prologue
Arthur sat on a tree trunk, “You're a riddle Merlin”
“A riddle?”, Merlin asked irritated, looking tensely to the side without facing the prince.
„Yes”, Arthur said looking at the ground, “but I quite of like you!“ he added and swung nervously a piece of wood he was holding around.
“Yeah?”
“Now, I realize you're not a big a fool as you look”, the prince told him grinning and poked him with the branch into his back.
„Yeah. I feel the same...“, Merlin answered, “Now that I realize you're not as arrogant as you sound” he glanced grinning at the blond.
Arthur gulped and kicked with his foot into the ground of the forest, “You sure?”
The black haired boy turned around to face the prince completely, “Of course”, his dazzling smile on the lips.
“I don't think so”, Arthur stood up and looked away.
“What's wrong?” Merlin's happy face changed into a worried grimace.
The prince coughed and tried to gather all his courage, “I don't think you exactly fell the SAME way I do”
“Why do you think that?”
Arthur sighed and fixed with his foot a piece of wood on the ground as he explained: “Tell me, what you exactly feel about me – I mean, what am I to you?”
Merlin put on a face as if he had seen a pig flying right above his head, “I'm not too sure if I can actually follow you”
“Just tell me”, Arthur swirled around and looked Merlin straight into the eyes, “how would you describe our relationship?”
“Relationship?” Merlin raised in Gaius' manner an eyebrow, “We're friends?”
Arthur stared at him, then took a deep breath and dropped his head, “Yes, right”
The other boy tried to read the blond's expression.
“We are friends!” Athur said grinning at Merlin, “We are friends”
“Yes”, Merlin said confused, “What's wrong with you, today? Are you not feeling well?”
“No, I feel great”, Arthur exclaimed and grinned broadly, “Oh, and you still think I'm arrogant?”
Merlin looked at him confused, “No, more... supercilious”
chapter 1 - last chance
“Who could have released the dragon?”, Arthur asked, looking straight at his desk, thinking.
Merlin stood at the door and was watching the prince closely. He nervously fumbled at his blue shirt, “I don't know”
“Of course, you don't know”, the blond said angrily without looking up, “How would you know”
“Er”, the black haired boy dropped his head, “yeah”
Arthur stood up and walked to the window. The court was still under repair and people were running around hectically trying to rebuild everything that had been destroyed by the dragon.
He sighed, which made Merlin looking up again and moving closer to his friend.
“What's wrong?” he asked carefully.
“What do you think?”
Merlin shrugged, “Well, except the whole dragon incident?”
“Nothing”, Arthur said and took a step backward, which lead into bumping into Merlin, “Out of my way”
“Really”, Merlin moved away, holding his hands innocently in the air, “it obviously is not nothing!”
“How would you know”, Arthur leaned against the wall.
“Second time already, you really have no confidence in me”
Arthur glanced at him, then fixed his gaze on the floor, “You have no idea how much confidence I have in you”
“Oh, really? I can't see it!” Merlin said angrily and crossed his arms, “What kind of confidence is it anyway?”
“Doesn't matter”, the prince murmured.
“Oh well, it does”, Merlin pouted, “to me at least”
Arthur smiled, “Yeah, an awful lot of confidence”
“That doesn't define anything”
“I know”, Arthur stepped towards the window again, looking outside, “well, I trust you with my life, if that's enough for you”
“Actually, that's not news to me”
Arthur chuckled, “I knew, you would say that”
“I mean, come on. You risked your life to save me and I can't even remember how often”, Merlin said thinking, “Mh, you must be really in need for a fine manservant as I am”
“If it were for the job, I would have sacked you the first day you started”
“Actually you did”
“Oh, right. But I took you back”
“After you realized you were in the wrong”, Merlin told him grinning.
“Merlin!”; Arthur exclaimed, “I'm never in the wrong”
“Yes, you are”, the boy laughed.
Arthur watched him, a smile on his face.
Merlin looked up at him, worried, “Something wrong?”
“Merlin, remember when I told you, no man is worth your tears?”
“Yes”, he lowered his gaze.
“That's a lie. The truth is, I want you to cry for me, as much as you think is appropriate for my dea...”
“Don't say that, Arthur!”, Merlin yelled at him, “You're not going to die! I will protect you with my life!”
“No you won't!”, Arthur shot back, “This is my fight and I don't want you to get hurt! Do you understand? You are not to go out there, following me! Is that clear?”
Merlin swallowed and looked him straight into the other boy's blue eyes.
“Promise me, you won't do anything reckless!”, Arthur pleaded in a whisper.
“I...”
“Promise!”
The boy sighed and nodded silently.
“Good”, Arthur said breathing out.
