Sick of this
Hiyori's thoughts about Kimimaru, a friend of her and a boy with whom she is in love with.
I’m sick of this. Waiting for you every day, but you won’t come. Smiling to you every time I see you, but you won’t look at me. Speaking with you, but you won’t answer seriously, anyway. I want to talk with you so much. I want to tell you so many things. I wanted to tell you, it would be nice to spend Christmas with friends. I wanted to tell you about my past. I wanted to get you to look into my eyes. Seeing you smile…is what I wanted the most. There are so strong feelings in my heart, but you wouldn’t see them even if told you everything I think. I’m so ridiculous. I thought you think of me. I thought you enjoyed talking with me, too. I even thought you’ll wait for me. And…I thought you liked me. Just a little. It doesn’t have to be romantic feelings. I would be satisfied if there was the least bit interest to be friends. But now I get the feeling that you didn’t think of me at all. That you would never notice that my sadness has something to do with you. I fell. But you reached out your hand for me, so that I would stand again. I was hoping you did that because you are worried. But I was wrong. You didn’t think anything as you did that. It hurts so much. I don’t know what to do. I want to speak with you and laugh with you, but I have no idea how we laughed before. It seems so unreal that I had so much fun with you, how did that happen? And why is it over? Just why does everything get worse and worse..? I don’t want that anymore. I’m sick of this. I want to go out with friends and have fun. I want to smile. I don’t remember when the last time was I smiled because I was really happy. I don’t feel anything but pain anymore. I want to cry, but the tears won’t come. I could cry for hours but nobody would notice me. I’m such a coward. I used to like myself. I used to like my way of thinking. But I get the feeling that it’s fading. Who am I, anyway.:.? I think I laughed easily, was thrilled by so many little things, wanted to help everybody who’s important to me. So many people are important to me. But I’m not important to anybody. Nobody needs me. Nobody knows me. Please, someone, tell me what I do wrong! I don’t know, really! I won’t find an answer by myself anymore. Anyone…can you please help me out of this hell…? Can you please wake me up from this nightmare…? Please…I’m frightened of losing who I really am…
