Tenshi   von aprileagle
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                      Kapitel 9: Guardian Angel (Part 2)
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She left the web, she left the loom, 
She made three paces through the room, 
She saw the water-lily bloom, 
She saw the helmet and the plume, 
She look'd down to Camelot.

Yaten sighed relieved when he sneaked into the suite and saw that the common
room was empty. It was shortly after midnight and he couldn’t see any light
under the doors leading to the bedrooms of the others, which meant that they
were either already in bed and asleep or still outside, enjoying Chicago’s
nightlife. Yaten couldn’t care less, because for him it meant that he didn’t
have to confront anyone.
He brought his trembling arms around his shivering body and crept over to his
own bedroom. Only when he had closed the door behind him and pushed a chair in
front of the knob, did he feel safe and allowed himself to breathe again. He had
to sneeze, but didn’t care to search for a handkerchief. He blew his nose in
his soaked shirt and covered his eyes with his wet arm for a moment, giving in
to his knees’ weakness, gliding down at the door until he sat on the ground.
The wet cloth was cool on his hot face and he had to sneeze again. Tears burned
in his eyes and he simply let them fall. He had no strength left to struggle
against them.
I messed everything up.
He winced when his arm touched his cheek’s sore skin. Yaten knew that his
right eye was as swollen as Michiru’s had been months ago during their Japan
tour. However, he didn’t have the strength to get up and go to his own little
bathroom. He didn’t want to see the black eye in the mirror’s reflection,
knowing that Sejya had hit him. Hit him. His Sejya. His older brother who
didn’t want to be his brother any longer.
I ruined everything.
Yaten bowed his head and sobbed silently. He brought his legs to his body and
wrapped his arms around his knees in a protective gesture, not feeling the
trembling of his body, not caring for the stiffness the cold clothes caused.
Now he hates me.
The young man curled up even more and covered his burning face with his icy
hands, letting all his tears fall, knowing that they wouldn’t make a
difference. Somehow, he had managed to lose this family, as well. No one ever
wanted him, the moon child, the bastard. He had really hoped to finally belong
to someone, to belong to Tahiki. To belong to his Sejya. But as always it had
only been a dream and now that he’d woken up he’d have to face reality, no
matter how ugly it was.
Maybe I’m also only a burden to Tahiki-niichan.
After all, they hadn’t found Kakyuu in all those years. What if it was his
fault? What if they’d really be better off without him? What if they would
have found her quickly without him ruining their perfect music with his
imperfect piano play?
Useless.
Yes, he was useless, utterly useless. No one needed him. No one wanted him.
Neither his father nor Sejya loved him. Lord and Lady Kou already had an heir
and a spare, they didn’t need a third child to secure their lineage. They only
took him, because they felt sorry for him. And he had been so stupid to confuse
their pity with love.
No one loves a freak like me.
Yaten let himself slip until he laid completely on the soft carpet which was
already damp from his soaked clothes. He instantly curled up like a baby in its
mother’s womb, crying as silently as possible into his wet suit’s sleeve. He
knew that he wasn’t allowed to be too loud. Then he would wake them up and
they would beat him. Like his father had beat him with his bare hands and with
that ugly belt of his whenever he was too loud, in the way or simply still
alive. He didn’t want to be beaten. Not by his father and not by his Sejya.
My Sej would never love a freak like me…
Therefore, he cried in silence. Only his sobs and his hiccoughs could be heard
in the night’s darkness whenever he gasped for breath, not being able to calm
down his nerves, to calm down his trembling body. To calm down his fears.
It was dawn that was able to give him a little comfort in his life’s
gloominess and he fell into an unsteady sleep, still curled up on his hotel
room’s floor. Freezing. Feeling utterly alone.
Out flew the web and floated wide; 
The mirror crack'd from side to side; 
"The curse is come upon me," cried 
The Lady of Shalott. 
dbdbdb

She held his trembling form tight in her strong arms, felt his weak heart beat,
heard his exhausted coughing, his rattling breath. His light green eyes were
closed and she knew that he wouldn’t open them again.
“Haru-nee…” 
“I’m here, Aki-chan. I’m right here.“ She buried her face in his short,
fluffy hair. Hair that had started to grow again last summer when they thought
that the nightmare was over; that they had been able to defeat the demons. Her
throat was tight and tears burned in her eyes. Tears she wouldn’t cry. Not as
long as he was still with her.
“I’m right here, little one. I won’t leave you. Ever.” No, she
wouldn’t leave him, because he was the one who had to go.
Gently, she rocked in the old chair. Back and forth. His rattling breath became
weaker and his body lighter in her shaking arms. He was leaving her and there
was nothing she could do to hold him back, to hold him in this world, to hold
him in her life.
“I love you, Aki-chan.” She whispered and kissed his burning forehead,
feeling the fever, knowing that it would be the last fight his small body would
ever have to fight. There had already been too many battles and even if it would
destroy her, she knew that at least the pain would stop.
“I’ll always love you, Aki-chan.” She held his light form tighter in her
arms, rocked him like a baby although he was already five years old. A laughing
boy who had liked this world so much. Who had liked her piano play so much. Who
had liked her so much.
She felt his sweaty hand weakly grasping her black shirt. Again, he had to cough
and it seemed like he couldn’t stop any longer. Hard, he gasped for breath and
it sounded unnatural, ill, fatal.
“I love you. I love you.” She whispered again and again like a silent
prayer. “I love you, no matter what will ever happen, little one.”
He coughed again and when the attack ebbed away, she could feel his lifeless
hand slipping away from her shirt. From her body. From her world.
“I love you, Aki-chan…”

