He sat with his therapist and talked about his nightmares. He was shaking while doing so, to relive the horrors again was just terrible. The therapist encouraged him to do so, but not to pressure himself, he could take his time with it.
Katsuki didn’t want to take time with it, he wanted those dreams gone immediately. He was impatient and he got frustrated, that it didn’t seem to work.
When Aizawa asked him, if he made any progress, he shook his head in frustration, he still had nightmares.
Even though he got a brand new mattress, he still preferred to sleep in the closet. He just felt safer in it, it was more closed off and he felt like the nightmares couldn’t reach him inside. It was strange, since it was common that the monsters were in the closet and not the other way around.
It took a few more days, until Michiko had a bit time off, they were called to a mission and they couldn’t abandon that. It was March when she and Satsuki arrived at UA. They waited until classes were over – Katsuki had joined them a while ago, the sickness was over, just the nightmares stayed. He couldn’t stay away forever.
Since he continued to explode his arms from time to time, he had started to wear the black sleeves from his hero costume, to better cover up the scars. Just in case his sleeves got pushed up.
Michiko and Satsuki waited in the common room of their dorms and Katsuki was very happy to see them. He almost sprinted towards them. Michiko stood up and caught him, she hugged him. “Hey, how you’re holding up?” she asked.
“I have to, somehow” he answered. He closed his eyes and purred a little, when she patted his head.
Satsuki came closer too, she gave him a hug. “Good to see you again, Katsuki” she smiled.
He returned the smile. “Hey, do you want to eat something? I could cook, I mean, I would cook for everyone but you can eat with us” he pointed to the kitchen.
“Oh, hell yes! I’ll help you, I haven’t cooked in ages!” Michiko clapped her hands one time.
“Oh, you don’t have to do that, I used to cook all the time, so …” He tried to explain.
“You’re kidding me, right. I love cooking, but I just got no time to do so, so let me cook” she walked past him and playfully bumped her hip against his.
Satsuki was next to him. “Don’t let her season anything, since she can’t taste spiciness she usually makes it way too spicy for anyone else” she warned him.
“Uh, okay, will do.” With that, Katsuki walked to the kitchen too.
He hadn’t cooked for a long time. Since Deku had left the school, he had avoided it, so the others were extremely surprised to see him cooking again with the alpha woman. He even had a smile on his face when she joked around and used a large spoon as a microphone to sing some songs. She held the spoon in his direction and in the beginning he didn’t want to, but eventually he took it and continued the song.
Kyoka had a big smile on her face when she walked over and joined them. Michiko applauded her, when she was done. “You have an amazing voice!” she complimented. “And you sing really well too!” she turned to Katsuki. He smiled a little, too.
The other classmates that were present chuckled and watched them, they were just happy that Katsuki seemed to enjoy himself, it had been so long that he actually smiled.
They made chili for everyone, a mild one for anyone who didn’t like it too hot and then one that Michiko had seasoned. And it was really hot, even Katsuki had trouble to keep it down. Michiko laughed when he struggled and fanned himself some air with his hand.
“You’re killing someone with this much spice” he hissed, when he was able to talk again.
“Hey, it’s not that spicy!” she tried it, without making a face. “See? Not that hot.”
“Yeah, for you! You’re immune to spice!” he told her.
“Oh, yeah, you’re right! I am immune” she had a triumphant grin on her face.
“See! Not fair” Katsuki complained.
Denki joined them in the kitchen. “Can you really feel no spice?” he asked, while eyeing the chili, he could already smell that it was way to hot for him.
“Jep, its part of my quirk” she held her hands up, palms showing, and suddenly flames shot out. “The capsaicin works as fuel for my flames, the more I eat, the longer I can use my flames and the hotter they are.” She explained.
“Oh, really cool” Denki smiled. “Are the flames coming out of those pads?” he inspected the little catlike pads on her fingertips and her palms.
