When she opened the small gate she noticed immediately that she was the first person to be there that day. The snow all over the place was untouched and reflected the sunlight, so it was slightly painful to look down to the ground.
But she hadn’t to look where she was going anyway. Her feet found the way by their selves, always chaperoned by the gentle crackling sound of footsteps in new snow. Since she could remember she loved this sound. As a child she loved it to run out of the house as soon as the first snowflakes made their way down to the earth.
A few steps later she stopped. Her breath produced small clouds in the air while she overviewed the place. Then she sat down, her cold fingers still clutched around the single flower.
“…”. She hesitated. As always she tried to find the right words.
“Hi...” That was not a convincing and satisfying greeting as she saw it, but she never was a girl of great words.
“I missed you. I know I haven’t been here for a long time but… there were reasons! First there all that stress at work and then there was my birthday and… oh dear. Why I’m lying to you? The real reason is… I was scared. Yes. I didn’t come here because I was afraid of my own feelings. I’m really sorry for that. Here, I brought you a flower!”
She tried to smile and laid the white lily down to the frozen ground.
“I know it was never really easy to live with me. Sometimes I treated you very bad. I wish I could make that good somehow.
There are so many things I want to tell you. He… he played this song for me… or more for us. I’m sure sometimes he thinks of you, too.
And on New Years Eve I thought of you the whole time. I thought how great it would be to celebrate the beginning of the new year with you.”
She sighed.
“I’ve written a letter… wait a moment.”
She opened her coat and pulled a small envelope of the inner pocket. Then she laid the letter next to the flower.
“I wish we could celebrate today, too. I have no present but I’ve written a poem for you. Here it is:
You showed me to live
And to love as well
You were always so strong
Even when life was like hell
Your words, they were soothing
And you arms kept me warm
Then nothing could hit me
-no pain and no harm
I don’t know how to thank you
For all the years
All I can give you
Are my love and my tears
…
I hope you like it…”
Again she smiled. Her body felt cold after sitting on the cold ground for so long. When she stood up and cleaned her trousers from the snow she took a look at the clear blue sky.
Before she left the place that always made uncomfortable she whispered in a very low voice:
“Happy Birthday, Mum!”
