Bless my brother von aprileagle (Zweiter Platz Wettbewerb "Ungewöhnliche Paare") ================================================================================ Prolog: Big Brother ------------------- "How can I ever feel again? Given the change would I return? Why am I loved Only when I'm gone? Gone back in the time to bless the child Think of me long enough To make a memory Come bless the child One more time" (Bless the child, by Nightwish) ----------------------------------- This story is for two dear friends. Adriann. Finally I had have enough time to write a story about these two characters. I hope you like it that way. Bianca. You always wanted to hear a special sentence in one of my stories. This one contains it. Thank you very much for your friendship, for your emails, for listening and for every single Ramen. -------------------------------- BLESS MY BROTHER - A NOVELLA - (by April Eagle) Prologue: Big brother "He's so cute!" "You simply have to love him!" "Just look at the way he moves. It's incredible!" "And the way he sings..." "Who?" For a moment an embarrassing silence filled the small room and four stunned pairs of eyes looked at a blonde girl. Her summer dress was dirtied with brown sports, probably chocolate ice she just ate. Her mouth showed the same treacherous traces. "Are you joking, Usagi?" She frowned and turned again towards the TV screen. It was connected directly to one of the cameras standing on stage. They showed a young man who held the micro tight in his hands. His eyes were closed and he sang with all his heart, just like the young woman next to him played her violin with all her deep feeling. It was a touching song and the blonde girl searched secretly for a handkerchief. Surely she was thinking of her boyfriend who was thousands of miles away studying at a foreign university. "I meant Sejya, of course! Isn't he a dream?" "Well, he sings quite nicely." Admitted the girl and sat down on the table covered with water bottles. The concert would be over soon and the singers were always very thirsty afterwards. "It's Michiru and Sejya's last song. Afterwards we are going to PARTY!!!" You could hear the other girl's exclamation marks, she was always talking that way. She was always planning the biggest, craziest and often most chaotic parties. Just like she planned this one. Okay, it was only a small room, but a big CD player stood in the corner and the other girl, her name was Makoto, held a basket tight in her arms. Surely it was full of delicious food. To celebrate. His birthday. "He's going to get 18 this night." "That's just the right age." "Minako!" "But it's the truth!" Now she was sulking, suddenly looking younger than her sixteen years. However, it only lasted for some seconds, then she swirled around, peeking under the blanket laying on the ground, covering some boxes. Coloured boxes in different shapes. Presents. Birthday presents. For him. The star, the hero, the swarm of all teenager girls. My big brother. "So many nice presents. I am really excited what he'll say to them." "I am sure he'll like them all." "As long as he doesn't try Usagi's chocolate!" "You are so mean, Rei, I really tried my best." Tears sparkled in the blonde's blue eyes and she gulped visibly. Carefully she opened her handbag and produced a small package. It was wrapped up neatly, surely her mother helped her with that difficult task. Maybe the chocolate was inedible, maybe it was not even brown, but they all knew that it meant a lot to the lead singer of the Three Lights. He fell in love with the blonde girl, that was an open secret, only that the girl of his desire did not see it. Not yet. It's in vain. I'll never stand a change against them. A shadow laid a small envelope on the table and took a long look at the blonde now carefully placing her own present under the blanket, still arguing with her best friend about the quality of her self made chocolate. Finally the shadow turned around and left the small room without being noticed. I'll never stand a change against HER. *** "Walt Disney's Cinderella or Rambo?" The tall woman held two tapes in the air and looked with a pleading expression down at the little baby lying in its cradle next to the couch. It held its teddy bear in its tiny hands and laughed happily as it saw the well known face. "It's your decision, Himme-chan. The concert's over now, but I guess Michi'll need another two hours before she'll return home. Enough time for us girls to enjoy the evening." The tall woman robbed a little bit nearer to the cradle and held the Rambo tape a little bit higher. "Here we have a really good movie about a hero fighting against the world's evil. It's called an action movie, Himme-chan, but we both know that it's very valuable. It has a great moral worth about the ideals of a good man and how he's able to make this world a better place. Oh... and the second choice is Cinderella. A boring story about a stupid girl who's not able to protest against her bad step-mother." The Disney tape was shown only for one moment before it disappeared under the couch table. "So, what is your choice, my little princess?" Dark green eyes sparkled as the little baby stretched its arms towards blonde strands and tried to reach them. The tall woman grinned happily and nodded her head in agreement. "Rambo. A very good choice, Himme-chan. I see we understand each other." The tall woman put the tape into the recorder and soon the sound of hard fights filled the living room. "Now, where's the pop corn?" She put some blonde strands behind her ears while she went into the kitchen to search the fridge for something to eat. Silently she decided to have her hair cut even when her girlfriend liked it a little bit longer than normal. I'll just tell her that they hang into my eyes and make them watery and that I can't concentrate on my races when I have tears in my eyes. She grinned satisfied and decided for an apple covered with brown chocolate. They bought it at the last fun fair and now was the right time to eat it. However, first she had to feed her daughter. And then Michi will look at me with THOSE eyes and I'd even let my hair grow to my knees. She sighed, grabbed a little bottle and returned to the cradle. While Rambo fought against a army of thousand men she bowed over the little baby and stroked through fluffy dark hairs. "Do you want some milk? Are you hungry, Himme-chan?" A bomb exploded in the background and the baby started happily to laugh. Obviously it liked the movie very much, or it simply knew that nothing could happen if the crazy blonde was by her side, protecting her with her life. The way she had done just some weeks ago... "That's my daughter!" exclaimed the tall woman proudly and pulled the baby out of the cradle into her arms. Grinning she danced with the little girl in her arms through the whole living room and both laughed. "I knew that you'd be the perfect daughter, Himme-chan. You like Rambo. Oh! I am so proud of you." The little girl did not know anything about Hollywood movies nor did she understand her mommy's words, but surely she did hear the soft tone in the voice she loved so much, surely she could see the big smile on a so well known face, surely she could feel the tender hug the blonde gave her. Happily she laughed louder and grabbed for blonde strands to hold them tight in her tiny fists. "I luv ya, Himme-chan." The tall woman kissed carefully the tiny forehead, her dark green eyes sparkled. "No one will ever do you any harm. Do you hear me, Himme-chan? I'll always be there to protect you. Nothing will ever happen to you again." Dark eyes grew wide as the little girl realized that she couldn't pull out those strands but she did not cry. Instead she opened her still toothless mouth and yawned widely. "Oh, there's someone very tired." The blonde giggled and rocked her daughter for another minute. It was such a good feeling to simply hold her tight. After all what happened during the past months she had feared to never be able to see her little Himme-chan again. I had been prepared to kill her. The tall woman swallowed hard, looked with loving eyes down at the little girl. The way she had watched her almost every night, during the past three months. Since Himme-chan had got another chance, a second chance. To live, to grow up, to be happy. With me you'll always be happy, little one. I promise you. The blonde turned slowly but before she reached the couch the door bell rang. Nani? At a time like this? Can't be Michi... She frowned and laid her daughter back into the cradle. The little girl only smiled, Rambo's fights didn't disturb her, so a lousy door bell could not scare her. Her mother corrected her crumbled shirt and tried shortly to wipe away some red spots from her boxers, but of course it was in vain. The same it would have been in vain to pull a comb through her messed blonde hairs. Hell, it was Saturday evening, she did not have expected any one else than her girlfriend - with whom she had planned to take a long bath when she would return. A nice hot bath were clothes were not needed anyway. "I didn't order any pizza, but I'd like to take one with cheese and pineapple if you have one." She grinned as she opened the door. To be honest she did not really know whom she had expected but her smile fell as she saw the small figure standing outside on the stairs. The grey suit was soaked and wet silver hairs hang into a pale face, covering it with shadows, hiding the expression there. "Yaten?" Shortly she looked up to the sky, saw all the dark clouds there and how rain fell hard on the dusty ground. It had been a long hot summer with little rain. Now the earth was dry and hard and not able to take all the water in so easily. Muddy puddles formed quickly on the street. It started to rain? Strange, didn't hear it. But on the other hand it was no wonder that she did not hear the rain. She was living right next to the sea and got used to the noises of the waves crashing against the beach. "Yaten?" she asked again but he did not react. His shoulders trembled and he looked like an abandoned puppy. He was the youngest of the pop group called The Three Lights, the youngest of three brothers. Just as he was the smallest. He hardly reached her up to her shoulders as the blonde stepped next to him. From the first moment she met him he remembered her of a small boy, a lost boy she wanted to take care of. Oh, she hated the other two, especially that daredevil Sejya who really tried to get a kiss from Usagi, their future Crystal Queen! There was hardly a day the blonde did not argue with that arrogant singer, when she did not try to break his right arm but was stopped by Usagi or her girlfriend, when she wished him to go back to where he came from. No, she did not like the other two guys an inch, but she cared a lot for their little brother. There was something about him that let her forget all her distrust she normally had against strangers. Strangers who fought against the same enemies she had - but at the same time also fought against herself. Someone who tried to seduce her shinning queen was automatically her enemy. However, this boy was different. Maybe because he remembers me so much of someone I loved so dearly... She sighed deeply and put her hand under his chin to force him to look right into her eyes. His face was wet, surely not only because of the rain. His light green eyes showed so much despair, it almost let her heart break. Someone like him shouldn't look so sad. Not again... "Hey, Yaten, what happened? The concert finished an hour ago, why aren't you at the party?" Still no reaction. Yaten's lips trembled and so he bit on them. Hard he tried to hold back his sobs but his body trembled even more. He wanted to stare again at his dirtied shoes but the blonde did not let him. Her green eyes looked asking at him and again he wondered if she could see right into his soul. His dark, his dirty soul. "Today's Sejya's birthday, right? Why aren't you with your brothers to celebrate it?" Sejya. Celebrate. Brother... More and more tears filled his eyes and he simply let them fall. His legs trembled and he gave in. However, he did not hit the muddy, slippery ground, because two strong arms suddenly embraced him and held him tight. He grabbed a white shirt and seized hard on the warm person next to him. Now he could not hold back his sobs any longer and let the tall woman rock him as if he was a small child again. A small boy being in his mother's embrace. Being comforted, being not so damn alone, being loved. Loved... "Hush, it's okay." Whispered the blonde and sat down on the stairs, then she pulled the crying boy on her lap and rocked him tenderly. "Everything's gonna be alright." What the hell did happen? What the hell did that asshole do this time? The woman stroked comforting through silver strands. She knew that Sejya and Tahiki teased their little brother around. He was small, shy, and obviously disliked all the public they got with their music and their beginning success all around the world. However, she had always thought that they teased him more in a loving way, just like big brothers would do, just the way Rei always teased Usagi and Setsuna teased her, but both would have gone through hell to help the other one. She had always thought that Sejya and Tahiki loved their little brother and were just... well... brotherly... just like two older brothers normally were, but the longer she held the sobbing Yaten in her arms the more she was unsure about her former idea concerning the Three Lights. Again she saw Sejya before her eyes, saw his arrogant grin, saw the way he treated the Sailors whenever there was a fight against those strange enemies they've never met before - who were also Sailor Senshi themselves - saw the way he lusted after Usagi, and the way he teased his little brother around for being too shy with the girls. This time I am going to kill that asshole! For sure, no matter what Michi says! She could not define how long they sat out there on the roofed staircase leading up to the big house by the sea, however, Himme-chan decided that it was enough and that she needed more attention. Especially her hungry stomach needed more attention - and her milk. Loudly she started to scream. The blonde slowly let Yaten go but grabbed for his right hand as he tried to turn around and to go back to his motorbike he had parked under the tree near the garage's door. "Don't even think that I'd let you drive like that." She said and pulled him inside the house. He tried to protest, but as always he was too weak to really defend himself, like he had always been too weak his entire life. "First I'll feed Hotaru and then you'll tell me what the hell happened at this concert." "But... Haruka..." "No buts!" The blonde pulled him upstairs into a big sleeping room. Shortly she searched the wardrobes and put down a tracksuit on the large bed. She winced as Hotaru's protesting screams even increased. Damn, she was hungry, what did her mother took so long? "Change your clothes before you catch a cold and come down when you're done." Haruka grinned sheepishly. "First, I have to feed my little predator." Why do I trust her? Yaten looked at the closed door for some moments then he had to cough. Sceptically he looked at the tracksuit. Surely it was one of Haruka's, and surely it was too big for him. But he could not stay in his soaked suit, he would have dirtied Michiru's expensive carpets and he did not want to catch a cold. Not again. He had been ill almost the whole of August because of a bad summer flu and Sejya had been furious about him, because they had to cancel different concerts and wasted so many chances in finding back their princess. Kakyuu... He sighed deeply and finally stripped his clothes. As he had expected Haruka's clothes were much too big. He felt like a little boy again. Like a eight year old boy getting different clothes, getting the clothes of his new home planet, getting the old clothes of his big brother. A small boy... That's what he always felt when he was with Haruka. He did not understand it, he had never trusted a stranger so quickly before. Maybe, because no one really wanted him, he had never been sure if he was accepted until he spent a long time with his new family to see that they really loved him. It was so much different with Haruka. From the first day he met her he felt that she accepted him immediately. Whenever he needed her she was there and took care of him in such a natural way as if he had came all this long way just to meet her. No, to find her, finally find her back. Sejya often mocked that he fell in love with a lesbian who already had a girlfriend and a small daughter, but Sejya did not understand. He never understood anything. Never. He never understood my feelings... Yaten hiccuped and ran his hands over his burning eyes. He hang his wet clothes into the bathroom next to the sleeping room and sighed again deeply. He wrapped a soft towel around his head, then he went slowly downstairs. He did not even intend any longer to go back to his motorbike and to drive away. Where should he have driven to anyway? Back to the hotel they had stayed in for the last months? Back to the suite he shared with his brothers? Back to the sleeping room where he only stared at the ceiling the whole night without finding any sleep at all? No, he would not drive back to the hotel where he would be all alone. Sejya was surely celebrating his birthday happily and Tahiki had another chance to talk to Ami, the intelligent student who was the only one understanding his math problems. Problems Sejya had never been interested in and Yaten never wanted to see in an exam. Slowly he went over to the living room and stopped near the door just to watch Haruka feeding little Hotaru. The small girl smacked loudly and looked very satisfied to have got back all of her mother's attention - and her favourite banana milk as well. Love was written all over the blonde's face and again Yaten had to think of his mother. His real mother he lost so early in his life. His beloved mommy he missed so much. No, he could not share this pain with his brothers. They would have looked at him in a funny way and thought that he was ungrateful. That he did not thank them enough for all they had done for him during the past years. That during all this time he did not learn how much their parents had also loved him. Hai, I've also loved them, but it's not the same... Yaten swallowed hard and did not even try to show a forced smile as Haruka looked up and pointed him to sit down next to her on the soft couch. "Come here, she's almost done." Haruka held the bottle a little bit higher and Hotaru yawned before she drank some more gulps. I can't tell them my feelings and my fears. Not these fears. Yaten nodded and stumbled twice over the tracksuit before he finally managed to reach the couch. It was a bright colour. Surely Michiru chose it, not thinking about Haruka and Hotaru, because you could see some red and some yellow spots on it, surely ketchup and banana milk. The little girl was crazy about banana milk, but when she was full she simply pulled the bottle away and whenever Haruka or Michiru were not fast enough some milk dropped on the couch. However they never really cared about it. Maybe they would buy a new couch one day, maybe they would only cover it with a soft blanket. Just like the one laying on the ground, covering some tapes beneath. No, I can't tell THEM but I can tell her. "You are watching Rambo?" asked Yaten after he watched Hotaru drink and pulled his legs to his chest wrapping his arms around his knees. Although the tracksuit was dry and warm he felt incredibly cold. "Well..." Haruka grinned and blushed a little bit as she held Hotaru to her shoulder to let her do her burp. "I wanted to watch Walt Disney's Cinderella but Himme-chan insisted to watch Rambo instead. You know, I can't resist my charming daughter." "Of course not." For the first time this evening Yaten had to grin. Hotaru's big yawn was infecting and he leaned back on the soft couch closing his still burning eyes. His fingers felt frozen and he wondered if he caught another flu. Please not, Sejya's going to kill me! The next moment he opened his eyes again as he felt a soft blanket being wrapped around his trembling body. Haruka's face was near and he could see the concern in her dark green eyes. "Do you want to tell me what happened today?" she asked as she switched off the TV set and sat down next to him, watching him in silence, showing a patience a lot of people would have never expected from her. "Well..." Yaten coughed again and closed his eyes as some more tears made their way down his cheeks. "They prepared a big party for Sejya. In his cloakroom, right behind the stage. It's okay, we are fighting against the same enemies and since Usagi thinks that we are friends... well..." helplessly he shrugged his shoulders. "I mean, I don't have anything against that party, it's his birthday and... well... their presents were so big and mine was so tiny... I mean, it's okay, they are friends and.. Usagi even made chocolate for him, although Rei teased her that it wouldn't taste, that's okay... I mean, they are friends..." He paused and opened his eyes again to look into her understanding face. "I don't make any sense in what I am saying, right?" "You are afraid that Sejya would forget your present over theirs." It was not a question, again Haruka proved how well she was able to look right into his soul to see all his thoughts, all his doubts, all his fears there. Yaten nodded and kneaded the ends of the blanket with his icy fingers. "I mean... what a chance do I have against self made chocolate from a real princess?" He gulped but again there was no shocked expression on Haruka's face, her dark green eyes never lost its warmth, no matter what idiotic stuff he just said. No, she did not freak out when he declared her that he fell in love, a long time ago: with Sejya, another man, his older brother. Well... declaring... actually Haruka found out and simply asked him when he was down again after another fight with is brothers about the exhausting concerts. She did not yell at him, but simply embraced him and comforted him for she could not see any hope for his love - just the same he knew that it was in vain. But still he hoped, no matter what happened. He simply could not give up all the feelings he kept inside his heart for so long years, eight long years... No, Haruka did not judge him. Instead she seemed to be the only one in this world, in this whole universe who seemed to understand him. "It's just a phase, Yaten. Usagi will never return Sejya's feelings. She already has a boyfriend and I am pretty sure that she'll marry her >Mamo-chan< when he'll return from America." Tried Haruka to comfort the teenager, but they both knew that Sejya would fall in love with another girl when he had to see that Usagi would really chose her prince instead of him. Haruka sighed deeply and leaned forward to stroke some silver strands out of his pale face. They stuck out of the towel and made Yaten look like a sheikh. Deeply Haruka looked into light green eyes and smiled a sad smile. "To talk to him would be not such a great idea, huh?" she suggested and knew the answer as she saw his eyes widening with fear. He gasped and shook his head. "No. No!" It sounded pleadingly. "Please, don't tell him, he would never understand. I... I don't want him to look down at me and... and hate me..." How should anyone ever hate you? "But you can't live your whole life this way, yearning for him from a distance you can't bare. You are slowly breaking inside, Yaten. I can't watch it, because it makes me break, too." Yaten looked at her and blinked, and blinked again. Those words were so comforting, but at the same time so Haruka-unlike, so poetic. "Did Michiru write that line for you?" he whispered and had to giggle through his tears. He knew that her words were true, so damn true, but he had to laugh - otherwise he would have cried even more and he did not want to cry any longer. "That did not sound like you." "Oh, very funny!" sulked Haruka but had to grin a little bit, too. "Do you want a hot tea?" She rose from the couch and went after a short look at her sleeping daughter over to the kitchen to take care for the water. She was a lousy cook, but with the new boiler even she was not able to burn water - at least not any longer. Haruka sensed that Yaten needed a break and something warm in his stomach. She really hoped that he would not get another flu - or she would take care that he'd stay here to recover again and not with his silly brothers, especially not with Sejya. The arrogant singer was so angry that he could not give enough concerts in August because of Yaten's illness that the small singer had been really desperate and recovered even slower. I don't have any race the next weeks, because Michiru has some concerts and I've volunteered to baby sit Himme-chan, so I can take care of him as well! Haruka clenched her fists and winced as Yaten suddenly stood by her side, watching what she was doing. Her tracksuit was really too wide for him, he almost disappeared in it. The cloth covered his feet and his hands completely and the blanket, which he had wrapped around his shoulders and which covered the ground behind him, strengthen the idea of a small child that had formed in her mind. Indeed, he looked more like a small boy than a sixteen year old teenager to her and she resisted the desire to hug him like a mother would hug her child. Or an older sister her little brother... "I can't tell him my feelings, he wouldn't understand." Sighed Yaten and reached for his still empty cup to play with it, trying not to let it fall as a sleeve slipped again over his hand. "It was already hard enough to be accepted as his brother, he would never accept me as someone else... someone more than that..." he looked at her and shrugged helplessly his shoulders, almost losing the blanket. "I am not his real sibling, you must know. His parents adopted me when I had been eight years old." Haruka looked up from her hard work in making tea and frowned. "I didn't know that." However, suddenly she realized it: Tahiki and Sejya looked a lot like each other, the same brown eyes, both had different shapes of dark hairs, both were tall young men. Yaten had silver hairs and light green eyes, he was small. No, he never really fitted to the picture of the three brothers. "Hardly anyone does, because it doesn't matter. Not really..." "But for you it does." Yaten nodded at her silent statement and again some tears escaped his eyes. "I am such a jerk!" he sobbed and put the cup away before it could escape his trembling fingers. "I have two wonderful brothers, their family gave me such a wonderful childhood, I should be happy to have them and not so... so..." "Desperate?" "Jealous! Jealous like hell!" Yaten rubbed his burning eyes and wiped away some more tears. "He's my brother! I shouldn't feel this way! I should be happy whenever he's happy!" But at the same time he knew that it was a lie, just one of so many. Sejya was not his real brother and after what had happened during the first year after they'd met Yaten could never really see him as a sibling. Tahiki... that was a complete different story. Tahiki was Yaten's big brother, he accepted his parent's decision and loved the small, shy boy from the first moment he came to their castle. He welcomed him as a brother and never let him forget that he was a Kou now. Sejya had a harder time to see a little brother in him, not a rival or even worse... "Do you have some time?" Yaten gulped and took the handled handkerchief to blow his nose. "I'd like to... to show you something..." "Of course." Haruka's