His counseling with Kirishima helped him too. They talked a lot during these supervised meetings. The therapist asked them regularly how they were doing. And they were actually doing pretty good.
They talked about many things during counseling sessions, some of the talks were uncomfortable. Eijiro talked how he had felt when he saw Katsuki with Izuku on multiple occasions. How it made him feel when he learned that he was just being used as back up. When he guessed that he was just being used. How his own feelings for Katsuki were.
It was sometimes really hard for Katsuki to hear, but he had to, his omega had to see the damage he had done.
Kirishima sat in the armchair opposite of Katsuki, one leg pulled up the other dangling over the edge, his arms were hanging over the armrests. Katsuki sat criss cross applesauce on his chair. They had talked for almost an hour now.
“You know what really sucked too?” Eijiro mumbled. The last couple of minutes, they had sat in silence. Eijiro thought about the things that had pissed him off and Katsuki tried to wrap his thoughts about it.
“What is it?” the omega asked.
“During summer camp, after you got dragged around by Ian, to aggravate Midoriya, you two hugged” he scoffed a little. “I know, it’s petty, but oh my god, was I pissed off. The day before we almost killed someone, we brought Kairi to the brink of death, in that night I wished you would be with me, hug me, comfort me …” He furrowed his brows. “But I knew you couldn’t be in our cabin, so I had to accept it.”
Katsuki listened carefully to him, he remembered that day pretty well. “All day, I was so on edge, I felt so guilty and all I wanted to do was to hold you close but … instead I saw you comforting Izuku, and it made me so angry. I couldn’t pull my eyes off of you two, I guess it was in that moment, that I really realized, that I would never have a chance … I walked off to the cabin and all I could do was to scream into my pillow. I was so upset …”
“You had every right to be” Katsuki mumbled.
Eijiro nodded to that. “My alpha was hurt in his pride. I second guessed myself. Was I not good enough? Clearly I couldn’t be. God, by times I was even jealous towards Ian for just holding you, or standing close to you. Even though I knew he wouldn’t do things with you. But the fact, that a prime was next to you made my blood boil.” He bared his teeth.
Katsuki blushed at that. “Y-you were jealous of Ian?” he had to ask again.
“Yeah, I know, it was stupid …”
“Oh, well, I did try to jump at him during my heat …” Katsuki mumbled. He looked Eijiro carefully in the eyes.
A low growl could be heard. “Yeah, the heat … That had pissed me off too. You and Midoriya kissing … again” he seemed so aggravated now. But then he remembered something else. “God, I ripped open that guy’s chest in my craze …”
“What?” Katsuki furrowed his brows.
“Yeah, in my pursuit to get into the cabin, I ripped open Ian’s chest … never apologized for that” he grimaced.
“Oh my god …” Katsuki mumbled.
“Yeah … All I could think off was you, how your omega called my alpha, I never really experienced someone in heat, except when you first presented, I was overwhelmed by the smell and I just …” he stopped himself.
“You just?” Katsuki animated him to speak further.
“I just wanted to get rid off the other alphas that were also after you, and with ‘get rid off’ I mean get rid off. My urge to be with you, was so strong, that I would have happily killed a guy for it.”
Katsuki gasped. “Wow … I- I didn’t know that.”
“I never told you that … It was scary to think off, that was a monster inside of me talking, not the real me.”
“None of us were clear …” Katsuki mumbled. “It was not your fault.”
Eijiro nodded. “I was just so glad, that Kairi pulled us away, I could have never ever forgiven myself if I had made it inside that cabin. I don’t want to think off what could have happened; I would have taken you …”
Katsuki shivered when he saw Kirishima like this. The alpha was pale as a ghost. Katsuki let out a purr too sooth him, he let out some pheromones too.
“How did you get out of your rut? No one had told me how she managed to break you out.” Katsuki raised his eyebrows.
Suddenly the pale turned into bright red as he thought of it. This had Katsuki really confused. Eijiro covered his face with his palm. “What’s wrong?” Katsuki leaned forward a little.
“Uuh … I- You go first. How did you get through your heat?”
Katsuki blushed too. “I had Ian cuddle with me, I wouldn’t accept any food or water that wasn’t from an alpha and well … he made me eat and drink. I think I made him really uncomfortable” Katsuki pulled his legs closer to his body and wrapped his arms around it. A bit shy he looked at Eijiro.
Eijiro pursed his lips in thoughts, he slowly nodded his head. “I mean … yeah, I guess that works …” he mumbled. “Well, Kairi pulled us to the clearing and she said we could do whatever we need to do to get it out of our system … but we couldn’t leave the clearing …”
“What does that mean?” the omega asked.
“…” Eijiro stayed quiet. “You know … what happened on the clearing, stays on the clearing …” he mumbled, still red faced.
Katsuki was confused as to what that meant. “It’s unimportant … I am just glad I didn’t do anything to you … If I had … I would have probably left UA, I don’t think I could have lived with myself when I did that to you. No man should do that to someone.”
The omega looked to the ground, he squeeze his legs tighter with his arms. He hadn’t thought about that. “You’re way too good of a person to ever do that to me … or someone else. You could never …” He tried to comfort him.
Eijiro shrugged with his shoulder. “I am not so sure about that. In that moment I didn’t feel like I was in control or anything, so yeah …”
“You’re the best person I know, Kirishima, you’re kind to others, you would never voluntarily hurt them. Hell, you even gave my stupid ass a second chance …. Not even that, I fucked up so many times and yet we’re here, still talking to each other. I know that I didn’t deserve so many chances, yet you gave them to me and I still don’t know why.”
“Guess I’m pretty masochistic” Eijiro sighed. He had a thoughtful look on his face.
They both sat in silence for a while. “D-do you really mean that, what you said to Kairi? On their last day?” Katsuki asked.
