Misunderstandings
He was crying.
The one man he had never wanted to see unhappy was now crying.
How could he still look so breathtakingly beautiful after all that had been happening to him for the last hours?
The shadow that had lingered in front of a certain chuunin's apartment until that very moment now slid through a tiny opening between two trees' branches, silently dropping to the ground and leaning against one of the strong trunks that towered over him.
A quiet huff escaped the person's lips.
Damn it!
It was the one thing he had always feared to happen, and now that it had happened after all, there was nothing he could do to go back on all the misery he had caused.
Reality hat struck him, left him helpless and guilty.
Why Iruka?
There was only few to think of - and nothing to say at all.
If it was for Iruka's sake, he would have risked so much and sacrificed even more – but all he had managed to achieve was to make the other man suffer.
There was no doubt as to where it all had started.
There was no doubt that he was guilty.
He was the one to be held responsible for what had happened to Mizuki.
He was the one to be held responsible for Iruka's pain.
He knew it, and the mere knowledge caused his stomach to twitch painfully while his throat was burning with anger and guilt.
Control was one thing he had not been able to complete yet – and it was about time for him to achieve perfect self-restraint.
Without a sound, the shadow slipped through the surrounding coppice, barely touching anything, leaving as little trace as possible.
His gloved hands found the man's hair, messing it up in a nearly elaborate way.
He was feeling nervous.
Irritated.
How to find the right words to say now?
There was a light knock on the door, and Iruka's shoulders tensed up in discomfort.
Who was bothering him now?
Admittedly, he didn't remember much after the horrifying pictures that had burned themselves into his inner eyes' sight, but he was quite sure that every single villager would have heard of what had happened in the forest by now.
Rumors rarely didn't find their way into the citizens' everyday conversation.
If it wasn't for love affairs or family disasters, people usually were less interested in what was happening around them, yet there was enough familiarity left to make them all publish what seemed worthy to be spread.
Iruka's legs were slightly shaking as he got to his feet, clutching the windowsill and pressing his back flatly against the chilly wall.
Single tears still made their way down the brunette's face, and he had no idea how terrible his appearance must seem to strangers, but he paid no attention to it.
Simply throwing on his dark red dressing gown, Iruka ambled for the door.
One quick glance over to the opposing wall allowed the man a look at himself, and he froze in place when his eyes met the mirror.
Was he really going to greet his visitor while looking this overwrought?
'I better not...', Iruka silently chided while turning around and crossing the hall with only a few brisk steps. He was still feeling resigned, but there was no way for him to welcome a possible guest looking like this.
Several billows of water and half a cup of coffee later, Iruka finally felt ready to attend to the bell.
He would never have made a visitor wait like this if the circumstances had been any different. Iruka was rather surprised that there hadn't been a second sign of someone impatiently waiting for his approach.
When he finally answered the long gone knock, Iruka found himself face to face with a rather bemused looking Kakashi.
„Yo", was all Kakashi managed to choke out at first.
His lips were still tensed up as if he was trying to hold something back, and he kept nervously nibbling his lower lip.
It were situations like this when Kakashi realized how precious the usually annoying mask had developped to be for him – Iruka would not be able to see how upset the copy-nin was right now.
The brunette's reaction, though, took Kakashi by surprise.
„You!", Iruka brought up with a sudden gasp, as the indifferent look the man had given Kakashi at first suddenly got wary. Something in the man's glare caused Kakashi to shiver, and he didn't find a clue as to what exactly was making him falter until Iruka's lips snapped open again.
A small piece of the other's mind's jigsaw seemed to have fallen into place.
„Have you been watching me!?"
The sound Iruka spat out sounded rather like a furious snarl than the broken whine Kakashi would have expected.
Had he really been worrying about Iruka's condition?
As depressed as the man should have been, according to what Kakashi had been watching before, there was no despondency in Iruka's gaze.
Fingers clutched to the silver-haired man's vest in a nearly stifling manner, the brunette pressed closely against Kakashi's already tense body. Iruka's brown eyes locked on the visible blue one that belonged to the jounini while holding his breath and simply clinging to the other.
„How dare you observing me in my own apartment!?"
Kakashi tried to step back, raising both gloved hands to his face's level to make Iruka keep his distance, but the other man didn't seem ready to obey.
One short breath was all he dared to draw before the silver-haired jounin fell perfectly still. His chest stopped raising and falling while he felt his upper lip pulling back over his teeth to release a quiet growl.
Perfect composure.
The trial he had been waiting for.
It cost Kakashi quite an effort to stay silent.
'Don't blurt it all out. Get a hold of yourself. Not here. Not now. Not in front of him!'
Tension was filling the air.
Kakashi still didn't dare to stir from the spot.
His heart was hammering against his ribcage while his luckily hidden lips kept twitching excitedly.
It seemed to take Iruka half an eternity to decide on his withdrawal.
