Angel's Tears
This is finally my brand new Haruka&Michiru story. I hope you’ll like it. It’s been a long time since my last real H&M story (2002), however, I had a lot of fun writing it. Maybe you’ll have some fun reading it, as well :).
The story is already finished, but there’re almost 300 pages of it on my word programme, therefore I’ll upload it in well readable bits (mostly entire or half chapters), because I want to “gamma”read the story myself before I’ll upload the next part (I’ve already read it twice, but I have the feeling that I always miss some grammar/spelling mistakes).
“Tenshi” means as much as “angel” in Japanese.
Disclaimers: Sailor Moon and her wonderful characters belong to Takeuchi Naoko. The rest of the disclaimers can be found in the epilogue.
This is a yuri (and slightly yaoi) story, which means the love between two women (and men) is described (as well as the love between men and women :) ). If you don’t like it, please don’t read. Flames regarding this topic will be ignored. Other reviews are more than welcome (critic also!).
This story is also rated for language and adult content (only two slight lemon scenes, but since the characters are of age and I’m of age, as well, I don’t really know what’s still suitable for teenagers and what not).
Okay, on to the story. Have fun reading :).
April
This story is for Bianca. Thank you.
TENSHI
By April Eagle
“Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?”
Prologue: Angel’s Tears
She didn’t have time for their silly games, and silly they were in her eyes. Silly and senseless. She knew that they were no games, at least not for them. For them they were deadly serious. A matter of life and death. A matter of saving the earth by defeating Mistress 9. Saving millions of people. However, for her there was only one life at stake. It didn’t matter to her what would happen to the earth. All those other people didn’t matter. Not even her own life did matter. Not if she wasn’t able to save this one, this tiny life that had come so suddenly into their world and was now threatened to be taken away from them. From her. Forever.
She was used to face death, to face dangerous youmas at an almost daily basis, but this was different. This was so fucking different, and it scared her. No, she had never been scared before. Not back then when she had taken the henshin, not when she had fought side by side with the other Senshi, not when she had risked her life for strangers all around the world.
“I quit.”
Her voice was flat, her breathing even. She was not excited, not even nervous when she faced her partners. At least that’s what they called themselves. Partners in crime. Partners by fate. Partners by the stars, or, more literally, by the planets. For her, they were no partners, not even friends. She didn’t know their secret identities nor did they know her real name. She didn’t want to get too close to them, didn’t really want to share more than the heat of the battle, the danger of the fight.
She knew what could happen if she got too close, if she’d befriend them, if she’d start to care. Right now she was feeling the pain in her heart what happened if you got yourself involved, if you cared, if you loved. It hurt so much, even though she had only known him for a couple of months. The day she saw him for the first time was the moment when she feel in love. Hard. Deeply. Irreversibly. To lose him would destroy her; she was sure of it. It was a hard battle, the hardest she had ever fought in her young life. She needed all her strength to hold him, to keep him from death’s scythe. She simply couldn’t afford any longer to fight with them against youmas when there were darker, more evil monsters haunting him, haunting her.
She would have left soon anyway. No use to keep in touch when there were thousands of miles between them. An entire ocean. Infinity.
“I quit.”
She repeated her words, even though she knew that the others had heard her. Their stunned silence told her more than the angry screams she had actually expected. She repeated them calmly, because she could do so. Although they had told her that she would never be able to turn her back to them once she took the henshin, she would simply walk away. They couldn’t hold her back. No, they couldn’t. They never held that much power over her. No one ever did. No one! Until he came into her life…
“What do you mean? Quit?!”
Of course it was she who raised her voice first. She who always tried the hardest to be her friend, worse, even her best friend, at a time when she didn’t want to have friends, didn’t dare to have them, knowing that each day could be her last in Japan.
Her green eyes glanced briefly into deep blue ones. Not that it hadn’t been tempting to know that this beauty wanted to talk to her, to share her thoughts and maybe even her dreams with her, but she simply didn’t have the heart to let her come closer. She would have only hurt her. Hurt her more than she would do now. Right now she was a stranger, only a stranger, nothing more. They would find someone else to do her task, to fight in her place.
She had her own demons to face.
“You cannot quit!”
Ah, the fiery one who could throw fireballs. Her temper was legendary. Of course she would not accept her decision. No one of them would; she could clearly see it in their eyes, in their astonished looking faces.