answer came without hesitation, she did not even glance at the clock. From the moment she met Yaten she wanted to be there for him, to take care for him no matter what it would cost. Time did not play a role, especially not with Michiru being on a concert with her beloved violin. "OK... be right back..." marbled Yaten, put the handkerchief away and stumbled back through the living room. There he put down the blanket and the towel. One moment later Haruka could hear the front door, but before she could follow him out in the rain to convince him that it was a really bad idea to run out into the night with only a tracksuit he already returned again. His pale cheeks flushed a little bit as he sat down and pulled something out of the wet backpack he had brought inside. It was a small but thick book, being wrapped up carefully in a white scarf. An old scarf. Haruka took care for their teas before she came over to him, sitting next to him, and placing the two cups in front of them on the small table. "What's that?" she asked and looked curiously at the old cover as Yaten put the fabric away. It seemed to be very old, the paper was used and yellowed. Yaten did not answer, instead he opened the book and she looked into different laughing faces, all being captured on photos in black and white or in colour. All being saved outside time. "Is that your family?" Haruka leaned a little bit closer and pointed at a photo which showed a young woman with a small baby in her arms, it was not older than Hotaru lying in her cradle, sleeping deep and tight. The young woman was a real beauty, her dark hair was braided into a thick plait, lying over her shoulder. Her skin was darker, a lighter shade of bronze, almost like Setsuna's skin whose ancestors emigrated from India to Japan a long time ago. Black eyes looked down at the baby in her arms, love was written all over her smiling face. The baby smiled back at her. Its skin looked strangely bright, almost white in her bronze arm, the head was covered with fluffy, silver hairs. "Your mommy?" Mommy... "Hai..." Yaten gulped visibly and nodded as he heard Haruka's question. "I was my mother's only child, she never got another child although her husband wanted so badly to have a real heir for his house." "Her husband? Real heir?" Haruka frowned, because his words sounded so well considered and at the same time so strange in her ears. "Hai. I was born on a planet nearer to our sun. The climate's very hot there and the planet's surface is covered with sand. To be protected from the burning sun, the skin of the people there is darker and harder..." Yaten stroked over the picture of his beloved mother. It was very old and a little bit crumbled at the corners. Haruka suddenly wondered what Yaten had went through to keep it during all those years, during the dangerous journey that laid behind his brothers and him. "I've never been like them. My skin is almost white and I get a sunburn too quickly. I've never really got used to the sand and had often been an ill child. No one of my family ever had silver hair, neither my mother nor my father's family." Yaten sighed deeply. "They said that I was a bastard. I didn't know what this word meant when I had been younger. My mother had always been there to protect me. She always declared that I was my father's child, but no one believed her, not even her husband who loved her too much and tried to ignore the other people's rumours, which had not always been easy for him since I had always been around." Yaten turned the page. Now Haruka could see a little boy of maybe six years. He was clothed in a greyish dress which looked a little bit like a kimono but at the same time completely different. Silver hair could hardly be covered by a turban. He looked like a little sheikh. An incredibly cute sheikh. An incredibly sad sheikh... "I had been eight when my parents died and the Kou family decided to take me. No one of my so called family wanted me, the bastard. My mommy and Tahiki's mommy had been good friends at a boarding school and so she wanted to take care of me..." Yaten turned another page. It showed the same sheikh, this time with even sadder eyes and a doll in his small arms. A too big suitcase was standing next to a totally frightened looking boy. "That picture was taken on the day I arrived at the Kou's castle. On the day when I first met Tahiki and Sejya..." *** Kapitel 1: Small Boy -------------------- Chapter one: Small boy "What's going on in there?" Sejya tried to peek over his older brother's shoulder, but Tahiki was almost one head taller than he was. Although he was only 12 winters old Tahiki already surpassed their mother and would soon be as tall as their father. "Be quiet, you nasty little monster." Teased Tahiki and giggled as he saw how his younger brother started to sulk. "Or do you want them to hear us?" "No, of course not." Mumbled Sejya and took a short look around. It was in the middle of the night and his brother and he were standing on the dark corridor right in front of the door which led to the big hall of their parents castle. They both were only dressed in their pyjamas and froze a little bit, because both of them forgot their slippers. Normally they should have been in their rooms in their nice, warm beds. Normally their mother would tell them a good night story before they'd settle into sleep. Normally they did not disobey, or at least normally it was not that easy to disobey because servants watched their sleep. Normally... but this night was not normal. No night seemed to be normal any longer since that day when their mother received that letter. A small letter in a black envelope. Their mother had cried after she read it and after that she had a long conversation with their father. Over a week they had been very secretly about the letter which made Tahiki and especially Sejya very curious. Something was going on. Something very important and they did not want to tell them! First he had been very insulted and sulked almost two days long. As he saw that he could not achieve anything with his childish behaviour, as Tahiki called it grinning, he played some tricks on the servants and finally got his parents attention to ask them what the hell was going on. His father wanted to scold him, because he had been cheeky and not allowed to curse, but his mother only laughed and said with that tenderly smile on her face that it was time to tell their children what they had planned for their family: That they would get a new brother, a little brother, to be exact. Sejya had been very excited about the new family member, even when he got to know that their new brother would already be eight years old and that their parents would adopt him. While Tahiki simply said that it was okay for him and that he would love his new brother the same he already loved his stubborn monster - which made Sejya show his tongue at him - dreamed Sejya of a little brother whom he could play with. Riding out with his horse, playing even more tricks on the servants, having someone who would understand him and be just like him. Tahiki was a nice brother, sure, but he was the heir of the house of Kou, he had other tasks to do, his education was much harder than Sejya's and often Tahiki had no time for his younger brother or simply was not in the mood for Sejya's games which Tahiki, as a twelve year old heir, did simply call childish. Now Sejya's big hope laid in the new brother they would get soon. Very soon: This very night the new son would arrive from his home planet to their. Sejya had no idea how that far away planet looked like, but he was sure that all boys in the universe had to be cheeky, boyish and full of funny ideas he wanted to share so badly with someone who would finally understand him, who would finally NOT be an important heir but just a simple brother. A little brother he could take care of, who would look up to him, who would share his ideas and goals. Sejya grinned while his brother opened the door a little bit and peeked through it. Oh, it would be so fantastic, he could hardly await it! "What do ya see?" he whispered excitedly, because he knew that his new brother just arrived some minutes ago. He had heard the horses and the coach. "Nothing..." answered Tahiki and made a face as Sejya pulled him closer against the door. Normally he would have stayed in his bed and waited for the next morning. Of course their parents would show them their new brother at the breakfast table. They did not want to expect too much from him by showing him his new brothers just after his arrival. Surely he was tired from the long trip and a little bit nervous about his new family. Tahiki would have been nervous if he would have been at his place. Hai, normally Tahiki would have stayed in bed just as his parents asked him to do, but Sejya could be such an annoying boy, he begged his older brother for almost the whole night and finally Tahiki gave in and together they sneaked through the whole castle. "Can't be! They must be in there!" "Stop squeezing me to death, silly monster!" "Can't you just..." "No!" Light was flashing inside the big hall and Sejya tried to creep under Tahiki's arms to have a better look, but his brother did not want to let him through. If their parents would catch them they would be in real trouble. Or, to be precise, he as the older, the wiser brother would be in big trouble. "They've taken a photo!" gasped Sejya and tried to get pass his brother with all his force. "They are taking family photos without us!" He kicked with his legs as Tahiki held his arms. For some moments they struggled there, trying to be as quiet as they could, before they lost their hold and crashed against the door. The already opened door gave way and they both fell on the red carpet covering the ground. Immediately the voices stopped and Sejya heard how his brother gulped. "Sejya had been thirsty and so we tried to get some milk..." tried Tahiki and Sejya groaned tortured. The Kou's heir was good in his studies and at politics, but he was a lousy liar. Everyone knew that the brothers disliked milk and that one word to the servants would have been enough to get something to drink without the need of leaving their rooms. "I should have known that you are too curious." Laughed their mother her light, warm laugh and both brothers took a deep, relieved breath. Their father could never be really angry with them when their mother was not. "Okay, boys, come over and say hello to your new brother." Sejya felt how his brother grabbed his arm and pulled him with him. The boy looked at his mother, then at his father and finally at the figure standing behind the two. The first thing Sejya saw were two huge eyes. Light green eyes which were full of fear. He had never seen such a colour before. Maybe that's normal for his home planet. Sejya knew that his new brother was eight years old, only two years younger than him, a perfect age to tell him some tricks and to be his big protector, his shinning role model. However, as he looked at the real boy in front of him, he felt how his heart sank. Maybe the boy in front of him was eight years old, but he did not look older than six, hardly seven. Sejya had always been angry that he hardly reached Tahiki's shoulders, but this boy would not even reach Tahiki's chest. He was so small, so incredibly small. Hope he won't fall off my horse! Sejya gulped as he saw the clothes his new brother was wearing. It did not look like the suits Tahiki always had to wear when they had important political guests, it did not look like the often torn pants Sejya wore when he rode his horse and drove his teachers crazy. No, it looked more like a dress. Like a girl's dress! Like Kakyuu's dress! Sejya made a face and stepped back some inches, pouncing against his older brother. This can't be true! This can't be my new brother! Not this girlish person there! Sejya shock his head and had to see how all his dreams were torn apart. The small boy was holding a doll in his arms. No boy played with dolls! That was something for girls! That was something Kakyuu was playing with, but not a small boy! Not his new brother! "Sejya? Tahiki? That's your new brother. That's Yaten." Tahiki went over to the boy and knelt down next to him so that their eyes could meet on the same level. Friendly the heir hugged a visibly stunned new brother and smiled openly at him, before he pulled the turban down and ran a loving hand through silver strands. He has long hair! Sejya's mouth dropped as he saw the silver rain cascading over small shoulders. Okay, his older brother had long hair, too, but that was okay. He was the heir, it was tradition for the heir to have long hair - and he always put them together to a plait. But Sejya had no long hair, he never let them touch his shoulders, because they always annoyed him when he rode or ran through the woods around the castle. Kakyuu had wonderful long, red hair, but, hell, she was a girl! This boy was supposed to be his brother! He should not look so... so... so... Girlish! Sejya stumbled some steps backwards as the small boy turned towards him and smiled shyly at him. His silver hair almost touched his belly and automatically he raised one hand to stroke some strands behind her ears. At that moment Sejya could see the tiny ring in his left ear. Okay, it was not so much a ring, it was more a small diamond sparkling there. He has an ear ring? As a boy??? It was more than Sejya could bare. He had hoped so much for a wild brother who would be so much like him, who would replace the brother Tahiki could not be because of his duty as the Kou's heir - and now he got this person who did not even look like a boy but a girl. I don't want this >brothermommy<. "But it's been my fault, mommy. I've been too clumsy." Mommy! He dares to call my mommy his mommy! Sejya bit hard on his teeth and clenched his fists, not even noticing that Yaten tried to come to his defence. "He's older than you, he should have known that something could have happened to you. He should have sat on the toboggan, too." "It's too small for two persons!" snapped Sejya and rose from his chair. His mother was still holding that girlish boy in her arms and it was more than the boy could bare. "That's why I want to have a new one." "Would you share it with him?" asked his mother promptly and looked searching in his face. But Sejya only turned around and closed the door with a loud bang. I wouldn't share anything with him. That thief who tries to take away my mommy! *** Sejya sat on his messed bed and tried hard to make his homework as his mother came into his room. He did not look up in the hope that she would not scold him so much. However, she did not even seem to be angry with him any longer. She came over to his bed and stroked through his short dark hair, then she went over to his chest and opened it. Sejya looked shortly up and forgot his homework as she pulled out some clothes - his clothes. "Mom? What are you doing?" "Yaten ripped his warmest clothes and his other clothes aren't suitable for our cold climate. Well, and our tailor comes only tomorrow to make him new clothes. He can't run around naked or at least freezing to death, can he? I've already looked into Tahiki's chest, but his clothes are much too big for Yaten. I mean, some of your clothes are already too small for you, they would fit him." His mother pulled out a dark trouser and a dark blue shirt Sejya had loved and refused to throw away after he had grown too tall for it. "But... mommy..." "It's too small for you already, Sejya. You'll also get some new clothes from the tailor if you want, Sejya. Ok?" She smiled so loving at him and her eyes looked at the same time so warning that Sejya had to watch helplessly his most favourite shirt walking out of his room and surely out of his life. Damn! *** Yaten looked like a ghost in those dark clothes with his pale skin and his silver hair. Well, at least he looked more like a boy now. Lady Kou had braided his strands and without this strange dress he looked more like the brother Sejya had wanted so badly just one day ago. Yes, he looked like one, but surely he did not behave like one. Again he's eating so slowly! It was evening and Yaten ate dinner together with Lady Kou and Sejya. Lord Kou and Tahiki were still busy with some political discussions, so they decided for soup instead of a big meal. Sejya looked at the sorry sight in his bowl and put a big layer of jam on his sandwich. He never understood the need of strange soups, but he loved his jam and as long as he was allowed to eat it at every occasion he would not starve. Does he really like it? Those thin noodles? There's not even meat in there! "My Lady? Lord Kou wants to see you." A servant bowed deeply next to Sejya's mother and the woman nodded, shortly looking at her sons. "Are you able to finish dinner without another catastrophe?" "May I eat my dessert now?" Sejya looked pleading at his mother and put the soup away, squinting hungry at the chocolate cake. Lady Kou laughed and gave the servant a sign to give her sons the cake. "Go to your rooms when you are finished, I am coming later to say goodnight to you." With another smile she left the room to help her husband and her other son with some political stuff Sejya would never understand, never really wanted to understand. Instead he looked down at his chocolate cake and grinned satisfied. "Can you give me a sandwich?" asked Yaten with his typical high voice and interrupted Sejya's chocolate dreams. The older boy growled disturbed and finally reached for the bread basket. Normally a servant would have been there to give it to Yaten, but the man seemed to have vanished with Lady Kou, probably to bring some wine to their important guest. "These are my clothes!" he whispered in a dangerously quiet voice as Yaten stretched his hands to get a sandwich. Sejya held the basket a little bit higher so that Yaten missed it and he got the younger boy's full attention. "This is my most favourite shirt." Sejya pointed at the blue shirt and took a deep breath. "Don't you dare to spill something on it!" Yaten gulped and finally got his sandwich. For a long time he stared into the soup and back at the blue shirt. He mustn't be angry with me! His hand shook as he put his spoon away and ate his sandwich slowly, always caring not to spill any crumb on the old, worn out shirt. This evening Sejya got two chocolate cakes and Yaten went to bed hungry. *** The scream woke him up in the middle of the night. Sejya sat upright in bed and looked disoriented around. Normally it was very quiet in the castle during the night. There were only a few guards at the portal, the rest were fast asleep. No one of them would get out of bed before five in the morning. What was that? Sejya left his bed silently and opened the his door a little bit to peer out of the corridor. There he could see Yaten stumbling disorientated around. He had wrapped his blanket around his body, big tears were running down his cheeks. His hair was messed and he looked like a big misery. Sejya gulped and felt the desire to go over to him, to hug him. There had been times when he had have nightmares all night, too. He had been afraid of ghosts and monsters and found shelter in his big brother's arms. Surely it's the strange environment... Sejya wanted to push open his door as another one was opened and Tahiki stepped outside. His pyjamas were not crumbled at all, Sejya had often asked himself how anyone could sleep as calm as Tahiki did, but his eyes showed that he also just woke up. "Yaten?" his voice sounded sleepy and surprised. He went on his knees before the small boy and the next moment Tahiki's arms were full with a shaking, crying Yaten. He's clinging to my brother! Sejya's sympathy for the little boy was washed away in one second as he saw how easily Yaten took over his place in Tahiki's arms. Good, Sejya was too old to be afraid of ghosts any longer and to sleep in Tahiki's bed, but that was no reason for Yaten to steal also this place from him! Girlish boy-thief! Tahiki whispered soft words to a still crying Yaten Sejya could not understand. Helplessly, cooking inside because of anger, Sejya had to watch how Tahiki rocked the small boy and finally took him into his arms to disappear with him inside his room. Then I wish you goodnight with that cry baby! Sejya turned around, closed the door loudly behind himself and hide himself under his thick blankets the whole night. His personal cave not even someone like Yaten was able to steal from him! *** Sejya spread his arms as the tailor took his tape measure. Satisfied Sejya heard the numbers and new that he grew an entire inch last summer. Surely, Tahiki grew two inches at least, Sejya would never be able to be as tall as his big brother, but he knew that he would be tall for himself one day. Not as tiny as that girlish boy! Yaten sat in the corner of the room and stared with frightened eyes at the tailor. Sejya did not hear him cry again the rest of the night, but he was not in the mood to ask Tahiki any further. The Kou's heir was occupied with his personal teacher and Sejya groaned, because he knew that his lesson would start in about an hour - and he did not feel like it at all. Mostly the lesson with his teacher was very boring and although Sejya tried very hard he could not finish his homework yesterday. "I also want to have a blue shirt." Demanded Sejya and looked pleading at his mother who studies the different fabrics and colours in a big map. Shortly she looked up and nodded. "Fine, two suits for him, a thick winter jacket and a shirt." Then she concentrated again on the colours in her map. Sejya grinned satisfied. He knew that his mother took care for the colours that would fit to Yaten, Sejya and Tahiki already had their most favourite colours and fabrics and their tailor knew that. "Then we are done, master Sejya." Bowed the tailor and wrote down the order into a small note book. "Now it's your turn, young master." Sejya hopped from the small stool, took his clothes and started to dress himself. He was thankful that the fire was lit in the fireside, because it could be quite chilly only standing around in underwear on a winter's day. "Oh, Sejya, tell your teacher that you are allowed to go one hour earlier than normal. I am sure that Baranas wants to gallop a little bit with you." Sejya turned around, surprised. Then he smiled and bowed down to his mother to place a kiss on her right cheek. Maybe she regretted being so strict to her son yesterday or she simply wanted him to get a little bit calmer, just like he always was after riding out with his beloved stallion. "Thanks, mom." He looked over her shoulder and saw light blue and white colours in the book on her lap. Those colours were completely different than the ones his brother and he used for their clothes, but Sejya knew immediately that they fitted Yaten perfectly. His mother had always had a good sense of fashion and as long as she did not chose for a new dress for Yaten it was okay for Sejya. Clothes were important to hold you warm in the winter, but they were not so important for Sejya just like his horse, his toboggan, or his beloved green jam. If Yaten needed them, he could get them. Differently from his mother, his father and especially his big brother! "It's ok." Lady Kou smiled at her son and messed his dark hair. He protested, still grinning. Surely he would be impatient, but still very concentrated in lesson, knowing that he was allowed to ride out afterwards. He was so much like her husband. He could survive the longest, the most boring political discussions, as long as he was allowed to go into the stall afterwards and to train with the foals or to ride out with one of his wild stallions. She loved those horses, too, it was impossible to be a Kou and not to fall in love with those proud mountain creatures sooner or later, but she was very thankful that Sejya got a loyal and compared to the other stallions calm horse. She would have never forgive herself if anything would have happened to her son. "Young master? It's your turn." Repeated the tailor and checked his tape measure before he looked into the corner were Yaten was still sitting on his chair. Motionless, his eyes wide open. Silently he shook his head. What's up? Doesn't he want to have new clothes? It's cold in the winter and his dress is torn! Sejya shook his head. He wished that this girlish boy would only once do as he was told. For heaven's sake! He could not run around in Sejya's old clothes for all times! Hope he doesn't expect to get such dresses again! No dress and no turban! He's a boy, not a girl - he should start to realize that! "Yaten? Are you coming? It's not dangerous, little one. He's only taking your measures to make your new clothes fitting you." Chirped Lady Kou and looked up from the blue and white colours on her lap. Little one! That's how mommy used to call ME! Sejya made a face behind his mother's back and followed her glance. Yaten looked like he wanted to vanish, to be a tiny mouse, and to hide behind his chair. Still silent he shook his head and crossed his arms before his chest. Such a stupid boy! "Come, Yaten, it won't take long, you don't have to freeze." Lady Kou rose and went over to her youngest son who stared at her with panic in his green eyes. Freezing? In here? Sejya frowned. It was winter and it could be chilly standing around only in underwear, but freezing? As long as he was inside the castle he hardly ever froze, why should Yaten freeze then? Only girls freeze in a room with a lit fire! Kakyuu would freeze, but not someone who wants to be my brother! "Yaten?" Sejya wanted to say something saucy, but gulped his words as he heard the concern in his mother's voice. "May I help you?" The tall boy watched how his mother went on her knees in front of the small boy and opened the first buttons of the shirt. He's not a baby any more! He's able to strip his clothes on his own! Don't you all make such a big fuss out of it! Sejya wanted to scream it out loud, to complain that no one took so much care for him any longer since he was too old to behave so childish, but the expression in green eyes made his angry thoughts stop. Suddenly Yaten's eyes were filled with tears and some rolled over his cheeks as he shook his head and closed the already opened shirt with an obviously shaking hand. His cheeks which were redden during breakfast were pale again. "Our tailor won't hurt you, little one. He's only going to take your measures. Don't be frightened, little one, I am right beside you." Whispered Lady Kou calming and stroked some silver strands out of a wet face. Yaten hiccuped and held the ends of the blue shirt so tight in his hand that Sejya could see his knuckles become white. Like fresh fallen snow. What... Sejya did not care why his mother treaded Yaten like a small baby, but he wondered why the small boy suddenly reacted so frightened... so full of panic and fear. "Come, let me help you." Started Lady Kou again and tried to pull that white hand away as gently as she could. At that moment Yaten seemed to wake up from the trance that had kept him in captivity. "No! Don't!" he screamed suddenly and jumped from the chair. Tailor, Lady Kou, and Sejya were too stunned to react, so Yaten escaped them out of the corridor. All Sejya could see from him was an opened blue shirt and silver strands as he humbled downstairs. Hope he's not falling down and hurting his already sprained ankle again! Sejya did not know where that concern came from, but before his mother could say anything more he already started to follow the little runaway. Behind him he could hear his mother's voice and the low tailor's one calling for some servants, but he did not care about them. Without hesitating he jumped