dbdbdb

NO!
Haruka woke with a start. Her mouth was open wide in a mute scream and she had
hugged her pillow tightly to her body. Blond strands hang damp in her face and
her dark tour t-shirt clung to her sweaty back. Her body trembled and she bit on
her lower lip not to sob when the nightmare came crashing down on her. She
closed her eyes but opened them again when she saw his small form again in front
of her. His dying form.
Shit!
Haruka rose and needed some moments to realize where she was. This wasn’t her
room, but Michiru’s. The young woman was fast asleep under the blanket,
hopefully dreaming something nice.
Not again…
Haruka took a deep, shaky breath, but her belly continued to ache. She glanced
back at Michiru for a last time but decided against it. It was no use to wake
her, as well. Haruka’s night was over with that nightmare; she didn’t have
to punish Michiru, just because this damn fucking city brought back her darkest
memories. Memories she wanted so badly to forget. 
The blonde bowed and grabbed her black jeans. Then, she silently sneaked out of
Michiru’s room and into her own one. There, she opened the window and took
three deep breaths, although she knew that it wouldn’t help. Too fresh was the
dream in her mind, too real was his death in this stupid city, in this bloody
season.
Golden rain…
Haruka stroked the damp strands out of her forehead with shaking fingers, taking
another deep breath.
… rained on his grave when they buried his coffin.
The blonde retched and almost didn’t make it to her bathroom to kneel in front
of the toilet and vomit her dinner. After his death it had been a normal
procedure, because she couldn’t keep any food in her stomach, no matter what
she tried. It was during the dinner with Michiru in that small restaurant in
Kyoto that she had been able to eat more than a single roll or an apple without
throwing it all up afterwards.
Such a tiny coffin…
She retched until her stomach was empty and her head heavy. Haruka groaned
silently, feeling a headache coming, knowing that she had to take an aspirin or
to walk around like a zombie for the rest of the day. Her legs felt like rubber
as she dragged herself over to her bed to open the backpack which contained all
of her belongings. Her real belongings, not the dark clothes she carried from
one hotel wardrobe to the next. She rummaged through the worn down bag, feeling
for the aspirins which she hadn’t taken for a couple of months. She hoped that
they were still working. However, instead of the small package she felt
something fluffy in her fingers. Carefully, she took it and pulled it out, only
to face a small toy. A blue teddy bear with only one ear and brown eyes that had
been sewn back on the smiling face more than once.
His teddy.
Haruka brought the cuddly toy closer to her upper part of the body, pressed her
face in its soft belly. Tears stung in her eyes, but she didn’t let them fall.
There was no use in crying. It didn’t change anything. It didn’t even make
her feel any better.
He always took it with him, no matter where he went…
The blonde raised her head and looked over to her open window. She could see the
first rays of a summer morning sparkling through the slowly awakening city
beneath, noticed the gold shimmering between the grey buildings. 
I’d be happy if you’d visit me.
She didn’t have to look back; she knew that he was sitting on her bed, cuddled
in her soft pillows, looking sleepily up at her. As he had done so many times
before, especially during the therapies when he was allowed to leave the
hospital for a day or two and she didn’t dare to leave him alone. He slept in
her bed while she read all his favourite fairy tales to him. Back then, his
medicine did work and they really thought that they’d have a chance. Haruka
needed almost a year to realize that those days had been the best in her short
life with him. For once he’d been a little, laughing boy and she had had a
family after their parents’ sudden death.
Now you’ll have another family.
The little boy smiled sleepily at her and curled up tighter in the soft blanket
without really touching it. His cheeks were redden from the sleep and he hugged
his cuddly toy tight to his small body.
Aki-chan…
Visit me once, Haru-neechan, please.
Haruka sighed deeply, running her trembling hands through her messed hair. Then,
she managed a shaky smile and nodded.
His happy laughter in her mind was reward enough.