“Why?”
A simple word. A simple question. A damn complicated answer, if there even was one. If there would ever be one that wouldn’t drive her crazy, that wouldn’t leave her feel so damn helpless, screaming silently in rage.
“I quit.”
With those final words she turned around to go. She hadn’t intended to say anything else. No words of farewell. She didn’t intend of ever seeing them again so it was alike to her if they would fare well or not, as they shouldn’t worry about her. No, not about her…
“Hey, you can’t simply walk away like that!” Someone grabbed her arm in wild panic and tried to hold her back. She raised her head and looked down at the beauty touching her right arm with her small gloved hands. Hands that looked like a musician’s hand. Like an artist’s hand, although she had no idea what the beauty did in real life. Probably, she still went to school like all of the others, like she used to do. Used to do until he came into her life and everything turned into madness.
“Watch me.” She pulled herself free. There was a moment of hesitation as if the others simply couldn’t believe that she was actually leaving, abandoning them. There was a loud bang when her golden henshin hit the ground, then she disappeared in the night’s shadows.
“No! Wait!”
“You can’t simply go!”
“Wait!”
“Uranus…”
She heard them calling out for her. Calling her by her Senshi name. By a name that was no longer hers.
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Michiru smiled nervously and held her violin tighter against her body. She wore her most favourite dress: a dream of white silk as her grandmother’s tailor had described it. It covered almost her hands completely and reached the floor when she walked. She felt herself like an angel, floating over the stage. Normally. However, today didn’t seem to be normal at all. Today was important. She didn’t know how the next twenty minutes could be more crucial than any other audition she had faced before, but she felt that today was different. It was important to be part of that ensemble, to make music with them, together. She felt it, tried to believe it, although she normally didn’t trust her intuition. It had been wrong before. Terribly wrong.
Just give them a good show. As always!
Even though she had already given countless concerts at her school and even some at music halls together with her grandmother and therefore was used to stagefright, she felt devastated, sick, helpless. Like a small child in a kindergarten waiting for her parents, even two hours after the institution had been closed. Then. Ten years ago…
“Kaioh Michiru?”
She turned around and felt the silk stroking her legs in an almost comforting manner. Automatically, she had to gulp as she saw the three young men walking self-confidently towards her. Young men? Hardly. One of them was even younger than her. Two years younger, still a boy. A famous boy. As famous as his brothers smiling down from every wall outside this building. Like an invasion from outer space, trying to take over their music world.
Now they weren’t smiling. At least the almost young men looked strictly, sceptically while the still boy grinned happily.
“Of course that’s her!” he said and his light green eyes sparkled. “Didn’t you look at the covers I gave you?”
Yes, she could recall, she had given them her CDs. Three CDs she had recorded together with her grandmother. She had been so proud, but now she felt small, silly. How could she be good enough for them? How could she? How could she when not even her soulmate had wanted her…
“I’ve got other things to do.” Responded the oldest brother and looked down in a small notebook he was holding. Obviously, he was used to read other things than her curriculum vitae which was included in the cover’s text. A rather small one leaving out all the important facts. The dates that mattered like becoming a Senshi. Like fighting against Mistress 9. Like being refused by her partner.
“She’s not my type.” The brother between the oldest almost young man and the still boy raised one eyebrow. It was obvious what he had expected her to be.
“So much the better!” The smallest brother rolled his eyes and then smiled encouragingly at her. “Don’t worry about them. They are stupid and don’t know what real music is.” He giggled as his brothers glared daggers at him. “Just play and convince them. As you’ve convinced me!”
It had been pure chance that he heard her play on a public festival near her university. He had escaped his older brothers to buy himself cotton candy, incognito, of course, when he saw her on the small stage, heard her violin play and knew that she belonged to them, on their stage, to their songs. She could help them achieve their goal in finding their princess.
Yaten had never been so sure of anything in his life before.
“You’ve heard my brother, Kaioh-san, please begin.” Tahiki sat down on a chair next to her while his siblings remained standing. Michiru took a deep breath to get her nerves under her control again. Then she closed her eyes, brought her violin to her shoulder and started to play. She played as she had always done: With all her heart, with all her soul, committing to her instrument and to the melody, softly rocking with the tender rhythm.
It only took one minute for the Three Lights to utterly and totally fall in love with Michiru’s music.