“That thing that love isn’t needed to be happy?” Eijiro raised an eyebrow while Katsuki nodded. “Yeah, I don’t want to focus on love anymore. I want to be a whole person and happy on my own. She’s right, you know, if your main focus is on finding love to be complete, than something’s wrong. It shouldn’t be that way.”
Katsuki pursed his lips. “Yeah, guess you’re right …” He rubbed his shins with his hands.
“What are your plans for the future in this regard?” Eijiro asked.
“Hm, in terms of love, nothing is planned. It’s not up to me, to decide that” He looked at Eijiro. “I try to focus on becoming the Number 1 again.”
“Good choice” Eijiro cleared his throat. Of course he understood what Katsuki meant.
“I … talked with Izuku” the omega confessed.
Eijiro’s irises snapped towards Katsuki’s, he stared at him in surprise. “You did?”
“Yes, during my talk with Auntie, she called him for me. We talked a little and I managed to apologize. But we also broke up, not that I hadn’t known it before.”
Kirishima nodded. “Fair enough … How’s he doing?”
“Pretty good, he was in rut, otherwise he sounded pretty happy. He loves the showers there, and there are three pools and maids.”
Eijiro raised his eyebrows. “Living in luxury, huh?”
“Pretty much.”
“But it’s good if he’s doing better.” Eijiro sighed.
“Do you hate him?” Katsuki asked.
Eijiro shook his head. “No … he actually apologized to me.”
“What?” Katsuki was shocked.
“He sent me some text messages on my birthday. He apologized for everything that went down. He asked me to not tell anyone, so I never did. I never wrote him back either …”
Katsuki nodded, seemingly in trance. It looked more like a bobble head. “Oi, Bakugo … what’s wrong?”
The omega flinched and looked to Eijiro. “I … I just needed time to process this. That he contacted you, but not me …”
“Ah” Eijiro mumbled. He bit down on his bottom lip, he pulled one leg closer to his body, in a similar fashion to Katsuki, the other was in a normal position.
Eventually, Katsuki sighed. “I guess he just needed time …” he murmured.
“Possibly.”
Katsuki leaned his head back against the head rest. He stared at the ceiling. “W-what do you feel for me?” he asked.
Eijiro tilted his head. He looked to the ground. “Why do you want to know? There is no way that I will get in a romantic relationship with you again.”
Katsuki’s jaw clenched. “I know that … I … just wanted to know, what your real feelings are. You answered me, that you can’t love me anymore, but … I don’t know if that means that you still love me but can’t be in a relationship with me anymore, or that you do not love me anymore and therefore can’t start to love me again. I mean, I know, dating isn’t an option but … I just want to know.” He looked at Eijiro again.
The redhead took his time to answer. He stared at Katsuki with half closed eyes, he looked tired all of a sudden. After about two minutes, he finally answered. “I do love you, but I won’t act upon it anymore. I’m still trying to get rid of those feelings, but love is a bitch, it’s constantly on my mind and I don’t want that anymore.”
Katsuki gulped. So Kirishima did love him … “I hope you get rid of them soon. That you don’t have to suffer much longer …”
“You too, I don’t want you to suffer either” he said.
They sat in silence for a while. “What about your partner in the Moruga Agency?” he asked.
“Huh? Sougo? What about him?”
“You seem close … He got the Crimson Riot Figurine for you, he cuddled you after that attack, he cleaned up after you.” He counted the instances on his fingers.
Katsuki got red immediately when he realized what he implied. “NO! We’re not dating! He’s just being friendly. He never showed any interest in me, so w-why would you think that?”
Eijiro shrugged. “I don’t know, but he gave me some Midoriya vibes. They are similar. So I thought you might be drawn towards him.”
“So you realized that too? I mean, yeah, he is similar to Izuku in terms of character … but still, he’s like twenty-three! I wouldn’t even know if he were interest in men or uh … specifically male omegas.”
“Does that mean you checked him out?” Eijiro wiggled his eyebrows.
Katsuki bared his teeth. “M-maybe one or two times I realized I was staring at him, but seriously there is nothing. I want to focus on my hero career too!”
“Good, I think that’s the important thing here.”
“Yeah, besides … I have … different things to work out too …”
“Oh, meaning?”
“… I want to transition to alpha … as good as I possibly can. It’s not very common here in Japan, especially for omegas, but I want to try it.”
Eijiro gasped. “Huh. That … is unexpected” he mumbled.
“Kairi first mentioned the possibility, I looked it up before but couldn’t find anything. But I digged deeper into it now and there are some clinics that do it.”
“Well, that’s great! If that’s what you want, go for it!” Kirishima lifted his hands up in a supporting gesture.
“Thanks! I hope to get my stupid omega under control with that. And maybe I’ll grow a bit too” he grimaced.
Kirishima laughed at that. “What? I mean, just look at you! You’re 6’4” and you probably will grow even more, and I am still fucking 5’8”! It’s annoying!” Katsuki growled.
He made Kirishima laugh even harder at that. “Oh my, didn’t know you were this sensitive about you height!” he held his stomach.
“It’s not funny!” Katsuki pouted.
“Well, just a bit” Kirishima answered.
Katsuki started to chuckle too. He was just so happy to hear Kirishima laugh again. It felt almost normal.
The session was over shortly after that. While Kirishima left the room, the therapist talked with Katsuki.
“If you need assistance with transitioning, I know some doctors who do these kinds of treatment.” She told him. “I could introduce you to them.”
“You would do that?” Katsuki’s eyes widened.
“Of course! I’ll get you an appointment if you want.”
“Yes! This would be great! Thank you!”
“You’re welcome.” She smiled at him.
With a good feeling, he left the office and returned back to his dorm. Yeah, this was a productive day.