on the banisters and slid down quickly just as he had done so many times before - often followed by a punishment by his concerned mother. One slide mostly cost him one hour of being awake in the evening, but right now he did not even think about the consequences. He wanted to find that little, stupid, girlish boy before he could hurt himself even more. Yes, his mother had been right, it had been his fault that Yaten got hurt while using a toboggan for the first time, all alone. However, Yaten had been right by his silent statement that he was very clumsy. Yaten screamed suddenly very loud and seemed to crash into something. Sejya's heart skipped to beat - and sank as he turned around the corner and saw his father standing there. His father who had so less time for his sons - especially for the one not being the Kou's heir - held a struggling Yaten tight in his arms. The small boy cried loudly and kicked with his small legs, but Lord Kou was stronger. Sejya knew that. He often tried to struggle against him when he did not want to stay in his room when he had to stay there as punishment. He always lost. "Where's your mother?" asked Lord Kou with his always hoarse voice and looked asking down at his son. Sejya gulped and pointed over to the staircase. "With the tailor in Yaten's room. They wanted to chose some clothes for him but he ran away." His father nodded and stroked calming over Yaten's head. The small boy seemed to have given up and snuggled deeper into those strong arms, hiding his face in Lord Kou's shoulder. Again Sejya felt jealousy burning deep inside his soul as he saw Yaten so close to his father. HIS father he only saw on breakfast each day - when he was lucky. HIS father who was always so busy with his politics and Tahiki, the Kou's heir. HIS father who was HIS father and not Yaten's! "Don't worry, Yaten, we'll manage that together, just like two strong men, eh?" teased his father loving and went upstairs with the still crying bundle in his arms. I wish I was still so young... Sejya gulped, remembering when he had been four years old and fell down a rock and broke his right arm. His father had been the same loving to him. Then he still had enough time for him, before he prepared Tahiki to grow up as the heir, to take over his duty one day. It's me who has the right to be there with my father. However, it was Yaten who laid in those strong, protecting arms. Yaten, not Sejya. Yaten's crying increased as he was carried back to the threatening room. Lady Kou looked very concerned and brought the boy near to her as Lord Kou handled her their youngest son. The tailor stood in the background, kneading his tape measure with an unsure expression on his face. Sejya stopped at the door as his father turned around and looked strictly down at him. "Go to your lessons, Sejya. That's nothing for you." With those words he closed the door and Sejya stood there motionless for another long while. Perplexed that his father obviously interrupted his politics because of that boy. It had been such a long time ago that he interrupted them because of him, Sejya, his second son. Perplexed that his mother looked so concerned and did not even scold with Yaten who ran away so childish from a tape measure. She would have scolded Sejya a lot for such a stupid behaviour, but it seemed to be okay if Yaten behaved this way. Perplexed that he was left alone on the threshold, left behind in ignorance. What was wrong with Yaten that he behaved so strange? Was there anything wrong with that girlish boy or did he only play a big show to get all their attention? To get the Kou's attention... and drawing all their attention on him, away from Sejya. I am told to go while he has both, my mother and my father. That's unfair! Sejya winced unconsciously as the crying increased inside the room. He already touched the door knob to open it, as the crying died suddenly away. Sejya hesitated, then he lowered his arm again. His father would be very angry with him for not obeying his orders, like his mother would tell him that he should do what he was told - just for once, for heaven's sake! Guess he's only playing a big show! To have all their attention. To steal their attention from me! But he won't be successful! They'll notice me and then they'll care for ME. Do you hear me, you silly boy? I am their son! Their real son! They'll remember that and then they'll take care of me and NOT of you! Sejya stood motionless in front of the big door, waiting for his parents to come out again. Hey, they only wanted to take Yaten's measures, that could not take so much time. Besides, his father surely had to return to his politics. They would come out of the door, find him there and then he would have back their attention! Maybe his father would scold with him, but scolding was better than no attention. You are so wrong, girlish boy! I'll get back their attention and then you'll be the one being all alone! Expectantly Sejya stared at the closed door and waited. He waited for a long time and came too late to his lessons, without having seen his parents coming out of Yaten's room. *** I can't concentrate with that noise! Sejya groaned tortured and pressed his pillow over his head while he tried to read a book his teacher wanted him to read until tomorrow. The boy came back from his riding one hour ago but during that time he did not even manage two pages, and even those two pages were a mystery to him. Why does he have to make that noise so loud??? The noise - Sejya refused to call it music - came definitely from Yaten's room. Firstly, Tahiki never listened to music at all, and secondly... Secondly, only Yaten's so stupid to turn his radio so loud! Sejya was not only jealous that Yaten suddenly got his own radio - Sejya had fought for almost a whole year until he got one - he was also jealous that neither his father nor his mother complained about the loudness. Not even Tahiki seemed to care. At least when he would listen to music!!! Sejya growled and turned the page without even knowing what was on the read one. No, it was not music Yaten was listening to. A woman was singing... or at least she tried to sing, but she missed every single note. She seemed to search for the right tone and was sometimes a little bit below then a little bit above, but she simply could not hold it. It sounded really bad, and she was singing in a language Sejya did not understand which made everything worse. How the hell was he supposed to read and learn this stupid book when a woman was singing so badly next to his wall? Can't he at least turn the radio down? Is that too much I am asking of him? Hell! Sejya threw the book to the ground and left his room. He did not knock, of course not, Yaten would not have heard him at all with all that noise. As he expected there was a radio in the smaller room. It was messed now, all blankets were lying on the ground and the two pillows knocked over the few books on the desk. At least his room looks like a boy room! Sejya recognized the radio at once as he knelt down. He knew where the turner was, because this radio once belonged to Tahiki. I begged him for YEARS to get this radio and he always refused because he said that I would turn it too loud. But it doesn't matter if HE turns it too loud, does it? Angrily Sejya grabbed for the radio and turned it off. The silence that evolved now was wonderful. It was fantastic and finally he would be able to read his book about... well, about whatever, now he would have the chance to find out what exactly it was telling him. Sejya rose and wanted to leave as he heard the silent sobs behind him. He's crying again! That baby! Sejya rolled his eyes and turned around. Yaten was sitting on his messed bed, Sejya obviously had overseen him when he entered the room. The small boy was wrapped into his blanket and there were traces of tears on his face. His green eyes were dim and in the gloomy atmosphere of the room his skin looked greyish. Like hypnotised he stared at Sejya while he wrapped the blanket a little bit tighter around his body. "Try not to play the... uhm... music so loud the next time, ok?" said Sejya and put the radio down he was still holding in his hands. Actually he wanted to take it with him to make Yaten stop to listen to that strange music forever, but he simply could not take it away when he looked into those eyes. Those sad eyes... Damn! He shouldn't look at me this way! Only Kakyuu looks that way at other people, because she's weak and a girl! Yaten did not react. He did not even nod, he only continued to stare at Sejya which made Sejya incredibly nervous. With two steps the boy was near the bed and shook his head. "Boys don't cry!" he snapped, suddenly incredibly angry. Why could this boy not behave like a normal boy? Why the hell did he only do strange things since the hour he came to their castle? He could not ride down a hill, he was afraid of horses and tape measures, he ate like a turtle, and cried like a baby. "Hell! You are eight, not two!" Still Yaten stared at him with his big eyes, then he leaned slightly forward and Sejya could see that he spilled something red on the blue shirt. HIS beloved blue shirt. We had tomato ragout for lunch! "Tomato ragout spots! Do you know how hard it is to get them out of my shirt? Hell, I told you NOT to spill anything on it. Are you so silly?" Sejya lost his temper as he grabbed Yaten's collar and pulled him out of the blanket, ignoring how much the smaller boy trembled. "Is there anything you are able to do properly? Without ruining anything?" You are ruining everything! You bastard! You are a burden for your mother and your father! You are... "Sick..." marbled Yaten, not being aware of Sejya's anger. He sat there for almost two hours, listening to her music, HER voice, feeling like dying. First Lady Kou did not want to leave him but someone important came and she had to go. She told him that she would return as soon as possible, but until yet he had been alone. I am not alone any longer. Sejya's here now. Yaten did not hear what the older boy was saying. He felt that he was dragged out of that suddenly hot blanket and that his lungs got a little bit fresh air - which made his stomach turn around. He felt so sick, he only wanted to die... "What?" "... sick..." marbled Yaten again and started to retch. Sejya's eyes grew wide and his face turned from a bright pink to a pale white, but he was not fast enough to pull Yaten at least to the carpet. There comes the tomato ragout. Sejya gulped and wondered if he should join this girlish boy who laid now in his arms and decided that his body did not want his lunch. "...sick..." sobbed Yaten and made some more choking noises, but he was done, his stomach was empty. "I've seen that..." Sejya sighed deeply and asked himself how he should call for someone to help him with that mess without making a foul out of himself. Well, at least it's his bed he had to be sick in! Sejya lowered his head a little bit and risked a look at his clothes. Loudly he groaned while Yaten stammered some more >sickhi< to the king, the most powerful man in our universe. Sejya groaned suppressed and was shocked as he saw that the king did not mind at all. His parents would have been angry with him being so impolite towards Kakyuu's father, but it was okay when Yaten behaved so wrongly. As always! "Let's go inside. There's something I have to discuss with you." Said the king finally and rose again. "And I am sure that you kids are hungry. Kaki tried the whole morning to steal something from the kitchen but she failed." Kaki. Sejya had to grin, because only her father was allowed to call her this way. If anyone else called her this name she could get very angry. "... Kaki...?" Yaten of all people had to ask the silent question while the adults went inside. Sejya heard it and grinned diabolically. Surely Kakyuu would be angry with this stupid boy now and finally he would have an ally against that thief! But Kakyuu did not explode as Sejya had hoped. Instead she only laughed her high, clear laughter and pulled Yaten towards the portal. "That's my nickname, Yaten. Do you have a nickname?" As Yaten shook his head silently she started actually to tell him the story how she got that nickname and why she was ashamed of it. I can't believe it! She kills everyone but her father who uses that name! Sejya clenched his fits and followed them inside, sulking. But of course it's different when that girlish boy says it. As always! *** Kakyuu's birthday would only be tomorrow, but it was tradition to start the celebration one day before so that the children would get their gifts on the following morning. It was a grand ball and all noblemen of their galaxy appeared to give their good wishes for the little princess. That she might be a good queen one day. Kakyuu sat on a small mountain of pillows, because she was still too small to sit properly on her throne, and grinned happily as she got one wrapped gift after another knowing that she would have to wait till tomorrow to open them. Sejya and Yaten sat next to her and when there was no guest coming to her she talked to them without pause. Normally Sejya would have sat on that special place where Yaten sat right now but Kakyuu wanted to know more about that desert planet Yaten came from and begged Sejya to swap places. Of course Sejya could not resist as Kakyuu and Tahiki looked so pleadingly at him and now he was sitting next to his parents who only talked to the king about political things. It was BORING!!! From time to time the king actually talked to Tahiki and an always turning pale Yaten who liked it to talk to the princess, a girl about his age, but not to the king who was too big and too powerful for him. Too intimidating although Kakyuu's father surely did not intend it. Again Tahiki got more attention than Sejya, but that was okay for him. Tahiki was the Kou's heir and he could easily get all the attention he wanted to have as long as Sejya did not have to take part at all those long, boring political discussions his older brother had to participate almost every week. No, Sejya was not angry with his brother, he was angry with that girlish boy who got more attention as well... for not being the heir, for not even being a real Kou! That's unfair! Sejya looked down on his plate and chewed slowly his beloved steak. His look was morose as he saw that Yaten got again some foreign meal. Kakyuu was very excited about it and begged more than once for a small piece of it. Tahiki only laughed and called her a greedy little girl upon which Kakyuu leaned over to him and started to tickle him. Tahiki went as red as the tomato being speared on his fork and burst out into laughter. They are having so much fun and I am sitting here all alone! Sejya turned his head and watched some noblemen and noblewomen dancing on the huge dance floor. Obviously they ate their meals a little bit quicker but Sejya did not have any hunger suddenly. He only wanted to have his gift and forget this evening as quickly as he could. And that's only because of that thief! Yes, in Sejya's eyes Yaten was a thief. He had stolen his parents' and his brother's attention from him, Kakyuu preferred to talk to him instead to her friend Sejya and the king greeted him instead of the real son of the important Kou family. Yaten did not only steal his family he did also steal his title from him. Everyone treated him like the second son not like someone from the outside. He's stolen my family and my friends! That thief! Sejya chopped his vegetable to a not identifying mass and made an angry face. Of course no one noticed it - as always. Why can't he simply go back to where he came from? Why can't he just disappear again? Why can't everything be as it had been before??? Sejya winced madly as someone pulled gently but determinedly the sleeve of his red shirt. Although his mother tried hard to convince him to wear some of his new shirts he insisted on this one and so she finally gave up. "What's up?" he snapped a little bit more unfriendly than he had intended to and frowned as he saw Yaten standing next to him. "Kakyuu wants to build some snowmen..." whispered Yaten with his typical high voice shyly. "Do... do you wanna come with us?" Sejya looked up to see Tahiki and Kakyuu standing behind the small boy, looking expectantly down at him. The dark haired boy sighed slightly then he gave in. Maybe he would regret his decision in watching Tahiki and Kakyuu only caring for Yaten but certainly it would be better than sitting here, being surrounded by adults talking about nonsense. At least nonsense for him. Oh, and that music was driving him crazy! Yes, it sounded like a good idea to go out and build his own snowman, no matter if the other two would help him or not. "Ok." *** Much to Sejya's surprise neither Tahiki nor Kakyuu ignored him. Of course Yaten was the centre of their attention, but Tahiki helped his smaller brother with the big snowman's head and the other built their snowmen near to Sejya's so that they formed a whole snow family. Just Yaten's one was too small and so they made a doggy out of it. "Cool, a real family with a pet." Said Kakyuu and searched for some stones to insert them as eyes. "Although there's no horse." Laughed Tahiki alluding to Sejya's deep love of those big animals, calling Baranas his own pet. Sejya only grinned. The past hour had been much better than the whole day and he could even forget his anger about the girlish boy. Again Yaten was wrapped up to a ball of fur in his thick clothes. His cheeks were redden and there was a shy smile on his face while he put two small sticks into the dog's head - as ears - and one in it's end as a tail. He looked cute the way he crouched there in the snow and concentrated on his complicate work. Surely he did not want to destroy there works and inserted the sticks very carefully. Cute? That's the girlish boy you're talking about! Sejya made a face and helped Kakyuu with the eye stones. "Do you want to sneak again through the whole palace this year?" asked Tahiki grinning. "I never did..." "How did you..." Answered Sejya and Kakyuu at the same time and blushed deeply. Tahiki's grin only grew wider. He knew that it was very hard for the kids to wait until the next morning to open their gifts. Mostly there was one gift near the chimney wrapped up very untidy. Mostly because the recipient could not wait and opened it the night before just to wrap it up again to cover up his tracks. Of course it was forbidden to have a look at their gifts before the Princess's Birthday, however Sejya and Kakyuu simply could not wait and Tahiki knew too well how they managed it to get through the palace unseen. He had done that, too, when he had been younger. Still he was very curious, of course, but he was the Kou's heir and as that he could not do such a childish thing. Well, at least he had to be more careful than ever before. Yaten rose and pulled again at Sejya's sleeve. Tahiki saw how his younger brother rolled his eyes before he turned and how he looked astonished at the carrot Yaten held high in the air. Obviously he wanted to give the tallest snowman a nose but was too small to reach it. Sejya wanted to take the carrot in his own hands, but Yaten only stretched wider. Almost he lost his balance and crashed into the snowman, but Sejya was quicker and held him back. "You're too small to do that, don't ya see?" muttered Sejya annoyed but lifted the small boy into the air so that Yaten could insert the carrot all alone. Proudly the youngest of the brother smiled up at the snowman's nose and then at Sejya who only shrugged his shoulders as the small boy thanked him in his high voice. Tahiki watched the whole action and grinned knowingly. Still it seemed to be hard for Sejya to accept his new brother, even after six long weeks, but scenes like this one told Tahiki that they only had to be patient. Sejya secretly cared for the little boy, although he certainly did not even confess it to himself. Some more weeks and the two would be inseparable, Tahiki was sure. Yaten was still very shy and talked little, but he got more curious with every day and smiled a little bit more than he had done when he arrived at the Kou's castle. We only have to be a little bit more patient. "Common guys, it's getting late." Said Tahiki after he glanced at his watch. "Let's go back before anyone is searching for us." Three pairs of eyes looked disappointed up to him and Tahiki had to giggle. "Don't look at me this way. You know we can build more snowmen tomorrow, ok?" Three mouth started - more or less visibly - to sulk and Tahiki shook his head in amusement. "You won't win, you three." He laughed and turned to head back to the palace. "You already look frozen and I don't want to risk that you're freezing to death." Three hands grabbed his sleeve and turned him around. Three faces showed him pure agony and begged like hell. Tahiki blushed and finally burst out into laughter. "Ok, ok, but only ten more minutes." He laughed and was immediately pulled back to the snow family. Three kids grinned happily and did everything to distract Tahiki as good as possible. Sejya even stole his watch while Kakyuu used her best charm and Yaten simply asked Tahiki to help him with a snow bird. One hour later their parents started to miss them because it was their time to go to bed after such a long, exciting day. Two hours later the servants finally found them and it was not before midnight when they went to bed. Three little kids were extremely satisfied with themselves. *** It was an unfamiliar place for him. The entire palace seemed to be full of ghosts and other monsters, every shadow seemed to move from all alone. The whole atmosphere was spooky and he was afraid of every strange sound. Where's everyone? Yaten gulped and groped his way through the long corridors. Another nightmare let him wake up screaming but he found himself alone in the room he shared with his older brothers. Neither Tahiki nor Sejya could be found in their beds although it was in the middle of the night. Yes, it was late, because the ball was already over and surely all adults went to bed some hours ago, just like his parents. Where are they? Yaten did not know where the rooms of his new parents were although he would have never dared to ask them for shelter. It was okay to ask Tahiki or Sejya, they were both boys just like he was. He could not ask the Lord to sleep in his bed, he did not want to cause any trouble. No, he never wanted to cause any trouble again. He never wanted to hear again a raging voice calling him a bastard, he never wanted to feel that rough belt on his skin, punishing him for something he had never done. Punishing him for being different from the rest of his family, of his people. Yaten was a small boy who only wanted what every boy at his age wanted badly: To be loved. By his parents and by his brothers as well. Where's everyone? New tears ran over his cheeks and he held the pillow tighter in his shaking arms. Barefoot he tapped over the cold underground and froze while his big eyes searched for any sign of life, natural life. Maybe they only went to the bathroom. Maybe they'll return soon. Guess I should also go back to wait for them. Yaten turned and hesitated. His eyes grew wide as he stared into the darkness of the corridor. He left open the door to their sleeping room to have a source of light he could head for. Now it was gone. What??? The small boy sobbed louder and ran all the way back he believed to have come. However, he could not find his sleeping room again. He stumbled over the pants of his pyjamas and lost his pillow. His hair fell open over his shoulder and he rubbed his burning eyes desperately. It can't be! It has to be here! Somewhere! Yaten cried louder, because suddenly he had to think of his new parents. Certainly they would be not very happy to hear that he had been out of his bed in the middle of the night, running through an unknown palace - as a guest of the king! The small boy grabbed his pillow with his shaking hands and simply ran along the corridor. Somewhere had to be an opened door or at least a illuminated door. His brothers would not put the light out as long as he was not in his bed, would they? Maybe they didn't notice me leave... Yaten did not care any longer about the haunted castle he seemed to be caught in, he only thought about his new parents and that they could be angry with him. No, they mustn't be angry with me! I must be a good boy! Where is my bed? He ran until he felt too sad to continue. More and more tears escaped his burning eyes and he felt incredibly lost. Almost as lost as he head felt on the day of her funeral - his mother's funeral. First he did not understand what had happened. He only stood there with a small flower in his hands and expected her to come back every moment. He really thought that it was only a bad dream and that she would wake him up. He ignored the dark looks of his so called relatives and the gossip they were telling about him. Surely lies. So many lies he had heard all his young life long. As they finally closed the grave and one of his uncles grabbed his hand to take him with him, because someone had to take care of the bastard that survived the tragic accident by chance, Yaten understood. Suddenly he understood that his mother, his beloved mommy, would never return again and started to cry. He struggled hard against his uncle's hands whose respond was even harder. That uncle did not love the bastard he had to take care of all of a sudden. No, he hated the small boy who was so different from the rest of the family. No one ever loved little Yaten. No one except his dear mommy. His dear mommy who left him so soon, too soon... Mommy! Help me! Yaten begged for the thousands time since that tragic day that changed his young life completely, but no one answered, as always. No one helped him and he felt left behind, left all alone. Alone in a world that never wanted him. Him, the different one. Please!!! "Stop crying, idiot!" Yaten winced madly as he heard the whispered voice behind him. He turned around and saw Sejya standing behind him. His hair was messed and his red pyjamas crumbled. But his eyes sparkled excitedly. Maybe he slept in his bed one hour ago, now he did not show any tiredness at all. The small boy blinked, and blinked again. Then he let go of his pillow and wrapped his tiny arms around the other boy's waist and sobbed even louder. His whole body shook while he searched for comfort, reassurance, and love. Great, I was looking for my gift and all I've found is our cry baby. Sejya made a face and rolled his eyes. Shortly he ruffled through silver hair, before he forced Yaten gently to let go. On the bottom of his pocket he found a handkerchief and handled it Yaten to blow his nose. "What are you doing here, idiot?" he asked and looked carefully around. But no one seemed to have heard them, still they were safe. Good, everyone's sleeping! "... had a nightmare..." marbled Yaten and wanted to gave him back his now surely wet handkerchief. Sejya shook horrified his head. "Keep it." He ordered and looked again around. "Those nightmares, can't you make them stop?!" Sejya asked rather annoyed although he knew too well that you could not stop nightmares. No one had nightmares voluntarily. Surely Yaten suffered the most from his nightly crying attack, but Sejya ignored this thought. He wanted to win back his room, especially his bedside rug. Just like he wanted to sleep an entire night without being woken up by a heartrending scream. "... wish I could..." marbled Yaten guiltily and put the handkerchief into the slip. Then he looked expectantly up to his older brother. "... bring me back to bed..." Sejya needed some moments to understand the high