He turned his back at Merlin and was on his way to the door, when he heard Merlin saying, “You must promise not to do anything reckless either, don't die! Or I will never forgive you”
Arthur gulped. When Merlin was talking like that it became even more difficult for the young prince to not grab the last chance and push him down.
The last chance. Was it really going to end? This soon? His life, his happiness? He didn't want that. Or at least not in this way. He wanted at least one little taste of what life had in storage for him before he died. And this night could be his last night on this earth, in this kingdom, with this one person he loved so much.
“Merlin”, Arthur called, without looking at the other boy.
“Yes?”
Then he turned on the heel, took three big steps towards Merlin and pulled him into a deep kiss.
Merlin's eyes widened at the surprise attack and even the moment Arthur let go of him he did not fully realize what just had happened.
“Bye”, Arthur whispered nervously and left the room as well as a very confused Merlin.
Chapter 2 - Afterparty
Chapter 2 – Afterparty
“The dragon flew off and it seems likely he will never come back”, Arthur murmured, walking nervously in a circle in his room, “I don't understand why”
He stopped and looked at the ceiling, “Why the hell did it spare me and ran off?”
A knock on the door pulled him out of his thoughts, “Come in”
Nothing happened, the door did not open.
“I said, come in!”, Arthur said almost yelling.
The door opened slowly and Merlin stepped hesitantly into the prince's room. For a brief moment both of them stood there in silence, trying not to look at each other.
“Erm”, Merlin broke the ice, “The dragon's gone”
“Oh”, Arthur said surprised, “yeah”. The second Merlin had entered his room Arthur's mind had lost all sense of reality and what just had happened. He could only think of one thing – the kiss, no two things, the kiss and Merlin.
He looked at the other boy and their eyes locked for a split second.
“About”, Arthur began, “you know”
Merlin did not look at him and fixed his shoes, as if he had never seen them before.
“Well, it never happened”
As he said that he got a surprised look of the other boy, “What? What did never happen?”
“The kiss!”, Arthur shouted and fondled embarrassed at his belt, “You idiot, what else is there to talk about?”
“Oh”, Merlin said and breathed out, “that”
“What else could it be?”, he said angrily.
“N... nothing worth talking about, of course”, Merlin stuttered, “So, what was this whole... kiss thing?”
Arthur was astonished, he had never expected Merlin to be this flat about this kind of matter. Of course, the prince was more than experienced in this field but he had hoped for at least some embarrassment from the other party. However Merlin seemed rather untouched by the fact he had been kissed and on top of that by another man.
“You don't care, do you?”, Arthur asked irritated,
“Well, should I?”, Merlin answered honestly.
This boy is hopeless, the prince thought and sat down on a chair, “And here I was fretting over nothing”
“So it was nothing?”
Arthur looked up and found a nervous Merlin standing right in front of him, “I mean, it didn't mean anything, because you're the Prince and I'm just a servant and what's more I'm a man and...”
“You did think about it”
“At least when I had the time to”, Merlin flashed his broad smile, that Arthur was so much in love with.
“I love your smile”, he muttered unconsciously and made Merlin blush from his left to his right ear.
“What?”, he asked nervously and took a step backwards.
Arthur stood, “Did I say that out loud?”
“Yes, you did”
“Didn't mean to”, Arthur said blushing and walked to the window, “Well, it's true anyway”
“What do you mean?”, Merlin asked hesitantly.
Arthur spun around and faced Merlin confidently, “I love you”
“Er, me too”, the black haired boy answered and grinned nervously, “We are friends, right?”
It was like a arrow right trough his heart, that broke it in two.
He looked at his friend, hurt and yet smiling, “Yes, we are friends, I suppose”
Merlin nodded, “If that's all, can I leave?”
“Yes, please do so”, Arthur did not mean to kick him out, but he needed him gone for at least some time, until his heart had recovered from the shock and he could stand side by side with him again.
“Good night”, Merlin whispered as he left and shut the door quietly.
Arthur walked to his bed, let himself fall down into the sheets and punched his fists into the pillows.
How could one be as stupid as his manservant. Friends had been great for some time, but now he wanted more than that. He needed more, even so he knew exactly he couldn't have it. It was frustrating for him, the prince of Camelot, defeated by love.
*
Merlin walked fast through the castle, almost running towards his own room. He did not even stop as Gwen called out for him. In his and Gaius' rooms he headed right to his bed and fell onto it and started crying. His sobbing must have been loud enough to get Gaius' attention who had walked into the room a moment after Merlin.
“What's wrong, Merlin?”, he asked carefully.
The boy did not answer.
“Tell me about it”, Gaius insisted and sat down at the edge of Merlin's bed, “is it about the dragon? No one blames you...”
“It's not about the stupid dragon”, Merlin shouted, “Who cares for that right now?”
Gaius watched him surprised, “Then what is it?”