dbdbdb

“I know that she hadn’t had a free day in four weeks, maybe even longer, but
did she have to take it today?” Tahiki sighed deeply and took one of those so
called snacks from the buffet. Sadly, he had to realize that it wasn’t nearly
as tasty as Haruka’s breakfast rolls. The coffee was too strong and he was
upset, because Sejya had forgotten the lyrics of the song which they would sing
in the end of the concert together with all the other musicians. Tahiki didn’t
doubt that Sejya hadn’t learned the lyrics by heart, even though it looked
better not to stare at them.
Everything’s a mess!
The young man groaned and threw his snack away after only one bite. His hunger
was still there, but his appetite was non existent. He glanced around the
backstage where many other famous musicians were running around, trying to get
ready for the final rehearsal of their united song. The real concert would start
in about two hours, but they all had to stay near the buffet or in their tents,
because there were no solid rooms since this was an open air concert in the
middle of Chicago’s biggest park. However, Sejya wouldn’t stay there. The
lead singer used every moment to stay behind under a tree and smoke one
cigarette after another. He obviously was in an extremely bad mood. Yaten, on
the other side, hadn’t said hardly anything this morning. He hid behind his
sunglasses and his book, sitting quietly somewhere near the stage, listening to
the other bands’ rehearsals, slowly rocking to their music, never looking up
from his poems. Which left Tahiki with only Michiru, who held her violin tight
in her arms and roamed the backstage with searching eyes. Certainly, she was
hoping that Haruka would make a sudden appearance, explaining to them where she
had been. When they stood up in the late morning, there had only been a letter
on the table telling them that she had something else to do and would be back in
the evening, at the latest.
“She’s been here before, to this city.” Michiru tried the coffee and made
a face. She didn’t want to die because of a heart attack and therefore threw
it instantly away, wondering if it was normal for Americans to drink their
coffee that strong and if she as a Japanese simply wasn’t used to it. Or if
the catering was simply bad. A young man in a tight leather outfit walked by,
took a plastic cup and drank without gasping for breath or coughing. Therefore,
Michiru knew that it was her stomach that was too weak.
“Maybe she wants to visit a friend.”
“Great timing.” Tahiki shook his head, then he turned around, fishing his
own sunglasses out of his suit. It had rained hard last night and now the day
was clear and sunny. Even though the trees spoke of autumn, the sun was as
dazzling and as hot as on a normal summer’s day. Maybe it was one of her last
chances to burn this year. At least in this country, in this city.
“The big rehearsal will be in fifteen minutes. Better I’ll search for my
brothers.” He put the sunglasses over his blue eyes and walked away. “I’ll
see you on the stage, Michiru-san.”
“Hai…” The young woman held her violin tighter. Even though she wasn’t,
strictly speaking, a real singer, she was nevertheless asked to sing this song,
along with other pianists, guitarists, drummers and saxophonists. Well, as long
as she didn’t have to sing it all alone on the big stage in front of thousands
of people, that was okay. What wasn’t okay was Haruka’s sudden
disappearance. Since they had taken her into their team over half a year ago,
she had never done something like that, especially not at a day like this when
they needed her. Not only to take care of their breakfast or running around with
paper cups and a big bottle of mineral water, but also to talk to her, to joke
with her, to get rid of her stage fright which she only felt whenever a concert
was different from the others. And this one was surely different with all the
other musicians singing along with her, and watching her performance with the
Three Lights. 
Did I do something wrong?
Michiru thought of yesterday evening, but she couldn’t see that she might have
misbehaved. Hell, she didn’t even kill Sejya, although the thought had been
very tempting, indeed. 
I’ll just talk to her when she’s back this evening.
Michiru tried one of the snacks and chewed it, slowly, not really tasting the
cheese and the tomato. Maybe Haruka simply had enough of all the concerts and
wanted to so something else in a city she knew. The much Michiru loved her music
and her violin, the same she wanted to do something else for a change, even if
it was only for a week. When they’d go home to Japan in a couple of days, she
wanted to visit Usagi and look at all the ultrasound pictures. She wanted to hug
little Hotaru and listen to Setsuna’s crazy conversations with her love. She
wanted to talk to the Inner Senshi again and didn’t want to be a famous
musician for some days. To lead a normal life for a while, no matter how small.
To have a kind of a vacation from all her concerts and her duties.
Other people fly to America to have a nice vacation. I, on the other hand, fly
home.
Maybe Haruka had stage fright, as well, and tried to get rid of it by jogging
all day through Chicago. Or for once she wanted to have a sightseeing tour
without Tahiki telling her all the facts of the famous buildings they visited.
Without Michiru’s Canon breathing down her neck. Just on her own.
Who knows.
As long as Haruka returned this evening to be ready to play her piano along to
Yaten’s song tomorrow, it didn’t really matter.
If she returns…
Michiru frowned and wondered where that strange thought came from. Of course
Haruka would return! She had been there during the past six months, taking care
of them, becoming their friend. She wouldn’t run away like that, without a
reason, without a proper goodbye. Michiru silently hoped that Haruka would never
leave her. Would never betray her like Sailor Uranus had done.
I’m getting paranoid.
The young woman shook her head and walked determinedly to the stage. To rehearse
the big song. To give a good performance later on. To go back to the suite and
to meet Haruka there.