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It was in the middle of the night. Right after midnight. After a long day. After an even longer night. After a never ending month. After what seemed to have been thousands of sleepless nights. However, she did not feel tired. She felt exhausted, of course she did. Her body hurt and her thoughts spun in circles, but she wasn’t tired. She couldn’t find any sleep. She didn’t dare too. Too real were her nightmares, too frightening.
Her green eyes were dry as she stared at the ceiling. It was dark but her vision was used to it. She could clearly see her bed’s outlines and knew where to set foot in case another night would turn into day within seconds.
She took a deep breath and glanced at the clock near her head, only to see that merely minutes had passed since the last time she had dared to look at it. To see that another morning was nearing. Another dawn. Another morning light which couldn’t dissolve her nightmares like it used to have done when she had been a small child. Now the light seemed to strengthen her personal demons, made them even more clearly visible to her.
She stretched her arms on the big bed. An empty bed. Not her bed. Another one’s bed. Another one who wasn’t there any longer, would never return. Never. Ever. Cruel words. Cruel world. Cruel reality.
However, she couldn’t give up. Wasn’t allowed to give up. Never. Not as long as there was another battle yet to fight. And maybe to win. Only maybe. Just maybe.
“It was hard to find you.”
Normally, she would have jumped to her feet, because she knew that she had been alone in this room only seconds before. But she didn’t have the strength to do so. Not when she needed all her power for the coming morning. To get up. To face another day. To fight another battle. To see all the needles, the blood, the tears. Especially the tears in those light green eyes. Not understanding, not caring. Only pain. Only ache. Only hurt.
“What do you want?”
She turned her head, cast a quick glance at the clock only to see that another minute had passed, then she stared at the person standing beside her bed. A person she had known quite well. At least as well as had been expected from her. The girl, almost a woman, had been her queen. Not in the romantic, but in a loyal sense. It had been easy to walk away from them one year ago. To turn around and leave them. However, it had been hard to abandon her queen, the only one who had smiled while the others were shouting after her, trying to stop her. It had looked like Sailor Moon had been the only one to understand her. To wish her luck. To wish her enough strength to defeat her demons.
“If you ever want to return, my arms are always open for you, Uranus.”
Strange, she hadn’t heard that name for so long now and still it felt familiar. Strangely comforting when the young woman with those long blonde plaits was saying it.
“You should use your arms for your boyfriend instead.” She knew little about her queen, however, she would have been blind if she hadn’t seen the love between Sailor Moon and Tuxedo Kamen. He even brought her roses!
“My Senshi are special, you know that.”
“I know nothing, as you do.” She who used to be Uranus a long time ago sighed and stared back at the ceiling which hadn’t changed during the past five minutes.
“You know that we’ll always be there for you, Uranus. We are your family.”
“I already have a family, thank you very much!” Her voice sounded suddenly very silent and her stomach started to ache, although she hadn’t eaten anything all day which could have made her feel so sick.
“I will wait for you, no matter how long it takes. You’ll always be welcomed back with open arms, Uranus.” Sailor Moon’s glowing shadow stepped closer to the bed, but the other girl didn’t adverse her eyes from the ceiling, tried hard to ignore her.
“We’ll be there for you if you want us to, especially Neptune.” Sailor Moon bowed slightly. Not only because it was tradition in her, in their home country, but also because she placed a golden object on the bed. A henshin. Uranus’ henshin.
The girl who used to be that Outer Senshi only shook her head in heavy silence. Then she turned around on the bed and buried her head under her pillow.
When she opened her eyes again her princess and future queen was gone.
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“Do you always celebrate a big concert like that?”
Michiru stared at the big Ferries wheel in disbelieve. Somehow she had expected the famous Three Lights to go to an exclusive club and order champagne. Or to go to a normal pub and order huge amounts of beer. Or to go to a sushi restaurant and empty all their sake bottles. She clearly had expected them to do something that involved alcohol, lots of it. They were musicians, after all. Weren’t members of a boy groups supposed to get pissed after a big gig?
However, the Three Lights were different. They did look like any other boy group, maybe their first songs had sounded like that of any other ordinary boy group in Japan, in America, probably everywhere else on this world. But they were different. They didn’t go out and get drunk. Instead, they went out to a small funfair. It was in the middle of the week and not many people were there, even though it wasn’t even midnight yet.