“As if I could tell you”, Merlin cried and rubbed some of his tears with his bedsheets away.
“Well, I know you are a sorcerer, what else could there be, that is more difficult to tell someone?”
“Something, that's even more dangerous and will get me definitely hanged if Uther finds out about”
Gaius eyed him suspiciously, “You mean, like releasing the dragon?”
“No”, Merlin exclaimed, “It has nothing to do with the dragon. Well, in some way it has. The stupid dragon made it even more complicated”
“Why won't you tell me about it”, Gaius said softly.
“I can't”, Merlin sobbed, “It's impossible, I'm sorry”
Gaius sighed, “Alright, but you know. If you change your mind and need someone to talk I'm right here”
“Thanks”
*
When Gaius looked after Merlin later this night, the boy had stopped sobbing and was sound asleep. He must have cried himself to sleep, the physician thought and pulled Merlin's blanked over his shoulders. The old man watched the young boy sleeping for a moment.
As he was about to leave, he heard him whispering in his dreams and turned around to grip it, “Arthur...”
Gaius smiled, he was always thinking of the prince first.
“... love you...”, Merlin added almost not hear able.
Gaius' eyes widened, for a second he stood there frozen, then he faced the door of Merlin's room again and left, he must have misheard. Who knows what the boy was dreaming about, and he did not want to know.
*
He could not sleep. It was impossible for him right now. Therefore the proud prince of Camelot decided to have a walk in the middle of the night through the castle. Once he stood in the empty hallways, no candles lit, only the one in his hands giving a little light, he took a deep breath of the cold air that was hovering in the old building. Due to the dragon incident there were no guards at his door, they were all busy elsewhere. He was thankful for that for he did not want to be seen in the state he was in right now.
Arthur had made some steps without heading anywhere when he made up his mind and decided to drop by Gaius' chambers. He must had something that would help him getting to sleep and maybe he could catch a glimpse of Merlin's cute sleeping face. That was not a good idea.
As he knocked softly at the door, he was surprised to find the old man still awake, even though already dressed for the night.
“Sire?”, Gaius' looked at him astonished, “What do you need at that time of the night?”
“Sleeping drafts, of course”, he said briskly and walked in.
“Wait a moment”
“Can I ask you, why are you still awake?”, Arthur set down on a stool at the table, which was covered in opened books.
“Well, Merlin had some trouble sleeping too and I was looking after him and wanted to wait until he fell asleep”
Arthur looked at the old man in surprise, “He couldn't sleep?”
“Yes, sire. Something must have happened. When he came back he was all tears”, Gaius gave him a small ampule.
“He was crying?”, Arthur did not take it and stood up.
“Yes, but he wouldn't tell me why”
Arthur spun around, watching the door that led to Merlin's room. Then he took the sleeping draft from Gaius and took it in one gulp down.
“Wait, Sire. You shouldn't take it here. It's really fast working and you”
“I'll sleep in Merlin's room”
Gaius wanted to interfere, but let it go, as the blond boy was already inside Merlin's room and about to close the door.
“Good night, Gaius”, Arthur said and shut the door.
“Good night, Sire”, Gaius sighed and sat down on his bed, “What a strange day”
Chapter 3 – Talk is cheap
Chapter 3 – Talk is cheap
When he woke up in the morning, Merlin found himself lying on the floor. He must have rolled out of his own bed at night, which had never happened before.
“What the”, the young boy rubbed his head and stood up slowly, reaching with his right hand towards the blankets that were still on the bed.
Something was lying there, or better said someone was lying in his bed.
“Arthur!”, Merlin yelled and stepped back, as he realized who the other person was.
“Shut up, Merlin. You're too loud”, with this the prince reached out for the other boy and got hold of his wrist, pulled him onto the bed.
He then wrapped one arm around the shoulders of the black haired boy and made himself comfortable.
Merlin's yell, as he had found out who it was lying in his bed, must have had woken Gaius, who came now storming in and found the two boys cuddling in one bed, or at least Arthur hugging Merlin's upper body, for the rest of him was still more next to the bed than on top of it.
“What are you doing?”, the old man said loudly and pulled Merlin away from the prince.
The blond boy finally came to his senses and realized where he was and with whom.
“Good morning, Gaius”, Arthur looked around at Merlin who turned his face away the moment their eyes met, “Well, I must have mistaken Merlin for my cushion”
“You better do not do that again”, Gaius said warningly, “your are the prince of Camelot, you better not forget about that”
Then he turned to face Merlin, “And you better watch it, too, Merlin. You two don't want to be caught sleeping together, do you?”
“We are not”, Merlin exclaimed quickly, “sleeping together”
“Unfortunately”, Arthur murmured.
Gaius gave him a suspicious look raising one eyebrow.
“As Gaius correctly said, I am the prince of Camelot. And therefore I will go hunting, as princes do. Merlin!”