“Yes, exactly, they come out of the big one and with the ones on my fingers I can form the flames and move them.” She elaborated further. “Do you want to touch them? They are fluffy!” She leaned closer towards the omega, she wiggled her eyebrows.
Denki’s eyes lit up. “I can?”
“Yes!” Michiko laughed and held her hands up. Her hands and arms were covered in gray gloves, they were part of her hero costume, as Katsuki recalled, but she always wore them. He really wondered, why this was the case. The only things that were not covered were said pads.
Denki carefully touched the big one on her palm. “Oooh, it’s so soft!” he purred. Katsuki came closer now and looked interested to them. He had never touched them before.
“You want too?” she held her right hand to him, since Denki occupied the left one. Katsuki carefully touched it, and it was really fluffy, more than he had expected.
He tilted his head when he felt a slight dent in the pad, he looked closer and he saw, that there was a long fine scar going completely through her pad. “What happened there?” he asked.
“Frequent overuse of my quirk, when I was younger.” She sighed. “Aizawa told me over and over again, that I shouldn’t use my quirk as heavy as I used to, back in the days. I constantly overused it and it damaged my arm pretty badly” she explained. “But I was stubborn and I constantly had to prove, that I was the best. Especially to Kuroko, god, we fought so much, she broke my arms so much during training.”
“Wait, Kuroko? But you two are friends!” He raised his eyebrows in confusion.
Michiko got a strange expression for a moment. “Yeah, now, but back in school we couldn’t stand each other, because of things that happened during our childhood. I hated her and vice versa … We got better over time but until then, it was brutal.”
Denki looked up too. “Kuroko was the dark one, right?” he asked.
Michiko chuckled. “Yeah, that’s her. She’s a strange one.”
Katsuki wondered, what had happened between the two, but he didn’t dare to ask, it was not his business, he had no right to ask her.
They eventually served the chili, some really brave individuals tried Michiko’s chili and they really struggled to eat it. They mixed it with the mild chili and only then it was somewhat bearable.
During dinner, the classmates asked Michiko and Satsuki various things, how their time at UA used to be, how their hero work was et cetera. The two pros loved to talk about that. Over all it was a good time.
After the dishes were cleaned, Michiko and Satsuki followed Katsuki to his room. They were here to talk after all. Michiko noticed, that Katsuki’s nest was almost empty. She didn’t know that he had moved into his closet. Satsuki seemed to understand it however.
“You can sit on the bed too, I just have one chair” he explained. He sat down on the mattress criss cross applesauce, Satsuki joined him on the bed and Michiko sat down on the chair.
“So, we were informed by Aizawa that you struggle with nightmares?” Michiko started.
“Yeah, that’s true, pretty heavy ones” Katsuki looked down on his hands. He fidgeted nervously with his fingers.
“Do you want to talk about them?” the alpha asked. “You don’t have to, if you feel uncomfortable.”
Katsuki exhaled. “I constantly dream of Khaoz, how she’s all burned and she hurts my friends and I can’t save them, all I do is hurt them further with my quirk. It’s the worst nightmare I had so far.”
Michiko nodded. Satsuki had put an arm around him to comfort him. “Yeah, that’s what she does, she gets into your head; I had the same thing when I escaped from her.”
“What happened back then? And how did you get rid of her?” Katsuki asked. He wanted to know what could have happened to him.
“I was still a pretty new hero, three years ago, and I really thought I could do anything. Well, I flew pretty high towards the sun but eventually I burned my wax wings and I fell down. Khaoz was the wrong enemy for me, her ability let’s her absorb fire and it empowers her. The more fire she absorbs, the stronger she gets. She is actually completely immune to any sort of fire attack, and fire even heals her, but she constantly chooses to not use the ability for some time to get this ‘burnt like a crisp’ effect” Michiko grimaced. “When I fought her, she tricked me, she made me believe that I had a chance, but that was just show. I never had a chance to begin with.” She sighed. “Instead of weakening her, I made her even stronger. She has a secondary ability, when she is all fired up, she can incinerate anything she touches, Materials that don’t burn under normal circumstances melt away, while the other stuff just completely burns.”