whisper, then he groaned slightly tortured and shook his head. "Later, idiot. First we have to find the gifts!" Again Sejya controlled the corridor behind them and suddenly he looked like a plotter, ready to betray his kingdom for a good Princess Birthday's Gift. "Gifts?" Yaten's mood lightened up. As long as he was together with his brother everything was fine, right? No one would punish him for being together with his brother, no one would be angry with him. Sejya would take him back to bed when he thought it was the right time. In the meantime Yaten could spend some more time with Sejya and that was fantastic. At least better than searching for the sleeping room and being alone there if he was actually able to find it this very night. "Didn't you listen, idiot?" Sejya grabbed Yaten's free sleeve and pulled him with him. They went through different corridors. The older boy seemed to know perfectly where he was going, certainly he had been quite often to this palace. No wonder, he knows Kakyuu for a longer time than I. Yaten smiled as he felt the warm hand upon his pyjamas shirt's fabric, listening to Sejya's excited voice. "Tomorrow's Kakyuu's birthday. It's traditional that all children get a gift on the morning of the future king or queen's birthday. Kakyuu's birthday is tomorrow so we'll get a nice gift tomorrow morning." "But... it's night..." "Right, but the parents mostly put the gifts near the chimney of the big hall for the children the night before they go to bed." Sejya grinned and finally opened a door. "Trust me, idiot, I've done this some times before, I never failed." Yaten trusted him. He glanced into the room and recognized the hall where they had eaten their dinner. Sejya let go and ran over to the chimney. Really, there were some gifts lying neatly between some plants. Impatiently Sejya put them away and grabbed for a big one. His face brightened up as he shook it hectically. That looks like a toboggan. Yes, it has the right form, the right size, and the right weight! Finally I'll get a new toboggan!!! Sejya turned the huge package around and looked at the card - just for his own safety. He did not dare to open one of Tahiki's gifts - he would die because of the boredom inside - and he did not want to open one of Kakyuu's gifts - then he would die because of the girlishness inside. Surely it's mine! Sejya opened the card and his face fell as he read the name written down by his mother's neat handwriting. For Yaten... Sejya blinked and glanced at the card again, but the writing did not change, the name stayed the same. Yaten... What??? He's getting MY beloved toboggan??? Sejya could not believe it. He told his parents so many times that his old one was used, half broken, and too small for him - that it was simply old. Oh, how much did he hope for a new one for the Princess's Birthday. How much did he beg to get one! And now the girlish boy got it. The small intruder who was not even able to ride on a toboggan down a tiny hill without hurting his clumsy feet! It can't be! It simply can't be! Sejya gulped and tears burned in his eyes. Tears of jealousy, disappointment, and hate. He wanted this toboggan so badly, and his parents knew his feelings too well. But they ignored him, just the way they had ignored him over the past six weeks. Instead of making his greatest dream come true they gave it to Yaten. The thief who stole so much during the past weeks. Now he even managed to steal my Princess's Birthday Gift! "This can't be!" he whispered and his voice increased. He rose and stumbled to Yaten who looked up to him in confusion. "Are you able to explain this to me, you little rat?" screamed Sejya, suddenly forgetting that it was in the middle of the night and that he needed to be silent before anyone would wake up and find him out of bed. It all did not matter any longer. All that did matter was his life - slowly being destroyed by that little brat standing in front of him, staring at him so innocently. It's all only a big show. But I am NOT going to fall for it! Energetically he tore the wrapping paper apart and actually held a brand new toboggan in his hands. Just the one he wanted so badly for over a year. It was wonderful. No, it was perfect! It was made of dark wood, had two horns, and a red seat. It felt light in his hands but he knew that it was strong enough to carry him downwards the most steep hills. Yes, it was the most perfect toboggan - and it was not his. "Are you able to explain this to me, you... you... you intruder??? Intruder? Yaten yield away and gulped visibly. He did not understand Sejya's outburst nor did he know an answer of the older one's strange question. "... nice thing..." he marbled and pointed at the toboggan. It was the one Sejya wanted to have so much, Yaten knew that. Sejya had told him often, twice a day during the past week. Maybe he would forget his anger when he concentrated on his gift, whatever it had been that made Sejya so angry. As long as it's not me... "Oh yes, it really IS a nice toboggan, isn't it?" yelled Sejya and threw the gift suddenly to the ground. It did not break but the loud sound made Yaten wince. "It's yours!" There were tears in Sejya's eyes, the older boy's face was redden and Yaten did not like the threatening glance. He raised his small hands protectively and shook his head. No, this could not be his gift, this had to be a big misunderstanding. He was not even able to use it. No, he did not want any gifts, to have a new family again, to have someone who actually cared for him, that was the greatest gift for him. To know that Birdy was getting better and that some servants were taking care of him while they were gone, that made him happier than any toboggan could have done. "... no..." "Oh, yes! Congratulations, you thief! Now you've managed to steal everything from me!" Sejya felt so disappointed, so full of hate, he had to let it all out or otherwise it would tear him apart. "You've stolen my family, all of their attention, and now you've even managed to steal my biggest wish. Fantastic, you only needed six weeks for your plan!" What? What is he talking about? Yaten shook his head again and his body started again to tremble. Tears burned in his eyes as well, but his tears were tears of fear not of rage. "... please... stop this. You're frighten me..." whispered Yaten pleadingly and tried to get to the door, to run out, and to search for his bedroom alone. He saw that Sejya was raging and although he did not know why he did not want to stay here any longer. Sejya was saying so strange things. Things he did not want to hear. Never again. However, Sejya was quicker, just as he was stronger. He grabbed the collar of Yaten's pyjamas and held him roughly back. He mustn't run back to MY parents as long as I am not done with him! "I shall frighten you? Stop your show, I am not falling for it!" he grit through his teeth and held Yaten tighter as the smaller boy actually started to struggle. "... please..." "Mommy only cares for you, you know? It's alike when I am standing near, I am not even getting a glance! Daddy has so little time for us kids, because he's an important man for the king. During the last weeks he spent all his free time only with you, you thief! With you, not with me!" Sejya's anger grew big and bigger. Some tears ran over his cheeks and it would be a wonder if he did not wake anyone up with his yelling. "You're even allowed to sleep in Tahiki's bed! That had been my place. My place, you intruder! Today the king only talked to you, just like Kakyuu. You pushed me out of my place. You are the second son now, congratulations!" Yaten struggled desperately against those fists around his collar. His toes hardly touched the ground and it was hard for him to gasp for breath. Everything was so tight around his throat. What is he talking about? Yaten did not understand his bigger brother, but he sensed that Sejya's anger was his fault. As everything else had been his fault in his young life. Although he tried so hard to be loved this time, and not being yelled at... "... please..." "You've taken away my whole family from me! Everyone ignored me since you've arrived! And now you even stole my gift! I won't accept that any longer. Are you listen, you thief? It's enough, I can't take that any longer!" Yaten swallowed the wrong way and started to cough, but Sejya did not let him go. It got harder and harder for the small boy to breathe. Stars danced before his eyes and suddenly he lost the ground under his toes. "... please..." he croaked and tried to find hold somewhere. "... go..." He wanted to say >Let me go.< but did not have enough breath to say it completely. Go? He's telling ME to go??? Sejya did not believe his ears. He pushed the struggling boy away and Yaten stumbled some steps before he felt the wall in his back and leaned against it. Hard he was gasping for breath and holding his neck. "You are telling me to go? Who do you think you are giving me such an order?" yelled Sejya, this time louder than before. It hurt. Oh god, it hurt so much! Yaten did not even take away his family, he told him to go so that he could overtake his place completely. But Sejya would not do him that pleasure. No, he would stay and fight for his right! "Do you really think six weeks are enough to replace me? Forget it! Six weeks aren't even enough to make a good brother out of you!" "... but..." Yaten's big, tear filled eyes were driving Sejya crazy. How could this traitor, this thief look so innocently when all he did was to push him out of his beloved family? How could he even dare to look at him this way? What's going on? Why is he so mad? Why is he saying such nonsense? "... please, Sejya..." tried Yaten to explain and hit the hall's hard ground at the next moment. His right cheek burned like hell. As Yaten looked up he saw the hate shimmering in dark eyes. Sejya was holding his right hand and his whole body trembled with rage. The small boy needed some seconds to understand that Sejya had beat him - and that he really hated him. Not again... Yaten lowered his head and stared at the pillow he was lying next to. Not again... "Don't dare to call me Sejya again. For you I am Master Kou, is that clear, you little rat?" Sejya gulped, the pain was tearing his heart apart. "I really wanted to have a little brother, you know? Someone I ride out with, someone wild who'd run with me through the woods and go ice skating with me on my secret lake in winter! I wanted a brother who'd be just a little bit like me! Someone I could spend my free time with." Someone I could have loved... Sejya sobbed and wiped away some tears. "And all I've got is you! A boy who wears dresses, has long hairs, and an ear ring. A boy who plays with dolls instead of horses! A boy who's afraid of my nice Baranas and is neither able to ride a toboggan nor do ice skating! I've waited so long for a new brother, you traitor, and all I've got was you! You're such a big disappointment..." Sejya's voice broke and he let his shoulder hang. Now it was out, all out. However, he did not feel any better. He only felt desperate and wanted to creep under his blanket and never come out. No matter what he would say, Yaten won. He already got his family, even his friends on his side, it was only a matter of time until they all would forget Sejya. That traitor! The dark haired boy went on his knees and covered his burning face with his frozen fingers, crying loudly. "... a wild brother..." he hiccuped, not caring about Yaten any longer. The small boy still laid on the ground and did not respond anything. For some times he opened his mouth, but nothing came out. Silently he stared at his pillow before he slowly came to his feet. Still his cheek burned and his legs trembled so much that he feared to fall down the next moment. His head was filled with only one thought. You're such a big disappointment. He never wanted to hear those words again. Words his father yelled so often at him when his mother was not around to protect him. Before he took his belt again. You're such a big disappointment. Yaten hoped so much to find a new family in the Kous. A new family and a little bit love. No one of his uncles wanted to take him, the bastard, the different one. No one ever wanted him but of his mother who gave her life to save him. He would have never survived the tragic accident if she would not have protected him with her body. Mommy... She had been the only one who really loved him, but she was gone. Never would she return. Never again. You're such a big disappointment. Maybe it was his own fault. It had to be, because everyone pushed him away with those words: His father, his uncle, and finally Sejya. Of all people Sejya. Yaten noticed that Sejya sometimes was in a bad mood and tried everything to be a good brother. Whatever Sejya wanted to do, Yaten obeyed, hoping to make him happy. Yaten thought that he succeeded when Sejya started to be friendlier with him. He helped me to insert the snowman's nose. He found me on the corridor and wanted me to give me my gift. A gift he did not want to have at all, he did not even know how to use. No, Yaten only wanted to be a good brother. He wanted to be loved. By Tahiki and by Sejya. Now he had to see that he failed. Again. I don't want to go back to that uncle! Tears blurred Yaten's view as he stumbled towards the door. Surely the Kous would give him back. He did not work in their family, he was a burden for everyone. That uncle would be even angrier than Sejya had been if he would return. I don't want to go back. I want to stay here. But at the same time he knew that it was over. He had have his chance and he wasted it, as he had wasted every chance to please his father. You're such a big disappointment. Yes, he was a big disappointment. For everyone, maybe even for his mother who only loved him, because he was her only child. Maybe it all would have been different if she would have been able to give his father another son, a real heir, as had often said. You're such a big disappointment. Yaten grabbed his pillow and stumbled out of the room, not looking back at a still sobbing Sejya. Everything was over, he knew it. And it was his fault. Everything was his fault. Everything in his life had been his fault, so it surely was this time. Although Yaten did not really understand why. But, he had never understood his faults when his father shouted at him, when his uncles looked so strangely at him. You're such a big disappointment. More tears ran over Yaten's cheeks as he simply stumbled through the corridors, not knowing what actually he was looking for. But he knew that he only wanted to get away from this place, from the pain in his soul. You're such a big disappointment. *** "Didn't you tell me that you're too grown up to sneak into the hall to have a glance at your gift?" giggled Kakyuu and wrapped her dressing grown tighter around her body. She was slightly freezing, mostly because of her tiredness. But her curiosity was stronger. She simply could not lie in bed and wait until the next morning. On her way to the big hall she met Tahiki who sneaked as quietly as she through the palace. "I am only protecting you from ghosts." Smiled Tahiki and blushed as she took his hand and held it tight. To guide him better through the palace, her home. "That's very nice of you, my big rescuer." Whispered the princes and grinned as she saw Tahiki blushing in the darkness. Then he stopped suddenly and she almost fell over the seam of her nightdress. "What?" asked Kakyuu surprised, but he only held his right forefinger before his mouth and showed her to be silent. It took some moments but then she heard it, too. It was a desperate sob as if someone was crying. "What's that?" "Maybe Yaten had a nightmare..." marbled Tahiki and frowned. When he left his room Yaten still slept in his room. Okay, Tahiki spent a little bit time to wait near Kakyuu's room for her to come out, but Yaten did not know this castle, surely he would have never found back to the big hall. Wouldn't he? Carefully Tahiki opened the door which was only ajar. But there was no Yaten standing there and searching for someone to banish his bad dreams. No, it was Sejya sitting on the ground, crying desperately. Tahiki blinked twice, but the picture before his eyes stayed the same. He did not remember the last time he had seen his younger brother cry, it must have been years ago. Sejya was not a boy who cried often. Whenever he was angry, sad or even frightened he reacted with an outburst of rage, hardly ever he cried at such occasions. "Sejya? Monster?" asked Tahiki gently and went on his knees next to his brother. Kakyuu watched him in silence and went over to the toboggan. It was new, surely a gift. Torn wrapping paper laid around it and there was a small card. She bowed to pick it up. "Hey, little one, what happened?" Tahiki used Sejya's old nickname and brought him carefully in his arms. Just as he had done when Sejya shad been a baby and did not know that it was easier to torture his family with rage than with tears. The younger boy winced madly and finally raised his head. His dark eyes grew wide in surprise. "Tahiki?" he sobbed, not believing that his brother was actually here. Here with him and not with Yaten. As he had been so often during the past months. "What happened?" repeated Tahiki his question and felt how Sejya trembled even more. More tears ran over redden cheeks and the boy cried louder again. "He's stolen everything..." sobbed Sejya and lowered his head again. "Mommy... daddy... you... all the attention and..." Sejya hiccuped. "... and even my gift!" What? What is he talking about? Tahiki hugged his brother gently and glanced over to Kakyuu who looked as shocked as he felt. "Who stole you your gift?" "Not only my gift... everyone... mommy, daddy... you..." "I wasn't stolen. I don't think so." teased Tahiki calming and ran a hand through dark hair. Sejya winced again but did not turn away. "Who, monster. Whom are you talking about?" "That girlish boy! That traitor! That thief!" Girlish boy? Tahiki raised one eyebrow and groaned as he finally understood the meaning behind Sejya's incoherent stammer. "Do you mean Yaten?" Sejya sobbed even louder and finally nodded. Thief? Mommy? Daddy? Me? Have I been so wrong about it? I thought they'd be good brothers. Have I really mistaken Sejya's feelings that much? "Hey, little one, no one took away anyone from you. Neither mommy nor daddy. Nor me. I am here, Sejya." "But... but... he got all the attention..." cried Sejya and clung harder to his brother's shirt. "You only love him, not me!" For a moment Tahiki was too stunned to react. He would have never thought that his younger brother thought this way about their new sibling. "Fool." He managed finally to whisper gently. "My little fool. Of course I love you. Just like your parents love you." "But..." "Of course we also love Yaten, but that doesn't mean that we love you less." "But he got the toboggan as gift. He, not I!" So that's the big crisis my brother's in. He sneaked into the hall and found it. That's so typical for him not to read the card properly. Tahiki smiled relieved. Relieved that Yaten was not here. Surely the little boy still laid in his bed, sleeping deep and tight while Sejya was so desperate about nothing. "The toboggan is for both of you." Said Tahiki and stroked again calming through dark hair. "Mommy wrote down both of your names. Sometimes I wish you'd be more patient to read the whole cards, little fool." Sejya's head shot up and he almost crashed into Tahiki's jaw. Dark eyes grew wide and his face paled. "What?" he hiccuped and looked directly into Tahiki's smiling face. "It's a gift for both of you, because it's such a big toboggan. Mommy thought that you'd learn Yaten how to use it, that you both are able to sit on it together. Your real gifts are lying in the other corner." "What?" Sejya's voice was suddenly shrill as he stumbled to his feet. Horrified he stared at Kakyuu who was holding the card in her hands. "It's true. Here are two names on the card." The princess winced as Sejya grabbed the card and stared at it. For my Yaten... ... and my Sejya. No! Sejya turned the card with trembling hands, but the handwriting did not change. As it did not the first time he held it tight. "No..." he choked and felt like throwing up. I misunderstood everything. He did not steal my toboggan, because it's ours.... "Sejya? What's wrong?" asked Tahiki who sensed that something terrified his smaller brother. "It's not that bad to share it with Yaten, is it? You've seen it tonight, he loves to build snowmen. So if you ever want to have this toboggan for your own just give him some small stones and a carrot and he'll be happy." Happy... Sejya felt how his stomach turned into acid. He did not steal my gift. The dark haired boy turned and stared at his older brother and Kakyuu who were obviously concerned about him. He did not steal my brother nor my friends. Again some tears sparkled in his dark eyes and Sejya trembled even more. Tahiki was by his side because Sejya looked suddenly as if he would faint every moment. "Sejya! What's wrong with you?" He did nothing wrong, and I yelled at him. I beat him... "I thought... and I yelled and... I felt so disappointed... I..." Sejya looked directly into his brother's eyes and Tahiki gulped as he saw the panic there. "I felt so hurt and only wanted to hurt him." "Yaten?" This time the Kou's heir knew whom his little brother was talking about. "Yaten had been here?" Sejya nodded and Tahiki grabbed him as he went on his knees. But he did not faint, he only sat there, staring shocked at the toboggan - HIS toboggan - two tears were running over his ashen face. "I had been so disappointed and so angry... I yelled at him and said to him that I... that I don't want a brother like him." Sejya hiccuped again and wiped away his tears with an angry movement. This time being angry about himself. "Everyone only took care of him during the past weeks. Whenever I wanted to talk to daddy he was there and I could not. Whenever I wanted to be near mommy he had been already in her embrace. Whenever I wanted to ride out with you he was sitting next to you on Snowflake, slowing down our ride. I saw the toboggan and read his name on... on the card and... and I simply snapped... I... I called him bad names..." whispered Sejya and expected Tahiki to yell at him, just as he deserved it. But Tahiki did not yell at him, he did not even push him out of his arms. Instead he pulled him nearer and hugged him gently. "Sorry, I did not see it, little one." Whispered the Kou's heir. "But you could have come to me and tell me about your feelings." "How? Yaten was always by your side and I... I feared that you wouldn't understand me..." Sejya buried his face in Tahiki's shoulder and closed his burning eyes. "So... so it was... was me who... misunderstood..." "We really didn't want to make you feel being ignored, Sejya." Said Tahiki and rocked his brother loving. "It's just not easy with Yaten. He's shy and he had a hard time after his mother's death. Imagine Sejya, he lost both of his parents and the rest of his family didn't want him. We only wanted to make him feel comfortable here." "I feared he would... would take over... my place..." I should have seen it! Damn! Tahiki cursed himself silently. He ought to have known that his brother was still too young to not react like a little child. They ought to have taken more time to talk to the both of them in peace and not only rush things between two political meetings. They ought to have been there for the both of them, not only for a shy, frightened Yaten. Sejya yelled at him. Surely he feels awful. Just like Sejya does right now... "No one could ever take your place, monster." Teased Tahiki and forced his brother to look right into his face. "No one's as wild as you are and no one would ever annoy me as much as you do." Tahiki grinned and finally earned a weak smile. "And now let's search for Yaten, ok? Surely he's sad." And tomorrow I'll talk to mommy and daddy and we'll find a good solution for all of us! Sejya felt bad for the words he said to Yaten - Tahiki did not really want to know what bad names exactly Sejya had called Yaten - that was a beginning. "I... I..." Sejya trembled but was able to stand up. Still he held the card in his hands and bit hard on his trembling lower lip. "I have to... to..." Apologize. Still he was not able to say it yet, but he knew that he had to apologize. Maybe Yaten was not the brother he had always wanted. Maybe Yaten was small, shy, played with dolls, and was afraid of horses. Maybe Yaten was a little bit girlish in Sejya's eyes - Sejya knew that he had not been any better, no, that he had been worse during the past hours. No, during the past weeks. He had been stubborn and unfriendly. Sejya was loud, demanding, forcing Yaten do ride a toboggan although he did not know how to use it, forcing Yaten to touch Baranas although the little boy had been afraid of horses. Surely he - Sejya - was not the brother Yaten had wanted when he came to their castle. Damn... Sejya gulped and rubbed away the last tears from his face. Yes, he had to apologize and to hope that Yaten would forgive him one day. "Certainly he's somewhere on the corridors." Said Kakyuu and put the toboggan back to the gifts and put the torn wrapping paper behind a plant. Suddenly her own gift was not interesting to her any longer. "It's a very complicate castle when you don't know it. Surely he got lost and is searching now for the sleeping rooms." Tahiki nodded and thought for a moment. "Maybe he found back to our sleeping room. Best I'll take a short look while you look in the other direction. We'll meet here again in ten minutes, ok?" Kakyuu and Sejya nodded, so Tahiki turned around and quickly disappeared into the dark. For some moments the kids stood next to the gifts and both sighed. Finally the princess took the boy's sleeve and dragged him with her. "Don't look so depressed. First we have to find him, ok?" However, they did not find him, although Kakyuu knew her way around in the big, widely branched castle. Tahiki even looked under Yaten's bed, but he was not there, either. Three of them went through all of the corridors, but there was no Yaten to be seen. "Better we call our parents." Sighed Tahiki who actually wanted to sort things out before they had to tell Lord and Lady Kou. It was not that he feared their punishment, which would mean more than just two days of house arrest, he just wanted to give Sejya and Yaten time to talk to each other in peace without all adults staring at them or even interfering. "But he HAS to be here somewhere..." Sejya did not cry any longer, but still his voice was hoarse - and very concerned. Tahiki could not remember ever having seen his brother like this before. Kakyuu winced freezing and pulled her clothes nearer to her body. Strange, it has not been that cold some minutes before. While the two Kou brothers discussed about the necessity of her parents Kakyuu turned and walked over to another corridor. A slight air current was coming towards her and made her freeze even more. What? She frowned as she turned around the corner and saw a small door standing open. It was one of the servants doors and she knew that they were closed at dusk. No door would stand open in the middle of the night, because unauthorized persons could intrude and harm the noblemen still sleeping in their beds. Oh no... "Tahiki? Sejya?" she asked loudly and interrupted their whispered discussion. "What's up?" Tahiki turned around the corner and both brothers stared in disbelieve at the open door, both having the same idea. The same dark idea. "That's the handkerchief I gave him before... I opened the gift..." marbled Sejya and