“Be careful”, Gaius told Merlin and whispered, “Who knows what kind of spell he is under”
“Hopefully it will be gone soon”, Merlin said coldly.
“I did not mean this kind of spell, Merlin”, Gaius said smiling and patted the boy on his shoulder, “therefore I told you to be careful”
Arthur had already left the room.
“I know exactly what you're talking about”, Merlin told his adviser.
“Don't do anything stupid, Merlin. He might be the prince, but he cannot do as he pleases”
Merlin swallowed soundly.
“And whatever you two are up to, don't get caught, I mean it. The outcome would be the same as if your secret were to exposed”
“Don't worry, we are only going for a hunt”, Merlin said smiling and left without washing or having eaten anything since the night before.
*
They were riding next to each other in complete silence. Only the two of them had left the castle and Uther must have been quite displeased for Arthur's absence, but the boy could not care less right now.
As they left the thicker part of the woods, Arthur led towards a small meadow right in the middle of the forest, where he got off his horse and let himself fell onto the soft ground. The grass was bright green and the horses started eating the minute they were let go to do so.
Merlin joined Arthur on the ground and sat about two meters away from him.
It was silent, only some bird's singing and the sound of fresh wind could be heard.
“Didn't we want to go hunting?”, Merlin asked suddenly and looked into the sky.
“Well, we are. We are hunting the feelings that are given us from god's great present nature”
Merlin turned his gaze to Arthur, who had his eyes closed and seemed to enjoy the sunlight on his skin and a soft breeze playing with his blond bangs.
He felt the sun reflecting on his pale skin, too and the wind tickling under his nose.
“Why did you cry last night?”
Merlin's eyes widened in terror and he found himself looking eye in eye with Arthur, who had now sat up and was facing him with a serious look.
“I”, he stuttered and did not know what to say.
“You at a loss of words. I never believed that could ever happen”, Arthur said laughing.
“Because of what happened before”, Merlin answered seriously.
Arthur stopped laughing abruptly and moved closer to Merlin, their hands almost touching.
“What do you mean, exactly?”
“Oh, come on. You know what I mean, prat”, Merlin pouted and looked at him from the corner of his eyes.
“Well, I won't until you tell me exactly what you mean, idiot”, Arthur came even closer and Merlin could feel his warm breath only some inches away from his ear.
As Merlin did not say anything else, Arthur's right hand brushed Merlin's left and the black haired boy shivered because of the sudden touch.
Arthur took this as a yes and leaned in to kiss him on the lips, but Merlin moved his head to the side and thus Arthur's lips only touched the other boy's cheek.
“Sire, I don't think that's such a good idea”, Merlin said nervously and did not dare to look at him in the eye.
“Why not?”, Arthur whispered into Merlin's left ear and kissed it softly.
Merlin quivered and closed his eyes vehemently.
The blond prince caressed Merlin's chest and his hand stopped right on his heart.
“I can feel your heartbeat fasten”
“Of course”, Merlin yelled and pushed Arthur away.
Due to the force he had used and the fact, Arthur still had a hold on his left wrist Merlin landed right on Arthur.
Both lying on top of each other on the ground of a meadow right in the middle of a forest was tempting. They were alone and Arthur could not avoid a smirk on his face.
Merlin blushed and tried to escape, but was pushed over by Arthur, so that he was lying on top of Merlin now.
“Arthur”, Merlin said a bit anxious.
“I don't want to hurt you, Merlin”, Arthur said smiling and let go of his hands, “I won't force you to do anything you don't want to do”
Merlin looked to the side.
Arthur sat on top of Merlin and watched the other boy, “Well, but you do know, what I'm talking about, don't you, Merlin”
The boy nodded embarrassed.
“That's good then”, Arthur leaned in, used his left hand to force Merlin to face him and kissed him softly on the lips.
Merlin closed his eyes and pulled Arthur closer, deepening the kiss.
A sudden rustling sound made them look up and let go off each other.
“What was that?”, Merlin asked anxiously.
Arthur looked around and shook his head, “nothing”
“Well, there certainly was something”, the other boy exclaimed and pushed the prince off him.
“Merlin, it was probably just some animal running about”, Arthur said.
“Probably, but what if not”, Merlin whispered, “What if someone saw us”
Arthur watched his servant irritated, “There was no one”
“How can you be sure of that?”, Merlin stood up and walked towards their horses, “We better go back”
“Merlin!”, Arthur called, “Will you stop worrying”
“No”, the black haired boy sat on his horse, “at least one of us has to worry, Sire”
He said the last word with great emphasis without looking at the prince, “We better get going, I'm sure your fa... the king is probably full of rage because of your absence”
“Merlin!”, Arthur yelled, but the young boy was already out of hearing.
