Disclaimer: außer der idee zur story gehört mir niiiiiix. die Jungs gehören sich selbst und nur sich selbst, ich gehör eher denen als andersrum. ich verdien hiermit auch kein geld, und werd's leider auch nie.
tja, also..... meine erste fanfic... die idee hatte ich schon n weilchen, deshalb hab ich auch zuerst das ende geschrieben.... mal sehen, was ich mit dem mittleren teil mache, so kapitel 4 - 7 (?)... wird sich schon was von selbst zusammenschreiben ^^
viel spaß beim lesen, comments sin erwünscht.
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Again. Again the seasons had turned and autumn-coloured leaves passed the windows of Tora’s living room; the first snow was sure to come soon. The man sat there silently, pensive, on the couch, a stack of books next to him; it was one of those days off. No rehearsals, no interviews, no live shows, no… no one but him in the apartment. He couldn’t decide whether to like those days or not – he just felt lonely at times like these.
He felt depression slowly creeping upon him so he averted his gaze from the grey-ish scenery outside and turned on the TV. Flipping through the channels he got stuck on a GazettE concert which was broadcasted live due to the fact of being the official tour final. And again Tora admired that band that got signed under PSC just a month earlier than them and still had progressed so much further in the last one and a half year. He tried to remember the last time GazettE and Alice nine had had a concert at the same venue together – it seemed like ages ago.
He had always liked the other band a lot, their music and style. But what he most liked about them, he admitted to himself after they had started a new song on TV, was that guitarist, Aoi. He loved how that man moved ever so swiftly, still playing his parts and riffs on the guitar perfectly. He had realised he loved to watch the man. Again and again.
The next day, actually, should have been another day off, but it turned out otherwise. Tora had gotten out of bed, sleeping in long and long today - he had watched the concert on TV at night time again – slipped into light shorts, heading for the kitchen. He had just taken out a pan for the stove and was rummaging the fridge for some eggs as his phone rang. He picked it up, not caring to look who had called. “Hai?” he said, not being in the mood to say much that soon after getting up.
“Hey, Tora!” Tora could literally hear Nao’s grin through the phone. “Yeah, what’s up? Already missing me after a day?” the guitarist mocked. “Nah, nah. Just wanted to get the news to you since you had your phone off yesterday.” Tora had turned it off to enjoy the concert without being disturbed and back on again before going to bed. And he didn’t have a house phone. “Guess what happened, Tora.” “Don’t know, what?” Nao chuckled audibly. “Our new single, Tora, the one we released a few days ago, reached Gold yesterday!” the drummer cheered. Tora felt himself smile at these news. “Buuuuuut, Tora-chan, if this already renders you speechless I have even better news for you! You’ll love PSC and our managers for this.”
Nao paused, making Tora wonder what would come now. “We’re allowed to release a fourth single, PV included?” Tora asked. He had tugged the phone between his head and right shoulder to be able to keep searching for the ingredients for his brunch. “Nah, nah.” Nao made that noise again; he seemed to have grown obsessed with it during the last week. “PSC added two month of extra shows to the GazettE tour and we’re opening for them for the last one!” Tora dropped the two eggs he had just managed to extricate from between the butter and the marmalade glasses. His mouth fell open a little. “…..e~to..…Tora?” Nao asked after there was no response from the guitarist. “Everything alright? I think I just heard a faint smashing sound….” Tora pulled himself back together. “All’s fine. So… I guess there’s gonna be a meeting tonight?” “Yeah, at around 6” Nao answered. “See ya then!” “Ja ne.” answered Tora and hung up. For a moment he couldn’t think straight. A concert with the GazettE in two month? “Holy fuck.” he exclaimed before putting the phone on the counter. Stepping back to the stove he placed his feet exactly into the sticky mess on his kitchen floor and landed with a ‘thumb’ on the ground. Then he started searching for a rag in a cupboard.
Tora was rubbing his cold hands as he entered the little studio that belonged to them. It had been a good find – a small lobby room, a spacious room for rehearsing, including a corner where they put up the mixing and recording equipment, a smaller room in back, next to a room that served as the ‘hang-out-and-around-room’, as Hiroto called it, complete with a big couch, coffee table comfortable arm chairs, tiny kitchen and an adjoining small bathroom. Nao had found the announcement for sale in the papers – he was always the one with the good hand for taking care of the band’s managing issues.
Tora knew that Nao was already in the small room in the back for he could hear him drumming the patterns of their news songs in an interesting combination. Saga was sitting on one of the big armchairs, and, after taking off his warm clothes, Tora sat next to him onto the broad armrest, still rubbing his hands. “Hey, what’s up, Sagacchi?” The bassist smiled at this name; Tora was the only one he allowed to use it. Saga then took Tora’s hands in his own, making the guitarist smirk. “You forgot to put on gloves again, didn’t you?” the blond said and sighed. Tora just leaned back into the chair, letting Saga warm up his cold hands.