“She melted Ochako in my dreams.” Katsuki shuddered.
“I’m sorry that you had to see all of that” Michiko apologized.
Katsuki shook his head. “What did she do to you?”
Michiko got quiet. Katsuki saw her visibly gulping. “She kept me in a dark room, she would torture and burn me every day until I passed out, then her healer, Dr. Death, would completely heal me, and she would ask me, if I wanted to join her little crew. But I always told her to fuck off. She didn’t like that, and she incinerated me all over again, just enough to not kill me. But you better believe I wanted to die so badly after a few weeks.”
Katsuki stared at her in horror. “That is awful … h-how did you not break?”
Michiko shrugged. “I numbed everything out. I was used to that … During my late middle school and early high school years, I was so numb, I didn’t care for anything, I just took on this mentality. I knew that Sougo, Kuroko and Satsuki were waiting for me, they would search the world to find me, so I managed to keep me from breaking.”
The omega looked down to the ground. They would search the world for her. He wondered if the others would have looked for him too. “A-and how did you escape?”
“I got lucky, I guess. I entered my rut, while being with them; that was something I actually feared. Unfortunately, rape happens more to omegas, but of course it can happen to alphas too.” She cleared her throat. Katsuki stared at her in shock.
“One of her omega lackeys was torturing me, he had destroyed my arm at this point, when I entered my rut, and he seemed to get horny, he tried to jump at me, I screamed and kicked around me, trying to hold him off. Khaoz came in and ripped him off of me. She completely incinerated him in front of my eyes. She actually apologized for him almost raping me. She said she was many things, but she was no one that would let rape slide. The only thing that she would allow was Faux kissing people to get their ability to work. She actually untied me and brought me into another room, at least she tried. I drop kicked her, and I made a run for it. Sure, my arm was still messed up, but I wouldn’t get a chance of healing it. I ran as fast as I could, that was when I activated my zone for the first time. Some of them tried to stop me, but I just used my Kung Fu on them, fire was useless to most of them, so I didn’t even bother. I managed to get away from them and eventually I was found by Endeavor. He was part of the search party. He brought me away and I was reunited with my group.”
Katsuki stared at her, he was shocked to hear her story. Immediately his thoughts went to the ‘what if’ scenarios. What if she had gotten him? What if no one had found him? What if he couldn’t withstand her torture? She had been kidnapped for a whole month, it was still unimaginable to him how she could not break under such torture.
“A-and what happened to you afterwards? What’s with your arm? And how did you deal with stress and nightmares afterwards?” He asked; he had gripped Satsuki’s hand for comfort.
“I got my arm reconstructed as good as they could, doctors were accustomed to do that by now, during my school time I had a lot of accidents but it was never this severe. Fourth degree burns, shattered bones, destroyed tissues, it was a mess” she grabbed her arm while talking about it. “I can’t use my arm as I used to, especially when it comes to my quirk. I usually used my right arm to fire off massive attacks, but I can’t do that anymore. It’s about half of my original strength I can use in this arm now. Certain movements hurt extremely and my grip strength isn’t what it used to be, too. And with every use of my quirk, I loose more and more of it too. Some days, after hero work, I can’t move my fingers because they are swollen. That’s the reason I wear my cooling gloves all the time. They keep my arms cooled so I don’t overheat. Plus it covers up the nasty scars.” She sighed.
Katsuki stared at her arm. She started to move and undressed her shirt. He flinched when she did that. She was now just in a bra in front of him. He was shocked to see so many scars. He got especially red, when he noticed a claim mark over her left breast, he didn’t know that she had a mate. She opened up some clips and then slowly pulled off her glove on the right side. Katsuki’s eyes widened even more when he saw the destroyed arm. The arm was wrinkled and from a dark reddish tone, from the texture it reminded him of Dabi’s scars. He leaned over and inspected the arm, she held it up for him and he carefully took it into his hands.