dbdbdb

Haruka walked through the streets of Chicago, not really looking for the way.
She had walked these streets so many times before; she found her way all on her
own. The sun shone mercilessly hot from a cloudless sky and she sweat in her
dark clothes. At the same time she shivered slightly. She had tried to eat some
breakfast, but couldn’t bring herself to even bite into it, therefore she just
let it be, taking a coffee at the coffee shop which was now cold in her slightly
trembling hands.
I hope they’re okay.
She felt bad for leaving the boys and Michiru like that, but this was something
she had to do alone. It was something she wasn’t able to explain to them;
something she wasn’t ready to talk about. Not yet. Maybe never.
It’s a big concert, but they’ll manage.
They had managed without her before. Surely they’d get something to eat before
the concert. They were old enough to buy some breakfast and not to forget their
sheet music, their lyrics or their suit’s jacket, for once. 
They’ll only performe three songs, and one of them with all the other stars.
They’ll be fine.
Haruka sighed deeply and finally threw her cold coffee away.
Tomorrow, I’ll make it up to Michi-chan.
They had some free time in the morning before they had to go to the concert hall
for their last concert in America. Haruka planned on taking Michiru on the
promised boat trip on the lake Michigan. Surely, the young woman would forgive
her for her day off on such short notice. After all, it was a small deed in
comparison to her true sins.
It’s just something I have to do alone. Now.
Because she knew that she’d never have the courage again once they’d return
to Japan. Nor the time, because she wanted to stay with the Three Lights and
especially Michiru. To take care of Yaten to not fall ill during the next
winter, to carry around Tahiki’s forgotten, but very important papers, to jog
with Sejya in the morning and to swim with Michiru hundreds of lanes in the
hotels’ swimming pools. If it was her fate to be a dogsbody for them, she’d
be happy to be so.
To be a friend.
She wanted to meet Setsuna and her little family again as she wanted to finally
meet the mysterious Usagi whom Michiru was talking about so much. Maybe she
liked to play the piano tomorrow, then she could, maybe, play some more songs
together with Yaten or perhaps with Michiru.
To be a girlfriend...
 Haruka stopped in front of a flower shop, but she didn’t see the flowers in
the window, but her own reflection. Her hair had grown a little bit and her
bangs hang into her eyes. She had gained weight and for the first time in years,
her jeans did fit. No, she didn’t look like a starvling any longer, nor did
she look too much like a boy, even though the Japanese tabloids still got her
gender wrong. Although she was quite pale today, she knew that she looked a lot
healthier than she had done only half a year ago. When she had given up on
life.
You’re good for them and they’re good for you.
This time she winced as he suddenly appeared beside her. He laid his small hands
on the cool glass without touching it, peering through it into the shop’s
interior.
It’s time that someone finally looks after you.
He smiled up into her ashen face and pointed at the flowers behind the glass,
almost sparkling in the bright sunlight.
I want those flowers. Please, Haru-neechan.
Silently, Haruka stared at the big sunflowers before she entered the shop and
ordered a big bunch of them. It was quite heavy, but his happy dance through the
other flowers told her that it was worth carrying them all the way to him.
Sunflowers had always been his most favourite flowers and she had done a lot of
crazy things during long winters to get hold of some. To cheer him up. To
encourage him to face another of those bloody painful therapies. To fight for
his and consequently for her life.
Thanks!
He grinned and bounced beside her while she paid the flowers with a credit card
she hadn’t used in quite a while. To sign the receipt with a signature she had
thought she would never use again.
Now, let’s go! I’m sure you’ll like it. The trees look golden, like
chocolate paper.
He talked all the time and hobbled beside her, never standing still, not even
when they had to wait at a red traffic light. She listened to him, yearning to
hear his high voice again, his funny comparisons, his innocent remarks.
Warm wind rushed through her clothes and she held tighter to the flowers in her
hands. The paper rustled and she had to grab her black cap as it threatened to
be pushed from her head. The gush of wind was gone as quickly as it came and as
she looked up again he was gone. For a moment she panicked, but then calmed down
as she saw him sitting on a bench in front of another shop. He swung his small
legs to a rhythm only he could hear, all the while smiling as brightly as the
sun above.
“I’ve thought I’ve lost you again, Aki-chan.” She whispered and sat down
next to him, leaning back against the bench, feeling that her plain black shirt
was soaked with sweat.
You’ll never really lose me, you know.
He laughed happily and stretched out his small arm to point at the shop.
I like that one.
She turned her head and her dark green eyes grew wide behind her sunglasses.
It looks like daddy’s.
Haruka knew that he couldn’t remember his parents. They went away when he had
been hardly one year old, leaving an eighteen year old Haruka with a screaming
toddler behind. But she had shown him their pictures right from the beginning,
because she wanted him to know his parents, at least from the photos. Therefore
it was normal that he had recognized the clothing at once. Their father had worn
it so often, because he had liked it so much and because he could tease their
mother so well with it.
He’s always worn it during his concerts, right?
Haruka nodded and stroked through short fair hair.
“Right, Aki-chan.”

dbdbdb

And down the river's dim expanse 
Like some bold seer in a trance, 
Seeing all his own mischance -- 
With a glassy countenance 
Did she look to Camelot.