He looked at the clock at the wall; it was almost six. When Saga noticed the door to the studio opening he suddenly dropped Tora’s hands, making him smirk again. Shou and Hiroto came in, laughing, each holding a tray of coffee cups and, unnoticed by Tora, who was gazing at the ceiling, the members of the GazettE came trailing along into the studio. “Wha-“ Saga made a surprised noise at the sight, which caused Tora to get his focus back to what was going on in the studio. When he saw who was there, his face fell. The person he had just been thinking of was standing in the rehearsal room, looking directly at him.
Aoi had never been in the studio of another band than his own and felt distracted by little things, which annoyed him. He liked to stay focused on the things that were meaningful. The guitarist had been the last one to enter the little studio so it took him a second to be able to see the couch in the next room through his band members’ bodies.
His gaze fell on Tora, whose head was lying on the backrest of the arm chair, his black hair fanned out around him, smiling contently at the ceiling. There was something about the way he was slouched on that sofa that made Aoi start to stare. And when Tora finally noticed them in the studio and his gaze also immediately fixed on Aoi, the GazettE guitarist found that still smiling face attractive. But the smile didn’t even stay for a second.
He felt a little sting in his heart when the other man’s face started to look somewhat horrified. He felt that this was not a good beginning.
Shou and Nao, who had come out from hiding in the back room had started to hush them all into the big room. After everyone got settled somewhere, Kai started speaking. “Soooo… you know, we’re gonna do a show together!” he smiled, looking first at Nao and then the rest of Alice Nine. “It’ll be the Tenshoukan theatre, which is a quite big venue, and we, that is, me, Ruki, Uruha, and Nao-kun thought it might be kinda cool to do one song of each band together, or something along those lines.” No one protested so Kai went on after taking a sip of his coffee. “I guess we’ll figure things out tonight and then rehearse sometime next weekend.”
About that time Tora stopped listening, his gaze drawn to Aoi at his right again and again. Aoi noticed, and every time he looked back at him to smile friendly, Tora would drop his eyes and look somewhere else. It started to annoy Aoi.
“So it’s settled then!” said Nao, causing Tora to finally focus on the subject of the meeting again. “Next Saturday, three in the afternoon.” Everyone started getting up and ready to leave for home or elsewhere. They crowded in the small lobby room, picking their warm clothes when Aoi’s and Tora’s arms brushed by just a bit. They looked at each other, Tora stiffening slightly. Aoi opened his mouth to say something; he actually had hoped to talk to him. He had been searching for another good guitarist for a little jam session; Uruha sometimes was just a total loser at improvising. He thought about how to ask Tora but in that second, the black haired turned around, hurrying out of the door, catching up with Saga who was already out on the street. Again, Aoi felt weird for being ignored.
“What got into you?” Saga asked laughing as Tora came to a halt beside him, blushed slightly and seeming to try and slow his breathing. “Oh, eh... nothing. ……really.” He added as Saga looked at him strangely. Tora just couldn’t tell him the truth. Him, loving a man? Would they avoid him, throw him out of the band to find a guitarist with a normal brain? He knew all about the whole fanservice thing but… a guitarist actually loving another one? No…
The bassist knew Tora wasn’t telling the truth, but did not ask again. Tora would tell him if something was wrong, they were best friends after all. Maybe even a bit more.
The week passed by without any big events, an interview for this magazine, a photo shot for that… live appearances in TV shows, confirming their show with the GazettE in two month, and playing a song before the show was over. On Friday, he started to get nervous. On Saturday, he was outrightly panicking at the thought of being together in a room with Aoi again. He showered for what felt like an hour in the morning, trying to wash away the feeling of acting like a crazy fan girl. It somewhat worked, so he got himself ready to get going.
The moment he opened the door to the studio he could hear Shou singing a text of some completely unrelated and nonsensical words to someone playing guitar, making the others in the studio laugh. Tora took off his coat, scarf and gloves and entered. Shou was still singing and, to Tora’s surprise, it was Aoi who played the acoustic guitar to it, a nice fluffy melody. Before Aoi looked up and Tora would feel all weird again, he hurried on to the next room, letting himself fall on the couch next to Saga. The blonde noticed immediately that he was tired; Tora shut his eyes and slouched a bit. He noticed the movement next to him and smiled as Saga moved closer to him. “Just hadn’t had much sleep, that’s all” Tora answered the bassist’s question before he could ask it. It was true, he hadn’t slept much, being far to excited to sleep properly.
Shou and Aoi came to an end in the rehearsal room, receiving applause from everyone. Then there was the noise of equipment being repositioned and shuffled around so Tora and Saga went to take their spots. They had agreed on working on Shunkashuutou, first letting Alice Nine play their song by themselves and afterwards deciding how to split it between the two bands. They started playing and after just a few measures Tora noticed that Aoi was watching him and promptly screwed up the whole thing. “Sorry…” he murmured, angry at himself and trying not to blush.
They started again and this time Tora turned to Saga to concentrate on his band mate, who did the same. He came through the song without problems. He started making a habit of turning to Saga. Also, he noticed, he was starting to avoid Aoi where he could.
