D'espairs Ray of Hope
Hizumi was standing outside on the back porch of his little seaside house. He was wearing faded blue jeans and an old black tank top. His beloved silver chain wound itself around his neck and he held a cigarette in his hand, eyeing it closely while it softly dwindled in his hands, but never taking a drag, even though it would not … could not hurt him right now.
With a soft sigh he flicked the cigarette over the porch railing and left it to die in the sand, his eyes traveling to the horizon, where the sun began to set.
His thoughts were dark and he closed his eyes for a few moments, trying to find a way out of the dark despair which held his soul captive.
It had been weeks since he last spoke to anyone. His beautiful voice had not been in use for so many weeks, he himself hardly knew how it was to listen to his voice.
He felt alone and at the same time he needed the quiet and peace he only found here at the sea.
Slowly he sat down on the steps that led down to the beach, his bare feet never touching the sand.
He shivered a little bit and closed his eyes again.
His hand went to his wrist and his fingers clenched, his nails digging into his own flesh until the shallow wounds he inflicted there started to bleed again.
He was so lost in his own personal darkness he never heard Tsukasa come out onto the porch and gasp softly.
Tsukasas eyes widened, when he saw Hizumi hurting himself again. He gasped softly and sat down behind him, gathering him into his arms.
He felt Hizumi melt into his embrace and simply held him close, relished the fact that he was able to bring the vocalist back to the world of the living.
‘…he will be back…at least for a little while…’, he thought to himself and softly pressed his lips against Hizumis cheek, rubbing his hands up and down Hizumis cold arms.
“You’re freezing, Hizu-chan…please…come back to the house…I don’t want you to fall ill again…I need you.” Tsukasa whispered softly in his most hypnotic voice.
He knew Hizumi would react to him and sure enough Hizumi rose from his seat on the porch and let himself be led back to the house.
His eyes were wide and dark with despair and he held onto Tsukasas warmth, tried to find his way back.
Ever since he found out that his voice may have been damaged due to the operation he had to undergo to save his voice he hadn’t talked. He hadn’t dared to do so.
Hizumi followed Tsukasas slow steps back into the house and when he reached the couch, he nearly collapsed onto it. His eyes wide with held back emotions and his body shivering in response to them and the cold outside.
Tsukasa reached for a soft blanket and wound it around Hizumis frail body, before sitting down right next to him and gathering him into his arms. He pulled him up into his lap and started humming a soft tune to help calming Hizumis frayed nerves. When he deemed his lover calm enough, he looked into his eyes and smiled softly. "You do know, you will have to try to talk again, love, right?", he asked in a calm tone and his fingers tangled in Hizumis soft hair.
Despair filled brown eyes met Tsukasas and he nodded nearly imperceptibly, before burying his face against his lovers warm, strong shoulder. He felt Tsukasas hands gently stroking along his back and slowly he started to relax. Hizumi knew he eventually would have to try to talk and see, what would happen, but he felt he wasn't strong enough right now. He bit his lip and looked up into Tsukasas eyes again. There, amidst all the despair reflected in his beautiful eyes, he found a tiny ray of hope that everything would be alright in the end and he knew, he would try. Just for Tsukasa and himself to see if there was any way this would turn out as a little bump in their way of life or if this was it.
He gathered the blanket around himself and grabbed the bottle of water from the coffeetable, before he walked over to the window. He took a deep drag of the bottle, before turning around to watch Tsukasa who had stayed on the sofa. "…I…god…please…", he whispered. His voice sounded raw and it hurt his throat to talk, but not as bad as he had thought it would.
Tsukasa breathed a sigh of relief when he heard Hizumi utter those three words. He did not know, what his lover wanted to tell him, but he had talked and that was the most important thing in the world right now. He was back on his feet and by Hizumis side in two seconds flat, gathering him into a soft embrace, littering his face with tiny kisses and smiling softly. "Everything will be alright, love. You just have to get used to talking again.", he whispered against his cheek.
Hizumi nodded softly and cuddled up to Tsukasa, while the tiny ray of hope grew a bit bigger and maybe it would with every passing day.
~Owari~