His head hurt and he felt dizzy. The sun was too bright and the air too hot in
his face. However, the rest of his body was cold and he wondered if he’d ever
feel warm again. His favourite book was open on his lap, but he didn’t look at
the text any longer. Reading made him feel slightly nauseous and the world spun
around him as soon as he tried to lower his face. However, it didn’t matter
for he knew the poem by heart.
No one ever asked for my opinion. 
Yaten tried to recite the old poem’s words in his mind, but no matter what he
did, he always ended up in hearing his older brother’s angry voice in his
head, mercilessly screaming at him. Again he saw the raging, sparkling eyes
staring at him. So full of hate…
No one. 
He had really tried to be a good brother. Obviously, he had failed. Yaten raised
his head and looked from the place where he was sitting over to the stage where
the last preparations were made. The concert would start in about an hour and he
liked the song they all had to sing. Of course, Sejya didn’t like it and told
them more than once that it was stupid, but Yaten silently disagreed. The song
had been written long ago by one of American’s most successful pop musicians.
It was a song full of hope and of trust. It told about a better world if
everyone only tried to get along with each other. Although it was only a far
away dream for Yaten, forever unreachable, he liked the song and the wish it
expressed: To live in peace and harmony. To belong somewhere. To be loved.
Not even once!
Something he would never be.
Yaten coughed and searched for his handkerchief to cover his mouth. Right now,
no one had noticed his sickly pale face nor his trembling body and he’d do
anything to not let them know. Sejya would be even more pissed off and Tahiki
would be disappointed. He might have failed as a little brother, but he
wouldn’t fail as a Three Light and therefore as a Star Light, either. It was
important to perform these two concerts to search for Kakyuu and he wouldn’t
be ill. No, he mustn’t be ill! He had to go out to that stage and perform the
best he had ever performed. They didn’t need him as a sibling, but they needed
him as a musician. And as long as that need still existed, he had to give his
very best and prove that he was at least worth his piano play, that he wasn’t
useless!
It’s only a small cold, I’ll manage.
His cough carried on for at least five minutes and when it finally ebbed away,
he had to close his eyes not to throw up. Luckily, he had refused to eat
anything for breakfast and no one cared in the chaos that always broke out when
they had to be at a concert or another meeting at noon. Haruka wasn’t there to
force him to eat and therefore he was able to defeat his nausea with two deep
breaths. His throat hurt and his head seemed to explode, but he wouldn’t give
in. He wouldn’t be weak again. He’d be useful!
“Fourty-five minutes to go.” 
He opened his eyes and blinked against the bright sunlight to see Michiru
standing next to him, staring out to the stage. She wore sunglasses, as well,
and he was thankful for the nice summer day, even though the brightness hurt his
eyes. Because this way he could hide his swollen eye behind big dark glasses
without looking too suspicious. Most of the singers tried to protect their
tender eyes from the sunlight and at least half of the musicians would look like
the Men in Black on  stage.
“The entrance has opened two minutes ago and look how many people are pouring
in.” Michiru smiled in anticipation. Even though she felt some stage fright,
because she had to sing a song with so many popular singers, she also looked
forward to it. To show them how nice Japanese music could be, how similar to the
music played all over the world.
“Hai…”
Yaten suppressed another coughing attack and leaned against his chair’s back.
He didn’t know whom it belonged to; he’d found it right after the big
rehearsal. But since no one came and claimed it, he thought he could as well use
it.
No, he’d rather die than showing his black eye. To admit that his older
brother, his Sejya, had hit him. He knew from Michiru’s fight with the youma
in Kyoto that he’d be safe to put away his sunglasses in about a week. Until
then, he simply had to wear his sunglasses, saying that the summer’s sunlight
was too bright for his eyes. In the suite he had to withdraw into his room and
not come out again. Sejya didn’t want him to be around, anyway, and Tahiki was
too busy planning their next concerts. And Michiru always wanted to be near
Haruka. Therefore it shouldn’t be too hard to hide his weakness from the
others and to not cause Sejya any more trouble. To not make him even angrier.
“I’ve managed to organize some soda. The coffee’d only make us jump around
like crazy cats.” Michiru giggled and handed him a paper cup filled with a
clear drink.
Oneechan.
Yaten glanced at the cup in his trembling hands and then up to her, gulping. She
had always been friendly to him. Would she still be his friend, even if his
brothers wouldn’t need him any longer? Wouldn’t want him any longer? Would
she still be there and care for him, the way she cared for Setsuna and all her
other friends? Like she cared for Usagi?
“Thirty-five minutes.” Michiru stretched her arms and yawned. Then she took
the bottle again, determined to find the other Three Lights, as well. Haruka
wasn’t here and someone had to remind the boys to drink something in this
heat. There was still plenty of time to change into her white dress she wanted
to wear during their performance. But only when she knew that none of the
brothers would faint because of a sunstroke.
“Stay in the shadows, there it’s cooler.” She glanced at his suit. “And
if it’s too hot, get rid of your jacket. There’re some musicians walking
around in only leather strings, so I don’t think that anyone would mind your
shirt.” She smiled at him and squeezed gently his right shoulder, before she
turned around and disappeared again somewhere in the backstage area. Yaten
corrected his dark cap, gulping, fighting against the tears burning in his
healthy eye. No, he wouldn’t take off his jacket, because without it it would
be easier to see the shaking of his body. He also feared that someone would be
able to see his blue wrists as well as the bruises on his arms. Yaten knew how
to hide such signs that were revealing more than he’d want other people to
know. Yes, he knew well how to make people not see them. He’d had enough time
to practice all his childhood.
Why are you doing this to me?
 Again he heard Sejya’s raging voice in his mind, although it was silenced by
another coughing attack. He bend over, almost spilling his soda on his blue
trousers, trying hard to remember the poem’s words.
Hai, why can’t I do anything right?

