Living a nightmare
Three Days Grace – Time of Dying
Rukia and Renji
On the ground I lay,
motionless in pain,
I can see my life flashing before my eyes.
He was at the verge of dying and he was well aware of it. It surely was not the first time to think he would die, but strangely enough, it felt different. Before he had always known it would be fast and hopefully painless. Waiting for a monster to cut off his head was way easier to endure than lying here. He knew he had lost a lot of blood, even if he did not have enough strength left to move his head and make sure, he was certain that in fact most of his life was flowing out of him and that the floor around him was probably more than a bit ruined.
Did I fall asleep?
Is this all a dream?
Wake me up, I'm living a nightmare.
He felt endlessly tired. Even more than after going through one or two sleepless nights. It all seemed to be nothing more than one really bad dream. He had thought he was ready. He had thought he could do it. He had thought they would be on equal standings and in the end it had not even been a real match. Just a slaughter. How pathetic he had become…
His eyes kept on shutting against his will and he realised in shock that this time really had been too much. Too much for him to handle. Too much for his body, too much for his soul. This time there was no luck involved, this time he really would die.
I will not die! (I will not die!)
I will survive!
He fought death. With every little bit of believe and hope he tried to stop it. He was not ready to die, not yet. Not until he had made sure she was safe. Not until he had been able to stop this insanity that threatened her life. Not until… he had finally managed to tell her what he really thought of her. Not before she knew…
I will not die, I'll wait here for you.
I feel alive, when you're beside me.
I will not die, I'll wait here for you
In my time of dying.
His eyes flung open with a sudden movement. He still could not move and he was still bleeding, but he was determined to not let it end like this. He could do nothing, but stay alive, but if that was what she needed him to do, than he would do it, no matter what. It was not like him to give up, especially not with her involved. He ignored that soft voice in his head telling him to just be a man and admit defeat as best as he could and stared blank eyed at the sky above him. How he wished to be with her right now. He would give what was left of his life at once to see her one last time.
On this bed I lay,
losing everything.
I can see my life passing me by.
She was barely aware of what was going on outside and still she felt him die. He was not dead yet, but it was just a matter of time. Unconsciously a single tear left her eyes and she felt herself already deeply mourning. He was not supposed to die. Since a long time ago he had been a constant in his life. A factor she had come to depend and count on, regardless of what she did and what had been happening. She had thought of him as much more than just a good friend, but she had never been able to tell him. She simply did not what to destroy the carefully built bond they shared. It was the first and still most precious one she had and she was not willing to risk it.
Was it all too much?
Or just not enough?
Wake me up, I'm living a nightmare.
Now she started regretting. Perhaps she should have told him much sooner. Either it would have ended everything or even made them come closer. Both ways she would not have had to lay here and grief about something she could have done easily more times than she could count and could not do anymore. She longed to run outside, to find him, to lay down next to him and tell him, what she was still unable to put into words.
I will not die! (I will not die!)
I will survive!
She did not want to let go. She could not let go. His face flashed into her thoughts and brought back memories she had thought long forgotten. She had known she would die soon, but she had thought he would be fine. Just the other day he had been joking about her death sentence and now he would be gone even before her. It was so ironic. She did not want him to die. She did not want to die herself. She just wanted to be with him again.
I will not die, I'll wait here for you.
I feel alive, when you're beside me.
I will not die, I'll wait here for you.
In my time of dying.
His vision grew darker and he had trouble keeping his eyes open. He wanted to apologize, badly, but it was far too late for that. All he could hope for was that strange human boy now. He hat seemed determined enough, perhaps he would be able to prevent her from death. It was a weak hope, but seeing as he hardly had any other left, all he could do was put his faith in this most unreliable source. He really had failed…
I will not die, I'll wait here for you.
I feel alive, when you're beside me.
I will not die, I'll wait here for you.
In my time of dying.
She felt his life growing weaker and weaker by each second. He would not make it, she was sure, he would die today in a few minutes without ever seeing her again. She wished for one of his bad jokes now. She wished to see his smile one last time, this slightly idiotically grin of his, she wished to hear his loud, amused voice, to feel his warmth… she wished to stay in his arms forever and yet she would not be granted even one second.
I will not die, I’ll wait here for you.
I will not die, when you’re beside me.
I will not die, I’ll wait here for you.
In my time of dying.
Both of them knew it was over. They thought their lives would at least end at the same time and, unknown to the other, they found a little relief in this fact. At the end none of their lives were taken that day and both of them kept on acting as if nothing ever happened, unable to voice their thoughts correctly. Yet things were in fact a little different, because now they knew. There was no doubt left and no uncertainty anymore, it was just a question of time until one would finally take the chance to say it aloud. Until then… well, until then they just enjoyed being alive and being together again, after all, for a start that wasn’t too bad, either.