“It depends on the circumstances.” Tahiki smiled as Yaten squealed happily and ran over to a nice old man who sold candy floss. He was too old to listen to pop music and thankfully didn’t recognize them.
“Yup. Last year we went to Disneyland when we’d been in Paris.” Sejya rolled his eyes, but paid them all a helping of the soft pink cloud, anyway.
“I would have preferred the Eiffel Tower.” Michiru took a bite and decided that it was the best candy floss she’d ever eaten.
“Tell me!” Sejya pointed at his little brother who didn’t seem to listen to them. His light green eyes sparkled as he ran over to the Ferries wheel to watch it turn around and around and around in low speed. Surely it was there to have a good look at Tokyo Bay. Whoever wanted to have an exciting trip had to search for another funfair and another Ferries wheel.
“But he wanted to meet Mickey Mouse, at all costs.”
“Surely it wasn’t our last tour to France, so stop complaining.” Tahiki only needed one look to get his younger brother’s temper under his control. Michiru hadn’t been part of their ensemble for long, but she soon found out that Tahiki always took control. He was the oldest of the three brothers and seemed to have become their leader. It was him who organised their concerts as it was him who told Sejya and Yaten to stop if their argued too loudly or too seriously. Strangely enough, they listened to him. Sejya was the playboy, always looking for beautiful women while Yaten behaved more like a child. Surely, he was the youngest, however, sometimes Michiru wondered if there was more to his behaviour than age.
“I wanna ride this one!” But right now his shinning eyes showed only childlike excitement and happiness. His candy floss was long eaten and his face was flushed from the night’s cold. Normally, he looked extremely pale which his silver hair even emphasized. Now, however, he looked as healthy as his older brothers, although Michiru knew that he could get ill quite easily. During the few weeks she had already spend rehearsing and performing with them he had already been sick twice.
“Why not?” Tahiki looked up to the dark sky. “Are you afraid of heights, Michiru-san?”
“No.”
“Then let’s go.”
Tahiki pulled his purse out of his thick cloak when a thought occurred to him.
“Where’s your cap, Yaten?” He turned around and looked at his younger brother like a strict, but loving pairing. Yaten lowered his eyes and stammered something incoherent like an ashamed child.
“I guess I didn’t quite catch what you’ve just said.”
“I’ve lost it…”
An embarrassing silence hung between them for a moment. Michiru suddenly felt sorry for Yaten, because she knew that the young singer had already lost two caps this months, and today was only the 14th!
“I can’t believe it!” Sejya’s reaction didn’t resemble a parent nor did he look like a child. He had always been the link between his brothers. The one who wasn’t a teenager any longer but who hadn’t grown up yet. “Maybe I should stitch it to your dumb head!”
Yaten flinched, although he knew that his brother wouldn’t beat him. Oh, they could be very loud, the both of them. Especially in the middle of the night when the rest of them wanted to sleep in their hotel rooms. Mostly it was only a minor disagreement, but they could make a major war out of it. Tahiki always tried to eat the last ice cone, even though he wasn’t particularly fond of ice cream, only to make sure that his younger brothers wouldn’t have to fight over it. And fight they could. For hours!
“Here, but don’t lose it, as well.” Sejya pulled his own cap, a dark blue one, from his head and put it over Yaten’s silver hair.
“Arigatou.” The Three Light’s youngest singer touched the soft cloth covering his already red ears and beamed up to his older brother. Secretly, he had always wanted to have Sejya’s cap. It looked so great and he liked the colour. He also liked that it had been Sejya’s.
“Don’t get your hopes too high, baka. I want it back after the ride.” Sejya turned around to walk over to Tahiki and Michiru who had already bought their tickets and waited patiently in the night’s cold wind. “I just don’t want you to cough again and disturb our important concerts. We’ll have to find her, you know. We can’t afford you to be constantly ill.”
Therefore, he couldn’t see how Yaten’s smile fell, how shadows crept over his pale face, how the light darkened in his sad eyes.
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She didn’t notice the plain walls, didn’t see the half gods in white. Sunlight was pouring in through thick glass windows, lightening up the long corridor in front of her. Her footsteps were unsure as were his. Her thin body trembled, maybe from the lack of sleep, maybe from her carelessness. It didn’t matter if she ate regularly or if she put on the right clothes. It had snowed the night before, nevertheless, she only wore her jeans and a green t-shirt. However, she hadn’t felt the bitter cold outside, didn’t feel the stuffy warmth inside. All that mattered to her was his smile. Such a tiny smile and still the most wonderful thing she had ever seen in her young life.