And at the closing of the day 
She loosed the chain, and down she lay; 
The broad stream bore her far away, 
The Lady of Shalott.

dbdbdb

The trees were golden, even though they didn’t remind Haruka of chocolate
paper. They were high and old, maybe as old as the city around them, outside the
stony walls. Coloured leaves covered the small paths between gold shining grass.
A warm breeze went through the branches and gold rain started to fall down on
her.
It almost looks like a normal park.
Haruka held the sunflowers tighter in her right hand as she watched the little
boy running through the leaves like a young dog, chasing the rain floating
around him, laughing as he picked up some of them and threw them high in the
air, only to be covered by them, shaking them from his body only to have some of
them sticking in his short fair hair.
But it isn’t.
The little boy ran ahead, showing her the way. Although she had only been here
once, she still knew where to go, at which corner to turn. The last time it had
rained and the weather had expressed her mood. Today, she also wished for a
storm or for anything else voicing her feelings, however, this late summer’s
day was too nice, too perfect to be true. The trees spoke of an early autumn,
but Haruka sensed that the bad weather with cold nights and rainy days
wouldn’t arrive before their departure. She only had this day, this chance.
Because she knew that she’d never return again. Not only because it was quite
a long way to go from Japan, but because it hurt too much.
I’m happy that you’re finally here.
She gulped and stopped on the path at the right place. Slowly, very slowly, she
turned her head and stared at the spot under a huge tree that hung its branches
deeply around the white stone that was too new to be already weather beaten. The
golden leaves surrounded it like a halo. In an almost protective way. To defend
it against all harm. Harm Haruka hadn’t been able to fight back. To battle
against. To defeat.
The inscription was a mixture of English and Japanese. Her last words which she
had spent another sleepless night upon were chiselled in Japanese signs, as well
as his Japanese name, which must have been a real challenge for the stonemason.
His English name was written in normal English, giving a stranger a clue who was
lying here.

James Miller
Akito-chan

my brave little angel

The small boy sat down on the soft grass and leaned against the gravestone,
still grinning at her.
I really like it here.
She gulped and the white bag which she had carried from the shop to the
cemetery, escaped her ice cold fingers. It fell on the ground with a low noise,
but she didn’t notice it. Her legs felt like rubber as she simply stepped over
it and on the soft grass, again seeing the black whole in the ground in which
his small coffin had been lowered that day almost one year ago. Another autumn
day with colourful trees. With rain that hid her tears. Today there were only
dark sunglasses covering her eyes. The tears in them burnt even hotter as did
the pain in her heart.
Uncle Bill visits me sometimes.
He grinned and pointed at the bunch of yellow roses on the grave. Haruka had
paid the cemetery’s management to take care of it for the next twenty years in
advance, therefore it was taken care of. There were some more flowers planted on
the soft earth and now she would add his sunflowers to them, as well. Her legs
gave in and she went on her knees in front of the gravestone and tried to unwrap
the flowers. However, her fingers trembled too much so that she helplessly tore
at the paper in the end, shredding it into pieces which she threw back on the
path behind her. Then she leaned the bunch against the white stone, covering the
stony feather that was also chiselled into it. She didn’t know where to get a
vase and water and she wouldn’t have been able to get up again, so she decided
to simply leave them that way. They’d wither more quickly, but that didn’t
matter. Right now, he liked them and she wouldn’t see them die, anyway. 
Mommy and daddy visit me, too.
She raised her head and glanced at him, sitting on the grass and playing with a
red rose in his hands. There were still some golden leaves in his hair and in
the sun’s bright light he indeed looked like an angel. Like the little angel
he had always been for her. Like the angel that had been taken away from her too
soon.
Haruka didn’t want to have his birth date chiselled into the stone, because it
would have meant to chisel the day of his death, as well, and therefore making
it real. She also didn’t want to show to strangers that her beloved little
brother had died at the tender age of five. She knew that it was always to soon
for a beloved person to die. It didn’t matter if that person was forty, sixty
or even ninety, but to die at the age of five, after having spent most of
one’s childhood in hospitals and in great pain, sounded like a bad joke in
Haruka’s mind. A damn fucking joke she couldn’t laugh about. Not at all.
They want to take me with them.
He rose and stumbled on his short legs over to her, saw the tears in her dark
green eyes through the dark glasses, heard her pleading voice in his head.
“No…”
It’s been almost a year, Haru-neechan.
“No…”
You don’t need me any longer.
“I’ll always need you, Aki-chan.”
I know, but my place is with mommy and daddy.
His smile got sadder for the first time in months. Normally, he appeared and
disappeared in her life, always smiling, always laughing, always being as
energetic as he had never been allowed to be when alive.
As your place is with those nice people, with Michi-chan.
“Please…” she whispered softly, knowing that he was right. Her cap fell on
the ground and she felt his small hands ruffling through her mop of hair, just
the way she had always stroked through his fair strands whenever the pain got
too much to bear, whenever he couldn’t sleep in the night, whenever he simply
wanted to be hugged by her. Haruka closed her eyes and blindly embraced his
small form, brought him in her arms for what she knew would be the last time.
“I love you, Aki-chan.”
Luv ya, too, Haru-neechan.
Silently, the golden leaves rained down on them, wrapping them up like a warm
blanket, protecting them from all evil. Hiding their little world from reality.

dbdbdb

There's a place in your heart
And I know that it is love
And this place could be much brighter than tomorrow
And if you really try
You'll find there's no need  to cry
In this place you'll feel there's no hurt or sorrow