his eyes grew wide as he bowed to pick it up. Tahiki looked at it and closed his eyes for some moments to clear his thoughts. Sejya and Kakyuu stared out into the night. It was freezing cold outside and the full moon was shinning down at the snowy land. Two hearts skipped to beat as they saw the footsteps in the white winter's material. They were already blurred and Sejya felt a cold wind playing with his hair. "He did not..." swallowed Kakyuu and wrapped her arms tighter around her freezing upper part of the body. Tahiki nodded tortured while Sejya's jaw dropped. That's not his seriousness, is it? He did not run out into the night, did he? "He's only wearing his pyjamas..." Suddenly Sejya felt sick again. "Okay, that's enough. I am waking mommy and daddy right now. We need people to go out there and search him before it's too late." Before it's too late. Before he would freeze to death. Goddess... Sejya gulped and did not react as Tahiki turned and ran away, surely to wake the whole castle up to find a small boy surely freezing like hell right now. Because of me! Sejya gulped again and again. Of course he did want this girlish boy to leave, but he did not want to kill him! He did not want to expose him into any real danger at all! Yaten, what have you done? Sejya stepped out into the snow and stared at the footsteps there. They were smaller than his. They were so tiny and so light. Yaten was very slim, he hardly touched the snow when he walked. He's even barefoot! Sejya closed his burning eyes and his shoulders hang. What have I done? *** "The other's won't be happy with us." Kaykuu wrapped the scarf around her neck and followed Sejya through the freshly fallen snow. It snowed half of the night and stopped about one hour ago. Now the moon was shinning, showing them their way through a frozen world. A white world. A world full of shadows. "They'll kill me anyway and they simply take too much time. I have to do something. Now!" They've stolen their gifts from the hall, because it was not far away from the open servant door. As every year they got boring pullovers, scarves and gloves. Normally they would have put those clothes away and looked for the interesting gifts, but this year it was the other way round. This year they grabbed quickly their new clothes, put them over their bodies and ran back to the open door to follow Yaten's more and more disappearing trace. The wind was blowing stronger and Sejya feared that they would not find him when they waited only one more minute. Surly it was not easy for Tahiki to wake the whole castle up. Probably it would take him some time. Time Yaten probably did not have. "I know..." Kakyuu walked behind Sejya who protected her a little bit from the rough wind. First Sejya wanted to go all alone with a torch in his hands, but Kakyuu could not let him go like that. It was her forest and she knew that Tahiki would be very sad if he would find out that something had happened to his other brother as well. I don't want to see them sad. Neither of my friends. "He can't walk that quickly, can he? He's just eight years old and very small. He can't get that far, can he?" Sejya held the torch tighter in his hands and looked searching around, always hoping to see a small shadow standing beneath the next tree, freezing but being alive. I'll apologize. I'll make everything up to him. I just have to find him... "Maybe we should call his name?" Small clouds formed before Kakyuu's mouth as she spoke. It was incredibly cold for her birthday and she shivered even under three pullovers and two skirts. Her slippers were lined and normally very warm but the snow got through the soft material and turned her feet slowly into ice. She did not want to know how Sejya felt who only pulled two sockets over his feet. As she did not want to know how Yaten felt right now who had no real clothes at all. No clothes but his thin pyjamas. "Good idea... Yaten!" Sejya's voice increased, for the second time this night, but this time it was full of concern and fear. "Yaten!!!" I'll apologize. I'll tell him that I didn't mean my words. I'll tell him that I am just an idiot and that he shouldn't think so much about the argument. "Yaten!" "Yaten!!!" Both, Kakyuu and Sejya, screamed as loud as they could. Their voices sounded weird in the forest's silence. There were one or two owls striking their wings, but their terrified howls were the only answer they got. The hard frozen snow cracked under their feet as they got deeper into the forest. Everything far away from their way was covered with shadows and the kids would have been scared to death if they would have not been so concerned about the little boy. "Yaten!" "Yaten!!!" Again, no one answered. "Are there still some footsteps, Sejya?" "Yes." Sejya stopped shortly and held the torch closer to the ground. He gulped visibly and shook his head. "He fell here, twice, but he went on." He whispered and looked up. His eyes searched their environment, but there was no one near. No Yaten, no one. "Yaten!!!" "Yaten!" They continued their way, Sejya always staring on the ground, because he feared to miss Yaten's trace. Kakyuu watched the trees next to them. Both shouted Yaten's name as loud as they could. I'll apologize. I'll never say such bad words again, I promise. Please, just let him be okay! "Yaten!!!" "Yaten!" Sejya almost fell down as Kakyuu's hand suddenly grabbed his torch and held it higher. He raised his head and his eyes grew wide. They were standing on a clearing now. And right in front of them, under a big fir laid the shadow of a small boy. "Yaten???" screamed Sejya and ran towards his younger brother. The small boy did not react. His silver hair covered his form and it looked as if he would sleep. His eyes were closed and his face ashen. His small arms were wrapped around a stiff pillow, holding it tight in a bizarre gesture. "Yaten?!?" Sejya brought the small boy in his arms and was frightened as he felt how cold Yaten was. "Yaten, say something..." I'll beg for pardon! Please, open your eyes! I'll do whatever you want, but please, be okay. Please!!! "Yaten, don't joke around!" sobbed Sejya and shook the small boy in his arms. Yaten did not react, his eyes kept close and lifeless his arms let go of the pillow as Sejya stripped his pullover and covered the cold body in front of him. "Yaten, please, stop joking!" But Sejya knew that the small boy was not joking, that he did not hear him. We've had only been out for ten minutes. That can't be... But you needed a long time to tell Tahiki what happened, then you searched the whole castle before you found the open door. Who knows how long he really had been outside in the icy winter's night? "Sejya..." Kakyuu went on her knees besides her crying friend and touched Yaten's face. "He's not breathing..." "No!" Sejya shook his head and held the lifeless boy tighter in his arms, trying to warm him. "No! It can't be!" "Sejya. We've got to do something." Kakyuu corrected the small crown she always wore and took Yaten's hands in her. "Do you hear me, Sejya? We have to do something or he's going to die!" ... or he's going to die... No! I never wanted to have such a girlish brother, but I never wanted to kill him! No! Sejya blinked as his cheek suddenly started to burn. He looked up and stared directly into Kakyuu's tear filled eyes. There was a determined expression on her face as she held her small hand. "Stop to freak out, Sejya. We've got to do something. Now!" she said firmly and took again Yaten's ice cold hands. "Your powers?" asked the dark haired boy and held Yaten a little bit tighter. "Yes. I am finally able to control them. At least a little bit. But I fear I am not strong enough to use them alone. I need your help." Sejya nodded understanding. It was well-known that every member of the royal family had a special power they learned to use when they grew up. Sejya had not seen Kakyuu's power yet and he did not know if it would really work, but to look again into light green eyes, he would have done anything. "What shall I do?" "Just hold him. Hold him, Sejya, and don't let go. No matter what will happen." "Ok." No, he would not let go again. He would not push the lifeless boy away again. I'll apologize, Yaten. Please, open your eyes. Please! Sejya nodded, held the small body tight, and closed his eyes as Kakyuu went into a trance. *** You're such a big disappointment! No, I am not. Don't say that. Don't... Yaten stumbled through the cold element, not even noticing that his feet started incredibly to ache. The pain in his heart was too big, covered the pain of his body completely. The small boy held the pillow tightly in his arms as he forced his way through the dark forest. First he had searched for his sleeping room but after he failed in the tenth corridor the whole castle seemed to shrunk suddenly. He could not breathe any longer, he could not stay there any longer, so he tried the next door and really found a way out. The fresh air let him breathe again and eased the spinning of his stomach, however, it could not ease the pain in his heart. You're such a big disappointment! No... be quiet! Just be quiet!!! Yaten automatically ran from the castle in a direction where he assumed the snow family to be. His snow bird was not finished yet and he had the desire to complete it now. Otherwise it would be different from all the other snow birds in this world. Yaten knew too well how it was to be different and he did not want the bird to be sad. As sad as he was. You're such a big disappointment! I never wanted to be one. I've always wanted everyone to be proud of me: My father, my mommy, the Kou family. Tahiki, Kakyuu. Sejya... You're such a big disappointment! I tried my best to be a perfect son and a perfect brother. You're such a big disappointment! I failed... again... Yaten sobbed and stumbled over a root. He fell lengthwise into the snow. His hair fell into his face as he slowly came to his frozen feet again. They stopped to hurt and he hardly felt them any longer. But it was alike to him. He simply ignored it, just as he ignored the shaking of his body, the rattle of his teeth. Tightly he held the pillow in front of his body as a protecting shield. You're such a big disappointment! He stumbled two more steps and fell down again. You're such a big disappointment! Again he heard his father's voice in his mind and winced wildly as he felt a long forgotten pain on his back. "No..." he whimpered and held his arms to his head, held the pillow protecting over his face. "No..." You're such a big disappointment! Again his father shouted at him. Called him a bastard. A name Yaten did not know what it really meant, but he knew that it had to be something evil. He was someone evil when his father called him this way. When his father hated him, because he was a bastard. When his father was unhappy and punished him again. With his belt... "No... no..." You're such a big disappointment! You're not worth to be my son! You're not worth to live in my house. However, he had lived in his father's house as his father's son, because he was also his mother's son. Until his beloved mother died. Mommy... Yaten came hard on his feet and tried to run away. Away from the memories crashing down at him. They were worse than every nightmare had been so far. Again he saw the sand storm coming towards them, coming out of the blue. No one had expected it. Again he felt how the coach they were sitting in was pulled into the air and overturned. Again he felt how his mother held him tight to her body and how she was thrown out of the coach. Again he saw her lying in the sand, her eyes wide open. Again he tried to wake her up. "Mommy! Come back to me!" And again she did not wake up, he was left behind in a cruel world that did not want him, that did not need him. Mommy... Yaten's legs simply gave in and he fell back into the snow. Tightly he held the pillow to his chest while two tears rolled down his face. Mommy! I want to be with you! Please, take me to where you are! The uncle who took him after the funeral told him that his mother would rot into the soil now, but he did not believe him. When his pet died he had been very sad and his mother comforted him. She told him that his pet went to a far away planet. To a planet where everyone who died went. A fantastic planet where they all were happy. To a planet where his pet would wait for him for all times. Mommy? Are you waiting for me? There? Yaten coughed and tiredness took over his body. Suddenly he only wanted to close his eyes and sleep. He did not want to cry, he did not want to hear that voice again, he did not want to remember that day he lost his beloved mommy. You're such a big disappointment! Really? Was he really a big disappointment? Did his mother ever say that he was a disappointment? Didn't she call him her miracle? Her beloved son? Her little Yaten? Didn't she love him the way he was? Didn't she accept him the way he was, even with his silver hair and his skin that burned too quickly in their sun? Didn't she get angry when everyone called him a bastard? Didn't she protect him from every evil of this world - when she had been strong enough to hold it back? Hadn't she been his beloved mommy and he her beloved son? Yes, they had. You're such a cute child, Yaten. The sad boy suddenly did not feel so sad any longer. Suddenly he felt happy. Happy and free. In his mother's embrace. You're such a lovely boy, Yaten. Yaten raised his head and smiled happily into his mother's face as she bowed over him and kissed him. You're my big miracle, honey. *** Sejya felt dizzy as he opened his eyes again. Kakyuu was shrouded in a bright light and her little crown sparkled in all colours of the rainbow. An aura of red light shimmered around her small body and she frowned in concentration. Then this light spread to Yaten and finally reached Sejya. The dark haired boy gasped for breath because that light hurt contrary to all expectations more and he almost let go of Yaten. At the last moment he remembered why he held the small boy in his arms and why he had to feel this pain. Is Yaten also feeling it? Is he still able to feel it? Whatever Kakyuu was doing, it had to work. It had to help. It had to bring back Yaten. No matter how. No matter... Sejya screamed as the pain grew stronger but he did not let go. Stubbornly he even pulled the small boy nearer to his chest. After all it was his fault that Yaten ran out into the frosty winter night. If he had not said all those mean words to him Yaten would have never run away. If he had read that damn card better nothing would have happened. No, it was not the card, it was me. I did not want him as a brother so I only read what I wanted to read. I almost wished to read only his name on the card to have a reason for shouting at him. I am the big disappointment. I, not he. Sejya groaned and closed his eyes again. He did not want to see the ashen face of his younger brother any longer, the lifeless face. I've always wanted to be a big brother. Now I've got that chance... and wasted it. But he was such a girlish boy! So what? You're not the role model of an older brother yourself! Sejya pressed his eyes hard together but soon the red light filled his whole mind. He was not able to exclude it, no matter how hard he tried to ignore it. I should have given him more time before I judge over him. I should have been more patient. I should... who the hell do I think I am by judging him??? The red light seemed to burn his eyes and he groaned tortured. Then it was suddenly gone and he stood on a snow covered hill. It had to be a snow covered hill, because it was white, there was no grass to be seen. The sky was as white as the ground, but Sejya could see no clouds as he looked up. "Mommy..." A high, whining voice made him turn around. His jaw dropped as he saw a small boy standing next to a floating shadow, which seemed to have no real consistence. However, it was alike to Sejya what this shadow meant, only the boy was important to him. Whatever Kakyuu or the red light did, Sejya sensed that it was his job to bring Yaten back, because there was no princess around. The dark haired boy was all alone with his younger brother. "Yaten?" Sejya got to his feet and went over to the small boy who stumbled after the shadow, never really able to reach it although he tried very hard. "Yaten?" Sejya took a deep breath and grabbed Yaten's hand. The small boy turned his head and big tears were running down his pale cheeks. "Mommy..." he whispered and wanted to shake off the tall boy behind him. He did not want to see him again, he never wanted to see anyone else again but his beloved mommy. His dear mommy he could not reach, no matter how hard he tried. "Yaten, come back!" Sejya winced as Yaten suddenly hit out at his arm and struggled against his grab. "No, I wanna be with my mommy!" screamed the small boy and tried hard to get his hand out of Sejya's. "You don't want me but mommy does..." He turned around to face again the shadow, stretching his free hand towards it. "I wanna be with my mommy..." What is he talking about? His mother is dead, he can't go with her. He can't... Sejya gulped as the shadow seemed to increase. Wind was playing with Yaten's hair and the older boy almost let go as he tried to stroke silver strands out of his own face. Goddess, it's really long... Sejya's thought vanished in his mind as he saw how a face was formed inside the shadow. How two arms came out of the dark and tried to touch Yaten's stretched hand. The small boy cried out loud and kicked after Sejya to get to the shadow, but Sejya was faster. He brought the little boy into his arms and held him tight, ignoring Yaten's feet and hands trying to hurt him, to make him let him go. "I want to my mommy..." "You can't go with your mommy, Yaten! She's dead!" "Then I want to be dead!" sobbed the small boy and pressed against Sejya's stomach. The older boy felt like throwing up, but his grab tightened around his younger brother. "Then I want to die..." "No, you don't want to die!" said Sejya firmly, but inside he was shocked. Was it true? Did Yaten really miss his mother that much that he wanted to die? His - Sejya's - parents were so nice, they cared so much for him, and tried so badly to make him happy, why did he want to leave them? It was only him, the idiotic brother, who yelled at him, but the rest of the family obviously wanted him. His mother adored him, his father even left his political meetings when Yaten needed him, and Tahiki would have done anything for his new brother - which all caused Sejya to be jealous like hell. He wants to die although almost everyone else loves him? He wants to be with his mother although the rest of my family wants him so badly as a new son? Sejya gulped and held the struggling Yaten, gasping for breath as a kicking foot met his stomach again. Did you lose your mother? Did you ever experience to lose someone dear, expect Snowflake's foal two years ago? Do you understand what he's feeling? He lost his whole family and was rejected by his new one! But... It's enough for him to feel one family member rejecting him to think that it's the whole family not wanting him. Well... Sejya sighed deeply, finally not being able to ignore his inner voice any longer. No, he did not know what Yaten was feeling, he did not know how it was to lose someone dear, as he did not know how it was to be rejected by someone important to him. "Then I want to die..." repeated Yaten sobbing and the shadow grew wider. Two eyes stared threatening down at the two boys, but for Yaten they seemed to be yearning, because he started another attack to get free. Sejya only bit on his lower lip and shook his head. "I won't let you go, Yaten, forget it! I won't let you die, mommy and daddy would never forgive me if anything would happen to you." "I wanna be with MY mommy..." "But she's dead and my parents are alive. They love you. They love you as their child and they would be very sad if you'd die." Sejya gulped as Yaten's struggling became a little bit weaker. However, the wind around them got stronger, and so he had to shout to make the small boy understand his words. "They would be as sad about your death as you are about your mommy's. They love you, Yaten! They want to care for you, just as they care for Tahiki and me. They adopted you, because they want you as their son. Because they love you!" The wind was pulling at Sejya's hair, making his eyes tear. "I don't believe you!" cried Yaten and shook his head, again kicking against his stomach, but this time a little bit weaker. There were two options: He did not have enough strength any longer to punish the taller boy - or he really listened to him. Sejya hoped for the second possibility as he continued to shout against the wind. "Mommy cooked for you, she hardly ever cooks, because she has no time. Daddy interrupted more than once one of his important meetings, because he was concerned about you. And Tahiki spend all his rare free time with you, riding out with you and trying to learn you how to ice skate. They would have never done something like this if they wouldn't have loved you!" "But you hate me!" It was a simple sentence, a simple statement and before Sejya could even open his mouth to protest, to say that it was not true, he knew that it was his own fault that Yaten thought so badly about him. Sejya had been the one who did not care about Yaten's fear of big animals, who mocked at the strange food Yaten ate rather than Sejya's beloved steaks, he was unfriendly to Yaten whenever something went wrong - and mostly Sejya was the one to blame, not Yaten. Hell! I forced him to sleep on the beside rug when all he needed was a little bit comfort after a bad nightmare! I treated him like a dog. Sejya gulped and grabbed Yaten tighter as the wind seemed to pull the small boy out of his arms. No, I treated him worse... "I don't hate you. Yes, I have been jealous, because you got all of my family's attention. I feared that you would take over my part as a younger brother, the second son, and a good friend, but I don't hate you." Sejya felt how two tears escaped his burning eyes. "I've been a terrible brother. I did a lot of silly things... and shouting at you in the big hall had been the silliest of all. Guess you should be the one hating me." I would deserve it. I've been a real asshole to him. The shadow filled their whole world, darkened the white horizon and the empty ground. Two eyes, red as a burning fire, stared down at the boys, scared Sejya, but the older brother did not let go. He had done so many mistakes during the past weeks, he would not also do this mistake. Yaten raised his head to look directly into Sejya's face. Green eyes sparkled and a shy grin played around his lips. "I don't hate you..." he whispered and blushed slightly. "I love you.... that's why... I wanted you as a brother..." He loves me? Sejya's eyes grew wider. He ignored the threatening shadow completely as he stared at the small boy in his arms. Yaten's face looked so innocent, so honest, he meant his words. He really meant them! He wants me as his brother? After all that I've done? After all the bad things I've shouted at him? He still wants me? Sejya sobbed quietly and buried his hot face in silver strands, suddenly liking them as long as they were. How could anyone have such a big heart to forgive him his jealousy, his meanness, and his simply silly behaviour! How could anyone still want him as a big brother after he failed so badly? How could... However, Yaten could. Obviously he did. "Forgive me, Yaten." Muttered Sejya and felt how the wind took them, how they lost the ground, how they drifted towards the dark shadow. "I've been such an idiot!" He felt how Yaten turned around in his arms and held tight to him. The small boy did not want to go to the shadow any longer. Now he wanted to be with Sejya who was suddenly so nice to him, who did not want to let him go, who held him so warm. Whatever will happen, I'll be there for you. Don't worry, I won't hurt you again. Never again! Sejya knew that the shadow was near and pressed his eyelids together, expecting more pain or even death. *** "Sejya?" Someone shook his shoulder and automatically he held Yaten a little bit tighter. The shadow seemed to have reached them, surely it was a woman, because it's voice was definitive female. Hands were pulling at his arms, trying to free Yaten. Sejya struggled against them. No! You won't take him away from me! "Sejya? Let go! We have to take him back to the castle!" Castle? What castle? What is the shadow talking about? What... Sejya opened his eyes and stared at his mother who knelt next to him. He was not on the white hill any longer, the shadow had disappeared. Now he was back at the clearing, sitting in ice cold snow, holding a lifeless Yaten tight in his arms. Lifeless? No, Yaten started to breathe again, his cheeks were slightly redden. There was an honest smile on his lips. It looked as if he was sleeping. "Mommy?" Sejya blinked surprised and finally let go as his father bowed over him and took Yaten into his strong arms. Concerned he looked down at his two sons and sighed relieved as he saw that they were both alive. Sejya sneezed. Okay, maybe they caught a cold and would be ill for the next weeks, but they would survive this dangerous adventure into the winter forest - in the middle of the night! Only wearing pyjamas! "Guess I won't ask any further." He said severe, because neither of his sons nor princess Kakyuu looked as if they would be able to answer any of his questions this night. "But be sure, you'll get a hard punishment, each of you! We were very concerned about you!" It was a big understatement. Sejya blinked again and seemed to not have understand his words while Tahiki bowed his head and nodded resigning. Kakyuu staggered and her father held her tightly as they all went out of the dark forest. Hardly she could hold open her eyes and Sejya knew that she used all of her powers to save them. Both of them, not only Yaten. "Don't do that ever again!" whispered his mother next to him and Sejya saw tears in her eyes as he looked up. "We really thought that you'd all freeze to death out here!" Sejya stared again silently at his slippers and gulped. She did not know how close her words came to reality. How close he had been in losing a small boy who liked, no, who loved him even after all the nasty things he had done. How close he head been in losing Yaten because of his stupidity - and to regret his words for the rest of his life. How close he had been in losing a brother. *** Yaten looked so small in his bed, so fragile. No, he did not look girlish any longer. Not with his long hair, lying open around his head on the pillow. Not with the small piercing sparkling in his ear. Not with the white nightshirt he was wearing. For the first time Sejya realized that Yaten did not look girlish but simply small and fragile. Suddenly Sejya felt the need to protect this small boy - his brother. Carefully Sejya sneaked through the room. Still they were at the king's palace although Kakyuu's birthday had been three days ago. Since they left the winter forest Yaten had been taken to the hospital wing and had to stay in bed. He had not been allowed to leave his room and Sejya had not been allowed to visit him, either. Mostly because his parents talked very seriously to him. About what had happened in that night and what on earth made Yaten run out into the ice cold night - only wearing his pyjamas, being barefoot. Why his older brothers did not hold him back and why Tahiki and Sejya did not wake up their parents a little bit earlier. Oh, it had been a hard discussion, however Sejya thought that he had already experienced worse in his young life. Because different to all other