Unsure steps stumbled into her direction.
Tears shimmered in her normally dry eyes as her legs gave out. She went on her knees and opened her arms to catch him as he lost balance and fell. Fell directly into her waiting, into her warm embrace.
Nothing else mattered. No needles, no pills. No scalpels. No blood. No transfusion. No pain. No anger. No guilt.
Nothing else.
Only his smile.
Only her embrace.
Only their love.
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He was hurt. Terribly hurt. Blood stained his dark leather costume. His light green eyes were wide open while he tried to hide away. To hide away from her mad laughter, from her piercing glare, from her deadly powers. But there was nowhere to hide, to escape to. His brothers were fighting for themselves. Not far away, only metres, however, it resembled the distance he sometimes felt separating him from his home planet.
“Deep Submerge!”
Suddenly, there was someone by his side. Someone shielding him from Galactica’s dangerous weapons.
“Eternal Attack!”
There were other shadows around him. Rescuing him. Helping him. Comforting him. Two tender arms held him gently tight. Two deep blue eyes stared at the blood. Two soft hands examined his wounds. He knew her. Yes, he knew that sweet scent, connected it automatically to a wonderful music that had always enchanted him, even when they were on the stage together, performing a song for their mission.
“Neechan?” he whispered and saw how she stiffened, knew that he had been right, that he had just discovered her secret identity. But at the same time he knew that it didn’t matter. He trusted her with his life, always had for she had been the older sister he never had. A sibling he hadn’t know he had been looking for. Not after he had met his brothers.
“It’s okay.” He coughed and knew that he had hardly enough strength left to not fall unconscious. There was no way for him to be able to hold on to his mask. He took a deep breath and felt how his costume changed to his normal clothes.
His brothers came running and he could hear Tahiki curse. Now their disguise was blown up by Sailor Galactica. Literally, judging by her weapons.
“Healer!”
“Shit!”
“That’s not happening. Please, tell me that it’s not happening.”
“Fuck!”
Sailor Neptune turned around and glared at the other Star Lights in disbelieve, although she knew their doubts, knew them all too well.
“Call an ambulance and wash your mouth.” She whispered and tightened her embrace in case they wanted to drag their injured brother away from her. Away from her help. Away from her music. Away from them.
“But… you just… he… we… fuck!”
“Call an ambulance, it hurts, you idiot.”
“I’m not an idiot, jerk!”
“Stupid!”
“Baka!”
“Can’t be that bad if they’re still fighting like old hags.” Sailor Pluto shook her head but dialled the number on her mobile phone, nonetheless. Sailor Moon, who had been able to chase away Sailor Galactica, even though she could not defeat her, stepped closer to the uninjured Star Lights and put a comforting hand on both of their shoulders.
“Welcome to our team.”
Then she turned back into her human form. Her Senshi followed her suit.
Sailor Fighter’s dumbstruck face would have been worth it, even if they hadn’t been on the same side.
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Back and forth.
She knew she should have called her doctor. Or at least the always so friendly smiling nurse. She had promised to call them. It had been the condition on which they had allowed her to leave the hospital. On the other hand she hadn’t wanted them to interrupt. To take this moment away from her. To destroy it with their vain attempts to lengthens a life long gone. To avoid the unavoidable.
It would have caused him even more pain. She couldn’t face all this hurt any longer. Couldn’t see it in his blue eyes looking silently up to her. Begging. Pleading. Hoping.
All in vain.
Everything.
I’m so sorry.
Mechanically, she rocked back and forth in the rocking chair. An old rocking chair. Their rocking chair. A chair in which she had held him for the first time. Now she held him for the last time.
Back and forth.
I’m so sorry.
Carefully, she held him tight. Held him warm in his favourite blanket. A green blanket. A soft blanket. So warm. So soft. So cold.
The sun was setting outside, but she did not move. Did not stand up to turn on the light. No, she kept sitting in the rocking chair, letting the wood take over the actions for her.
Back and forth.
It was a comforting motion. Comforting for her, but most importantly, comforting for him. She knew that he didn’t feel any pain. Not any longer. She didn’t let them pierce him any longer when it was clear that it wouldn’t help, that it wouldn’t change anything. That it wouldn’t save her soul, her sanity, her dream.
