The Reality I Wanted   von SchokoShrimp
                       (one-sided JongKey, slight 2Min)
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                                    Oneshot
                                    -------


 The Reality I Wanted 


“I know the fans are angry.” Jonghyun had spoken into the tense silence,
which had covered the dorm’s living room.  “But what can I do? I cannot cut
my private life away because of them. I won’t break up with her.” His voice
had clearly been strained with anger and a feeling of false regret, I had
noticed. My keen observation skills had rarely failed me.
“No, no one expects that from you…” Onew had had a serious expression on
his face, eyes narrowed in worry. 
I had stood in the corner, arms crossed over my chest, listening to all their
anxious talk about Jonghyun’s relationship to Sekyung being responsible for
SHINee losing fans and destroying their dreams of dating Jonghyun themselves one
day. Making them lose hope to see any more JongHo, OnHyun, JongMin and JongKey.
(In fact, I had known that it was the last one they all favored.)
With a smile on his face, Taemin had looked up. “But you can do fanservice
nevertheless, right? I know the noonas will still be sad, but you’re the
master of skinship, Jonghyun! If you just continue doing that, everyone will
soon be happy again. Especially the JongKey fans.” Taemin had shot me a
cheerful glance. 
“Fanservice is a remedy.” Minho had agreed. “The noonas will forget their
anger in no time.”
I hadn’t even been able to send him a reassuring smile back. My thoughts had
been running circles in my head, lap after lap, chasing each other’s backs.
Of course Jonghyun’s relationship had hurt the fans. Of course it had stopped
making SHINee’s image being that of innocent boys. Of course it had made
interviews awkward.
And of course it had not left me cold.