arguments and punishments before he felt that he deserved this one. Tahiki did not look too happy as he got to know his one, although it was hard for him to keep his house arrest when they were still important meetings he had to participate. Sejya only took notice of his own punishment and did not complain as he surely would have done earlier. He only asked if Yaten was okay and promised never to let his guard down again. Tahiki did not tell their parents anything about the argument in the big hall and Sejya was thankful. He wanted to sort things out with Yaten on his own. Sejya had learned his lesson, oh yes, he really learned it, he did not need his parents interfering. And as he knew, Yaten did not say a single word about their argument, either. Or better, about the bad things Sejya had shouted at him. He told Lord and Lady Kou that he had been frightened of a nightmare, that he could not find any of his brothers in his sleeping room, and that he ran out of the palace, because he believed to find his mommy in the woods. This story made Lady Kou cry and he held the small boy tight and promised him that he would never find himself alone again in the middle of the night when he was scared. Next year we won't be able to sneak into the big hall to see our gifts a little bit earlier, that's for sure. Sejya stepped closer to the bed. It was in the middle of the night and he was not allowed to be here. But three days passed already, he had to talk to Yaten or he would explode like a bomb. There were so many things he had to say, so many questions he had to ask, he simply could not wait until Yaten felt better and took part at their meals again. So Sejya broke again his parent's rules and sneaked into the hospital room of his younger brother. Yaten was sleeping deep and tight, mostly because of the medicine he got. The small boy caught a bad flu and surely had to stay some more days in bed. However, it was nothing serious, nothing dangerous. Yaten would have to stay in bed and later on to stay in the Kou's castle near by the fireside to feel better again, but he would become healthy again. Sejya and Kakyuu caught also a little cold that made the dark haired boy freeze even when it was warm inside the room. Just as it was this time. He stood next to the bed and trembled slightly, wrapping his arms around his waist. Shall I really wake him up? He sleeps so peaceful. Sejya leaned forward to stroke some silver strands out of a pale face and stiffened as he suddenly looked into light green eyes. Yaten smiled and reached for Sejya's hand. This time Yaten's was warmer. "I was wondering... when you'd come..." His high voice was hoarse and he coughed. The medicine did work, but it did it's job slowly. "I have house arrest." Answered Sejya and smiled sheepishly, because everyone knew that he always found a way to handle his punishments more like rewards. "For the next year?" "Around." "Just like me." Giggled Yaten and coughed again, this time a little bit harder. He raise until he sat and Sejya put a pillow in his back to make him sit more comfortable. The older boy sighed deeply and his shoulders hang. "You shouldn't have got any punishment, Yaten, because it's all my fault. I shouldn't have said all this stupid stuff that only scared you away." "I've been the one... running out... into the night..." Yaten coughed again and reached for a glass of water standing on the bedside table. Sejya took it and handled it carefully over to him. Silently he watched Yaten drink and suddenly all the well considered words in his mind were gone. There was so much he wanted to tell Yaten so badly... and now he could not think of any clear word at all. There was just one thought in his mind: He wanted to apologize. Just as he promised when they found a lifeless boy in the middle of a clearing. "I... I..." Why was it suddenly so hard for him to say those words? To beg for forgiveness? Why? Maybe, because you fear that he'll be the one this time rejecting you? Maybe... "I've talked to mommy. The toboggan is for the both of us." Yaten was radiant with happiness. "So you're..." he coughed again and held the glass tighter in his small hands. "You're able use it... and you don't have... to be angry with me any more..." "Yes, I have been angry." Sejya felt remorse at his stupid behaviour, at all the stupid words he had said. "But I haven't really been angry with you, Yaten. I had been angry with my parents, because I thought they wouldn't love me any longer, but only you. I thought they had given you my beloved toboggan and... I... I simply freaked I guess..." Yaten wanted to say something but Sejya showed him to be silent. "I've been so jealous about you and said a lot of stupid things, but they were not true, Yaten. You're not a big disappointment. No, it's me who's been a terrible brother..." Sejya clenched his fists, feeling ashamed. "I never wanted to hurt you and... I never wanted to beat you. It was wrong to be angry with you when I had been angry with my parents and with myself in reality. I had been a real asshole and it would be okay if you'd never forgive me..." Sejya stared the whole time at the blanket and finally forced himself to look up again. "Please, forgive me, Yaten. For all the things I've done to you..." Sejya's voice faded away as he saw the tears running down slightly redden cheeks. Great, he's crying again! I am such an idiot, I made him cry again! Can't I do anything the right way? "Please... hush... did I say something wrong?" stammered Sejya shocked and searched his pockets for a handkerchief. Finally he found one and handled it to Yaten who stared at the fabric and then at Sejya. The next moment Yaten almost jumped out of the bed and in Sejya's arms which were suddenly full with a crying Yaten who cuddled deeply into a warm embrace. "I just want... to... to be a good... good brother..." sobbed Yaten and buried his face in Sejya's shoulder. "I never want... to be... alone again..." Sejya almost missed the last sentences, because Yaten's voice was full with tears and very silent. He feared to be alone while I feared to lose a toboggan. I've been really stupid. Idiot! "You'll never be alone." He answered softly and sat on the bed, pulling Yaten on his lap and holding him tight, rocking him comforting. "And I promise you that I'll be better from now on. I am wild and often very impatient, we'll have a lot of more arguments in the future. Ask Tahiki, he knows what I am talking about. Sometimes I can be a real pain in the neck. But I promise you, Yaten, I'll never say again that I don't want you as my brother. Okay?" Yaten did not answer, he only grabbed him tighter. "I promise you that I'll try to be a good brother to you. Okay?" Sejya felt a big lump and cleared his throat twice. This time Yaten nodded and his crying decreased slowly. The small boy hiccuped and Sejya gave him again his handkerchief to blow his nose. "So you don't hate me?" This question seemed to be very important to Yaten. Everyone else would have known that Sejya liked him, because of all the promises the older boy made. But Yaten had experienced so much pain in his young life, he had to be sure. He had to be sure about Sejya's feelings before he could open himself again - even with the danger of getting hurt again. Just as his father and his uncle had hurt him although they had been his family. His so called family. "Of course not, Yaten." Sejya wiped those crystal tears away and smiled a shaky smile. "I never hated you. I had been jealous, but I never hated you." Yaten stared at him for a moment, thinking about Sejya's words. Then he smiled the most beautiful smile Sejya had ever seen, and nodded. "I believe you." "Do YOU hate me?" Sejya turned the tables and this time Yaten looked really shocked. As if he never considered this question before in his head. In his ears it sounded silly, spoken from Sejya who had such a fantastic family. "No!" Yaten shook his head passionately. "No!" The older boy grinned amused and gently pulled Yaten back under his blanket. "Then we shouldn't talk about this topic any longer. Let's start tomorrow all over again, ok? As brothers." He whispered and his grin grew wider as he saw a small arm lying under a soft pillow. He bowed forward and was holding a doll in his hands the next moment. He plays with dolls. And what? Yes, and what. I am calling a horse a pet and if I wasn't ten years old, I'd drag my new toboggan to everywhere where I am going - even into my bed. "Sleep tight, little one." Sejya gave Yaten his doll back and covered him up. The small boy had a good long yawn. He held his doll tightly and blinked sleepy up to his older brother. Still the medicine did a very good job and made him tired almost all day and night. However, it could not hold back his nightmares. Twice he woke up the last night and no one was there he could turn to, because he did not dare to disturb the nurse and other servants of the king's palace who did not know him. "... could you stay...?" he asked and yawned again, fighting hard against the growing tiredness in his body. Sejya hesitated only for one moment. His parents would kill him if he broke the punishment. They would go crazy if another son would disappear again during the night without a trace. Maybe it would cost him another year of house arrest. However, it was alike to him. Yaten looked so fragile and suddenly Sejya found himself being unable to resist those begging green eyes. Guess that's how Tahiki feels whenever he's caring for him. But wasn't that his job as a big brother? To care for the pet of the family? No, suddenly he was not angry or even jealous that he was not the youngest member of the family any longer. No, now he was an older brother, this was a responsible job he would do the best he could. "Shall I stay on the bedside rug?" teased Sejya, wrapping his arms around his freezing body. It was not that cold in the room, but he was still a little bit ill and tired. "Fool." Sneezed Yaten and raised his blanket a little bit. "I would have deserved it." Muttered Sejya and sighed satisfied as he felt the warm blanket around his freezing body. Yaten only whispered another amused >fool< as he cuddled nearer to his older brother where he felt as secure as he felt when Tahiki was near. Happily he smiled as sleep overwhelmed him. For the first time since his mother's death there was no nightmare haunting him this night. *** Kapitel 3: Smiling Boy ---------------------- Chapter 3: Smiling boy "Are you sure that we're still talking about Sejya? Kou Sejya?" Haruka looked very sceptically down at another photo. It showed a dark haired boy in pyjamas holding a small boy tight in his arms. They both grinned widely, both sitting on a big toboggan - together, surely in the palace's big hall. "He's not always so..." "Arrogant? Idiotic? Blind? Unfriendly? Crazy? Nuts? Batty..." "Stop that, Haruka." Laughed Yaten and punched her friendly. "When describing Sejya you're a real dictionary of bad words." "Oh, these aren't even the bad words yet." "I almost feared it." Yaten shook his head and looked again at the ten year old boy on the photo. Deeply he sighed. "No, I meant that Sejya's not always so distant. He's simply stressed right now, that's all. We had to leave mommy and daddy behind, we are not even sure if they're still alive. We had to leave everything behind and even lost our princess on our way to find Sailor Galaxia and to fight against her." "If he wouldn't be so stubborn we would help you in finding your princess." "You're the one complaining about someone else's stubbornness?" teased Yaten and turned the page to look at some pictures taken on Kakyuu's ninth birthday - and the weeks after. He, Yaten, had not been allowed to leave his bed for over two weeks and so they stayed there. Surely Sejya felt awful about it, but Tahiki had more time he could spend with Kakyuu as Yaten had more time to get to know Sejya. The real Sejya, his bigger brother. "I am not stubborn!" defended Haruka herself and Yaten giggled even more. In some characteristics Haruka and Sejya resembled a lot each other, in others they were completely different. "Just the way Sejya is. You'd never believe how nice he's able to be. I caught a real bad flu in that night and wasn't allowed to leave my bed over two long weeks. After that mommy was still concerned and I was not allowed to leave the castle during the following months. That was okay, because they were the coldest weeks and I still needed some time to get used to the cold climate. And it were the weeks when Sejya had to stay in the castle as well because of his house arrest." "I can't imagine him being nice to anyone expect himself." Answered Haruka and rose to go over to the kitchen. They were talking about the winter and about a grand ball, suddenly she had appetite for some special food. "Ice cream?" Yaten raised one eyebrow as she sat down again with a bucket in her arms. "Hai, chocolate ice cream. Perfect. Simply perfect." She opened the bucket and he could see that it was almost empty. "Hope it's enough for you." Giggled Yaten as he saw her slightly shocked face. It brightened up quickly and she held a small pack under his nose. "Course it's enough, I don't have to share it." Yaten stared for a moment at the other ice cream and finally took it. It was only an ice cream bar, but it consisted of vanilla ice cream covered with white chocolate. Ice cream neither Haruka nor Michiru liked. They both preferred chocolate ice cream, which was the reason for the bucket being so empty. They only bought it for me. Yaten smiled as he nibbled at the chocolate cover. "There's a lot Sejya couldn't imagine about you." He said finally and burst out into laughter as Haruka looked surprised up - still having her spoon pointing out of her brown mouth. "For example this picture, Sejya would never be able to imagine that you are able to look this way. No, Sailor Uranus wouldn't eat that greedily her ice cream in Sejya's eyes." Firstly Haruka sulked, but then she simply continued to eat her ice cream. He must really love him, otherwise he wouldn't come Sejya's defence after all that had happened just some hours ago... "Then tell me something about the Sejya I don't know." She asked Yaten and scratched over the bucket's ground. "For me he's an arrogant philanderer who even dares to be after Usagi who already has a boyfriend. He shouts at us whenever we try to help and to fight against our enemies. Just as he's unfriendly to you when anything goes wrong." Yaten gulped the white chocolate and turned carefully another page, looking for a moment silently at two boys sitting in the snow and laughing loudly. The toboggan was only some metres away, standing next to a snow man. We had been so happy. Why did it all have to end? Why did Galaxia came into our universe? Why did we grow up? "For me he's the best brother I could ever imagine. Now he's simply stressed. This situation is more than he can handle and so he reacts sometimes unfriendly. I believe that he's still the brother I started to love eight years ago." Just that I don't want him to be my brother. Only my brother... "After his house arrest was over and mommy saw that he really cared for me and after I was healthy again we were allowed to play in the yard. Still it was winter and there was enough snow for us to build snowmen and to try our new toboggan." Yaten smiled and stroked loving over the black and white picture with his free hand. "These were the best years of my life, Haruka. He really was the best brother one could imagine. He was wild, cheeky, but he cared so much for me, it made me happy. No one, expect my real mommy, cared for me before in my life. As he promised he was there for me and even tried to be patient whenever I got scared about their traditions or the different climate." Yaten gulped some vanilla ice and turned another page. "I am sure it's only the stress. When all this is over and we'll return again to our home planet he'll be my loving brother again." Brother. It's more I ever hoped for when I came to the Kou's castle. Brother. It's less than I wanted over all those years... *** "It's easy, really, Yaten." Sejya sat on the brand new toboggan and looked expectantly up to his younger brother. Yaten was wrapped in his white warm winter jacket and had pulled his cap close to his eyes. Hesitatingly he blinked at the toboggan and then down the small hill, remembering his first ride over two months ago. When he fell and hurt his foot. "Don't worry, Yaten, I'll care for you this time. Nothing will happen." Sejya smiled and stretched his hand towards the uncertain boy. Patiently he waited for Yaten to stare for another fifth times downhill. Finally the small boy nodded and climbed on the toboggan, which was really big enough for the both of them. Sejya wrapped his arms protecting around his smaller brother and kicked with his legs against the ground. Soon they were riding downhill and Sejya grinned as he felt the speed... then it was over, too soon. Of course it was only a quick ride, it was a only a small hill. The toboggan stopped and Sejya let his smaller brother go. For a moment Yaten did not react. Maybe he still doesn't like it. Sejya sighed slightly, because he loved his toboggan so much. But if Yaten was still afraid of this wonderful feeling racing down a hill or even a small mountain, then Sejya would have to accept it. It was not that bad to build ten snowmen within an entire afternoon after all. "That was great!" Yaten rose with a jump and smiled happily as he turned towards Sejya. "Let's do this again!" Sejya laughed as he was carefully but determinedly pushed from the toboggan and Yaten ran uphill, pulling the small vehicle behind himself. His green eyes sparkled as they rode downhill again. And again. And again. Until it got dark and they had to return to the castle. "That was fun!" said Yaten excitedly but had to yawn. His eyes were tiny and surely he was dead tired and would fall asleep on the dinning table if Sejya would not talk to him the whole time until they had to go to bed. "We have to do that again!" "We will, little one." Sejya laid one arm around Yaten's shoulders and together they went back to the castle, pulling the toboggan together. "We will." *** Yaten stared sceptical into the open box and watched Sejya mucking out Baranas's stable. Normally they had servants do to this, but at least once a week Sejya insisted to take care for his favourite horse on his own. He did not force Yaten to go into the box and to touch the horse as he had done the last time they visited the stable together. This time Yaten stood outside and simply watched him, holding a carrot tight in his shaking hands. Baranas turned around and sniffed loudly, but Sejya held him back, laughing. "First you'll have to bear me, big one, then you'll get your titbit, ok?" He tabbed on Baranas's big neck and continued in his work. "Did you have a pet? Back at your home planet?" he asked after he was finished with one corner and turned towards the next one. He did not want pump Yaten, but still he was curious. So he asked a question now and then, when he hoped that it would not make Yaten feel uncomfortable. "I? Yes." Yaten yield to the wall behind him and hide the carrot behind his back in the hope that Baranas would forget it. "But it was not as big as yours." Sejya's laughter was high and amused. "Well, I am not allowed to bring Baranas into my room or even into the castle. I meant more a... well... a real pet, like a dog or so." "Yes, I had one. It's name was Licky." "Licky?" Sejya did not say another word. He did not want to offend Yaten, but he would have never named a pet this way. "Yes, because it had such a rough tongue." "Tongue?" "Yes." Yaten nodded. "Licky was a snake. A nice snake, but it died shortly before..." he took a deep breath, he did not have to continue, Sejya understood what he wanted to say. Before his mommy died. "A snake?" Sejya gulped and held the pitchfork a little bit tighter as he turned around and glanced into a dreamy looking face. Obviously Yaten had loved that snake and remembered many nice moments with it. And I had been angry with him being scared of Baranas. A snake! I would have made a mess in my pants if he would have showed me his >Licky< with pride! "That's a typical pet for your home planet, isn't it?" "Yes. We don't have horses. We have camels and instead of dogs or cats or something like that we have snakes. They are not really dangerous, you only have to know how to handle them." Yaten smiled innocently and Sejya assumed that you had to have grown up on his birth planet to be not afraid of poisonous snakes. Just as Yaten would have been born on this planet to be as crazy about horses as Sejya and his family were. One day he'll see that Baranas is not poisonous, that he's just a little bit bigger but that he's nice. Sejya knew that he had to be patient. Yaten did not look like the wild brother Sejya always wanted to have at the first sight, but with every day that passed he lost more and more of his shyness and he could be wild if he only wanted to, if he felt that he was allowed to be a little bit louder and a little bit more open. "That's the same with Baranas." He answered and finished the last corner. "One day you'll also love him." Sejya took the carrot and held it towards a very happy horse eating it noisily. The taller boy shortly looked out of the window, still there was enough light to have a little ride around the castle. Their boring lessons were over and he did not want to build another snowman today. He felt that he built too many during the past days - and that the cook would never forgive him stealing so many carrots, not only for Baranas, but also for dozens of noses. "How about a small ride? Baranas is big enough for the both of us." Suggested Sejya and went into the room where they kept the saddles and headgear. He did not have to ask Tahiki if he wanted to join them, because the Kou's heir was on another political trip together with Lord and Lady Kou. Lady Kou made her second son swear to be nice, to listen to their teachers and not to fool around. She knew that Sejya would care loving for Yaten, but she also knew that he could drive the whole castle's staff crazy with his tricks. Tahiki and his parents were supposed to be away for only three days, but Sejya swore every oath. Today was the first day and he did not intend to break his promises. He just survived one month of house arrest, he was not keen on being a prisoner of his own room again for such a long time. However, riding out would not be one of the things he was not allowed to do - as long as he took good care of Yaten, who was not able to ride and was still afraid of big horses. "Dinner will start soon..." "Oh, it won't start before dusk and the cook only cooks for us, so they won't start before we aren't back." Giggled Sejya and saddled Baranas who gnawed at Sejya's shoulder excitedly. He always loved it to ride out, especially with the tall boy. "But..." "Don't worry, I won't let you fall down. Baranas is a real gentleman." Sejya lead the horse out to the yard and got on. Then he bowed and stretched one arm towards a still unsure looking Yaten. "You rode out with Tahiki before and you liked it, didn't you? Then ride out with me. Trust me, I won't hurt you." Yaten looked unsure from the horse to Sejya and back. Then he sighed. Whenever Sejya begged you could not say no. Only his parents were able to resist, but even Tahiki failed often. Just as Yaten right now. "... ok..." he muttered and was lifted into the air the next moment. Carefully he was sat on the horse's back right in front of Sejya who wrapped one arm protecting around him. Yaten gulped and held tight to that arm while Baranas trotted from the yard. Soon they were in the woods around the castle. Yaten relaxed a little bit as the big horse did not try to throw him off his back and looked around. Again he saw all the snow covered trees and wondered how this land would look like in summer. He heard that it was green. As green as one of the rare oasis on his birth planet. "This is were I learned to swim." Said Sejya as they reached the lake after they rode for almost half an hour in silence. But it was a pleasant silence. Sejya thought about his childhood while Yaten was astonished once more how beautiful the forest looked in its snow dress. He had only seen sand before in his land and although he froze a lot he liked this planet more and more with every day that passed. Maybe he had to wear a lot of clothes in the winter, but he did not fear to get a dangerous sunburn whenever he left the shelter of a building. "... swim?" "Yes. I had been two years old and Tahiki wanted to teach me how to swim. Mommy and daddy were nearby, but Tahiki wanted to teach me as his older brother. I was scared and cried a lot." Sejya laughed at his memory. "I was a real baby and was afraid of the water. I have no idea how he finally managed to get me into the water, but the he suddenly had problems to get me out again. I simply loved to swim." "... can't swim..." whispered Yaten and gulped, now looking on the frozen surface. So much water! He had hardly seen so much water at one place at his birth planet. Water was precious, you did not have enough to swim in it. He can't swim! Of course he can't! His planet is covered with sand, you idiot! "Oh, Tahiki will be happy to have another pupil. Guess you'll be a better one than I had been." Sejya leaned slightly forward and pointed to a spot at the other bank. "There it's really shallow. I've been a dwarf at the age of two and there even I could stand above the surface. You don't have to worry, Yaten, Tahiki's a great teacher. He won't let you drown." Sejya smiled, being lost in his memories again. We had so much fun, Tahiki and I. Running into the water as soon as the ice broke, both squeaking because it was so cold but not wanting to admit it to the other one. Swimming as quick as we could. Splashing each other with water. We had so much fun, Tahiki and I. Sejya held Yaten a little bit tighter and felt how the smaller boy trembled slightly. Next year we'll have fun again. This time with Yaten at our side. "Are you cold?" Yaten nodded and was thankful as Sejya turned Baranas. Slowly they rode back to the castle. The sun as already setting and the older boy heard his own stomach growl. "Tahiki often defeated me when we swam, but he never defeated me when we were riding." "I can imagine." Giggled Yaten and leaned against Sejya, closing faithfully his eyes, feeling the rhythm of Baranas. "You aren't a good loser, are you?" "To tell you a big secret..." Sejya's voice was silently, his breath tickling Yaten's ear as he whispered to his little brother. "... Tahiki's the worst loser of all." The small boy smiled and Sejya hugged him gently. "But don't tell him or he'll be angry with me." "No, I won't." "Good." Yes, next summer Yaten will have also so much fun at the lake like we had the past years. *** Slowly Yaten's stomach got used to the new food and so they ate a normal soup with sandwiches for dinner. Sejya could not live without his jam and put a thick layer on his sandwiches, knowing that it would have broken the cook's heart if he would have seen it. Yaten already drank his second cup of milk and smiled with a white beard around his lips at Sejya. They were talking about the evening one week ago when Tahiki managed to knock over his glass of tea in a clumsy movement. "His face was incredible." Laughed Sejya and served himself another sandwich to bury it under his green jam. "Yes." Sejya held the sandwich to his mouth and stopped. Then he looked closer at his hand and at his arms. Then he glanced over to Yaten and saw that it was the same with him. "We're dirty, Yaten." He said and sniffed under