Around her, outside the big windows, the huge city came to life. To a nightlife she had never experienced even though she was young enough to dance all night, to get to know people her age, to have a never ending party in one of the countless clubs down on the streets.
In the night’s hollow neon lights she could see a golden object sparkling on the table nearby. Yes, she had tried everything. Anything. Even holding that damn stick. Promising her eternal life to any god available. Selling her cursed soul to the devil. Nothing helped. Nothing changed. Not even her stupid supernatural powers could make a change. Nothing could. Nothing…
I’m so sorry.
She hugged the bundle in her arms tighter, wondering why he was so light, remembering that he had never been heavy. Full of life, full of joy, full of laughter, but never heavy. Always light. Always smiling at her. Only at her. Frowning at the nurses, crying at the doctors, but never at her. He had loved her as she had loved him. Adored him. Would have sacrificed herself for him. Would have gone to hell for him. To hell and back. Twice. Thrice. A thousand times. Whatever helped.
Whatever… if there had ever been a whatever. An if. Any possibility at all. She would have done anything. Anything to stop feeling so helpless. To stop actually being so damn fucking helpless. To be more powerful. To simply make it go away. To take it away. To defeat it. To kick it away. To drag it away. To punch it until it would never return again.
But that’s not the way the world worked. Not at all.
I’m so sorry.
It was unfair. So damn fucking unfair. Why couldn’t it have been her? Why wasn’t she the one being cuddled in a warm, soft blanket. Why weren’t her arms pierced? Why wasn’t her skin swollen? Why wasn’t she pale and silent. Oh so silent. So damn fucking silent!?
I’m so sorry.
Why hadn’t she been the one to experience that pain? Or take away some of it. At least soften it when the drugs stopped working? When nothing could take away the pain. Nothing expect that blissful moment. That damn fucking blissful moment…
I’m so sorry.
She held the bundle even tighter. Not wanting to ever let go. Never to let go again. Not like she had to do only moments ago. Minutes ago. Hours ago. Days ago. Weeks ago. Months ago. Years ago. An eternity ago. Again and again. Only once.
I’m so sorry.
She buried her face in his fluffy hair. Hair that smelt like spring. Like the flowers he had loved so much. White lilies. Not knowing their meaning but loving their appearance, their scent, their tenderness. She had washed this soft, this light hair with his favourite shampoo only yesterday. It smelt so good. So fresh. So like him. Like it would smell never again. Only yesterday. Only a moment ago. Already a lifetime ago. Never to come back. Never. What a cruel word. What a cruel world. What a cruel life. Damn fucking unfair.
I’m so sorry.
Francis H. Miller simply gave up and started silently to cry.
I’m so sorry I couldn’t save you, little one.
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Setsuna looked exhausted. Exhausted, but also very proud. And very, very happy. The bundle of joy was sleeping deep and tight in her arms, but she knew that she shouldn’t feel too safe. It was all going to change. Soon nights would turn into days and this little being would demand her attention no matter how tired she or her partner were.
She could hardly wait to walk out of the hospital and to begin her life anew. Together with her family.
Setsuna looked over to her partner and her smile deepened on her exhausted face. Her small family.
Someone knocked on the door and she could hear different existed voices trying to whisper outside, but obviously failing to do so silently. Her big family.
“Congratulations!” They all shouted in unison when Elza finally took pity on them and opened the door. Setsuna didn’t want to know how many nurses and doctors they’d actually bribed to get all those gifts into her small hospital room in the middle of the night, however, there they were. Her friends. No, more than friends. They were all there. Makoto with a huge cake, Ami with a book that had the promising title The Wonders of Birth, Minako with a micro in her hand, always ready to sing a song to the new born, Rei with a talisman to bring her always good luck in her life, Usagi with tears in her eyes and holding firmly on to her boyfriend, surely thinking of Chibiusa. Even the Three Lights stood in a corner and seemed to be puzzled that there was really so much space in the small hospital room to fit them all in.
And then there was Michiru, her closest friend. The one who had supported her in her crazy idea of becoming a mother. Of actually taking all her courage and asking Sailor Moon for help. Asking her partner if she would want to be the baby’s other parent. Then trusting fate and Sailor Moon. Again.