He didn’t even have the strength to look into the other guitarist eyes without blushing and just prayed to the heavens that no one would notice. Aoi didn’t care anymore, or at least tried to, he thought Tora’s cool behaviour was his way of showing off himself. Aoi hated that kind of people. At the end of the day Tora again left without having exchanged a word with the other man.
It had been decided that the rehearsal for the GazettE song would be on the Sunday before Christmas. Tora calmed himself that that was still two weeks away. But the time flew by faster than he thought it would. The Friday before that Sunday Saga called him, he knew who it was before he fetched the phone from the kitchen counter. Saga was the only one with another than the standard ring tone on his phone. “Hey, what’s up, Sagacchi?” “I’m bored, wanna come over?” “Sure. I’ll be there in twenty minutes. See ya.” “Okay.” Saga hung up. Tora went to fetch a little bag and stuffed his phone, the game he bought just on Tuesday, and his wallet into it. He rummaged for some warm clothes and left his apartment.
Saga’s apartment was welcomingly warm after his stroll on the cold streets. Tora left his winter clothes in the respective shells at the entrance knowing that Saga was a highly organized person; everything had to be in its place. “I brought that new game along!” he called to the kitchen where he could hear Saga preparing some tea. They settled on the couch after Saga had brought the tea to the living room and Tora was done setting up the TV with the Playstation.
They played into the early morning hours until both their hands hurt from pressing buttons all the time. Still they didn’t want to sleep so Saga put on a movie that they liked, brought some more tea and a blanket. He wrapped it loosely around them and leaned back on the sofa.
After a while Saga looked at the man beside him, his shiny black hair, the fine curve of his chin to his neck, everything, taking in the sight. He had long ago given up on telling himself that he not loved his band mate. It was not a kind of simple sexual attraction; it was the way of how Tora always figured out the collected bassist, of how he acted really natural only around him. Others might think that Tora was distancing himself or was just cold, uncaring, but that was not true, Saga knew. Tora was just probably one of the shyest people he had ever met in his entire life. And one of the most beautiful.
He noticed that he had started to stare and averted his gaze, turning back towards the TV, but still focusing on Tora’s warmth at his right. Only moments after, the guitarist's head slid onto Saga’s shoulder. “Hey…” the bassist said, getting no response. Tora had fallen asleep. Saga smiled.
Saga couldn’t bring himself to wake the other man; the guitarist seemed too peaceful to be disturbed. Staying as still as he could he turned off the TV via remote and the only light left now was coming from the tiny kitchen light. Saga closed his eyes and listened to Tora’s soft and steady breathing; it calmed him, down to his core. A few minutes filled with peace and content.
The guitarist murmured something in his sleep, at first the blonde couldn’t make it out.
Only the last two words: “…love you.”
The bassist went stiff. Tora again said something impossible to understand and then the GazettE’s guitarist’s name. Aoi. ‘So that’s why.’ Saga thought. He had noticed the subtle changes in the behaviour of the black haired sleeping at his shoulder. The calm man had spoken less than he had in a while. He had started drifting off mentally more often. He was getting unfocused on the things he should concentrate on. Saga had noticed.
He now understood. And felt a terrible twinge in his chest.
Saga leaned back and tried to fight the pain in his heart. Breathing in he looked back at the figure at his right, a tear finding its way over his cheek. He did not want to loose his most precious person to someone else and be left behind. He wouldn’t smile ever again.
Slowly and careful not to wake him Saga took a hold of Tora’s shoulders and placed the other’s head on his lap as substitution for a pillow. He didn’t want the guitarist to have an aching neck the next day after sleeping in an upright position.
After another long look at Tora he leaned back again, telling himself that he should sleep as well.
This situation, however awful it was for him now, would find a solution for itself eventually.
When Saga woke the next morning he remembered everything. Looking at the sleeping face below him a strange feeling befell him, a feeling akin to the love he had felt for what seemed like for ever, but also something else.
The fear of loosing.
He had known that he and Tora would never be bonded by what bonds lovers together but they had always been so close, they hadn’t needed anyone else. And now… with Tora’s heart attached to someone else?
What would become of their relationship? What would become of him, Saga?
His hand started moving without him realising. He moved the fine dark hair out of Tora’s face and stroked the guitarist’s cheek.
Still the other man breathed in his tranquillizing way and the blonde closed his eyes, craning back his aching neck.
Saga prayed for this moment to never end. Then Tora began stirring, bringing up a hand to his head. Saga removed his own. “Morning, sleeping beauty” he smiled at the black haired, who blinked a few times to get himself awake.
Blinking a few times more Tora realised his position and sat up. “Had I been sleeping like that all night?” he asked. Saga smiled again and Tora went on “You could’ve woken me up, geez!” He blushed slightly. “Ii desu yo.” Saga answered and ruffled Tora’s hair a bit. “What would you like for breakfast?” Tora stood up from the couch. “Let’s do something together.” “How about pancakes?” the blonde asked. “Would love it!” Saga turned to the kitchen, smiling sadly to himself.
How much time was left?
How long?
