… and I will never get laid properly ever again!”
He somehow sensed that was about more than sex, but… “Could you stop crying please?”
Chichi cried even louder, as if on command. “I´m so sorry, Vegeta, you lost like everyone you ever knew and I constantly blabber about Goku and you want to mourn your loss, that´s alright, your eyes are all wet already, come here.”
She pressed his head between her not so big but still pretty breasts and cried on his hair. He desperately wanted to convince himself he didn´t cry as well. It was just water. Just letting it go.
Later that afternoon when Gohan came back, they both decided quietly to never talk about it, to never think about it, to never mention it and best of all, to never see each other ever again. The last part hadn´t worked out but the whole mess had at least led to him trying to get things going with Bulma again. And that… had been a success.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
“I was very sick when Goten was born.”
Chichi had her head back on Goku’s chest. He didn´t react, not knowing what to say.
“The pregnancy was uncomplicated, but when he wanted to get out, he… he´s a Saiyan, right? Can´t ever do anything the easy way. There was so much blood.”
Goku didn´t know that and now he wasn´t sure he even wanted to.
“I… I didn´t know, Chichi, I…”
“Just thought you wanted to know. What I did the last seven years. Not only the good things.” She shrugged. “Not everything was good. But… you should know. And don´t apologize, that would´ve happened if you had been there as well. I´m still fine.”
He wanted to tell her it had all been a horrible idea and that he had regretted it a couple of weeks later but then he couldn´t call them and tell them to wish him back, it wasn´t possible and anyway, he had his pride, too! But telling her that… she had had her own life, seven years of her own, and no matter how much he had this urge to disembowel Vegeta right now it was still Chichi’s life. It was exactly that part of her life that had formed all those unfamiliar lines, the ones he so desperately wanted to know the origin of. Saying he regretted it meant regretting to have his wife in his arms and instead wanting another woman, one she no longer was. He couldn´t do that.
“Goku?”
“Hm?”
“Are you sleepy?”
He frowned. Weird question. “No, I was just thinking.”
“Good. Stop that. I want you to love me. Right now.” Her hand pulled his chest hair, it almost hurt a bit.
“Glad you say that, I was already waiting for it!”
Goku rolled over, lying on top of her. That was his wife, alright. No doubt. That pretty lady with the beautiful streaks in her hair, that was all his. To make sure, he kissed her all over, every single patch of skin, despite her giggling protests. He wouldn´t leave her alone again. Never.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
“Would you like another baby?”
Goku tried to open his eyes but failed. He was so sleepy…
“Don´t know. I barely even got used to the last one.”
Chichi could hardly make out his mumbling, but she heard the rejection.
“Are you sure? I mean, another little baby girl, the next one would be a cute little girl with wild hair and black eyes, just like you.” She paused a little. “You could train her. I trained when I was little, that would make her independent.”
She nudged him, but he was already asleep. So much for the full moon.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Vegeta stared suspiciously at his phone. It was Chichi. He wasn´t sure if he wanted to answer it, especially not after the flashback he had had the previous night. What if she knew? What if she screamed at him? He wasn´t in the mood for that. He stared at it for two seconds longer before he answered anyway.
“What?”
“Don´t try to be nice, asshole. It´s not as if we have talked lately! How is Trunks?”
He rolled his eyes, glad that he was alone. His taste in women was really awful… “You wouldn´t know it was me otherwise. What do you want?”
There was a long pause. Obviously she had hoped to waste more time with small talk… “… I need advice. I…”
“Did you kill someone? By accident? Kakarott shouldn´t find out? Where´s the body, I eliminate the traces.”
“No one got killed, idiot! I… I want another baby. Goku doesn´t, somehow. Mumbled something about me being old!”
Vegeta breathed slowly in and out again. That was much easier to handle than most of the scenarios he had thought about in the split second she started talking. “Interesting. I wanted to propose the same thing to Bulma. She´s… not all into it.”
Oh she hated babies. But this time he would be there. He didn´t understand why they were still arguing!
“That´s good, do it. Knock her off. Then I can tell Goku that I´m capable, too! She is way older than me.”
Not that much, but Chichi didn´t want to hear something good about Bulma, he knew that already.
“And how do you think I´m going to do that?”
“Okay, listen…”
Vegeta grabbed something to drink. He had kinda missed it.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Goku had never seen Chichi cry that much. He had seen her crying, not often, but not like that.
“Chichi…”
“I´m fine, Goku. I… just give me a second. Please.”
They were sitting in a waiting room, everything was uncomfortable and unwelcoming. It just felt wrong. She shouldn´t be sitting there and cry like that! In a moment’s thought he teleported them both back home, in their garden, their pretty garden with all the nice flowers just starting to bloom. She didn´t even notice.
“Please Chichi, we can try again!”
She tried to wipe of her tears, but it was not helping.
“No, I don´t want to. It had already been there, and now it´s gone. It´s gone and I don´t want to lose another one!”
Goku hadn´t quite understood what the doctors had tried to tell him, but he got that the baby was gone and that Goten was somehow to blame for all the complications during his birth. They shouldn´t tell him, he couldn´t even remember. But Chichi remembered.
“We are already happy, aren´t we? We have two sons and they are the best and we all love you. Please stop crying, Chichi.”
She just looked at him, taking him in her arms, crying in his hair. He didn´t even notice when he started crying, too.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
“Goku, I´m so afraid I´ll die first.”
Goku snuggled his nose in the crook of her neck, where she smelled so nice.
“Why? Won´t happen anyway, right?”
She huffed, trying to push him away, but it didn´t work. Of course not, he didn´t move if he didn´t want to.
“That´s nothing to joke about! It´s just…”
The hand in his face started to caress his hair. He would´ve purred if he could.
“Last time it ended when I wished to see everyone else. But when I´m the first there´s no one I can expect on the other side, right?”
“I´m always waiting for you, Chichi. Even if I have to kill myself.”
Chichi was quiet for a long while after that.
“Thank you.”
Fin.