The floodlights were glaring at me, making me sweat even more. I hoped that the
makeup artists had layered enough powder onto my skin to keep it from shining.
What the makeup artists couldn’t cover up, were my clenched teeth and tensed
expression. I had to dissemble my uneasiness. I was the Almighty Key; I could
always muster up a smile. The Almighty Key had great variety show skills and
loved performing during those. And what the Almighty Key liked best were the
games, which the whole band participated in. Those games, which were so fun to
play.
Lies. I was more uncomfortable than I had been in our whole carrier. 
My fingers were clenching into my loose shirt, as we all sat down onto the
barstool-like chairs and I realized how small the gaps between them were. Even
though I had known beforehand which order we would sit in, it didn’t make me
hate it any less. Onew’s and Jonghyun’s shoulders were pressing against my
own, but I tried to lean a little to Onew’s side nonetheless.
“Now, I’m going to explain this game to you.” the MC declared. “The
first person – Minho – is going to pick a sheet of parchment paper. He will
suck the paper up and deliver it to the person next to him – using only his
mouth.” The fangirls’ screams were cascading at this, whereas my mind was
swirling. 
The MC continued: “You will pass it on, until the last person – Jonghyun –
puts it into the basket. You have one minute and 30 seconds time for this.
Understood?” Everyone nodded in slightly embarrassed agreement, except for
Jonghyun, who wore an overly self-confident smile. I was sure that he knew that
this was his chance to repay his fans for all the discontent that he had caused.
Meanwhile I had still peeled my lips away from my teeth in a hopeless attempt to
look like the Almighty Key, who stood above every situation. 
Suddenly, a bell rang, marking the start of the game. 
Minho took one of the paper slips, pressed it against his mouth and was of
course able to hold it perfectly in place.  Had I not been so focused on my own
problems, I would have found it cute how Taemin’s gaze darted away from his
Hyung’s stern eyes and his old habit of constant blinking suddenly came back.
The fangirl’s squeals were going haywire, big “2Min” signs being raised
into the air. Minho held Taemin’s shoulders in a gentle grip and turned his
head to give the other a better chance of taking the paper off of him. With
Taemin’s struggling jaw movements and the transparency of the paper, it looked
more like a deep kiss than a game played at a variety show. But then again, that
was the purpose of it, I assumed. 
                     Heat was crawling up my neck and along my hairline, as I
imaged that Minho would be me in a few seconds, and Taemin would be Jonghyun. My
cheeks must have flushed pathetically, when I realized that I wished that we
weren’t going to have a piece of paper between us.
I needed to stop these thoughts, or else…
A shattering sound hit my ears, as Onew fell from his chair and onto the ground.
Laughter erupted from the audience as well as the other members and everyone
began singing “Onew condition.” I hadn’t seen what had happened, but I
could picture it fairly well how he must have lost balance while concentrating
too much on receiving the paper. Typically Onew.
Thus everything began anew and I tried to relax until it was finally my turn.
Onew had the paper stuck to his face in an absolutely ridiculous angle, eyes
squinting. I leaned in with ease, tilted my head and got hold of the paper. It
felt as comfortable as it possibly could in such an awkward situation. Since he
was one of my best friends, I didn’t mind it. 
The moment I pulled away from him, paper successfully in my possession, I felt a
hand on my knee. More than happy that the rate of my heartbeat wasn’t visible
from the outside, I turned around. Jonghyun’s eyes were gleaming, smile still
confidently broad. During that moment, he must have noticed my hesitation, my
insecurity and shiftlessness, I was certain. During one of our many moments of
alleged fanservice, he must have realized that the shy smile on my face wasn’t
meant for the noonas to swoon over. That it was the same as the one Sekyung gave
him, when she looked into his eyes.
Jonghyun’s one hand was still resting on my knee, the other coming up to hold
the back of my neck. My fingers were clenching in my lap, as he slowly leaned in
closer, inch per inch, in order to increase the fan’s suspense. (But it was in
fact my own.) By the time that he was so near that my eyes weren’t able to
focus on his face anymore, the noonas were screaming holes into my eardrums. 
He finally closed the remaining gap and I automatically shut my eyes, until I
realized that I shouldn’t; because this was no kiss. It was a situation
involving two people mouth to mouth – one being hopelessly in love, the other
trying to regain his popularity – and a slip of paper between them, completely
drenched in saliva. His mouth was moving all too pointlessly over my own, as if
he couldn’t get a hold of the sheet. How I would have squealed inwardly in the
past, had he done anything nearly as bold as this. 
Then I felt him draw the slip closer to his lips and I knew I would soon be
released. However suddenly, the air stream which held the paper securely to his
mouth, stopped – and with it my heartbeat. The only barrier separating us was
sailing effortlessly to the ground and I could only gasp, the audience yelping
and squealing and shrieking, his bottom lip briefly brushing my upper lip, his
hand at the back of my neck holding me in place for a second too long. Then he
jumped, exclaiming feigned surprise and shock, leaving me startled.  
“Sorry, that wasn’t on purpose.” He lied with an apologetic look on his
face. 
Anger was now boiling inside me; anger at his apathy concerning myself, at the
way he treated his best friend with inconsiderateness. I was not an object he
could use to improve the fan’s love for him.
The thought that he might be hurting me didn’t even seem to spark in his mind,
thus his gaze stayed glued onto my face. “But darling, even though it wasn’t
on purpose, I really didn’t mind it…” With a smug grin, he placed his
fingers under my chin. The “JongKey” screams were becoming unbearable. Some
of the bolder girls in the front rows were shouting for Jonghyun to kiss me. At
the same time, I wanted him to do just that and I was willing to slap his hand
away.  Eventually, Jonghyun freed me from my irresolution by turning away from
the audience, placing a thumb over my lips and leaning in – in the same way
Minho had acted with Taemin some time ago. I pressed my lips together as hard as
I could, but Jonghyun was gone the next moment, facing the audience and calling:
“Is this the reality you wanted?” He had checkmated the audience with that
last move, his favorite phrase, which was followed by storming shrieks of
approval. Everyone except for me seemed to like this reality.
 My  favored reality was fairly different.
In the reality  I  wanted, there was no thumb separating our lips. Instead of
screaming girls surrounding us, the walls of our room felt calm and solid. The
curiously gaping cameras didn’t exist, but the door separating us from the
outside was locked. In  my  reality no MC would comment on our actions, my
teasingly snide remarks were all that was spoken. 
But most important of all, in the reality I wanted Jonghyun’s place was not
beside that woman, but next to me.

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