They stood on the stage together with all the other prominent singers and
musicians. Most of them knew the lyric by heart, but you could still hear some
sheets rustling. However, there were so many people there that it didn’t
attract any attention.
Yaten fought hard against another coughing attack and was relieved that there
were so many people so that he could slightly lean on Michiru without looking
too weak. The young woman stood between him and Sejya, without noticing that the
two brothers hadn’t spoken to each other all day; that the lead singer
hadn’t even looked at his brother once.
I mustn’t be weak!
Yaten forced his voice to raise accordingly to the melody. This concert was
important for it was a charity concert for ill children. For abandoned children.
For children like he used to be, probably still was. It was almost as important
as their concert tomorrow. Their last one in America. Their last chance on this
continent to search for and maybe, hopefully, find their princess.
I mustn’t be sick!
He heard his brothers’ voices next to him, as well, as Michiru’s more silent
one. She was always good at karaoke, but this was different, even if she
didn’t have to sing all alone. Some musicians smiled at them while they sang.
They even tried to talk to them when they weren’t at stage to perform their
songs, but it had been very hard to communicate without Haruka. Mostly, it had
been Michiru who tried to talk to them, using her hands and her feet,
gesticulating wildly. She even knew some of them and got some autographs on her
sheet music of which she was very proud. Yaten, who had never really cared about
this planet beyond his concern for Michiru and her friends and Japanese
translations of Victorian poems, didn’t know them and couldn’t feel as
excited as the young woman. Michiru knew the most famous classical musicians,
because of her grandmother and her own concerts, but these guys were rock and
pop musicians who didn’t come to her grandmother’s house to have tea with
her. They were so cool!
I mustn’t be useless!
He also needed to sing his song, at least once. A song that was now even truer
than it had been when he wrote it. A song he wanted to sing for him, even if
he’d never understand its real meaning. He owed it to him, as he owed it to
Haruka who had practiced her piano part so hard during the past four weeks.

Then it feels that always
Love's enough for us growing
So make a better world
Make a better world...

He really liked this song. It expressed all his hopes, all his dreams, even
though they’d never come true. For him, love had always been enough. He would
have loved the Kous, no matter of their social status. Yes, they had been a Lord
and a Lady and therefore had enough money to buy him new clothes, a toboggan and
when he had been good enough on Tahiki’s horse, even his own horse, a nice,
gentle mare that never threw him off. They had lived in a castle and money had
never played a role as important as it had been for his real parents. However,
the greatest gift had been their love. As had been his older brothers always
taking care of him, never leaving him behind during their childhood, protecting
him against his evil kins when they came one day and claimed him back. Sejya
threatened his real uncle to actually bite him if he tried to touch is little
brother.
Yaten wondered why it all had to change. Why his older brother suddenly treated
him like dirt, or worse, like he was thin air. What had happened? Was really
Sailor Galactica and their escape to this solar system to blame? Or would they
have developed this painful distance, no matter whether there’d been a war or
not? Had it been destiny that they didn’t get along any longer?
Would his parents still love him? Would they still want him as their son, even
though his older brothers didn’t want him any longer or were too busy to care?
Were they still alive?
Yaten took a trembling breath and tried hard to remember the lyrics of this nice
song. He gulped as Michiru gently wrapped her left arm around his shoulders,
daring to sing a little bit louder. He didn’t know if she had felt his sadness
or if she simply wanted to hug him, but it felt good, nonetheless. The young
woman’s face was redden and even though she was still sad that Haruka hadn’t
shown up all afternoon, she obviously enjoyed this concert.
At least one of us does.
Yaten closed his burning eyes and leaned closer into her embrace, imagining that
it wasn’t Michiru but his Sejya. That his older brother had forgiven him. Or,
better, that Yaten had never said those stupid words, destroying everything.

Heal the world
Make it a better place
For you and for me
And the entire human race
There are people dying
If you care enough for the living
Make a better place
For you and for me

dbdbdb

Normally, he came to this place on the twentieth of each month, but he had
promised his wife to go with her on a long deserved vacation to Europe next week
and therefore this was his only opportunity to hold on to this habit, because
they wouldn’t be back before October. He wanted to show his wife Paris, London
and especially Venice. Together, they wanted to visit again the places where
they had spent their honeymoon over twenty-five years ago, having kind of a
second one now. Their two children were at university, studying hard and
therefore wouldn’t miss their parents all too much over their books and during
their parties; they were young students, after all. However, he already thought
about the souvenirs he’d bring back for them and secretly planned a Christmas
party which he’d wanted to spend together with his family. With all his
members of his family, no matter what his old mother would think. Somehow,
he’d manage to convince his little sister to come, too, and to drag along her
girlfriend.
“Here I am, little one.” He turned around and wanted to tell his little
patient, who had touched his heart the most during his thirty years working as a
doctor, that he found his most favourite flowers in a shop around the corner,
but stopped when he saw the changes on the grave. When he saw the huge bunch of
sunflowers already lying on the ground.
“Someone’s been visiting you?” He carefully put his own wrapped up flowers
on the ground and picked up the sunflowers to find a vase for them so that they
wouldn’t wither too quickly. At that moment, something caught his eye.
Something blue. He frowned and leaned forward to touch the little, blue teddy
bear he had seen so often in his life. In that boy’s small arms to hug it
whenever he had to give him an injection. Whenever his older sister wasn’t
around, because she had to talk to the other doctors or had been forced by him
to get some hours’ sleep.
“She’s visited you, Aki-chan?” He put the cuddly toy back on the grave and
patted its old ears lovingly. “Francis is here in Chicago?”
He rose and looked around, but there was no blonde to be seen. Although he
hadn’t paid much attention on his way to the cemetery, he knew that he would
have noticed her if their paths had crossed. The doctor sighed deeply. Then he
took care of the flowers and switched on his old cell phone. 
Just in case. If she wanted to talk to him. If she needed his help.