his arms just to make a tortured face. "Guess it's better to take a bath before not even our fleas like us any longer." "... bath?" Yaten did not look happy at all, but he knew that Sejya was right. They spent the whole afternoon in the stables and rode out afterwards. Of course they did stink and to sit in a nice warm tube... it sounded tempting. Yaten did freeze a little bit on the horse's back and to warm himself up again before creeping under his blanket, it would make him sleep better. On the other hand... Mommy's not here. I can't take a bath without her. She's always washing me... Yaten gulped and suddenly did not like his dinner any longer. "Yes. I'll tell the servants, ok? They'll make a tube for each of us in our rooms. Are you able to wash yourself on your own?" Yaten stared at him for a moment, then he nodded and seemed to be relieved. I'll be alone with the hot water. Then it's ok, even when mommy's not around. "Ok." "Before our teachers refuse to teach us tomorrow." "Then you'd be inconsolable." Sejya almost choked his sandwich and laughed loudly as he was finally able to breathe again. It was an open secret that he would have done anything to skip his lessons. However, he did not want to stink and so he would have to search for another possibility to escape his teachers. "Guess you're right." They both grinned at each other, then they continued their meal. *** Did he manage to wash himself? He's only eight years old! Sejya dried himself and slipped into his pyjamas. He took a long bath and felt a lot better than he had during dinner. And he smelled a lot better! I should do my homework... Shortly he looked at his table and decided to take a short look after his smaller brother. Yaten had long hair, maybe he fought desperately with some strands. Sejya knew that normally his mother took care of their youngest when they had to take a bath. "Yaten?" He did not care to knock and entered the room. Yaten laid in his tube and only his head and a toe were to be seen over the soapy surface. It looked as if he laid in snow, but his face was too relaxed, he was surely not lying in the bitter cold this time. He looks cute. Sejya grinned as he tiptoed over to the tube. Maybe Yaten did fall asleep, maybe he just enjoyed the warmth of the water, however, he did not hear him. His green eyes were wide open as Sejya tickled the small toe and frantically Yaten searched for hold in the tube - until he saw Sejya standing next to the tube, grinning diabolically. "Did you fall asleep?" Yaten's big eyes stared uncomprehending at him, then he blinked and nodded. "Did you manage to wash your hair?" Sejya looked at the silver strands and saw that half of them were still dry and surly not washed with soap. "Common, I'll help you." Offered Sejya and looked around for the shampoo. "No!" Yaten's answer was quick, his voice full with fear. "I can... can do that myself. I am old enough!" "Your hair is long, Yaten, let me help you." Sejya knelt down next to the tube, he did not accept any contradict. He promised his mommy to take good care of his small brother. Normally it was Lady Kou's task to wash those long silver strands. Now he would do that. "No..." whispered Yaten and sank even deeper into the soapy water, crossing his arms before his chest. "Come on! It's nothing to be ashamed of. Even I need help from Tahiki or mommy sometimes." He gave Yaten a dry flannel. "Hold this before your eyes so that you won't get any soap into them." Yaten shook his head one last time, then he gave in. It was senseless to discuss with Sejya, he would always lose. So he held the flannel before his eyes as he was told and bowed forward. Sejya washed his hair carefully, he hardly tore out a single strand. Soon Yaten's whole head was covered with white foam and Sejya pulled his right hand into the water to wash it free to reach with it for a cup to clean silver strands again as he glanced at Yaten's back. He's really slim. Yaten did not look thick in his normal clothes nor in pyjamas, but now Sejya could see the rips under the pale skin. Maybe his flu? But he ate regularly and not less - even during the days he had to stay in bed. Maybe it's normal for him to be so slim... Without thinking much he touched the small back to wash it free from even more foam as he saw the scars there. They were everywhere, crossing the whole back like a net work. What... For a moment Sejya wanted to jump up and to call the doctor and to ask Yaten where he did hurt himself so badly, but then he realized that all those scars were old. Like white snakes they covered the pale skin. There was no scab, no fresh blood. Some of the scars were still rosy, but none of them looked younger than two or three months. Sejya knew the way a scar did look like. More than he once stumbled over his own feet or fell off Snowflake when he did not take enough attention. His legs showed some scars as well, but they were tiny in comparison to Yaten's. The small boy winced badly under Sejya's touch, brought the older boy back from his thoughts. "Hush, it's okay. I am going to rinse your hair yet, ok?" Sejya's voice was shaky and his hand trembled as he finally reached for the cup and carefully freed silver strands from soap and foam. Who did this to him? It was clear to Sejya that no one was able to hurt himself this badly. Who the hell did hurt my small brother! Sejya felt suddenly incredibly angry, but his hands were soft as he washed Yaten's hair and tied them up into a towel, wrapping another, a bigger towel around Yaten's suddenly shaking body as the boy left the tube. The whole action lasted only one moment, but this moment was long enough to let Sejya see Yaten's chest. It looked as scarred as his back. Yaten stared at his feet, his face was pale, there were tears shinning in his light green eyes. Is that the reason why he made such a fuss out of a tape measure when the tailor wanted to make new clothes for him? Sejya gulped as he realized that Yaten had not been afraid of the tape measure but of the simple act of stripping his clothes. "Who beat you?" asked Sejya silently while he helped Yaten drying himself. Suddenly the small boy was clumsy, only staring at his feet. "My father..." Sejya did almost miss the answer, because it was hardly a whisper. Yaten clenched his little fists and held the towel tighter around his body. The taller boy wanted to rose to search in Yaten's bed for his pyjamas. Oh, he felt SO angry! How could a father beat his child like this? How could a father even dare to touch his son like this? What did Yaten do to deserve such a punishment? No one deserves something like that! For Sejya punishment consisted of house arrests, not getting one's favourite meal or not being allowed to ride out on one's horse, but not of getting beaten! If Yaten's father would not already have been dead, Sejya would have liked to kick right into that devil's ass! However, before Sejya could leave Yaten's side to search for some clothes Yaten started suddenly desperately to cry. He held his hands up to his face, not letting go of the corners of his towel. His whole body trembled and he wanted to run away as Sejya simply took him into his arms to rock him comfortingly. He did not know what else to do. "Hush... it's okay." He soothed. "... ugly..." sobbed Yaten again and again. Like a small prayer. More than once he swallowed the wrong way and coughed hard. "... ugly..." Ugly? Sejya brought one hand under Yaten's cheek and forced the small boy to look up to him. "Do you think you're ugly, because of this?" One look into tear filled, light green eyes were enough to understand. Sejya groaned slightly and cursed that idiot that had been Yaten's father. "You aren't ugly, Yaten." Sejya hugged Yaten, then he wiped away crystal clear tears. "You're beautiful." Yaten hiccuped and obviously did not believe him. He knew how a normal boy did look like, he knew that he did not. Desperately he shook his head and wanted to turn around, but Sejya held him back. He was stronger than the small boy. Everyone had been stronger than Yaten. His father, his uncle, all the other relatives. However, this was Sejya. He was his older brother, was he not? He would never do him any harm, no, with him Yaten felt safe and secure. Still he could not believe in Sejya's words. Not so easily. Too often he had heard his father shouting at him, too often he had been rejected by other kids who did not want to play with him. It was not easy for him to trust again - and it was even more difficult to believe again. Sejya smiled a shaky smile. "Of course you're beautiful. Every Kou is beautiful, so are you." It was the logic of a child, but Yaten seemed to think about it. For a long time he stared frightened up to Sejya who only smiled so loving. "You're my little brother now, right? So you're a Kou now." "But my father said..." Father. He calls his father this way. Not daddy. I would call him asshole! "He had been wrong, Yaten. Whatever he had said, it was not true, do you understand me?" Yaten stared again at him for a very long time, blinking twice and obviously thinking good about Sejya's words. Slowly his tears dried and Sejya raised again his hands to wipe away the last diamonds. "So I am not a bastard?" Yaten's innocent question almost made Sejya flinch. What? That asshole called him a bastard? Is that the reason for his scars? Sejya was ten years old. He did not really know what a bastard was, but he knew that it was a bad word. A word a loving parent should never ever say to his child. Never! "Of course not." "So what's a bastard?" Yaten wrapped the wet towel tighter around his body and did not protest as Sejya brought him into his arms and carried him over to his bed. There Sejya finally found the pyjamas and helped Yaten into his clothes without staring at the scars again. However he could not completely ignore them. "It's a bad word that means that your father had been a big idiot if he called you this way." Again Yaten considered these words for a long moment, still hesitating to believe them. "Mommy used to call me her miracle. Her little wonder." "That's a nice nickname." Sejya knelt on the soft mattress behind Yaten and started to dry his hair. They were really incredibly long, but for Sejya they were not girlish any longer. Hey, Tahiki had also long hair - as it was tradition for the Kou's heir. Why should Yaten not have long hair when Tahiki also liked his brown strands? Sejya even caught himself in thinking about his own hair as well, in letting it also grow... It feels so soft. Not as tied up as mine. "Tahiki calls me youngster or little one." Now the tears disappeared completely and Yaten smiled one of his shy but honest smiles. "I never had so nice nicknames." "Be happy, Yaten. Tahiki calls me his little monster." Yaten's answer was a silent giggle that lightened Sejya's heart. He did not want to see his little brother so sad. As he did not want to be so helpless again. He could not change Yaten's past, he could not go back and kick right into that so called father's ass. All he could do was to talk to Tahiki about all this and to try to be a good brother. Better than the one I had been when he arrived here. Birdy croaked and moved his wings to show that it was hungry. Yaten turned his head and his smile faltered slightly. "Birdy's healthy now, surely it wants to go back to its family." He said and his shoulder hang. It was obvious that the small boy did not want to let go off his beloved pet, but he also knew that he only took the bird to nurse it. Now it was healthy again and it was time to let it fly again. "Guess I should do it soon before it's getting harder..." "If you want I'll come with you." Offered Sejya and looked searching for a brush to plait silver strands. Yaten raised his head and nodded, smiling shyly. "Thanks." *** Birdy hopped hesitating into freedom. Slowly it left its cage and hopped through the snow. Then it turned around and looked at the two boys standing near the cage as if it wanted to thank them. Then it spread its wings and flew away. "...bye..." muttered Yaten and fought hard against his tears. Sejya laid one arm around small shoulders and hugged his smaller brother. Then he bowed and put the cage back on the toboggan he pulled behind himself. "Hop on, Yaten." He offered to pull the toboggan together with his brother. "There's another hill I want to show you. It's a little bit stepper and longer. I am sure you'll like it." Yaten shortly wiped over his eyes, then he nodded and sat down on the red blanket, dangled his legs as Sejya started to run through the snow. "Tonight mommy and daddy will return, right?" "Yes. Don't tell them that I forgot to do my homework. I don't want to have house arrest." "Didn't your teacher already scold with you?" "No, I started to cough every time he wanted to ask me." Yaten watched smiling Sejya's back, looked into sparkling dark eyes as the taller boy shortly turned around and ran even faster. "Sejya?" "Yes?" "Guess we should ask daddy to give us a doggy for the next Princess's Birthday." "Why?" Sejya hopped behind Yaten on the toboggan as they headed towards a slope and the brown vehicle started to slide all by itself. "Then it could eat your homework instead." Sejya's laughter could be heard all through the winter forest's silence. *** "Why do we have to draw a rose?" Sejya sulked and held the sketch pad tighter on his knees, looking bored at the flower in front of him. They returned from their snowball fight half an hour ago and Yaten remembered that they still had some homework to do. So they sat in Yaten's room, both staring at a red rose. "Because our teacher wants us to draw a sill life." "I would have preferred to draw Baranas instead." "Poor horse." Giggled Yaten and concentrated quickly on his own sketch as Sejya looked really insulted. Then the older boy had to grin, because they both knew how bad he was in drawing anything. Sejya stared at his red something for about one minute in silence, then he sighed loudly and rose. He stretched his arms and came over to Yaten. "May I copy yours? I am sure it looks better than mine. Even Tahiki's stuff always looked better than mine." Sejya bowed over Yaten's shoulder. The smaller boy winced and wanted to shut his sketch book, but Sejya was quicker and held Yaten's hand tight. Surprised he looked down at the picture and had to admit that his younger brother was very talented in drawing. Probably he had the biggest talent of them all. "I am a still life?" he muttered, still astonished from the clarity of the picture. It looked like a photograph - and even better. You could see how bored Sejya had just felt during the last thirty minutes and how he thought about some tricks he could play to the servants. You did not only suggest it, you did see it. In the picture. "You said more than once that a rose is boring." Sniggered Yaten and blushed deeply as Sejya took the sketch pad and browse through the different pages. "Interesting." There were different pictures of the whole Kou family. They were all excellent, showing each person's character. He's really very talented. Maybe we shouldn't force him to learn how to ride and give him a good education in drawing instead? Guess I have to talk to mommy and daddy... "When did you draw this?" laughed Sejya and showed a picture of Tahiki sleeping deep and tight. There was a dull expression on Tahiki's face. Who knew what the boy had been dreaming that moment. "When he slept." Yaten slit from his chair and wanted to reach for his sketch pad to get it back. But Sejya was quicker - and taller. He held the block over his head and ran around in the room, being followed by an angry Yaten, who had also to laugh. "I have to show this to him. He always says that I'd look so dull, but he's not any better at all." "No!" Yaten jumped, but missed his block for some inches. Sejya grinned widely and ran out of the room. The smaller boy followed him, always jumping and missing the object of desire. "You can't do that! It's not finished yet." "For me it's fine enough." "Sejya!" "Yaten!" Sejya ran through the corridor and did not pay attention for a single moment. Yaten used it and finally got back his sketch pad. Just to squeal as Sejya tickled him. "Noooooooooo....." laughed Yaten helplessly and let go of the block which fell unseen on the ground. He tried to defend himself, but again Sejya was stronger - and quicker. "Are you ticklish?" giggled Sejya as he held the laughing boy tighter. His laughter sounded so good, so lively. Just as the boy Yaten surely was deep inside. "Yeeeeeeessssssssss!" Yaten gasped for breath struggled in Sejya's arms. "... meaaaaaaannnnnn...." "Of course I am mean. Tahiki secretly calls me >Mister Tickle<." Sejya stopped to let Yaten gasp for breath. "And he did not... not warn me..." laughed Yaten, now noticing that they sat on the cold ground. Sejya's eyes sparkled dangerously and Yaten wanted to squeak that he would show him all his drawings as long as Sejya did not tickle him again, as they both heard the front door and several voices they knew so well. "Mommy and daddy are back!" they shouted in unison. Sejya jumped on his feet, grabbed the sketch block with his right and Yaten's sleeve with his left hand. Together they ran through half of the palace. Sejya knew a lot of short cuts and used them quite often. However, this time Yaten did not have to fear to stumble and to fall downstairs, because Sejya often looked over his shoulder to see that everything was alright with his smaller brother. They both smiled happily, because they missed their parents - and Tahiki - a lot during the past days. "Mommy! Daddy!" They turned round a corner - and Sejya was pulled violently back as Yaten stopped dead. The smaller boy's eyes grew wide as he saw the fourth person standing next to the Kou family. A guest? In the evening? Sejya frowned and smiled well-behaved towards the stranger. His skin was dark, almost black. In contrast he wore white clothes. A turban covered his dark hair and the rest of his clothes remembered Sejya of the clothes Yaten had worn on the night he arrived at this castle. Again Sejya had to think of a dress and wondered how on earth a man would voluntarily wear a dress, all the more when it was snowing outside! A politician from a desert planet? Maybe from Yaten's planet? A small, icy hand suddenly grabbed for Sejya's and held it tight. The taller boy frowned even more as Yaten hide behind his back and squinted shyly over his shoulder. No, not only shyly. Sejya knew this expression in light green eyes. Shyly and scared. "Hello, my darlings." Greeted Lady Kou and smiled broadly at her younger sons. "We have a guest. Say hell to Lord Haszakta." Sejya nodded and greeted the stranger as he was told, however, Yaten did not intend to greet him. He did not even intend to come forth behind Sejya's back. Lady Kou went on her knees next to the small boy and stroked silver strands out of a suddenly pale face. "Don't you want to say hell to your uncle, Yaten?" she asked, but he only shook his head and buried his face in Sejya's back, searching there for comfort. And shelter. "He's shy. Best you'll refresh yourself, Lord Haszakta. We can continue to talk during dinner." The dark man stared with a assessing look on his face down to the two boys and Sejya clenched his fists. He did not know why, but he did not like this man. Lord Haszakta seemed to be unfriendly, maybe he had been as unfriendly towards Yaten as his father had been? He mustn't do him any harm! Sejya stared determinedly back into black eyes. I'll protect Yaten, no matter what will happen! Maybe he thinks that he's his uncle, but I am his older brother! *** Again they had mixed meals for dinner. Tahiki sat between Sejya and his father and talked almost the whole time about their last trip. Sejya listened only half-hearted. The whole time he had to watch the stranger who did not talk at all. Silently he ate his pancake, as Sejya called the foreign food baked in a pan, and stared down at Yaten who ate even slower than normal - and only little bits. Obviously the small boy was very nervous and did not want to do any mistakes. His milk was still untouched and Sejya saw how small hands trembled slightly as he reached for the sugar to sweet his food. "You're eating your Omahaaal with sugar?" asked Lord Haszakta suddenly with a thunderous voice. Yaten winced wildly and almost let go of the sugar. "I've always told you that Omahaaal is nothing sweet! You're here for three months and already ignoring your traditions?" Sejya growled as he leaned forward and put such a pancake on his plate. Then he covered it with his beloved green jam and bit into it, ignoring the taste. He never liked this foreign food, but for Yaten he would have eaten snakes. Provoking he stared at the black man and ate another mouth full. "I think it tastes fantastic this way." He snapped, being rewarded by a dark look. At least the man stopped his started speech about traditions. Instead he answered some polite questions of Lord Kou who had watched the whole scene. Why the hell is he here? He can't be so concerned about his nephew, then he would have come earlier. Sejya saw how tears sparkled in green eyes as some sugar fell on Yaten's pants, dirtying them. He put away his pancake, took a serviette, and cleaned the small mess. "It's okay, Yaten." He smiled and gulped as he saw how Yaten struggled hard against his tears. No, these were no tears of sorrow or shame of spilling his food on his clothes. These were tears of fear. Pure fear. This uncle has to be very mean when Yaten reacts this way. When Yaten's so scared of him! Sejya looked for some moments on his still filled plate, but he was not hungry any longer. "Mommy?" he asked and rose. "May Yaten and I go back to our rooms? We still have some homework to do." Surely it was the first time in his life that he voluntarily asked to go to do his homework and for some moments his parents looked shocked. Then they understood and nodded. "Okay, darling. I'll come to you later to control it, ok?" "It's drawing this time, mommy. You can't control it, you can only burn it." His mother smiled loving and nodded again. Sejya took Yaten's hand and wanted to guide him out of the dinning room as two black hands suddenly grabbed for the small boy and before Sejya could react Yaten was sitting on one of the big man's knees. Yaten's eyes grew wide and he looked like a real misery. "You didn't tell me anything about your new family, Yaten. Do you like them?" he laughed but it sounded so wrong in Sejya's ears. "Common, Yaten, tell your favourite uncle. I have been concerned about you, you know? You didn't even write us one letter, your aunt and me." Yaten gulped and two tears escaped his eyes. Why? Why did he come? You're a big disappointment. For the whole family! Why? Yaten trembled and felt how his uncle got angry again. External he looked nice, smiled, did small talk, as always, but deep inside he was mad - with him. Again. Why did he come? Again Yaten heard the voice shouting in his mind. Calling him a bastard, calling him a burden. Screaming at him. Hurting him. Why did he come? "We did so much for you after your parents died, Yaten, we really expected more gratitude from you. At least a small letter to cheer your aunt up. She got a little girl last week, you know? You have a niece now, Yaten. A cute little niece." And what? Yaten looked searching for Sejya. Lord and Lady Kou congratulated Lord Haszakta to his daughter, they did not see that everything Yaten wanted was to get away from this man. Let me go! Please! "Maybe you want to return, Yaten? This is a freezing cold planet and maybe we reacted a little bit exaggerated. You know, we were also grieving for your parents, my dear brother. Maybe you should come back with me and live with the traditions of your ancestors." Sejya had never seen such a shocked face before as Yaten heard those words. And he never wanted to see so much fear ever again. No! Suddenly there was a surprised silence around the table. Lord and Lady Kou searched for words while Tahiki went pale. Neither of them seemed to like Lord Haszakta's idea in taking Yaten away from them. No! Those words and Yaten's fearful eyes were too much for Sejya. He jumped forward, grabbed Yaten's hands and pulled him from the man's knee before the black Lord could react. "Forget it!" he shouted and stared hostile to Yaten's uncle. "He's a Kou now, you won't take him away again!" Protecting he wrapped his arms around a silently sobbing Yaten and held him tight to his chest. "He's my little brother! Touch him and I'll bite you!" It was a strange thread, said by a ten year old boy. Sejya was probably one and a half head smaller than the Lord, he was thinner and much younger, however, he was as determined as a stubborn boy could be. Whatever he had to do to protect Yaten, to protect his family, he would do it. No one's taking away my family! "Sejya!" It was Lord Kou's voice, although it was not sure if he sounded so shocked because of his son's reaction or because of the words Lord Haszakta had spoken earlier. "Behave yourself!" "I am not doing anything wrong! I am just telling the truth! He's not gonna take Yaten! Yaten's my brother, my best friend! He won't go back!" Now tears were shinning in Sejya's eyes as well, but sulkily he forced them back. "Maybe that's something Yaten has to decide, he alone." Answered the uncle coldly and bowed down to Yaten to lay one hand on his right arm. The small boy winced madly and only wanted to get away from this man who left him alone when he needed him the most, who hurt him when he searched for love, who betrayed him so badly, calling him a bastard and a burden. "... wanna stay..." he sobbed silently and buried his face in Sejya's shoulder, holding tight to his big brother where he felt safe and secure. They adopted me, right? He can't take me away so easily, right? Alone the thought in going back made Yaten feeling sick. More tears ran over his cheeks and he felt how Sejya tightened his embrace. "You've heard his answer." Tahiki rose and went over to his brothers before Sejya would really bit into Lord Haszakta's hand. Right now he stared with hate at the other one and Tahiki did not want a tragedy to happen. "Guess you adults should discuss this topic." Shortly he looked back at his parents, begging them silently to do the right thing. "We want Yaten as a little brother, mommy. Just as he wants us as his family, daddy." With those words he slightly bowed before the foreign Lord and guided his brothers out of the room, before Yaten would completely break down, crying. Before Sejya would jump at the Lord and scratch his untrue smile. *** "If he dares to come into this room, I'll really bite him!" Sejya sat on Yaten's bed, looking alarming. Tahiki only shook his head, smiled slightly amused, but also very concerned. He knew that his parents would not let the stranger take away their Yaten, but he did not know how stubborn the foreign Lord was, if the adoption was already through, if all papers were signed, if this adoption was really accepted outside their planet. "Be careful. You don't want to get rabies, will you?" Tahiki was already wearing his pyjamas. He held three steaming mugs in his hands, surely filled with hot chocolate. Then he put them down and searched in Yaten's chest for his pyjamas. Finally he found them and went over to Yaten who sat on his bed in silence. His tears dried, but he did not say a word. Mute he stared down at his icy fists. He looked like a real misery and made Tahiki sigh deeply. "Come, little one, I'll help you." Sejya's head jerked around and he wanted to warn Tahiki that Yaten preferred to change on his own, but Yaten only nodded and stripped his shirt. He did not cry or even started to defend