“So, that’s our little brat?” Michiru’s voice sounded shaky and there were tears in her eyes, as well. Her hair was messed and she was wearing a crumpled silk dress. Oh, right, there had been a concert the last evening. Setsuna remembered slightly and knew that Michiru surely had literally flown from the stage the moment she got to know that her best friend was in labour. Probably, she didn’t even finish the concert. Probably, her expensive Stradivarius was still there somewhere, hidden behind all those crazy gifts all those mad people had brought Setsuna. Mad people she loved so much.
“Say hello to our little Hotaru, auntie Michi.” Setsuna smirked as she carefully lifted the light blanket and held her daughter to Michiru’s outstretched arms. The sea beauty gasped and her blue eyes over flew. Tears spilled silently down her cheeks while she rocked the tiny girl in her soft arms. A girl she had loved before. When she had been Mistress 9. When they had to defeat her. Before she was reborn. To a new life. To a better life. With loving parents and a damn mad horde of crazy aunts and uncles.
“Hello, Hime-chan.” Whispered Michiru and laughed shakily as Hotaru yawned tiredly and smacked in her dreams. Obviously, she wasn’t disturbed by all the noise her new family was creating. “Welcome back.”
“Okay, enough cuddling. You can have her back as soon as we need a baby sitter, but on her first day I’d like to have her, as well.” Elza’s words sounded hard, but a cheeky grin betrayed her feelings. Carefully, she took her new born daughter in her arms and tenderly kissed the tiny forehead. She was only 22 and still in her sport studies, however, she had agreed when her partner had asked her to have a child. Elza had known Setsuna for ages, had been together with her for over four years now and had known everything about the Sailor Senshi business, as she called it. Of course she had happily agreed and welcomed the new life in their world with her own tears of joy.
“Hey, let me have a look, too.” Minako suddenly appeared next to Elza and not even Ami was able to pull her back. There was no need for that, really, no use since Rei appeared on Elza’s other side and together they “oh”-ed and “coo”-ed over the baby, all looking deeply in love with the newborn.
Michiru stepped back and looked around. Seeing her crazy family. Knowing at the same time that one person was missing, felt the old ache deep inside her heart, knew that it would never stop to hurt no matter how many years passed. No matter what happened. No matter if her life changed to the bad or to the good.
There was always someone she was missing. Badly.
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Tiredly, she rubbed her burning eyes. Again sleep hadn’t come last night. Wouldn’t come. So she decided to stand up when the first light dawned. Of a new year. Of another life. Not a new life. Not even a better life. Only simply another life, different from the one she used to have lived. She used to have loved. She knew was over.
Emotionlessly, she looked at all the paper piling up on her desk. Bills, medical records, letters, sheets of music, photos, last wills, bank notes, books, computer printouts. Even an old application form. To a university she wouldn’t want to go to. Not any longer. There was no sense in attending it. Not any longer.
Slowly, she tore it to pieces and threw it into the dustbin. Photos, book and computer printouts followed and soon she was looking down at her past in the dustbin. Detached. Empty. Hollow. Thrown away like the paper there.
She grabbed the next thing on her desk and stilled when she saw the too familiar handwriting. A neat handwriting. A woman’s handwriting. The handwriting of a highly gifted musician. Almost as famous as her husband. She wrote the music which he played. Which he loved. As much as he had loved her. As they had loved each other.
It had been her most favourite piece of music.
The young woman stared at the desk, gulped and pressed her eyes together as the music started to play in her mind. Tried to block it out. Tried not to think, not to remember. With a desperate gesture she pushed the sheet of music into a big envelope and frantically closed it, glued it, sealed it. Tried to seal away her memories, her pain.
As it had been mine.
She rose from the chair and shuffled over to the big window. Her walk looked like that of an old woman, not of a merely 22-year old. Her shoulders were hunched and her green eyes lifeless. Around her stood packed boxes of all sizes and shapes. She didn’t want their contents any longer, as she didn’t want to stay in this flat. It held too many memories. Too many hurting moments of hope, realization and downfall.
Slowly, she turned around, grabbed the big envelope and a small bag whose contents she simply couldn’t part with, and left the now abandoned flat. A flat that once had been filled with laughter and nursery rhymes. She didn’t look back. Not once. She only looked forward. Knowing that there was still one thing she needed to do before she could end this madness.
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