dbdbdb

The concert had been fairly successful, but neither of them was in the mood to
celebrate it. Tahiki had some preparations to make for their final concert in
America and went straight to Hashitzou and his crew when they returned to the
hotel to give them some last minute orders. Normally, Sejya was curious and
wanted to know what exactly they were, but right now he didn’t care. Nothing
was normal any longer. Nothing had been normal during the past five years and
now the abnormal had turned into sheer madness.
Michiru decided to take a long shower, trying not to look too disappointed when
Haruka still hadn’t returned at eight in the evening. Surely, she would spend
the rest of the evening waiting for the blonde, certainly failing in not looking
too conspicuous. Yaten didn’t say anything; he went instantly into his room
and Sejya could hear the lock click. Sejya didn’t known what to say, anyway,
so he let him be. However, the prospect of watching some stupid shows on TV
wasn’t too tempting, therefore had he grabbed his cigarettes and headed out
into the mild Chicago night.
Right now he was leaning against a railing, looking out to the silent waters of
the lake Michigan and the illuminated city behind him. 
Where do we go from here?
He couldn’t pretend like nothing had happened, even though Yaten would
probably play along. Like this idiot had always forgiven him, no matter what
stupid stuff he had done in their childhood, whatever cruel joke he had played
on him, not seeing the consequences, the pain, the hurt when he started in his
foolish mocking. Only afterwards had it been that he had seen his wrong actions
and every time Yaten had only smiled and told him that everything was fine. Even
after the snow storm that had almost cost the small boy his life, because they
had  had a huge fight over a silly gift, a toboggan. Sejya had slapped him and
out of his mind with fear Yaten flew into the night forest. In the middle of the
winter. During a snow storm. Only wearing his pyjamas and his slippers. He had
almost frozen to death that night and only young Kakyuu with her princess’
powers had been able to save him from certain death.
I didn’t learn anything, huh?
Sejya swore that day that he’d never ever beat his younger brother again, no
matter how angry he’d be. Yesterday, he had broken that sacred promise and
even though Yaten would probably forgive him, he knew that he wouldn’t be able
to forgive himself. His deed was too terrible. On the other hand, Sejya knew
that even though Yaten would be his little brother again when he apologized, he
knew too well that he couldn’t be his big brother any longer. Not only because
of his words spoken in rage, but also because of his heart. He couldn’t
pretend any longer to be something that he was not.
I can’t be his brother.
Sejya lit another cigarette, inhaling the smoke deeply even though it made him
feel dizzy. Slowly, he exhaled, watching the smoke dancing on a soft breeze,
being taking out to the big lake.
But I can’t also be his lover. That’d break him.
He sighed deeply and wanted to kick the railing in front of him, wanted to kick
himself. But at the same time he felt exhausted, paralysed. Again and again he
saw Yaten’s desperate face in his mind, saw him wearing sunglasses all day
long, saw him holding on to his jacket even though the stage had been literally
a melting pot.
If I haven’t broken him already...
The lead singer watched his cigarette glowing red in the night, listened to the
rushing of the trees along the shore. Additional to his problems with Yaten came
the fruitless search for their princess. For over five years they had sung these
fucking songs, but there was no trace of Kakyuu. Probably they’d never find
her, no matter how hard they searched. Maybe she was dead, killed by Sailor
Galactica who they couldn’t defeat, no matter what they tried, no matter how
hard they fought. Perhaps, Kakyuu had been killed during that night when Sailor
Galactica attacked their solar system, robbed their planets and set their homes
on fire. Possibly she had died, just like their parents had died. Because if
they were still alive, why hadn’t they tried to contact them? Why hadn’t
they tried to reach their children and tell them that everything was alright,
that they were alive, even if their castle was in ashes?
Tahiki wouldn’t even dare to think that his beloved Kakyuu might be dead as
would Yaten rather kill himself than admit the death of his parents, of his
second chance, of the family who had loved him for the first time in his young
life. However, they had to face the truth one day. They couldn’t hold on to
this charade for much longer. Maybe for another year, maybe for two. And then?
Would they finally realize that it all had been in vain? Would that knowledge
destroy them, drive them into madness? Weren’t they already mad, believing in
an impossible dream?
Where do we go from here?
Sejya snipped away his cigarette and buried his hot face in his cold hands.

dbdbdb

That’s been the second part of my four-part chapter “Guardian Angel”. I
hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I did when writing it ^-^.

Thank you all for your nice comments and for still reading such a long story.
Expect the next update next Monday.

University started again last Thursday and because I’ll have now exams in
three subjects coming up this and the next semester I’m surely be very busy.
Therefore please bear with me when my answers take again some days.

That’s the reason why I never start to upload unfinished stories. There might
still be some grammar/spelling mistakes (which I’d never notice even if I read
the story a thousand times…), but you don’t have to worry. Because right now
I really wouldn’t have the time to write anything except my examination
preparation stuff…

See ya next Monday ^-^.

April

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