himself as he had done when Sejya wanted to wash his hair. Maybe he was too tired from the exciting day and he did not think about the scars any longer. Maybe, and that seemed to be the more likely possibility, Tahiki did already know. So often he took care of Yaten when Sejya still wanted the little boy to leave as soon as possible. Tahiki was the older one, certainly he knew more about Yaten's past as Sejya. I'll have to ask him one day. Sejya sneaked silently into his room and heard an amused giggle as he returned, holding his pillow and his blanket tightly in his arms. His face brightened up as he saw Tahiki and Yaten sitting on the wide bed, both holding a steaming mug in their hands, looking down on something lying on the sheet. "What are you doing?" asked Tahiki and raised one eyebrow as he saw his brother's bed linen. "I'll sleep here this night. He needs someone to protect him and to banish everyone trying to steal him!" Tahiki laughed and Yaten giggled amused. His pale cheeks were slightly redden. He felt comfortable with his two brothers. He felt safe. No, his uncle would not be able to come into his room and hurt him again - or even worse: to take him away from his new family. From two fantastic brothers who obviously loved him. "You're worse than a dog." Teased Tahiki and pointed over to the third mug. "Take your chocolate before it's cold." "He wants to have a dog." Said Yaten and now Sejya was seeing what was lying on the sheets. It was Yaten's sketch book, it showed a sleeping Tahiki, which was obviously the reason for Tahiki grinning so widely. Great... Then he has seen my bored look as well, trying to draw a rose... However, Sejya could not be angry, no, he had also to grin. "Why do you want to have a dog?" asked the Kou's heir and drank some gulps of his own chocolate. Yaten blushed deeply, because he knew the answer and giggled even more. He looks cute when he's laughing. He looks healthy when he's blushing. He's simply a happy boy when he's not so shy. So scared. "It should eat my homework so that I'll always have a good excuse for my teachers." Sejya grinned sheepishly while Tahiki only covered his eyes with his free hand and shook his head. "I should have know it." He muttered. "Because Baranas is not able to do you that favour, right?" "Right!" Tahiki looked at his two brothers and slit a little bit to the wall to make enough space for Sejya to sit down. "Come here, you monster. Or aren't you curious to know what I've experienced the past days?" "Oh, surely some boring meetings." Said Sejya, pretending to be uninterested, however, he sat down and cuddled himself into the pillows, covering Yaten's legs with the blanket. Expectantly the small boy looked up to the Kou's heir. He did not hide his curiosity, he wanted to hear Tahiki's stories. "No, not only." "No?" "No." Tahiki put his mug away and made himself comfortable. "No, and now be nice, drink your chocolate, and listen, Sejya. The first day mommy, daddy and I arrived at..." *** "It had been the right decision, love." Lord Kou nodded confirming as he and his wife went upstairs to say goodnight to their sons. They just said goodbye to a visibly excited Lord Haszakta, but they did not think too much about it. Tomorrow Lord Kou would sign the last adoption's papers and talk to the king. Even if Lord Haszakta would try to get back his nephew, he would stand no chance against the king and Lord Kou - now being Yaten's father. By law, but also by his heart. "I know. I am just so angry about this person! I really thought that he had been concerned when we met him yesterday. He talked so highly about our Yaten, how much he missed his nephew and so on... and then he dares to talk like this to our little darling - and to us!" Lady Kou's face was blushed and at these times Lord Kou knew where Sejya inherited his temper from. "Guess he only wanted to have a cheap baby sitter for his girl, that's all! Love, pah! Don't make me laugh! Yaten was afraid of him, the whole time! You shouldn't be afraid of your family!" "He won't be successful, he only made empty threats, love." Lord Kou put his forefinger over his lips and showed his wife to lower her voice. "Sounds as if they're already asleep." "It had been a long day for Tahiki and surely an exciting evening for the other two. They did not even finish their dinner!" "Be sure, love, they didn't starve. I know our cook well enough." Lord Kou smiled as he opened the first door... and stood in an empty room. There was no boy sleeping inside his bed, no, there were not even linen on the bed. No blanket, no pillow. "What's going on here?" The Lord frowned, but he was not any more lucky in the next room. There were still blankets on the bed, but there was no boy beneath. "Oh, I can imagine." Smiled Lady Kou and went purposefully towards the third door. As she had expected, she found all of her sons in this room. "I am sure they wanted to protect him." Whispered Lady Kou as she went over to the bed. There laid three boys, sleeping deep and tight between messed pillows. Tahiki leaned against the wall while Sejya had wrapped his arms protectively around Yaten's waist. The small boy held a doll in his small hands and smiled happily. "Would have Sejya really bit that man if Tahiki wouldn't have interfered?" asked Lord Kou silently and covered his sleeping sons with soft blankets. "What do you think, honey? He's also your son." They both grinned and kissed their children gently good night. Then they left the room as quietly as they came, not waking the three boys up. "Yes, honey, it had been the right decision." Confirmed Lady Kou and took her husband's hand as they went over to their rooms. "I am proud of my sons." "So am I, love. So am I." *** Epilog: Little Brother ---------------------- Epilogue: Little brother "Oh, it's easy for me imagining Sejya biting a Lord like a dog." Haruka sniggered and finally closed the album. However, I can't imagine him being such a protective brother. Not the way he often treats Yaten. "Today I still expect him to bite someone when he's so angry. Don't you agree, Yaten? Yaten?" The teenager muttered something and as Haruka turned her head she saw that Yaten was fast asleep. His voice got lower and lower while he explained her the last pictures and died away as the tall blonde looked at a really nice one showing three boys, laughing happily into the camera. As happily as she wanted to see Yaten laughing. Laughing, not crying and being as sad as he had been this evening. Haruka sighed slightly as she rose and covered the sleeping teenager with the soft blanket. Yaten only stirred in his dreams before he turned around and kept sleeping. He looks so cute. No wonder Sejya liked him so much as a younger brother. However, he'll never like him as a lover. No matter how hard Yaten wishes for it. Haruka bowed and took the plates back into the kitchen to put them into the dish washer. She would start it tomorrow. Yaten did not look like he would wake up again this night, he could stay on the living room's couch, it was big and soft enough. If he would wake up in the middle of the night, he knew where his room was. Best I'll call Tahiki up when Michi comes home. At least he's concerned when Yaten disappears suddenly. Different to Sejya. Haruka glanced at the clock and yawned suppressed. It was late after midnight. Maybe Michiru would come home soon, maybe it would take some more hours, however, Haruka would take Hotaru to bed and then sat down and look into the photo album again. Who knew if she would ever get such a change again to look at Yaten's childhood photos, smiling over a shy looking boy, remembering other pictures which were so dear to her. I wish Sejya would be friendlier towards Yaten. If Yaten told me the truth he must have been a perfect big brother after the incident in the woods. Why did he chance? Why did he stop being such a good brother? Because of Sailor Galaxia? Because they had to flee from their home planet? Because Princess Kakyuu got lost? But that's not Yaten's fault! Haruka made a depressed face as she bowed over the cradle and took her daughter into her arms to take her upstairs. The baby only yawned but did not wake up. She was full and it would take some more hours until she would need a new nappy. Enough time for Haruka to think over the story she just had heard. She felt proud that Yaten trusted her so much to tell her such a private story. Maybe she should pluck up courage and tell him why she cared so much for him, why she wanted him to be near her. Of course it was because of Yaten, because of his character and simply his way that made her feel like a big sister who simply needed to take care of her little brother. But beside Yaten's behaviour there was something else that strengthened her feelings. Maybe I should show him my photo album as well. Those special pictures of MY childhood... He told me so much about his past, it would only be fair. "Now we'll go to bed, my little Himme-chan." She whispered and rocked the baby as she walked through the house. Near the front door she stopped. Did she not hear a car stop? Michi? No, that could not be, it did not sound like Michiru's car. Michiru drove a silver Ferrari, Haruka would have recognized this sound everywhere on this earth. No, this car sounded more like... like... A Mercedes Benz. E 280. Haruka's eyes grew wide and she watched how the light went out in front of the house and how someone ran through the rain, jumping from isle to isle between all the puddles. A blue Mercedes Benz. That can't be... There was no ringing of the bell, only a silent but determined knock. For some moments Haruka stood there in the darkness of the entrance hall, holding her daughter tight and staring in disbelieve at the closed door. Whoever was outside did not give up so easily. Constantly he or she was knocking. Obviously it was someone who knew that a baby was sleeping in this house. He or she did not want to wake it up, so he or she did not use the normal door bell. Nani... Haruka frowned and brought her daughter in her one arm while she raised an umbrella with her other hand. With her foot she opened the door and held the umbrella high in the air, ready to beat the intruder down if it was not the person she half expected to stand outside. "Thanks, I don't need it, I am already soaked." Mocked a tired voice and a shadow stepped into the house by the sea. "What took you so long?" "I am not superman, I can't hear your knocking from everywhere, baka!" "Nice greeting!" "You're not welcomed, you know that!" "You're a fantastic host, you know that?" "Take it as it is!" Sejya and Haruka stared hostile at each other, one could almost see flashes dancing between their narrowed eyes. "So what is it that you want?" snapped Haruka finally and put the umbrella away, holding her daughter again with both arms. Sejya ignored her mocking tone and looked searching around. His face brightened up as he saw two well known shoes stood under the coat rack. "Yaten is here?" he asked and sighed relieved as Haruka nodded. "Hai, he came here two.. no, three hours ago." "I should've known it." Muttered Sejya and hesitatingly followed Haruka who went back into the living room. "Instead I've searched the whole stage, our studio, and our hotel rooms." Nani? He searched for him? Haruka blinked... and blinked again as Sejya's face soften strangely as he went over to the sleeping form of the Three Light's youngest member. Yaten held a small pillow tight in his arm and a shy smile played around his lips. "What about your party? Yaten told me that the others planned a big party for your birthday." Haruka bit on her lower lip and finally growled. "Happy birthday." No, she did not really wish him a HAPPY birthday, not at all, but even she was able to show some good manners towards her biggest enemy. "Thanks." Sejya went on his knees besides the couch and sighed again relieved. Seems like he had been really concerned. Concerned? That arrogant baka who only thinks of himself? "Oh, yes, there was a party. Makoto made noodles and Rei and Usagi argued about something..." Shortly Sejya looked up. He seemed to have difficulties to remember what it had been about. "Well... guess... about chocolate or something like that..." Must have been a typical Sailor party. Haruka grinned for a moment and frowned again as she understood the meaning behind Sejya's words. "You've sneaked out of it?" she asked stunned. Normally Sejya was the big party animal, having much fun with his fans - especially Usagi and her friends. She would have never expected him to leave such a party before the end - his eighteenth birthday party! "Hai. Hope Tahiki won't kill me because I've left him alone with them." The lead singer of the Three Lights bowed and stroked silver strands out of a sleeping face. "I hope he didn't bother you." "You've left a party Usagi arranged?" Haruka had to be sure that she did not miss anything. "Your eighteenth birthday party? You simply left it?" "Hai." Sejya raised one eyebrow. "Do you have any problem with that?" "Well... if that would have been MY party..." "Would you have liked to celebrate it without your family?" Sejya did not wait to see her speechless face before he turned again towards his sleeping brother, seeing the photo album lying on the ground. "No... not really..." So he left because Yaten had not been there? Did he really search everywhere for his little brother? Had he really been so concerned about him? "He could save them?" Sejya looked tenderly down at the different pictures and Haruka carefully put her sleeping daughter back into the cradle, because she feared to let her go suddenly. Tenderly? This baka is able to look THAT way? Haruka sat down at the rim of the couch and waited for another miracle to happen. No, this was not the Sejya she got to know during the past months. This was surely not the Sejya shouting at her whenever they met during a fight - or on stage when they had another concert together with Michiru. No, this was not the Sejya who was always so arrogant and distant towards his youngest brother. >Then tell me something about the Sejya I don't know.< She heard her own voice in her mind, remembering having said this sentence to Yaten, having asked the teenager to tell her more about the brother he loved so much. Yaten had told me a lot of stories. Maybe he is right, maybe the Sejya from his stories does really exist. Maybe THIS is his Sejya. "I didn't know he still has them." The lead singer gulped visibly as he turned carefully the pages. "Did he tell you the stories belonging to those photos?" "Hai." "I hope he didn't annoy you too much." "He's never annoying me!" protested Haruka quickly which made Sejya looking up again. Slowly he put the album on the table and rose. "He's always welcomed here." "I've almost thought so. So he's welcomed and I am not." The young man stroked his plaid on his back and suddenly Haruka had to grin. So, having long hair is girlish. She saw the little rings sparkling in his ears and grinned even wider. "I don't think I like that expression." Sejya crossed his arms before his chest, looking sceptically at her. "Oh, that's a long story, baka. Maybe I'll tell you one day." Sejya nodded and rubbed his tired eyes. It had been a long day and he had been really concerned when he found out that Yaten had not been with them at the party. The more empty rooms he looked into, the more concerned he got. He closed his eyes and stiffed a yawn. "Arigato for having taken care of him. Still I don't really understand why he visits you of all people, but he looks happy when he's with you." "That's another long story, Sejya. Guess we should really sit down and talk when this fight against Sailor Galaxia is over." "Talk? Do you really think we're able to talk without killing each other?" "Well, we're talking right now." There was a short pause and Sejya made a half giggling, half yawing noise. "Point taken." Sejya stretched his arms and glanced at his watch. "Best I'll take him back to the hotel." "He can sleep here if you want. The last room on the left floor." It was out before Haruka could stop herself. She bit on her lip and winced as she saw Sejya's shocked expression. "Yaten has an own room in THIS house?" he shouted but silenced as the teenager stirred in his sleep and yawned. But he did not open his eyes and kept dreaming. It was not really Yaten's room. No, it used to belong to someone else, a long time ago. Almost an eternity ago. But whenever Yaten came here and was tired from the concerts or the rehearsals he could take a nap there. However, Haruka did not want to tell Sejya too much. Not, not him. Especially not him. Not, when she had not even told Yaten more about this special room. "Long..." "I know, long story. But listen, you lesbian..." "No sexual harassment!" "Listen, you idiot, this is MY brother. I know that you have a girlfriend and even a daughter..." Sejya blushed deeply as he pointed over to Hotaru sleeping in her cradle. With two steps he was standing right in front of Haruka, looking angrily right into her sparkling green eyes. "Stop fooling Yaten like this. I know that you'll never love him back. Stop playing with him. Stop hurting him!" He grabbed her collar and drew her up until she stood right in front of him. Haruka did not react. She only stared at him, frowning slightly. "He's not looking for love, baka. He's looking for comfort and someone to turn to. He came this evening to me, because he felt lonely. Usagi and her friends meant it well, but he feared that you would oversee his gift when there are so many other gifts. He..." Haruka sighed deeply. No, she promised Yaten not to say a single word to Sejya about his feelings. She would keep that promise although it would be very hard for her. "He was very unhappy, because he wanted to celebrate your birthday only with you and your brother, not with the girls he hardly knows." Sejya blinked but still held her collar tight. "So he went to you?" "He could not go to you, Sejya." There was again a long pause and finally Sejya let go and sat down at the corner of the table, covering his face with his hands for some moments. It was a sight Haruka would have never expected. Suddenly Sejya looked... weak... "For Yaten you two are the most important persons in this world, but you don't treat him very nice. To be true, you are an asshole, baka. You're screaming at him when something went wrong, when he missed a note during a concert or when he's simply not quick enough for you. Yaten looks up to you, baka. His family means everything to him." "His family?" "Hai, his family." Haruka sat down opposite in an armchair and crossed her arms before her chest. "I assume you're in a lot of stress right now. You had to leave your home planet and you fight here, on a foreign planet with foreign princesses, against Sailor Galaxia. However, Yaten already suffers enough under this situation, he doesn't need a shouting brother. He needs your love, not your anger." Sejya took a deep breath. He wanted to shout at Haruka, asking her who the hell she thought she was saying such things to him! He wanted to beat her until she stopped blaming him! He wanted to take Yaten and to leave this house forever - as he noticed that she was right. It was the same as it had been eight years ago... only that he was not jealous this time, but simply frightened about Princess Kakyuu and his parents. He took all the responsibility and it made him sometimes so angry when Yaten did not sing as good as he could have - and wasted another chance in finding Kakyuu again - that he blamed him without really noticing it. Maybe I've overseen that he's only sixteen. Maybe that baka is right and I've really been too strict to him. Sejya gulped and went over to the couch and sat down next to his little brother on the soft underground. I've always wanted to be a good brother. I've always wanted to protect him. I've always wanted to be there for him. And now he goes to that baka when he's feeling alone... Sejya winced badly as he felt a warm hand on his shoulder. He looked up and saw a blurred Haruka standing next to him. Ashamed he wiped the tears away he did not notice that he shed. "Don't worry, Sejya. He has a big heart, he'll forgive you every outburst if you'll ask him. He's your little brother." Sejya gulped and took a deep breath. "What's he for you, Haruka?" It was the first time that he did not call her baka or other bad names, and they both noticed it. "The small brother I've never had." Answered the blonde truthfully. "I won't take him away from you, Sejya, so don't think about killing me at the next opportunity. But whenever you can't be there for him, whenever he needs me, I'll be there for him." Sejya stared at her and right into nothing. Slowly he nodded, then his eyes focused again on his little brother. "It's incredible that it's really eight years that he came to our castle." He whispered. "It feels like yesterday that we rode on Baranas and had so much fun at our lake. Tahiki and I taught him how to swim, how to skate on ice, and even a little bit how to ride on a horse. Those times were so fantastic..." I wish they would have never passed. "Now all has changed." "Not all." Haruka stretched her tired bones. "He did not." No, he did not. Maybe Tahiki and I also did not. However, the whole world, our whole world, did. "Bring him to bed. You may also stay if you like, you don't look awake enough to me to drive through half of Tokyo on your own. Call Tahiki up and if you need anything, I am upstairs, waiting for Michi." Haruka yawned and grinned diabolically. "Don't even think of stealing anything, I have a list of everything." "Even the dinner service?" "Especially the dinner service." Haruka wanted to turn as he heard Sejya calling her name. "Haruka?" "Hai?" "That's a song I want you to play on the piano." A small file with copied sheets was pushed into her hands and she raised asking one eyebrow. "Do you think that Yaten's not able to play it? He's an excellent player as long as I am not deaf." "Yaten wrote it. I want him to sing it." Nani? Sejya wants Yaten to sing a song? Sejya who always says that Yaten's voice is too silent wants him to sing a song on stage? All alone? "Don't look so surprised, that makes me nervous, baka. Just tell me if you're able to play it or not, ok?" Sejya bowed and brought a deep sleeping Yaten into his arms. The small teenager snuggled against Sejya's chest and his smile deepened as he grabbed for Sejya's shirt and held it weakly tight with his right fist. "Last room, left floor did you say?" "Hai..." Still Haruka was staring at the notes. "Why?" was all she asked. "Because it's Yaten's birthday present for me." Was all Sejya answered as he carried his little brother out of the living room. *** "Nani?" muttered Yaten as he was laid on a soft mattress. This room was cooler than the living room and it was darker around him. He opened his eyes a little bit and yawned deeply. "Whassup?" "Keep sleeping, Yaten." The small teenager frowned, then he closed his eyes again, smiling satisfied. He knew this voice, when this person was around he was safe and secure. No one could do him any harm. "Happy birthday, Sejya..." whispered Yaten and rolled up to a ball, holding a small pillow tight in his arms. "Can't wait to see what mommy and daddy gave you..." Sejya stopped in stripping his trousers and looked down at the happy smiling face of his little brother. My. Little. Brother. Sometimes I am so stupid. I've promised to be there for him - and now I didn't even notice that he felt lonely while I stood right next to him! "No, I can't wait it, either..." whispered Sejya and crept under the blanket, taking the small teenager in his arms - just as he had done so many times when they had been children. When they had been young and carefree. When there had been no Sailor Galaxia destroying their home planet and their futures. Yaten needed over a year to get rid of his nightmares. During that year he slept almost every night in Sejya's or in Tahiki's bed and even after his bad dreams stopped he still came to them in the middle of the night to find love and comfort. Things his older brothers offered him so gladly. Sejya stroked through silver strands while he stared into the dark room, seeing all the memories in his mind. Happy memories. Memories he shared with his brothers, with Yaten. Secretly he wiped away some tears and held the sleeping form in his arms a little bit tighter. I am sorry for having been so unfriendly the last months. I've promised you to always be there for you, Yaten. "I'll never break that promise, do you hear me? Never." Sejya closed his eyes, feeling Yaten's breath against his neck, as he had felt it so often in his life before. Yes, he knew that they grew up. He celebrated his eighteenth birthday this night. They were no children any longer. No, but we're still brothers. No matter what will happen, no matter how old we will grow, no matter if we'll ever be separated from each other, he'll always be my little brother. My little brother I love. This night it was Sejya who fought successfully against the nightmares torturing him so often since the day of their arrive on this planet called Earth. It was alike for him what his fans or all those reporters would have thought if they would have seen him like this... like a small child clinging on his sibling. Yes, he was grown up, but for this night he felt like a small boy again. This night he felt like the ten year old son again, taking care of his little brother. This night he felt happy again. *** Haruka opened the grand piano and sat down behind the keyboard. That's a song Yaten wrote? He wrote it for Sejya? She studied the notes for a while in silence, her hands floating some inches above the black and white keys without touching them. Her eyes softened and a smile formed on her face as she hummed the melody in her mind. This was a song that would reach the princess, maybe even more than all the other songs Sejya and Tahiki wrote. It was a song full of love, a song only someone did understand who knew the story behind. It is truly a precious gift. Haruka closed her eyes and her fingers flew over the keys. Soon a soft melody filled the light house by the sea, wrapping up two sleeping teenagers in wonderful memories. " Here I am - this is me I come into this world so wild and free Here I am - so young and strong Right here in the place where I belong It's a new world - it's a new start It's alive with the beating of a young heart It's a new day - in a new land And it's waiting for me - here I am " *** END Disclaimer: The main characters of this story belong to Takeuchi Naoko. However, the story of itself belongs to me. I am not making any money with this story and as a fanfiction it is tolerated by the real creator of the anime "Sailor Moon". It took part of the Animexx Fanfiction Competition "Ungewöhnliche Paare" (uncommon paring) and I even got the second price. That makes me proud, because it was a German competition and the Jury was so kind to take my fanfic as well although it was written in English. Thanks again. It made me happy ^-^. For all who know "Sailor Moon" and wonder: For me Tahiki, Sejya and Yaten are men. I never liked what Takeuchi-san drew in the last two mangas, so for me they are little boys in their childhood and young men when they grow up. The song "Bless the child" belongs to Nightwish, as the song "Here I am" belongs to Bryan Adams and Hans Zimmer. This story is the pre-story of my novel going to be called "High Hopes", and presumable it is going to be part of at least three stories around the novel, explaining the background of several persons. Thank you for reading. April Eagle February 10th 2003 - March 11th 2003 Hosted by Animexx e.V. (http://www.animexx.de)