“Much like you, I got heavy nightmares after that, scenes of my torture playing on loop in my head. But I never told anyone, I just got numb completely. I drowned myself in work and I refused therapy. I didn’t sleep for days at a time and the only times I slept was, when I completely passed out because of sleep deprivation. My dreams were fueled by nightmares and I jumped at every sound. I blocked even Sougo, Kuroko and Satsuki out.”
Katsuki tilted his head. “What did you do during that time?”
“Alcohol became a good friend of mine, I popped some pills too. Anything that would get my mind off of the torture. But the problem with the alcohol was, that it triggered my quirk too. Capsaicin and ethanol are my fuels, but the thing is, ethanol makes it too strong, I can’t control my fire after that. I lose control fairly easy, it’s much like your super explosions but none stop and without any protection. I had an accident while being completely drunk at hero work, and I burned a civilian that I was supposed to protect.”
Katsuki gasped, he stared at her with wide eyes. “What happened then?”
“I lost my hero license, fell more into depression and I found myself on the roof of a building. I couldn’t cope with all that, I felt like an absolute failure, I had disappointed everyone, I wasn’t fit to be a hero …”
Katsuki resonated with that, he struggled with those thoughts too, lately. “How did you get back on track?”
“Kuroko knocked some sense into me. She knew what I was planning to do, it wasn’t my first attempt of suicide, so she knew how to handle me. She actually pushed me off the edge. She caught me with her ghost arms, but she kept me dangling in the air. She screamed at me, what a stupid, fucking idiot I was; that I should have accepted help all along. Because of my father, I had the toxic mentality that alphas can’t show feelings, can’t show vulnerability, alphas must be strong, must be leaders, that’s why I could not open up to someone. But Kuroko, an omega, made me crack. She asked me, if I am really happy with that, she could let me go and it would be over, but people would remember an absolute failure of a person.”
The omega clenched his fists when she talked about that. He wasn’t an alpha, obviously, but he too had thought that he always had to be strong, back, when he thought he would present as an alpha. He was crushed by people’s expectations and it was just too much at one point. It all turned into anger, anger that turned him into a bully. He had hurt Deku, he had told him to kill himself. Had he ever apologized for that?
“But then Kuroko shouted, that people are remembered for the challenges they overcome. That I can run away and forget what I am capable of, or I can face my fears and remind the world of who I am*. I could just accept defeat, or I can make it right. Right with myself, and right with the girl that I had hurt.” While she talked, she put on her glove again and her shirt.
He was interested in how she handled the situation. She had burned the girl while she was on duty. How did one muster the strength to deal with that? He never apologized to Deku for burning him.
“I finally got into therapy, it took me months to get into a halfway normal mindset again. I stopped drinking and taking pills altogether, I cleaned up after myself, I really wanted to make a change. I wanted to be a better person. It’s hard and sometimes horrifying to face your demons, but I knew that I had to show my penitence. I owned it to the public and especially to the girl that got hurt. I mustered the strength to face her and on my knees I apologized to her.”
“To my surprise, she accepted it. She knelt next to me and lifted my head up. She smiled at me and said that everything was fine, that she lived, if I hadn’t saved her, she would be dead for sure. The burns weren’t that severe, scars would remain, but she told me, that she had rather a few scars then be dead. I shouldn’t over think it any more, and I should go out there and show the world, what I am made off.” While she talked, tears welled up in her eyes. “After careful consideration and many tests, they declared that I was fit for hero duty again, and they gave me back my license.”
Tears were in Katsuki’s eyes too. He wondered if Deku could forgive him for everything that he had done. And he wondered if Inko could forgive him too.