The agitated glare he kept shooting towards the other man had Kakashi swallowing uneasily.
'Stay composed. Let him back off. He's entirely right to rage against you.'
Relief rushed over Kakashi as his brunette opponent finally took two hesitant steps back, letting go of the jounin's vest, his gaze suddenly turning apologetic.
„I-I...", Iruka quietly started, but Kakashi quickly lifted one hand.
His head shook in silent denial.
It was no wonder Iruka was in quite a messy emotional state after all he had been put through.
Slowly, the silver-haired man released his pent-up breath, carefully filling his screaming lungs. One slightly shaking hand rose up to Kakashi's hair and pushed some of the silvery strands aside.
Damn it. Why that attraction...?
The man's voice was low and raspy as he struggled to find the right words to say.
Finally, he simply caught hold of one of Iruka's hands, slightly pressing the fingers.
„I'm sorry", he stated, „I shouldn't have spied on you, Iruka-sensei."
Iruka's already reddened cheeks turned even darker as he stepped forward.
„So you...-!", the brunette started at Kakashi, but the jounin held out his hand again.
„Please", the silver-haired man muttered under his breath, still inhaling the surrounding air very carefully not to risk any more appetizing moments. „I didn't mean to disturb your privacy, Iruka-sensei, neither did I want to watch you undressing. I heard of the trouble you've been going through and was worried about your current condition, so I decided to check on you. That was absolutely it."
Iruka's rage seemed to crumple under Kakashi's insistent looks, but the jounin preferred to stay alert. The brunette's fingers were still twitching uncomfortably in his – and Kakashi had heard more than enough stories on how the younger man's temper flared and dropped in an absolutely erratic way.
Worried.
Kakashi-sensei was worrying about his, Iruka's, condition?
The chuunin sensei silently let his mouth fall open while staring at the other man in what felt like embarassment. His cheeks had heatened up to the well known state of redness, and Iruka felt like his hand must be burning on the other man's irritatingly cold skin. He couldn't keep himself from gaping at Kakashi's perfectly smooth expression while wondering how much the mask might be concealing at this very moment.
Only slowly did Iruka realize that his hand was still being held tightly by the other man's chilly fingers, but when he did, he jerked back in an instant. Pressing the now prickling hand in one of his dressing gown's pockets, he bit back his quandary.
Worried.
Why would the infamous copy ninja be worried about a common teacher's state?
Iruka's mind was spinning.
Bloody traces in the forest.
Mizuki was found, long since dead, apparently killed by some ferocious beast that was now striking horror into people's hearts.
And here he was, realizing that one of the village's most famous jounin was spying on him.
Did they suspect him, after all?
Slowly, the brunette's mouth closed, his jaw locked tensely.
It took Iruka some minutes to choke back his sudden anger to prevent himself from yelling at the other.
„Worried, you say", he then began, his eyes narrow and flaring with desperate fury, „But you wouldn't be worried about the villagers, by any chance? Worried about me running wild? Worried about the formidable monster striking again?"
It was only then that the brunette noticed that Kakashi's fingers were shaking.
Nevertheless Iruka's rage kept growing more intense the longer the other man did nothing but staring back at him.
Kakashi's body was tense.
His mind was desperately trying to wrap around what Iruka had said.
After all, it failed.
The brunette's words were burning in the silver-haired jounin's head, and he almost felt the other's pain that was closely knitted into his questions.
Iruka, the violent beast that kept terrifying men and women in the village?
Kakashi had always thought that life had shown him enough of its facets not to leave him helpless anymore. He had considered himself immune to shock and horror.
Anyhow, now he found himself entirely surprised by a certain chuunin teacher's words.
His right eye carefully scanned Iruka's face for dimples, humorous creases, anything that could have indicated a hidden joke.
There was no sign of humor in the man's appearance.
Kakashi's throat was starting to hurt the longer he was standing close to the brunette. The urge to take his leave grew almost unbearable.
One short look on Iruka's face, though, and the jounin drew a painful breath.
He was going nowhere.
Hazel eyes were staring at him, their usually light brown iris now shaded by anxiety. Desperate wrath kept mingling with endless fatigue, and Iruka's arms were wrapping tightly around the man's slightly shivering body as he finally started backing off towards his apartment's door.
„Good night, Kakashi-sensei", the brunette said, his voice barely more than a whisper.
Kakashi paused for only a second before he took a few hasty steps towards the other, both gloved hands reaching out for the trembling body.
'Don't go. I didn't mean it this way.'
The jounin's hands only touched Iruka's arms for a moment, then the brunette pulled away. His eyes were dark with accusation.
Kakashi quickly raised his hands, ready to apologize for the misunderstanding, but it was too late. Violently, the door was slammed shut right in front of Kakashi's face.
What was left with him was the distinctive odor of lemon and bergamot, mixing with the bitter taste of failure.