“I’m sure they will.” Satsuki said. Katsuki hadn’t noticed that he had mumbled his thoughts out loud. “If you really mean your apology, then I am sure they will forgive you.”
“But I said some really mean things to Deku … I made him do bad stuff, I am the reason he left. He must hate me, I am so scared that I will never see him again. What if he can’t forgive me? I almost made him kill someone, twice! And his mother, she lost her son because of me, not in the sense that he’s dead but he just left, without telling her what’s going on …”
Satsuki ran her hand through his hair a few times. “Don’t think like that. I am sure, when he is ready, Deku will come back. Give him time, and when he overcame the demons inside of him, he will return to you.”
“Yes, you see, Katsuki, sometimes bad things happen to good people and we can’t fix it. And then I just try to remember that somewhere down the line, eventually those people will be okay again**. The girl proved it to me, she will always have to live with those scars, but she overcame it and she told me, that she can live with them. I don’t exactly know what happened between you and Deku, but I am sure that he will overcome his struggles, and that he will come back. And when the time comes, you will be ready to apologize to him, and he will be ready to accept the apology.”
Tears ran over Katsuki’s cheeks. “I hope so. I want us to be better again. I did so many things wrong with Deku, just because I was such an insufferable asshole. I put him through hell over and over again … He doesn’t deserve that. I want to see him again so bad!”
“I could help you with that …” Satsuki mumbled.
“You mean with your quirk?” Katsuki sniffled.
“Yeah, but only if you want. It can screw with peoples minds quite a bit, some people confuse it with the real world and they get even sadder when it doesn’t turn out the way they want.” She warned him.
“I just want to see him one time, okay? Please, let me see him one time.” Katsuki begged.
“Alright, that’s why I was brought anyway. Michiko used my quirk too, to eventually face the girl. She trained to look her into the eyes. Do you have a picture of him or something?”
“Uh, yeah, actually, could you stand up?” he stood up as well, and he waited until Satsuki was up too. He lifted his mattress and the slatted frame and he pulled out Deku’s dakimakura.
“Wow, you got one of those? Not bad.” Michiko mentioned.
“My classmates got them for me. But given the circumstances, I put them away.” He handed it to Satsuki.
“Alright, just sit down and relax.” She told him. He nodded and tried his best.
Then, all of a sudden, the room disappeared and he was outside. He sat on a log, they were on a clearing it was brightly illuminated. A soft breeze was blowing. Out of the dark forest emerged a figure. Katsuki gasped and stood up. “Deku” he mumbled.
The figure just smiled at him, while he came closer. And yes, it really looked like Deku. At least like the Deku from the pillow. Katsuki lifted his hand and tried to touch him. Deku held up his hand as well and they met. Katsuki laid his palm against Deku’s, subconsciously he knew that it wasn’t the real Deku, but it felt so real.
They intertwined their fingers and Katsuki felt so good. He never wanted to let him go again. He had a smile on his face.
Satsuki let him stay in the illusion for a couple of minutes, but eventually she stopped her quirk. Deku disappeared and instead Katsuki held Michiko’s hand. She gave him a smile.
“Sorry, but you reached out to him, so I thought I jump in. She can’t make things real otherwise” Michiko explained.
“No, its okay, thanks” Katsuki wiped off his tears. “I think I know what I have to do now. Thank you for telling me your story. It will be a long way, but I will come out on top.”
A bright smile appeared on Michiko’s face. “You go boy! You can do it! You can beat the world!”
Katsuki smiled too. Yeah, he would definitely do this. He would take therapy more seriously now, and he knew that he had to apologize to Inko too. He felt better about it now than ever before.
Further he had some counseling with Kirishima too, to work and improve on their relationship.
And last but not least, he had to do something that was very important for himself. And since he would turn eighteen next month, he could probably start it relatively quickly …
He wouldn’t let Khaoz dominate him any longer. He had friends that were willing to help him and he would take that.
